Help!! I met "his" family and I think I was asked an inappropriate question.
SO ABOUT US. Him and I have dated each other for 7 years on and off. We love each other but its along distance relationship, and career and family and religion (doesn’t matters to us but to his family) got in the way. This time around we both realize that we a destined to be together and it’s time we meet each other’s family. I met his family for the first time very nervous but things went okay because we met at a restaurant it was a brief chat and waved goodbye. It was just his parents and one of his 5 brothers.

Yesterday I traveled 6 hours, very excited bought housewarming gift and went to his house there I met most of his family. My boyfriend not sure if he is teasing or not but I was expected to make his family like me, which I didn’t have problem doing. I wanted them to like me as well. I felt a lot of pressure on me and I was very nervous and overwhelmed because it was a lot of people that I had to pay attention to and meet and greet. They all had a lot of questions and then he decided to take his family and I on a bowling trip in the car his brother and 2 kids myself and my boyfriend.

His brother says "I have a personal question to ask". I replied sure. He said "Bob (my boyfriend) says all girls are after guys for money and wealth. How would you convince us that you are not?” He had met me first time ever. Well I replied he was an engineer student when I first met him and I wanted to be with him then and now he is a medical student and I still want to be with him. And I have no idea what he is going be or how he is going to be in the future (by that I meant I don’t even know if he is going to be that guy with money or not as I have never thought about it.). And he said thanks no more questions (this I didn’t say but I am on the other hand settled in life I have my own house I have an established career and I give care for my mother and brother and I’m 28 and very independent make enough to live comfortable, whereas my boyfriend, none of which I have problem with, is in 3rd year medical school and renting bachelor apartment and lives at his parents’ house has no car). But yes he will one day be a doctor but his career or what he earns was never an issue but it just happens to be that I was dating him when he was an engineer student. Then we broke up and now we are back again and he happen to take me to his house now and didn’t before.

When we went bowling I held myself together and not let anything bother me to ruin the day. I smiled like I always do. In between my boyfriend sent me texts to ask me if I am okay and I replied fine... yes.

My questions to you is one, I felt hurt and upset my boyfriend didn’t jump in to say anything. Am I right or wrong??

Two, when I got back to my city my boyfriend kept asking me how yesterday was and I said okay, it went well. He then said "I know some of the questions were inappropriate but he said it because he is protective and cares about me.”. Is that the way to respond?

I am also under the impression his brother thinks “oh she didn’t want my brother when he was an engineer and now that he is going to be a doctor she wants him. Let’s find out. What do you think??

Sorry this is long, but I am going crazy. Can’t talk to my friends or mom because I am afraid what they might say because they all love me too much and if they know I’m hurt or mistreated they will simply ask me to give up. So I seek help from lovely honest strangers.

His brother is concerned about him as you said your family would be about you. Your boyfriend explained to you why the questions were asked, he also asked you if you were OK. If you weren't you should have said so.
What would have been the point in him jumping in. I assume he felt you could answer for yourself and he checked in with you later asking if you were OK.
In my opinion this is nothing to worry about.

Would you feel comfortable talking further with his family. It does sound a little bit rude to me but it's hard to know. Can you describe his tone a little bit?

As far as your boyfriend not stepping in or standing up for you, he may have been caught between a rock and a hard place. Did he seem uncomfortable? You can ask him why. It doesn't have to turn into a fight but maybe you should try and communicate with him as well. I too would wonder why he did not say anything. I absolutely would talk to them.

I'll check back. I hope I can help or at least be of some support. Take care for now. You sound like a really good person and his family should be grateful for you.

Families can be a lot worse than that! I would let it go as nothing.
I might have said 'You can't really know what I might think and feel despite what I might say, right? I just plain love him, and all of you. I have my own home and career and don't need a man at all if I don't want one. Some medical students let wives help them through school and then dump them for a cute nurse once they are making money.'
But you didn't have time to come up with all the things you probably wanted to say, and you did just fine.

Thanks to all of you... tc123, joypuly and homegirl... all of what you all said makes total sense... thank you for taking your time to answer it helped to calm myself.. this is my first and only serious relationship and I was too focused on my family and career... and to have found a guy I feel that I am in love with is even overwhelming it self... I am scared... there are allot of things he expect from me... if all goes well it would require me to move to different province, learn french, leave my career I had built... my single mother... I have go away from all this and I am willing because I love him so much... but when something so small happened I got scared... I immediately thought and couldn't help thinking... " oh my god he didnt stand up for me now will he ever after... and will be alone cus all i will have is him when i go there "...

I have never ever seek online help... I have never ever seek online help... this online question and answer is all new to me.. like I have googled.. what color should I dye my hair with... never thought id come online to search fr relationship advice... but you are all very wise people... thank you so much... it hard for me to talk to my family and friends... because they all love me too much and their verdict will be he hurt you therefor he is wrong...

