I am a single mother of 3 kids. I am in college full time trying to have a great life. I have never been married. I have been seeing a guy for 2 and 1/2 years and he is separated from his wife after 24 years, however, he says he is going through a divorce. In the mean time I have never dated a married man and I am not happy that he is still legally married. The fact that we live together really does it. It is complicated because he is so great to my kids, my family and me. His family is so great with me. Unfortunately, I want to know if I am being a damn fool waiting to see if there is a future with us or not.

Does he say where he is in the process? Like actually filed and going to court or just thinking about it? One advantage you have is that he comes home to you.

He says he is in the process and she is contesting it...

It might take awhile but it sounds like he is sincere. You probably should just trust and be supportive. As long as you don't see red flags of him trying to hang on to her you Should be all right

Does he spend time with his children, if he has any (and with his wife)?

It might take awhile but it sounds like he is sincere. You probably should just trust and be supportive. As long as you don't see red flags of him trying to hang on to her you Should be alright

I will take that advise but, at the same time It doesn't make sense that if he is over her why argue with a person you don't want to be with... he has kids with her and he left her once before and had a child outside the marriage and went right back to her... that's partially why I don't trust what he says...
Just this past June his daughter had a graduation... he went and didn't invite me... he was like I would love to but, his wife and her sister and mom will be there..
I feel like if you are over someone there is no need to argue. You have to talk to the parent of the child you share for the child's sake. And If he plans to be with me why act like you are just single and going through a divorce why not let her know. This is who I'm with...


Does he spend time with his children, if he has any (and with his wife)?

No he doesn't, I think he feels I get upset... but he claims he doesn't because he is trying to avoid the mothers... yes more than one.. he has the wife and the ex mistress baby mother... and he doesn't speak to either... they only call him for money..

no he doesn't, I think he feels I get upset... but he claims he doesn't because he is trying to avoid the mothers... yes more than one.. he has the wife and the ex mistress baby mother... and he doesn't speak to either... they only call him for money..
Did this "baby mother" situation happen when he was married to this same wife?

Sounds like he likes to spread his seed around, bag them and leave them. Hopefully you're not the next in line to be mother to one of his abandoned children.

I think you're right to be concerned. He doesn't have a great track record, and I do agree that if he's done with this wife, there's no reason she can't know that you're in the picture. But, I can understand why he didn't invite you to one of his children's graduation. That was about his child, not the wife, or the mistress, or you. Why upset the child by inviting the latest woman that's warming his bed, to the graduation?

Reminds me of my cousin. That man has had more women in his life than I personally know. When his daughter graduated from high school, he invited the latest love of his life. His daughter was not happy about it. In the end, she got me involved (I practically raised her, even though I was 16 when she was born). I talked to my cousin (her dad) about it, and he basically ended up threatening his daughter "either my girlfriend comes to the graduation, or I won't come". So the daughter relented. Now she has an album of graduation pictures with this girlfriend in them. Sure enough, my cousin broke up with the girlfriend a few months after the graduation. So now his daughters album is full of the ex.

Same thing happened last year at her wedding. Cousin had a new love of his life, daughter once again asked that she not come to the wedding. Dad insisted. Well, now she has a new album, her wedding album, with yet another ex.

He's actually doing the right thing by not involving you with his children, especially when it comes to important events like a graduation. Who wants someone there that probably won't be around next year?

Did this "baby mother" situation happen when he was married to this same wife?

Yes, it did..

@Alty

Wow, that's terrible what happened to your cousin and I really understand. Yes, it is about the child and with that its not that serious, but, I am really into family and it hurts for me not to be involved.
On the flip side my dad and mom divorced and he came with his woman at the time I hated was there for everything... I was jealous and rightfully so I was daddys little darling. But in the end he married that women and me, I warmed up to her because I love my dad. I guess every situation doesn't have a happy ending but, it is painful.]

wow, that's terrible what happened to your cousin and I really understand. Yes, it is about the child and with that its not that serious, but, I am really into family and it hurts for me not to be involved.
on the flip side my dad and mom divorced and he came with his woman at the time I hated was there for everything... I was jealous and rightfully so I was daddys little darling. but in the end he married that women and me, I warmed up to her because I love my dad. I guess every situation doesn't have a happy ending but, it is painful.]

It's never easy when you mix families, especially for the kids. No matter how amicable the divorce is, or how often you see mommy and daddy, it's still every kids dream for their parents to be together. It's hard when that doesn't happen.

At this point my cousins daughter (now 25) doesn't even try to get to know the newest girlfriend. They're all the love of her dads life, and they never last. She's wised up, and she knows that they're just temporary. Actually, I think she knew that since she was a child, but she always gave her dad, and the newest woman, a chance. She has a lot of scars because of that.

Bottom line, I don't think you trust this man. If you did, you wouldn't be asking the questions you've asked here. Deep down you realize that something isn't right. When it comes to things like this, I always say go with your gut. What is your gut telling you? Don't let your heart talk your gut into something you know isn't right. Your heart will fool you. Your gut never will.

In other words, you asked if you're a fool for a married man. I urge you to re-read everything you posted on this thread. Tell me, if someone else posted it, and you read it, what advice would you give to that person?

Thank you, so much...

thank you, so much....

No need to thank me, I just pointed out what you already know. :)

Good luck.

I am and have always dated men. However I seem t admire a woman's body. I don't want to touch them. I don't want them touching me. However I fanaticize about my current boyfriend having sex with other women because it excites me. I don't believe I want to realistically see him with another woman. I do love him and wouldn't want to lose him to another woman.

That's a fantasy... there is a difference between fantasy and reality. It doesn't make you sick or gay.

