View Full Version : Internet Romance__when should we meet?
victorious
Mar 25, 2007, 02:30 PM
I met what seems to be a really wonderful man on a dating internet site. He is saying all of the right things. He appears to be a breath of fresh air. I have checked him out and thus far everything is true. We talk everyday and have wonderful conversatons. He asked me to visit him. I am not sure about this. He lives in Georgia and I live in Ohio. What shoud I do? We have already agreed that this will be like a first date. Nothing sexual. Only problem is --should I arrive in the morning and return that night? Should I spend the night or should I ask him to come and visit me or should we just delay this? I feel like a crazy teenager as I type this but I feel like I have known him my whole life. We have everything in common.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
chuff
Mar 25, 2007, 03:52 PM
First let me say as a disclaimer I've never done the internet dating thing so I have no experience in that department.
I hope you live in Cinny and he lives in Atlanta (or even further north Georgia) because that's a long drive. So instead of you driving to see him and him coming all the way to see you how about both of you meet in Kentucky or Tennesee? That way neither of you are in safe territory so to speak and if it doesn't work out you can both return with out driving further. I don't know about Kentucky but I used to live in Nashville and you could meet and have a whole day planned out with things to do there. Same with Knoxville. I'm sure if you find the closest big city in the middle you could got to the city's website or call the tourist bureau and find plenty to do. But I think for the first date at such a distance you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket and go that far. Same with him. Meet in the middle and have a good time doing something new to both of you in new surroundings to both of you.
Fr_Chuck
Mar 25, 2007, 04:25 PM
My wife and I meet "online" not on a dating service but merely on a chat board where she liked my screen name at the time. We chatted for a bit, and in our case we meet at a restaurant for dinner, and talked for a while, and then that was it, Just a time for us to meet face to face ( photos online was not really a big thing eveyrone could do back then) heck internet was not that caught on yet.
So I would say that as long as there are ground rules set. Since from personal experience and talking to 100's who dated off line, about 1/2 of the men turn out to be married, so meeting at his location is a good idea, since that should prove fairly easy if there is a wife somewhere.
And next a large group are there for only sex with various ladies.
* and it works both ways.
And you wlil find out a lot more in face to face often.
I would say a day or even two, as long as it is strictly understood, no sex ( if that is what both agree to)
talaniman
Mar 25, 2007, 09:48 PM
How old are the two of you??
victorious
Mar 25, 2007, 11:01 PM
35 and 40 years of age
talaniman
Mar 26, 2007, 04:57 AM
You are too old to be naïve, so don't go in this with high expectations and take precautions. People can say the right things if they want something. Go cautiously and slowly. Though dating over the net has worked for some, there are even more horror stories out there, You may feel like a teen-ager now, but approach this like the mature adult you are. Good Luck.
wap
Mar 26, 2007, 05:11 AM
You have to be a wee bit cautious. Maybe you should have a friend with you for the initial meeting. Or at least tell people where you are going. It's something I have never done, but some of my friends do internet dating. I would say have an open mind when you do meet him.
rol
Mar 26, 2007, 05:19 AM
Perhaps you could get him to visit you and get him to book a hotel.
That way you will be in safe surroundings.
Well I guess that the fact that he asked you to visit him is not bad, at least he's not married.
Id meet him as soon as possible if I was you.
He could be completely different in real life.
shygrneyzs
Mar 26, 2007, 05:26 AM
Wherever you meet, make it safe. Meet in public places, be seen in public places. Have a safe call! Someone you know who you can call - preset schedule - to check in. If you fail to call by the set time, that person will call the police. I am serious about this. If you meet in the middle and stay at a hotel - make it separate hotels. Take pictures - great if you have a digital camera. Even better if you have a cell phone that takes a picture - you can send that to your safe call person.
He may be the greatest thing since mashed potatoes - and he could be your worst nightmare. People can and will say all the right things to get someone to the point of trust. I really hope this guy is on the level with you. But you got to be careful and have all your sensors up and in full working order. Good luck to you.
Nosnosna
Mar 26, 2007, 05:29 AM
Meet in one of your cities... whichever you feel more comfortable with. That way one of you has an idea of what there is to do in the area.
Whichever city it is, the visitor must get a hotel room. If you're going to visit him, don't tell him which hotel you're staying in... meet at other locations each time. If he's coming to visit you, don't let him know where you actually live. By keeping that bit of separation, you add a bit of safety, which is always an important thing.
SouthernBelle06
Mar 26, 2007, 04:26 PM
Yes, of course you should meet. That's what internet dating sites are for : ) Just as there are a lot of nut cases on the net, there are also a lot of great regular people out there too. I know a few different people personally who have met their significant others on the net and later married, though I have heard horror stories too : )
Safety has already been discussed here and I agree with all of those suggestions. You do have to be careful and use good judgment. Since both of you are at an age where you would be likely be looking to settle down rather than just to have fun, I hope that there is no insincerity on either person's part. If both people have been honest from the start (no hidden agendas, no hidden significant others, etc.), things are more likely to work out the way you hope.
What concerns me is that if the two of you click in person, this will be a long distance relationship... at least for a while. This brings another set of issues to deal with later down the road. For instance are either of you willing to move at some point or are one or the other of you committed to situations where you aren't likely to move for a long time? This could cause problems later.
It's true that Ohio to Georgia is a long drive, but it is a short flight. I have flown from Cincinnati to Atlanta and it seemed to be only around an hour and a half flight at the most. This isn't an impossible distance, but it will be a long distance romance just the same.
Perhaps I am biased here, but I was burned by my last relationship which was long distance (he surprised me with the news that he met someone closer and suddenly broke up with me for her). I am wary of them, but every individual is different. If both partners are committed, I think it can work, whether close or far. I do believe in taking chances and how will you know what could happen if you don't try? So I don't want to cast a negative light on someone else's situation based on my own experience. But I do want you to be cautious.
I would suggest taking a quick flight so you won't invest a long drive to see him for a first date. No matter where he is in Georgia, I would insist he meet you in Atlanta (if you like big cities) or Savannah (if you have a weakness for the beach as I do.. he he he.. ) This way you will have a fun travel experience and lots to do no matter what happens with the guy.
I would suggest you stay overnight in a hotel and of course meet him in a public place. Make friends and family aware of where you are at all times. If things click and if he is serious, he can travel to see you next. Good luck to you. Be positive and have fun, but at the same time be cautious, realistic, and aware... if that is a possible!