When his brother said what his brother said... he was very serious.. and made it clear that he wanted a serious answer... his brother is 48 very close to my mothers age... so it was difficult for me to take anything he said as a joke...
If soeone close to my age said it I would have taken it as a joke... this is a brother that kept track,, of us getting back then breaking up and then getting back... and now he met me for the first time...

Wow! So he was dead serious. That really does sound a bit rude to me. Really. I wonder if eventually, better sooner that later but either way, if you could really have a sit-down and talk to the brother. Still, I feel that your boyfriend should have stepped in. Sure it was nice that he asked if you were OK but that would bother me. That's just me and if I am understanding it correctly.

And I don't blame you for getting scared. The fact that you would give up all that you are leaving behind if you go kind of ticks me off more that the brother treated you like this. Does he know what you'd be giving up and what a big move it would be for you. I understand he is looking out for his brother but gees, I always say there is a right and wrong way to talk to someone. Unfortunately, you can walk away or remove yourself from someone you're just not crazy about but he could be your brother-in-law.

Best of luck and keep us posted if you can. Just curious how it all turns out for you.

His brother was very rude. I'm sure you wish you could go back and respond differently. I know what I would have said, "Bob is in debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars so he can go to med school, he has to live with his parents. I on the other hand have a career, my own home, and live very comfortably off the money I make. So Bob is wrong, not all girls are after a guy for money and wealth, but it seems that some guys have no problem being with a girl that's financially better off than them. So there's your answer, I'm not going to dump Bob to go after a guy that actually has money, and I love Bob enough to know that he's not with me only because I'm better off financially than he is".

I don't find that question offensive - perhaps more info than I'd like to share, but I don't find it offensive. I have posted many, many times that I have found, "Why would you ask me that?" or "I'm sorry, that's between X and me, personal business, you know," and continuing on goes a long way. I don't know that it's an off limits question. Of course, I wasn't there when it was asked of me.

And I'd be somewhat ticked at the boyfriend for throwing me, one person, into a cage with X number of people related to him. Whatever happened to small meetings so everyone is comfortable?

Of course, I once had a grandchild ask me, at a family dinner ("his" family) if Grandpa was still sleeping at my house. That will bring conversation to a halt. She was repeating something her mother said, but still.. now we laugh about it. Everyone almost died at the time.

Yes, small gatherings, not the whole clan.

His brother was very rude. I'm sure you wish you could go back and respond differently. I know what I would have said, "Bob is in debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars so he can go to med school, he has to live with his parents. I on the other hand have a career, my own home, and live very comfortably off the money I make. So Bob is wrong, not all girls are after a guy for money and wealth, but it seems that some guys have no problem being with a girl that's financially better off than them. So there's your answer, I'm not going to dump Bob to go after a guy that actually has money, and I love Bob enough to know that he's not with me only because I'm better off financially than he is".

I just have to tell you, this is not the first time you made me laugh. Really. I am not 100% sure if you even meant for it to be funny but I think you did.

Your response is VERY well put! Hope that all is well with you.

I just have to tell you, this is not the first time you made me laugh. Really. I am not 100% sure if you even meant for it to be funny but I think you did.

Your response is VERY well put! Hope that all is well with you.

LOL! I do try to put humor in my posts when I can. Sadly I have the type of humor that many people just don't get.

Glad you had a laugh at it, that always makes my day. It's nice to be able to answer a question, and put a smile on someone's face at the same time. You should see me in the math section. ;)

he said.. " bob ( my boyfriend ) says all girls are after guys for money and wealth.. how would you convince us that you are not..

I am not certain I would put all the responsibility for the question on the brother. Your boyfriend who made the statement on which the question was based might have more to do with it being asked than he may have admitted.

The brother seems to be addressing a concern brought up at some point in time by your boyfriend. I do believe your boyfriend has probably changed his view point or was talking in general, but you might consider discussing the subject with him. I would also, in a nice way, make it clear that if he has any questions to ask you himself instead using his brother to get an answer. If you are planning to marry, then you should be able to work on communicating about all subjects.

I find it refreshing that the brother came out and asked instead of playing 20 Questions. He could have spent the evening asking leading questions trying to trap you into saying 'the wrong thing.'

Good point Cat. You're right, the brother did say that the statement about women only wanting men for their money, was a statement the boyfriend made. The boyfriend was in the car when the brother asked this question, and didn't say "I never said that", so it's very possible that the boyfriend had something to do with the question being asked, and that he actually feels this way about women.

Time to talk to mister wonderful, in debt, med student.

I agree, if this is the culture I think, almost everything asked was planned ahead by boyfriend and family.