So I have a former teacher who has always been my favorite teacher since middle school and I have only visited her once. We just got in touch two months ago. I have her number and about month ago I asked her if I could go see her. Well she said yes but then she had to cancel on me and told me that week wouldn't be good for me to come. So I asked about next week and she said yeah. Well next week came and I asked her but I asked while she was in school working and If I could go that day. I figured she would read it during her break or something but she never replied. So next week I asked in a better way by saying, "I understand you're busy and I hate to bother you but is there a time I can come by this week?". She still didn't reply!

So now its summer and I'm miserable! I miss her terribly. I really wish to hear back from her. I stay in touch with my other teacher and she said she doesn't know what else I could do. Do you have any idea what I can do in this situation? I really don't want to text her again because then I'll sound clingy and annoy her. I'm 16 female and she's 25.

I was also told to just go right up to her school to see her when school starts up again, should I? I've done it before.

Perhaps she feels that contact outside school would be inappropriate and has decided that not responding is less disturbing to you than telling you so outright.

I'd stop contacting her and leave her alone - why do you want to continue the relationship outside of school? Do you have friends your own age?

No, you should not text her again, nor go find her at school. She may be deliberately ignoring you, or she has a very full life that is full of people her age. And each year, she has an entire class full of students who may want similar contact. She has dates to go on, books to read, teaching credits to keep up with, possible summer jobs. She has to think of whether to save for a house or buy one now. I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate to think you can be part of her life. Send her a card at Christmas, and stop to say hi and chat for a few minutes if you run into her.

No, you should not text her again, nor go find her at school. She may be deliberately ignoring you, or she has a very full life that is full of people her age. And each year, she has an entire class full of students who may want similar contact. She has dates to go on, books to read, teaching credits to keep up with, possible summer jobs. She has to think of whether to save for a house or buy one now. I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate to think you can be part of her life. Send her a card at Christmas, and stop to say hi and chat for a few minutes if you run into her.
I forgot to mention that I visit my other teacher and she said she never responds to her text either. And last time I visited my favorite teacher she was really happy to talk to me. We were laughing and smiling. I don't think she will be annoyed if I showed up at her school. Also I'm definitley not texting her again.

I would not just "show up." If she wanted contact with you, she would respond.

I am not saying that you are in this group, but some students almost become "groupies" for favorite teachers, and it is very difficult for teachers to disengage without hurting anyone's feelings.

Presumably this teacher has other students who are also trying to be her friend instead of her (ex) student.

There aren't any other students trying to get in touch with her. She teaches at a elementary school now. Here, I will tell you what happened from the very beginning.. So I emailed her twice from my moms email and she did not respond. So I emailed her off my teachers email because we were assuming my emails were going to her junk mail. Well she got it but she didn't respond to it. So I decided to go surprise her, unfortunately she had a parent teacher conference (I went during her planning time) so we couldn't chat but she told me I can come back the day she was free. I went and we talked for about 20 minutes. Also We were close and she knows that. When I asked for her number she seemed happy to give it to me. When I had to go she walked me out and gave me a hug. She really did seem happy to be in contact with me. It has always been obvious that I was her favorite student. The reason why I plan to go show up is so I can talk to her and see if she's comfortable with being in touch and stuff. I need to know how she feels about this. I was going to call her right when she lets out to let her know I'm at the school and if she don't mind talking for a minute. I really just need to talk to her..

I really just need to talk to her..
Why?

You spoke with her for 20 minutes. It was nice of her to give you her phone number. Now, leave her alone and let her call you back when she has time. If you keep calling her, you're not going to get a nice response.

I am not sure you realize the enormous difference between a one time get together and habitual ones. I think she indeed might be avoiding you so that you don't crave her visits when you should be with people your age. She might be worried about an unhealthy attachment. A student and a teacher should not be developing relationships past a very occasional, perhaps once a year, short greeting and catching up on what your plans are past high school. If you have problems with something like parents not approving of your career plans or something related to education, that is something a teacher might be interested in helping to steer you toward people who can help. But for just shooting the breeze, it's not appropriate. She's not your friend; she's an ex teacher who cares about you and all her students.