Thank you

I will take that advise but, at the same time It doesn't make sense that if he is over her why argue with a person you don't want to be with... he has kids with her and he left her once before and had a child outside the marriage and went right back to her... that's partially why I don't trust what he says....
just this past june his daughter had a graduation... he went and didn't invite me... he was like I would love to but, his wife and her sister and mom will be there..
I feel like if you are over someone there is no need to argue. you have to talk to the parent of the child you share for the child's sake. and If he plans to be with me why act like you are just single and going through a divorce why not let her know. this is who im with...

The kids do keep some attachment and ex couples do tend to argue *over the kids* you kind of have to accept the package deal as far as the kids go. If he is keeping you a secret that could be bad or else it could be he doesn't want you brought up in court.

Now for your 2 new posts I think maybe you shouldn't be with a guy if you think your sexual preference might change. You need to find yourself before you can have a good quality relationship.

My sexual preferences won't change.. I will never be with a female sexually ever...

if your man is texting while with you...........

Do you think if your significant other is texting someone else while the two of you are watching a movie together... do you think it's a form of cheating or disrespect?

Who is he texting? Constantly during the movie?

It's disrespectful if the conversation wasn't urgent.

This guy has a tacky track record. He may have another woman on the line for all you know. If this texting thing is a regular occurrence and not important, it's rude.
The fact that he does not see his own kids is troublesome as well. I could not respect a man who does not see his kids.

OK let me explain... I set up a dummy fb account and friended this girl that I saw on his fb commenting way too much... she confided she didn't have romantic feelings for him and that he told her he has a fiancé... she also said he had text her while sitting next to his girlfriend(me) and she just thought that was tacky... he doesn't do it... I just think I am overly... cautious do to getting hurt in the past... after 2 proposals, and 3 heart breaks, and watching how guys (friends, family) I just have trust issues to be honest... I want to know he is bullting me... in my heart I don't think so but at the same time I have been blinded by what I thought was love in the past..

If you don't trust him already and are making fake FB accounts in order to help you check up on him... your relationship is ultimately doomed. Without trust, you've got nothing... well, nothing except issues.

OK... then I won't have anyone.. I have never seen I man who never cheated..

ok....then i wont have anyone.. i have never seen i man who never cheated..
You are hanging with the wrong crowd. Most of the men I have known have NEVER cheated, married or not.

That is shocking... are you sure? I am not trying to be funny but, if you're a female you may not really know. If you're guy, I would believe it because you would know from a male point of view. That could be, I am around the wrong crowd, but even family members have cheated...

that is shocking... are you sure? I am not trying to be funny but, if you're a female you may not really know. If you're guy, I would believe it because you would know from a male point of view. that could be, I am around the wrong crowd, but even family members have cheated...
I am female and 67, have been married for 46 years, had had many relatives and good friends (both male and female) over those years, could count on one hand the men I have known who have cheated. There ARE lots of moral people in the world.

This post is full of land mines including the "do it yourself" investigation and this statement - "no he doesn't, I think he feels I get upset... but he claims he doesn't because he is trying to avoid the mothers... yes more than one.. he has the wife and the ex mistress baby mother... and he doesn't speak to either... they only call him for money.. So he doesn't pay support and the mothers call him for money as needed?

And, yes, hang with another crowd if every man you know has cheated.

How many children between you, both when married and out of wedlock? Who pays for them?

I'm an investigator. That's what I do. When people ask me to check up on a partner I tell them if they've reached that stage in the relationship it's time to go no matter what I find. Fake FB? Really?

This guys sounds like bad news and I think you know it. Move him out of your house and out of your life. At least get him out of your house, you have kids.

It appears you are ready to accept cheating, so how often do you cheat ?

But no, most men do not cheat. You know too many wrong people, perhaps you need to meet people at other places

I am female and 67, have been married for 46 years, had had many relatives and good friends (both male and female) over those years, could count on one hand the men I have known who have cheated. There ARE lots of moral people in the world.
That is so beautiful, I wish I knew as many morally correct people. Many blessings and congratulations on your marriage.

@ JUDYKAYTEE
thanks for your feedback... I wish you had read the thread... He has not cheated on me. I don't have kids with him nor will I ever. I am a mother and don't respect a man that is not supportive. I love a man that is a provider and he does that. He has a child in college... and others that he is dad to that are not biologically his and he there for financially, emotionally etc. its just not so sweet when kids don't call to say hey are you alive? How are you?. just hey dad can I have some money?
I would allow my kids to degrade or disrespect their father. No matter what the circumstances are.
yes, I did creat the fake fb account... why hire anyone.. I have been cheated on too many times, engaged 3 times and I am hell bent on not getting my heart broken is all... he has not cheated on my, far as I know. What I have said is that I have been around nothing but, cheaters and I want to be sure this is for real... he will move the world for me if I expressed a desire for it.. he is everything I want in a lifetime partner... my concerns were if it was too good to be true and since I am a believer in god, even though he is going through a divorce... I have a conscience and I feel I'm committing the ultimate sin being with him before those papers are finalized..

This guys sounds like bad news and I think you know it. Move him out of your house and out of your life. At least get him out of your house, you have kids.
Thank you

It appears you are ready to accept cheating, so how often do you cheat ?

but no, most men do not cheat. you know too many wrong people, perhaps you need to meet people at other places
Actually I am not a cheater, I wouldn't settle for a cheater and don't intend to.
Yes, obviously I know too many rotten men.. I guess their all in new York... smh, I have tried different types of men... I was told date outside your race if you need to just so long as the person is on your level... I was doomed... I am done trying to just go by what the horses mouth says I did my homework is all...