I've been best friends with a guy for four years now. From the moment we met, it was obvious to me and everyone else that it was love at first sight for him and its been that way ever since, but not really that way on my part. He has always been there for me no matter what, through breakups and deaths in my family and everything else possible. Also, he's always put me before anyone else in his life, even if he had a girlfriend. I've always felt bad for not returning the feelings, but I made sure he knew I didn't like him in that way.

But now, I've recently moved to a state that is twelve hours away and its been taking a toll on the friendship. We don't talk nearly as much and when we do, it seems like he doesn't even want to talk to me. I asked him about it, and he told me he gave up, now that he knows he no longer has a chance at all. It really hurt me, and I feel like he wasn't in it for the friendship at all, he was only looking for a relationship and he doesn't care about the friendship itself at all.

And to complicate things even more, before I moved I started to have feelings for him, and I still do , but only a little. I think about what would happen if we were together a lot, but I'm afraid to tell him because I don't want to get his hopes up since I live so far away and I'm afraid if we do date and things don't work out, that I'm going to lose my best friend.

What should I do? What if I tell him my feelings, and by time we can be together I lose my feelings for him ? What if my feelings for him are because I feel bad for never returning the feelings ? Please help

So for 4 long years this nice guy suffers with feelings for you and when he finally comes to his senses and gives up, you say you feel hurt that he 'wasn't in it for the friendship at all? '

Oh please. My coffee went up my nose. That is extremely selfish and self-centered. It goes without saying that he was 'in it' for the friendship WITH hopes for something more. Love is both. He wanted both. You couldn't give both. ERGO: he did what he had to do.
And to compound the problem, now you miss all that 'there for me' friendship and think you might have some deeper feelings for him.
Let him go. He's doing what's best for HIM at this stage and you shouldn't prolong his suffering just so that you can have him around.

So for 4 long years this nice guy suffers with feelings for you and when he finally comes to his senses and gives up, you say you feel hurt that he 'wasn't in it for the friendship at all??'

Oh please. My coffee went up my nose. That is extremely selfish and self-centered. It goes without saying that he was 'in it' for the friendship WITH hopes for something more. Love is both. He wanted both. You couldn't give both. ERGO: he did what he had to do.
And to compound the problem, now you miss all that 'there for me' friendship and think you might have some deeper feelings for him.
Let him go. He's doing what's best for HIM at this stage and you shouldn't prolong his suffering just so that you can have him around.


I made sure during the friendship that he knew we were just friends. I didn't lead him on or give him mixed signals, he could have gotten out at any time, so can you not say I'm selfish ? I meant that I was hurt that he could just drop the friendship aspect so easily because I won't date him. I know I've made mistakes and it hasn't been fair to him, okkay? I posted this for advice, not to get insulted, so thank you for that.
And he won't fully leave, I've told him that if he doesn't want to be friends anymore then ill understand and he can get away, but he's the one insisting on staying, I'm not forcing him to sit here and suffer.
Right now, we are at the point where we talk, but we talk like distant friends, not close anymore. I try to give him space and not text or call him, but he always initiates conversation first, so what am I supposed to do ? Ignore him?

He could drop friendship because he couldn't bear the agony of knowing you didn't love him back the way he loved you. You have no idea how much he is hurting inside to know whether it was easy or not. He could still be crying over his decisión, bit he knew it was one that has to be made.

You meant this, you meant that, it's still all the same. You are being so unfair.
My advice is insulting because I don't think you realize this, and that you are going to continue to make it tough for him to let go.
If YOU care about HIM, and don't LOVE him, let him go.
After 4 years, you know like from love.
Don't let a move to a new place convince you that you need him around (a perpetual lovestruck puppy who isn't strong enough to stay away) because you are lonely for a while.

Sometimes the kindest thing to do with a love sick puppy, is throw rocks at him so he can give up hope and leave you alone. You should have done that years ago, but do it now that you have moved.

Sad you learned the hard way that this friendship led to false hope. Or expected him to know the difference. He was willing to take whatever he could, and that has to hurt now. You both hurt now don't you? You both need to heal now. APART.

He's given up and trying to save himself now because that's all he can do. To be hurt over this says something about you. Let him go and let him heal.