I am not sure you realize the enormous difference between a one time get together and habitual ones. I think she indeed might be avoiding you so that you don't crave her visits when you should be with people your age. She might be worried about an unhealthy attachment. A student and a teacher should not be developing relationships past a very occasional, perhaps once a year, short greeting and catching up on what your plans are past high school. If you have problems with something like parents not approving of your career plans or something related to education, that is something a teacher might be interested in helping to steer you toward people who can help. But for just shooting the breeze, it's not appropriate. She's not your friend; she's an ex teacher who cares about you and all her students.

Well said!!

We talked about me going back to visit, she's cool with me visiting. I haven't bothered her in a month. Last time I texted her was when I was asking if I can come by but she didn't reply to that. So that's why I'm asking, will she ever come around? Its summer time now. I told you my other teacher tries to text her in the past but she doesn't reply. She doesn't even reply to her emails. So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates.

If I were the teacher I would consider this behavior to be obsessive and would bend over backwards not to be in contact. Sometimes you just can't be polite, and the "I KNOW I was her favorite student" would chill me.

I see a needy child and a teacher who tried and now both should move on. The teacher already has.

If this has already become stalking, I'm afraid it will

You do realize that the teacher teaches as an occupation, right - it's not her life.

As a child, I find it inappropriate for you to be determining how/why adults act or react. It matters little if she responds to you. She can if she wants to. The door is closed. If she was, in fact, "cool with you visiting" she'd set up a visit. Move on.

Why do you have a need to contact her? You haven't answered me. Do you have friends your own age? What do your parents think of this? I know I have one phone for work contacts and one phone for friends. Maybe your teacher is the same.

We talked about me going back to visit, she's cool with me visiting. I haven't bothered her in a month. Last time I texted her was when I was asking if I can come by but she didn't reply to that. So that's why I'm asking, will she ever come around? Its summer time now. I told you my other teacher tries to text her in the past but she doesn't reply. She doesn't even reply to her emails. So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates.

It's summer and I almost never see other teachers or speak to them. It's my time to get my house reorganized, have time with my family and friends and just relax, or do what I want. Being a teacher consumes our lives. That's why we have a short time off in the summer. We can rest our minds, voices, and get ready for another school year. Leave her alone! Honestly, you sound like a stalker.

"So its not me she has a problem with, it's the way she communicates."

Illogical. You are drawing a conclusion based on one other person's failure to get a response. That does not allow you to conclude that she feels the same way about contact from you as she does from another teacher. Not only that, she could be communicating with dozens of other people. If I were a teacher (and you heard this straight from a teacher here, jenn) I would not be in touch with students or teachers in general unless they were my close friends OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. School is out. You are starting to sound obtuse, sorry. And you aren't answering questions about your needs.
You are 9 years younger than she. What if a 7 year old decided she wanted a friendly, ongoing relationship with you, coming over, texting, emailing, calling? You have nothing in common.

It's summer and I almost never see other teachers or speak to them. It's my time to get my house reorganized, have time with my family and friends and just relax, or do what I want. Being a teacher consumes our lives. That's why we have a short time off in the summer. We can rest our minds, voices, and get ready for another school year. Leave her alone! Honestly, you sound like a stalker.

How do I sound like a stalker?

How do I sound like a stalker??

You've contacted her and met with her. That's it. Worrying about when and if she'll call you back and texting her is ridiculous. Have a fun summer with your friends and leave her alone. I'm not sure why she gave you her cell number. That's a big no-no in my book. Maybe she gave you a wrong number on purpose.

Why?
To find out how she really feels about being in touch and if she's comfortable with it.


You've contacted her and met with her. That's it. Worrying about when and if she'll call you back and texting her is ridiculous. Have a fun summer with your friends and leave her alone. I'm not sure why she gave you her cell number. That's a big no-no in my book. Maybe she gave you a wrong number on purpose.
We've had a conversation when texting twice before. But anyway are you trying to tell me to just move on and never see her again..

