Ok a couple of months before I was 17 I kept having anxiety over thinking I was a pedophile and it kills me inside thinking that. I don't want to think of it any more. Sometimes it gets so bad I think about suicide and I don't really want that either. I had a really hard times with bullys at school, and now this. I have attempted suicide but was too scared to carry on with it and this is really throwing the rock of the bridge for me I would never want to cause harm to a child (phisically nor mentally) and I just want this to stop. I wake up at night sometimes and have to go and sit outside.

When I was younger me and one of my best friends used to fool about with each other and experament with each other. We were the same age but I know it was wrong. I spoke to my mum and she said I was just being daft and that pedos do what they do and don't care about the child. I have never been aroused by kids under 13/14 so can someone please tell What the heck is going on with me please.

You keep talking about being a pedo but you haven't come close to telling us what you've done or what makes you actually think you are one.

Are you an adult? Do you wish to engage in sex with children?

I would never want to cause harm to a child (phisically nor mentally)

If the above statement is true, then no, you're not a pedo.

You're 17, you're going through a lot of changes, both in body and mind. Fear of being something outside the norm, is a fairly common fear for teens.

If you were a pedo, you'd want to harm young children, you'd think of them sexually, and you wouldn't care what damage you could do to them. Since you do care, you're not a pedo.

Have you ever considered speaking to a counselor about this fear?

Umm... you experimented with a best friend of the same age?
A pedophile is an adult who forces sex on children. Yes, the age of those children can be teenage. But it has to be done by an adult.
Why don't you tell us (total strangers) more so that we can put your mind at ease?

Umm... you experimented with a best friend of the same age?
A pedophile is an adult who forces sex on children. Yes, the age of those children can be teenage. But it has to be done by an adult.
Why don't you tell us (total strangers) more so that we can put your mind at ease?

Have to slightly disagree here.

The part I disagree with, is the "it has to be done by an adult" part.

At 17, if he molested a 12 year old, or a 5 year old, or any child, he'd be a pedo. Even if he's not an adult.

I'd like him to come back so we could clear this up. I read my post again and am thinking it came off as harsh which is not what I intended at all.

Based on what he says, unless there is more to it, I can't see why he thinks he's a pedo.

Have to slightly disagree here.

The part I disagree with, is the "it has to be done by an adult" part.

At 17, if he molested a 12 year old, or a 5 year old, or any child, he'd be a pedo. Even if he's not an adult.


I agree, and I did a little more looking, and find different definitions, ranging from an adult with a sexual obsession for 'young children, to anyone over 16 who is attracted to pre-pubescent children.

I'm 17 and no I don't think of doing anything to children its just I keep thinking I am and in strugling to see why I haven't had fatesy about children its just I talk to this 13 year old in real life that I know in real life and that's the only child I speak to I don't think much of him apart from being a friend I get on good with his mum and she knows I talk to him like but I don't know why in having these friking thoughts in scared to look at children In case and I don't think it is right for me to be like this I don't know if it is the 13 year old or my deppresion it is messed up


Umm... you experimented with a best friend of the same age?
A pedophile is an adult who forces sex on children. Yes, the age of those children can be teenage. But it has to be done by an adult.
Why don't you tell us (total strangers) more so that we can put your mind at ease?

Well this one sounds weird and I was only about 8/9


I'd like him to come back so we could clear this up. I read my post again and am thinking it came off as harsh which is not what I intended at all.

Based on what he says, unless there is more to it, I can't see why he thinks he's a pedo.

The only thing I didn't say is when I had just turned 16 I started talking to this girl on the internet who said she was 17 away to be 18 and we talked for months and months on end and we said son deep stud to each other so I phone her one day and her dad picked the phone and told me she was only 13 and it made me sick inside and I don't know if that's were it comes from I didn't do any thing with her or ask to meet her she asked me a couple of times but I was edgie about it and it turned out be worse than I had amgined I thought it was people playing a joke at first so I played along and then when she asked to meet me I phoned her and that's when it hit me I told my mum and my mum screamed at me and I don't know if it is that conning back to me and making me think that I am

You aren't a pedophile you just keep repeating the trauma of being fooled on line by a lying young teen. Between her dad and your mom you got the crap scared out of you. You are still afraid from the experience and guilty about being unknowingly fooled, caught and are punishing yourself.

You are refeeling a bad experience that really wasn't your fault. Forgive yourself.

I wish your mum hadn't screamed. She knew that you could have been arrested, but still.
Now what happened when you were 8 or 9 - just fooling around with a best friend?

