My daughter is 39. She has been married for 15 years, the man she is married to has been an alcoholic and he is a compulsive liar. Things have been going on there for a long time, most of the time I have been able to keep quiet. My daughter has medical problems I believe she may be bipolar.

For years she would need money, come to me and I gave her money. Sometimes 20.00 sometimes groceries, paying doctor bills, paying mortgage when she could not pay, paying for gasoline, pay for prescriptions. Yet I later find out that she had money but didn't want to spend it because she was taking her family to amusement park and stay a few nights. Her husband came over to my home, told me unbelieveable stories that he claims she does, getting angry and screams, take a knife and tears up his good suits.

Their son said he doesn't want to live there anymore wants to be with his dad. I talked to her mother in law whom she never got along with, but she was concerned about my daughters behavior. She texted me and told me that she forbids me to talk to her mother in law. I told her that the only reason she called was the same reason her husband said, telling me that he feels she is abusing prescription drugs and sleeps the entire weekend. My daughter sent me a horrible text saying to F%(*( you and that I could never see the children again and I was dead to her and she hates me. Her husband is a well known liar, she knows this, yet he throws it on me saying it was me. She has not contacted me and said she never would.

I love my daughter and my grandchildren, what will I do? You can't talk to her, she gets this crazy look in her eyes and screams... she won't listen to a word you say, she screams. Her twin brother told me that he can't have a relationship with her because of how she acts.

I love my daughter but I just don't think I can go on much longer with her in my and my grandchildren's lives.

Sounds like she doesn't want you in her life because she doesn't want you to see how miserable she and her life are. Its probably best if you leave things simmer down by not pushing to see her. As far as the grand daughter every chance and any chance tell her grandma loves you and IS HERE for you anytime. She may not be able to be in contact with you because of her mom but she will remember it for when she gets older and sees things for what they are

I'm a bit concerned that, no matter how volatile she is, you are throwing fuel on the flames by talking to her husband and MIL, and then throwing what they say back at her. She needs your support, not your money and not hearing second hand what everyone has to say about her.
I'd like to think that this can be mended, but it would mean no more ganging up on her. In fact I would apologize. Especially about telling her what her MIL said. 'The only reason she called is the same reason her husband did' is terrible in many ways.
She probably NEEDS you. But you have to take the high road, zipper your lip, and force yourself to stay out of what harm she may be doing to herself. You have to be there for her just as a loving mother. If you want to keep her. If you think it's too far gone, then the relationship is indeed broken.

Let's assume for a moment that it took some courage for your son in law to visit you in your home, and tell you what has been going on in his home, with your daughter.

I can't imagine why he would do that simply out of vengeance or malice toward your daughter. Do you believe that she has been physically violent, destructive, abusing prescription drugs, lying, and paying you off against your mother in law?

Why is she on prescription drugs, and what are they. And why have you diagnosed your son in law as being alcoholic- is this him talking or your daughter. Maybe she uses this as an excuse for you to keep paying bills (that turn out to be lies as you have said- she uses the money for the amusement park for example).

Things sound pretty serious- i.e. slicing up clothing for one example.. And one son wanting to go live with his father. How many children are in the household, and are you concerned about their safety?

Prior to her being married, was some of what your son in law told you, ringing true- even a little bit? Has she ever been treated for mental health issues?

You stop talking to her, you break off ties and do no communicate with her

Thank you , I think you are right. I am so tired of crying at night. She has always used her children as a weapon, when she would get angry, she would take them out of my arms, scream obscenities at me, and take the children. My granddaughter is almost 17, she is not "permitted" to be in contact with us. We have done everything for those children, they now only want to see us when there is money involved. I think this started recently when she needed some money, texted me and said that she really needs to borrow money. When I told her that this is the last time that I was willing to loan her money because she needs to get her life together and she and her husband need to sit down and work out their finances, that is when she started to blow. I had no contact with her mother in law, and the woman calls me out of nowhere, tells me things she said my daughter was doing, said she needed help. I am not legally able to do anything, my daughters husband came over and gave us the money we loaned her, and started to cry and told me all the things that she has been doing and that he was worried about her. I did something stupid... I trusted him. He found a way to turn this all around and blame me. Then I get a text from her, telling me that I was not allowed to talk to her mother in law, and then it went from there. I just don't know what to think or do. What do I do if in time she tries to contact us? Do I allow her back into my life and do this again as she has done all the times before? How do I stop her abuse?

I have always allowed my kids back into my life if they are respectful and mannerly after I have had nothing to do with them when they are not.

Right or wrong they are still my children no matter what. Darn it :(