To find out how she really feels about being in touch and if she's comfortable with it.
I was a teacher and tutor for years and am uncomfortable with how you have described your trying to be in touch with her. My first thought was stalking.

I enjoyed all my students while they were my students, but once they moved on, I really didn't want a close relationship with any of them. I was glad to help if there was a specific personal or family problem, and I would greet them happily if I saw them when out shopping or in church or at the movie theater or a restaurant, but chums we were not. My main concentration was on my current class and how best to help them through the school year.

I was a teacher and tutor for years and am uncomfortable with how you have described your trying to be in touch with her. My first thought was stalking.

I enjoyed all my students while they were my students, but once they moved on, I really didn't want a close relationship with any of them. I was glad to help if there was a specific personal or family problem, and I would greet them happily if I saw them when out shopping or in church or at the movie theater or a restaurant, but chums we were not. My main concentration was on my current class and how best to help them through the school year.
Yeah I get that but she agreed that we're close and she's different. She's got a big heart and she's not you. I was just asking if going to her school to talk to her about our relationship is okay. To see If she's comfortable with it. Then I won't be so confused and think she just doesn't want me around when she probably has a better reason for why she just wasn't replying to my texts. THAT'S ALL I Want to KNOW :( Its bothering me that's why Im asking such a "stalker" question.

Yeah I get that but she agreed that we're close and she's different. She's got a big heart and she's not you. I was just asking if going to her school to talk to her about our relationship is okay. To see If she's comfortable with it. Then I won't be so confused and think she just doesn't want me around when she probably has a better reason for why she just wasn't replying to my texts. THAT'S ALL I WANNA KNOW :( Its bothering me that's why Im asking such a "stalker" question.
Well, you haven't gotten any positive vibrations lately. A text is easy to reply to.

I suppose give it one last time. If she doesn't seem interested, take that as a no and closure.

We've had a conversation when texting twice before. But anyways are you trying to tell me to just move on and never see her again...?

Move on. If she contacts you, great. If not, leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

Well, you haven't gotten any positive vibrations lately. A text is easy to reply to.

I suppose give it one last time. If she doesn't seem interested, take that as a no and closure.

Well this girl I talk to, she's friends with her former teacher now and she's telling me the only thing I can do is to go up to her school and talk to her because then I can see what she has to say face to face and to get things straightened out. Do you still think that's a bad idea?

"Well this girl I talk to, she's friends with her former teacher now and shes telling me the only thing I can do is to go up to her school and talk to her because then I can see what she has to say face to face and to get things straightened out. Do you still think that's a bad idea?"


Straightened out - what are you getting straightened out? I do not think confronting her is a good idea. If she is saving your texts and she gets another one, she will know 100% that you are a stalker.

You don't respond to direct questions This is a former teacher, not a relative. She owes you exactly nothing.
She's been polite and civil. You, in return, are discussing her with other people and can't understand advice that you leave her alone.

What part of "leave her alone" don't you understand?


At 25 she probably doesn't need an obsessed teenager in her life.

Just out of curiosity - is this some type of special needs class?

Just out of curiosity - is this some type of special needs class?
A what?

A what?
Were you enrolled in a special education class ?

You have used some words that are a bit worrisome, such as 'miserable' and 'really miss her.' You also have acted deviously by emailing from another teacher's email, after being ignored twice from your mom's. You have steadfastly refused to acknowledge every single strong advice from every single one of us to leave her alone. Now you are bringing up the advice of some friend that it's OK to go find her at her school.
This really is sounding like a crush, an obsession, with a hint of stalking. You don't seem to grasp polite ways people have to be nice but to distance themselves from you.
This young woman teacher was probably right out of college when you were in her class, if she is 25 now. She didn't quite know how to set boundaries, but is learning.
PLEASE believe us.
A 16 year old should not have a friendless, empty summer ahead of her. Why don't you have a summer job or activity lined up? Where are your friends your age? We keep asking you, and you keep avoiding answering.