As for fantasy, almost everyone has fantasies, and they would surprise and shock the ladies and gentlemen at the country club and church and even their own spouses. Everyone is entitled to a secret world. It's just a matter of not carrying it over into real life, or spending too much time on it. You may be trying to hide some, I don't know. If what you did at 8 or 9 is still on your mind, let's talk a little bit about it. Do you miss it?

I wish your mum hadn't screamed. She knew that you could have been arrested, but still.
Now what happened when you were 8 or 9 - just fooling around with a best friend?

As for fantasy, almost everyone has fantasies, and they would surprise and shock the ladies and gentlemen at the country club and church and even their own spouses. Everyone is entitled to a secret world. It's just a matter of not carrying it over into real life, or spending too much time on it. You may be trying to hide some, I don't know. If what you did at 8 or 9 is still on your mind, let's talk a little bit about it. Do you miss it?

No not really its just it was wrong he asked me to do stuff with him and after the first couple of times I started to like it bur then I noticed what we were doing and it freeked me out so I stopped I still get memories of it but in not gay I don't know if in bi I only know I enjoyed what I did but in into women


I wish your mum hadn't screamed. She knew that you could have been arrested, but still.
Now what happened when you were 8 or 9 - just fooling around with a best friend?

As for fantasy, almost everyone has fantasies, and they would surprise and shock the ladies and gentlemen at the country club and church and even their own spouses. Everyone is entitled to a secret world. It's just a matter of not carrying it over into real life, or spending too much time on it. You may be trying to hide some, I don't know. If what you did at 8 or 9 is still on your mind, let's talk a little bit about it. Do you miss it?

Yes and no yes because it was finish but no because in not gay I don't know about me being bi but I preffer women to what I did w him it started him wanting me to do stuff with him and after the first couple of time I started to enjoy it but after about a year I stopped I just didn't want to do it any more and he got upset and told me not to talk to him any more so we haven't spoken since butt I do miss him as a friend

Experimenting with sex with a close friend of the same gender is actually pretty common.
It doesn't define your sexual preference.
(It's also pretty common to be confused in your teens.)
Eventually you will be able to sit down with yourself and 'know' what you want from a partner.
Straight, gay, bi, wanting to be female, or all sorts of things.
If you do find that you are attracted to young children, see a therapist and say so. You certainly wouldn't be the first or the last. As long as you don't act on it, and deal with the feelings, you are not a horrible person.

I wish your mum hadn't screamed. She knew that you could have been arrested, but still.
Now what happened when you were 8 or 9 - just fooling around with a best friend?

As for fantasy, almost everyone has fantasies, and they would surprise and shock the ladies and gentlemen at the country club and church and even their own spouses. Everyone is entitled to a secret world. It's just a matter of not carrying it over into real life, or spending too much time on it. You may be trying to hide some, I don't know. If what you did at 8 or 9 is still on your mind, let's talk a little bit about it. Do you miss it?

No not really its just he asked me to do stuff with him and after the first couple of times I started to like it bur then I noticed what we were doing and it freeked me out so I stopped I still get memories of it but in not gay I don't know if in bi I only know I enjoyed what I did but in into women

Experimenting with sex with a close friend of the same gender is actually pretty common.
It doesn't define your sexual preference.
(It's also pretty common to be confused in your teens.)
Eventually you will be able to sit down with yourself and 'know' what you want from a partner.
Straight, gay, bi, wanting to be female, or all sorts of things.
If you do find that you are attracted to young children, see a therapist and say so. You certainly wouldn't be the first or the last. As long as you don't act on it, and deal with the feelings, you are not a horrible person.

But I don't want to be that way with younger boys/girls and I want this anxiety I have been reading a lot about OCD and wondered if it had any thing to do with that but I've never actually asked anybody about it I read on onther questions related to mine and people said it was therbmaturity levels but I don't know about that either I don't get aroused by children or hard by them but I fantasised about a 13 year old boy at my gym and that creeped me out and I don't want to go and see a pychatrist or have theropy I'm to scared to go through that my mum gets mad when I tell her this stuff so I think a theropist would be the same but I really do want help

Where is your dad?

Where is your dad?

I don't know, why?

Most young guys emulate the behavior of older males around them at a very early age, and gain confidence, and identity from this interaction. Absent that role model peer group becomes the place of support and acceptance which can lead to anywhere even confusion on how to handle yourself and holding on to a lot of unnecessary baggage.

