I feel depressed maybe 30% of the time now which is better than before but now I'm stuck. I'm 15, my dad's dead, my mom work all day 5 days a week. My brother is 19, finished his first year of college and came back home for a while. The thing is he can come off as an , especially to my mom who has no patience of any attitude and lacks the ability and effort to try and find solutions. I can't blame her though, because she's sick a lot and with job competition she's so stressed. After a fight she said he needs to pack his bags and leave (without somewhere to go really... ) and he doesn't think she'll kick him out because she said she would before. I think she will eventually but he doesn't seem to care about that or the fact that its stressing me out. My mom doesn't know about my depression that's been going on for years now and neither does my brother which might be why they both seem so inconsiderate right now. My bro is stubborn, my mom is stressed, that equals to fights (not physical btw) that makes me wonder what's left to do. Occasionally I've thought about suicide but not seriously, I'm too afraid of dying. I've never got the guts to cut myself. However sometimes I feel like I just want to run away and be with a new family that accepts me for being a freak in ways that if I said here even you readers would hate me. Then I hate myself for inconsiderate enough to even think of abandoning my mom and my brother who I love so much it's hurting me to see them stressed and angry. I can't tell my mom all of this or she'll blame herself which I never want her to do and I can't tell my brother because either he won't care or he'll be depressed from feeling like its his fault.

I honestly have no answers... right now I'm so tired because in the day I'm tired but at night I can't sleep. Please just give me advice, experiences related to this... anything

You have talked about your moms problems, your brothers problems

But not anything about YOU, so you mom has to work, that is how bills gets paid ? Is brother going back to college in Fall, is he home for a couple months.

Why is he not gone if mom is thowing him out, ( which needs to be done if he is not listening and talking back to her)

But what are YOUR problems, why are you depressed, what aobut your friends, what do you do now ? What type of programs or activities are you in

Idk... I feel depressed knowing my family is falling apart. I'm into making digital art and giving political opinions but nothing else really... I don't really do anything and I'm not that social. My mom doesn't let me have accounts on social sites like fb so it's not like I have anyone to confide in. My brother talks back to her but she's so hard on him, he doesn't deserve being kicked out with nothing in some shelter home, my brother is about to be gone from my life maybe forever and she won't even tell me the "other reason" why. My brother is oblivious too. This morning she tried yelling to wake him up when he was sleeping and not feeling well, gave him maybe 2 minutes and left pissed off. When he wakes up and calls her she's still pissed that he didn't get up right away and run to her as if that's his routine. But I don't know about me... I'm not sure if they make me depressed, if it's that my mom doesn't accept my personal decisions fully or it's maybe I don't have really close friends at all. And yes mom works paying the bills, my brother is trying to get a job but I don't know what's his plans are for college, he said he would go back after summer but with this crisis happening I don't know