Were you enrolled in a special education class ?
Yes


You have used some words that are a bit worrisome, such as 'miserable' and 'really miss her.' You also have acted deviously by emailing from another teacher's email, after being ignored twice from your mom's. You have steadfastly refused to acknowledge every single strong advice from every single one of us to leave her alone. Now you are bringing up the advice of some friend that it's OK to go find her at her school.
This really is sounding like a crush, an obsession, with a hint of stalking. You don't seem to grasp polite ways people have to be nice but to distance themselves from you.
This young woman teacher was probably right out of college when you were in her class, if she is 25 now. She didn't quite know how to set boundaries, but is learning.
PLEASE believe us.
A 16 year old should not have a friendless, empty summer ahead of her. Why don't you have a summer job or activity lined up? Where are your friends your age? We keep asking you, and you keep avoiding answering.
Yes I hangout with my friends and I have things to do like dance, babysitting, lessons, swimming and tubing. I try to keep myself busy. I don't think about her all the time, only every once in a while I'll think of her. I'm not obsessed and trust me I really don't want to bother her because I know ill just seem clingy I'm just very curious.

I'm just very curious.
About what?

About what?

About how she feels keeping in touch.

About how she feels keeping in touch.
Like someone said, the ball is in her court. Now you wait to see if she answers your texts or calls you or emails you.

Are you on the autism spectrum?

Like someone said, the ball is in her court. Now you wait to see if she answers your texts or calls you or emails you.

Are you on the autism spectrum?
I'll wait as long as I can. And no I have hearing loss..

I'll wait as long as I can. And no I have hearing loss..
Autism has nothing to do with hearing loss.

May I ask why you are in special ed?

WG, she doesn't have autism, or on the autism spectrum. She has hearing loss. That is why she was in special ed.

WG, she doesn't have autism, or on the autism spectrum. She has hearing loss. That is why she was in special ed.
Thanks, J. As I reread it and mentally add a comma, you are correct and I didn't catch that.

Thanks, J. As I reread it and mentally add a comma, you are correct and I didn't catch that.
Why do you ask?

This sounded like some sort of specialized education, extra attention, this teacher understands.

Spidey senses a few posts ago.

Why do you ask?
People with autism often form a special bond with one person or cat or dog or horse. The famous autistic animal activist, Temple Grandin, loves cattle.

People with autism often form a special bond with one person or cat or dog or horse. The famous autistic animal activist, Temple Grandin, loves cattle.
Oh okay. Well hey I got one more question.. Her birthday is in a month, I want to send her a text saying happy birthday but I really didn't want to send her another text, should I anyway?

No text. You can send a card, through the mail. But if you don't know her address, send it care of the school where she works, and they will forward it.
Cards sent through the mail are non-invasive. They don't appear when you don't want them, or clog your phone. They also give you a chance to include a well thought out little note that she can read when she wants. They also indicate that care was taken picking them out. They are an old fashioned gesture that people love to get, but not many people send anymore.

BUT, and this is a huge but, if you can't handle not knowing whether she got it, don't do anything at all.

I have to ask, and I'm not sure if anyone already asked this, but this is my gut speaking. Are you attracted to this teacher? Is this a sexual attraction, and that's why you're so upset that she hasn't contacted you?

It really sounds like more than just a teacher student relationship. The fact is, if you are attracted to her, and she meets with you, becomes a friend (because there's no reason to think that she's also attracted to you based on what you've posted), she could lose her job. Just forming a friendship with you, seeing you out of school, contacting you when she's no longer your teacher, could lead to her losing her job. Sounds to me like she figured out that you want more than just a pat on the back ,and good luck in your future, and she's now protecting her future by ceasing all contact.

I have to ask, and I'm not sure if anyone already asked this, but this is my gut speaking. Are you attracted to this teacher? Is this a sexual attraction, and that's why you're so upset that she hasn't contacted you?

It really sounds like more than just a teacher student relationship. The fact is, if you are attracted to her, and she meets with you, becomes a friend (because there's no reason to think that she's also attracted to you based on what you've posted), she could lose her job. Just forming a friendship with you, seeing you out of school, contacting you when she's no longer your teacher, could lead to her losing her job. Sounds to me like she figured out that you want more than just a pat on the back ,and good luck in your future, and she's now protecting her future by ceasing all contact.

