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View Full Version : She left me all of a sudden, I'm clueless what's going on.


Gobbles
Aug 4, 2013, 01:25 AM
This has been bothering me for the past days, and I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on this. I know it's rather long:

I was with a girl for a few weeks, until she left me all of a sudden. We are both 18, by the way. Before we started being together, she had a boyfriend she'd been with for three years. She said she had been unhappy with him months already, and she left him because she wanted to be with me. I had a crush on her already in last year, and she had liked me too, though I didn’t know that back then. Anyhow, we hooked up. Our affair caught fire rather fast, and we also talked a lot and got to know each other quite well in a short period.

And this is how it ended. On Thursday, she was still in bed with me. Let’s leave it to that. Next day she constantly reported to me from work, as always, and actually would’ve liked to come to my home that day, but I was a bit ill so I preferred not to. We talked a lot that day. On Saturday she suggested that she came to my place. For some reason she cancelled that a few hours later due to some fishy reasons. Later I learned that it was an excuse. Still on Sunday at noon, she said she loved me (yes, might sound odd as our thing only lasted so little time, no time to explain our thing thoroughly). She still called me “honey” and “darling” etc. as always. Later that day she stopped responding, finally said she was ill. This was also a lie. The next morning she sent a text that she was sorry but she couldn’t be with me anymore. She said she should’ve never taken our affair that far.

Our thing felt “strange”, she said. She’d met someone else. And compared to that, neither our thing nor the previous 3-year-affair were anything. She just knew “that he is the one”. She refused to talk about this face to face with me and actually got really upset when I asked what’s going on. When did she have the time to get to know that guy so well as we’d been talking constantly the previous weeks? What happened that Sunday between noon and 5pm, and why she lied to me on Saturday? She claimed she’d been behaving different for a while already, but this seems strange when I think of Thursday and Friday. She had still slept with me.

She said she’d been mistaken. She didn’t love me after all, only liked me. Okay, yet it was she who started saying “I love you” in the first place. She said that a lot along with various names of endearment. So she said them dozens of times and more and never meant it? She got upset and tried to deny the seriousness of our affair, “It was only a two night stand or so”. All the things we spoke about, mutual future, among a lot of other things, prove otherwise. Maybe she just wanted to comfort and assure herself by denying everything. Still it hurt me a lot. At the beginning of that conversation she said that our thing did mean something to her… and a few hours later she said our thing didn’t mean ****. She said she hates me . She's the one with the right to be so mad and angry, huh.

This leaves me thinking. She denies having had two guys at the same time. I guess she means it sincerely. She refuses to having cheated on me. Anyhow she was dishonest and lied to me. It’s a shame as I cared about her so deeply, introduced her to my mom and stuff. And I still miss her, I thought it would last... I just don’t get it, the issues in the 3rd paragraph. It may be interesting to see her at school, how will she react. I won’t allow her to completely disclaim our affair, or claim it was never meant to be anything serious. All in all, what the heck just happened? What is she doing, how volatile is she? How can things change so fast? How well can he know that mr. perfect? She said she’s never been so happy in her life, and is happy that she for once made the right choice. How can she come to such a conclusion so fast? I'm astonished. Any thoughts?

Alty
Aug 4, 2013, 01:57 AM
You're asking us to tell you why she made the decisions she made. Only one person knows why, and that's her. We cant' tell you what she's thinking, or why she did the things she did.

I do find one part of your question interesting;


She said she's never been so happy in her life, and is happy that she for once made the right choice. How can she come to such a conclusion so fast? I'm astonished.

So she met someone new, and she's claiming she's now in love, and you're astonished that it happened so fast? You weren't astonished that it happened that fast with you. Think about that.

You need to stop wondering why this happened, and just let it go. You two weren't together very long. Chalk it up to an experience, and learn from it. Relationships that happen on the heels of another, especially a long term relationship with someone, don't usually last. Sounds like you were a rebound, and now she's moved on.

Good luck.

Gullyver
Aug 4, 2013, 02:59 AM
Remember that, like you, she is young and it is normal to be confused or even in denial when you have no experience in life

I am 46 and my ex-girlfriend same age and yet after two years together she also refused to talk about this face to face with me and actually got really upset when I asked what's going on.

I was astonished as well because she is supposed to be a mature woman and person and yet... not a word of explanation... just accusations for me (disrespectful, aggressive etc, etc) despite in two years I would never dare to even think about being disrespectful or aggressive with her but when I asked her OK, "can you make some examples of how I disrespected you or being aggressive she can't find anything much to say...

... I came to conclusion that some people must destroy the image of their partners at any cost so that it is easy for them to split up...

... some of them then think back and then may realise what they have done when it's too late after they destroyed a good relationship by hammering on it...

Send her happiness and see that despite the sorrow it will be easier to move on for you

joypulv
Aug 4, 2013, 04:55 AM
One of my favorite sayings is 'teenage love turns on a dime.'
It just doesn't have the maturity of adulthood, when we have more clearly defined what we want to do with our lives, and what kind of people we are attracted to. And as teens, we tend to adopt the opinions of others too easily, whether it's taste in music or clothes or the people we are involved with. We are easily swayed by someone new, just like a baby drops the cookie he's got in his hand if you hand him another.

Gobbles
Aug 5, 2013, 01:10 AM
Thank you for your replies, I appreciate for taking the time to read and reply.

[QUOTESo she met someone new, and she's claiming she's now in love, and you're astonished that it happened so fast? You weren't astonished that it happened that fast with you. Think about that.[/QUOTE]

I totally see your point, I just don't think that they are 1:1 comparable situations, as I don't really understand when did she have the time to get to know that other guy so well. Well, maybe they don't have to be equally comparable. Yeah, we weren't together too long.

At my age people's feelings and moods fluctuate a lot. I know that myself. I just never saw this coming.

Like you all more or less said, I just have to suck it up and take it as a learning experience.

Gullyver
Aug 5, 2013, 02:57 AM
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You were not together for long time and yes when we are youg the mind, tastes and ideas change very fast, sometimes faster than we realise.

I would not be surprised if she will get tired very soon if she is seeing someone else.

Make sure to learn as much as possible from this and be cautious before giving your trust and hart to anyone else, take your time and remember that if you are meant to be together this will happen anyway and vice versa...

For now to cope better just focus on your friends, study, work and develop new skills for your life and career you have a very long road ahead of you and it is going to be a wonderful one as wonderful as you wish to make it, it's all up to you