You may be the same age but your friend was older in the sense he was ready to experiment and explore. I may be wrong but my impression is you have no strong positive role model to give you an ear and explain a few things. That's why I asked directly.

Therapists don't get mad. That's why they exist!
Much more than that, of course. They help you get your thoughts and feelings into words, and guide you to some solutions for how to approach life and deal with how you feel, who you are.

Most young guys emulate the behavior of older males around them at a very early age, and gain confidence, and identity from this interaction. Absent that role model peer group becomes the place of support and acceptance which can lead to anywhere even confusion on how to handle yourself and holding on to a lot of unnecessary baggage.

You may be the same age but your friend was older in the sense he was ready to experiment and explore. I may be wrong but my impression is you have no strong positive role model to give you an ear and explain a few things. That's why I asked directly.
I have never had a role model I can't stand both my biological or mystep dad

I have never had a role model I can't stand both my biological or mystep dad

Do you admire any older male, someone you know, a relative or teacher?

Therapists don't get mad. That's why they exist!
Much more than that, of course. They help you get your thoughts and feelings into words, and guide you to some solutions for how to approach life and deal with how you feel, who you are.

I don't know I feel like my mum would get mad and plus I don't have money or the confidence to speak to a theropist or I would have ages ago and why do you want to know my name ?

Originally Posted by ecky
I have never had a role model I can't stand both my biological or mystep dad

Why??

Why???

I don't know my biological dad and my step dad is a ***** to me

I don't want to know your name. 'Finding out who you are' is an expression, meaning getting all the confusion sorted out and having a sense of what you want in life - who you are.

I don't want to know your name. 'Finding out who you are' is an expression, meaning getting all the confusion sorted out and having a sense of what you want in life - who you are.

Yeah I red it wrong I thought you said who are you but you said who you are I know what I want In life but my head says different I wish I had the courage to go see a thoropist but I live in fear of what people think about me but I really don't want to end up a sick and twisted b****** as I have said I suffer from depresion aSewell and feel like I would rather die than to become one of them

I can see your need to turn to someone who can answer your questions and be listened too. I recommend a counselor, teacher, that's trusted since getting a therapist on your own is a few years away. Or a coach if you play sports, or a youth group would be a good choice and a place to observe or learn good clean examples of manhood.

You have let guilt and resentment build up way too long and have to make some confident positive steps in your own behalf. Actually you are a normal kid that has yet to be embraced, who probably has great empathy to younger kids in the same boat.

I can see your need to turn to someone who can answer your questions and be listened too. I recommend a counselor, teacher, that's trusted since getting a therapist on your own is a few years away. Or a coach if you play sports, or a youth group would be a good choice and a place to observe or learn good clean examples of manhood.

You have let guilt and resentment build up way too long and have to make some confident positive steps in your own behalf. Actually you are a normal kid that has yet to be embraced, who probably has great empathy to younger kids in the same boat.
I don't get aroused but I feel my heart go. And in 17 were I live there is nothing for 17 year olds. I don't have many friends so I don't go out much apart from my gym and down town I used to be In cadets but that's it

That's empathy, NOT lust. That's what I think. Your confusion comes from not knowing what to do about it. And a profound fear of being misjudged because of shame maybe? Shame and guilt will certainly lead to an isolation that stifles self confidence through accomplishment and fun for sure.

Being powerless to make change that works for you and lack of guidance can be overcome by setting a goal or direction and working toward it. Three actually, one for today, one for next week, and a three year goal that gets you what you really want.

So what do you want to happen today? This week? Start there and be thoughtful and reasonable.

That's empathy, NOT lust. That's what I think. Your confusion comes from not knowing what to do about it. And a profound fear of being misjudged because of shame maybe? Shame and guilt will certainly lead to an isolation that stifles self confidence thru accomplishment and fun for sure.

Being powerless to make change that works for you and lack of guidance can be overcome by setting a goal or direction and working toward it. three actually, one for today, one for next week, and a three year goal that gets you what you really want.

So what do you want to happen today? This week? Start there and be thoughtful and reasonable.
IDK its anxiety that keeps conning back I know how to controls it but it can over power me and that's when I try to kill myself

Focus on the goal, not the obstacles and just say what you want. Just relax and think of just you, NOT the rest of the world.

Focus on the goal, not the obstacles and just say what you want. Just relax and think of just you, NOT the rest of the world.

Thanks for all your help I feel a little better now and surly will feel much better after a couple of days