No! I'm not attracted to her whatsoever. I mean yeah she's really pretty and I'm a little jealous but no I do not have a crush on her. My mom has told me she probably is just being careful because she's young and doesn't have a lot of experience. A lot of bad things happen in this world that I think she is just being careful and I understand that. I looked up some things to make sure students and teachers can even have a relationship after they graduates or whatever and a lot of people actually do hangout with their former teachers. I don't see why she would lose her Job because she stays in touch with a former student she has 2 years ago? My cousin is a teacher, she hangs out with former students. My step mom is a teacher and I check with her before I do anything. In about month me and my other teacher are going to meet up. I don't see the problem.

You aren't paying attention - is that a problem for you in school?

You may not see the problem. Your teacher does.

When I was 25 I had no interest in "hanging out" with 16 year olds. Maybe she thinks the same way.

And I'm not sure "Alty" didn't nail it - something about this isn't ringing true.

I also think after you've posted 17 times and it's right back where it started it's time for a Mod to close the thread.

I am surprised that your parents don't have a problem with you posting on an adult site when you apparently aren't terribly mature.

Once you get a "curious" thought in your head you won't let go will you. Please let this rest and see if you get a reply. Maybe its your curiosity pushing you, or maybe she is busy and trying to establish boundaries between you.

Relax and let time tell without you pushing to hard to satisfy that curiosity. You write well and I am sure she is proud, as there is no telling what's going on in her life so just chill for a while and see if she contacts you. If not then take the hint and back off.

Our "curiosity" cannot always be satisfied. If you cannot let it go, it does become obsessive. Now that's annoying and scary. Don't scare her if you like her, just understand and be mature about it.

No! I'm not attracted to her whatsoever. I mean yeah she's really pretty and I'm a little jealous but no I do not have a crush on her. My mom has told me she probably is just being careful because she's young and doesn't have a lot of experience. A lot of bad things happen in this world that I think she is just being careful and I understand that. I looked up some things to make sure students and teachers can even have a relationship after they graduates or whatever and a lot of people actually do hangout with their former teachers. I don't see why she would lose her Job because she stays in touch with a former student she has 2 years ago? My cousin is a teacher, she hangs out with former students. My step mom is a teacher and I check with her before I do anything. In about month me and my other teacher are going to meet up. I don't see the problem.

If you're not attracted to her, and you have friends your own age, why are you so obsessed with this teacher? It's not healthy.

Has your step mother told you to leave this young teacher alone? Has any adult in your life told you that your behavior is inappropriate?

You texted, she didn't reply. She's making it very clear that she doesn't wish to be friends with you, and that's perfectly fine, and the norm when it comes to teachers and students. You obviously like her, but it isn't her job to be your friend, especially now that you're no longer in her class. She did her job, and that's all it was, a job. I don't know many normal 25 year old adults that want to hang out with a 16 year old child. Those that do, usually have ulterior motives.

She's young, she probably regrets giving you her number, because she probably thought you would never call. Now you're texting her, bugging her to meet with you, and you won't stop. She most likely has no idea how to go about telling you that she was your teacher, she was only doing her job, and she doesn't want to be friends with a child, especially a former student.

You stated that she's not the only one you try to contact, that there's another teacher as well. Has anyone recommended therapy for you? It's a bit alarming that you're trying to form friendships with people that are in an authoritative position over you. They really are risking their jobs by seeing you outside of school, befriending you, texting with you. Hopefully the other teacher you contact wises up and realizes she's putting her career at stake by being friends with an obsessed kid.

Get help for this, it's not normal, and it's actually very scary that you're this obsessed about your teachers.

Once you get a "curious" thought in your head you won't let go will you. Please let this rest and see if you get a reply. Maybe its your curiosity pushing you, or maybe she is busy and trying to establish boundaries between you.

Relax and let time tell without you pushing to hard to satisfy that curiosity. You write well and I am sure she is proud, as there is no telling what's going on in her life so just chill for a while and see if she contacts you. If not then take the hint and back off.

Our "curiosity" cannot always be satisfied. If you cannot let it go, it does become obsessive. Now that's annoying and scary. Don't scare her if you like her, just understand and be mature about it.

I finally got to hear something I needed to hear. Thank you!

If you're not attracted to her, and you have friends your own age, why are you so obsessed with this teacher? It's not healthy.

Has your step mother told you to leave this young teacher alone? Has any adult in your life told you that your behavior is inappropriate?

You texted, she didn't reply. She's making it very clear that she doesn't wish to be friends with you, and that's perfectly fine, and the norm when it comes to teachers and students. You obviously like her, but it isn't her job to be your friend, especially now that you're no longer in her class. She did her job, and that's all it was, a job. I don't know many normal 25 year old adults that want to hang out with a 16 year old child. Those that do, usually have ulterior motives.

She's young, she probably regrets giving you her number, because she probably thought you would never call. Now you're texting her, bugging her to meet with you, and you won't stop. She most likely has no idea how to go about telling you that she was your teacher, she was only doing her job, and she doesn't want to be friends with a child, especially a former student.

You stated that she's not the only one you try to contact, that there's another teacher as well. Has anyone recommended therapy for you? It's a bit alarming that you're trying to form friendships with people that are in an authoritative position over you. They really are risking their jobs by seeing you outside of school, befriending you, texting with you. Hopefully the other teacher you contact wises up and realizes she's putting her career at stake by being friends with an obsessed kid.

Get help for this, it's not normal, and it's actually very scary that you're this obsessed about your teachers.

I'm not obsessed with her, I promise. I've sent her two texts and did not hear back from her. I assumed she was too busy or forgot to reply (this was a month ago). So today, I thought why not ask this question online to get other peoples opinion and advice. Instead y'all accuse me of being obsessed. Y'all make it sound worse than it really is. Enough with the negative comments please.

If you were to tell a friend they mean a lot to you, how would you tell them? What would you say?

That would vary person to person... based on your actual relationship with them... and both your personality types.

Meaning there is no one simple answer to this.

In what ways do they mean a lot to you? What is it you really want to say ?
What type of friend?

in what ways do they mean a lot to you? What is it you really want to say ?
What type of friend?
Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is there's another way of saying it?

Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is theres another way of saying it?

There are tons of ways.

I love being your friend.
Our friendship is awesome.
We together are so much fun.
Etc. Etc. Etc...

Well I'm close to someone and I was wondering if I should say "You mean a lot to me" or is theres another way of saying it?
You are the whipped cream on top of my pumpkin pie.

You are the sizzle in my steak.

You are the hot fudge in my ice cream sundae.

You are the whipped cream on top of my pumpkin pie.

You are the sizzle in my steak.

You are the hot fudge in my ice cream sundae.

I like those!

How about:

You are the bounce in my tennis ball. Haha. I just made that up. Kind of stoooopid if you ask me.

:)

There are tons of ways.

I love being your friend.
Our friendship is awesome.
We together are so much fun.
Etc. Etc. Etc...
Can't I just say she means a lot to me?

Can't I just say she means a lot to me?
Yes. We tried to be creative since you asked us what would we say..

Yes. We tried to be creative since you asked us what would we say..
And thank you for sharing!!

I would just say what's in my heart. After all, this is a friend, so why can't you just say what's on your mind, and in your heart? You don't need fancy words to tell someone you care about them, and everyone likes to hear they mean something special to someone.

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Excellent question.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-family-people/why-isnt-former-teacher-responding-texts-754444.html

Lots of good advice from everyone, just curious, were you wanting to say this to a friend, or to a previous teacher?

Good sleuthing. I thought the username sounded familiar, but I didn't go back and look at other question. I had hoped the OP had given up on her obsession with her former teacher. Maybe not. :(

I'll second that... are you still obsessed with someone you shouldn't be?

Good sleuthing. I thought the username sounded familiar, but I didn't go back and look at other question. I had hoped the OP had given up on her obsession with her former teacher. Maybe not. :(

I am not obsessed, I promise!

So tell us what relation to you this other person is. If it's the former teacher... you are in fact obsessed.

So tell us what relation to you this other person is. If its the former teacher...you are in fact obsessed.
I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

You can always tell them how it much -------- meant to you when they -------- and there was the time when -------

I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

I still believe you should leave her alone. You really need to let this obsession go. If one of my students was doing this to me, I'd call the parents and put a stop to it ASAP.

So I have a former teacher who has always been my favorite teacher since middle school and I have only visited her once. We just got in touch two months ago. I have her number and about month ago I asked her if I could go see her. Well she said yes but then she had to cancel on me and told me that week wouldn't be good for me to come. So I asked about next week and she said yeah. Well next week came and I asked her but I asked while she was in school working and If I could go that day. I figured she would read it during her break or something but she never replied. So next week I asked in a better way by saying, "I understand you're busy and I hate to bother you but is there a time I can come by this week?". She still didn't reply!!

So now its summer and I'm miserable! I miss her terribly. I really wish to hear back from her. I stay in touch with my other teacher and she said she doesn't know what else I could do. Do you have any idea what I can do in this situation? I really dont want to text her again because then I'll sound clingy and annoy her. I'm 16 female and shes 25.

I was also told to just go right up to her school to see her when school starts up again, should I? I've done it before.


I've never been obsessed with anyone nor will I ever be. You're overthinking the situation I'm in with her. Yes I'm going to let her know she means a lot to me, then she will understand why I wanted to stay in touch in the first place.

If you aren't... then why this great obsession... and this IS an obsession. She's a FORMER teacher... why this obsessive NEED to do anything involving her? She see's it to and that's WHY she's not responding.

In all fairness here, I was the one who said it was OK to send a birthday card with a note in it. I still see no reason why she shouldn't send it, as long as it's by US mail, and as long as she can handle not getting a response, or not even knowing if the teacher got it.

As a former class clown my teachers were happy the day I was promoted to the next level!!

I see an obsession here which could turn dangerous - for the teacher. Yes, I'd be notifying the parents that this behavior is unhealthy.
This is why/how teachers lose jobs, trying to be "nice" but not crossing a fine line.

One of my concerns is that this is 4 year old preschool "I love my teacher" behavior Perhaps the OP is locked at that emotional age level.

As sad as this situation is - obviously there's a problem in OP's life/home and perhaps there are no "same age friends" involved if I were the teacher I'd be running for the hills.

And the "I promise I'm not obsessed" statement followed by more expanations of obsessive behavior - ?

I always wonder where the parents are, both when these posts are made and when the behavior is in full swing.

This could be construed as stalking if it continues.

This could be construed as stalking if it continues.

Agreed and it just gives me an uneasy feeling all together.

Legally I believe it could be considered stalking now - I don't believe we're getting the whole story, and it appears that this may not just involve one teacher. Wonder if it's a pattern. If so...

And it all boils down to this... they asked..

Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?

For the same reason anyone else won't take a call or answer a text or email from someone they are creeped out by because of inappropriate appearing actions... its because they don't want to... take a hint... they don't want to talk to you or they would have answered.


It really IS that simple. They are trying to be nice about it hoping you will just go away. They could just as easily gotten nasty about it, and quite honestly many times it is justified because the message doesn't seem to get through everyone's thick skulls all the time.

Face it.. they don't want to be friends or whatever else you might have in mind. Most teachers have their hands full with their current classes. And apparently she is one of them. At 24 its unlikely she has gotten tenure yet.. and really hasn't gotten the routine down to a science as more experienced teachers have.

"Why isn't my former teacher responding to my texts?"

Maybe he said teacher is wise beyond her years. Maybe the school has created a profile which this person fits.

I agree, most teachers will see you in a public setting, talk nice and say a few things, but depending on the grade, they have many students, and you are just one, most vaugely remember you at best after a few years,

Most do not want you at their home, most do not want to talk to you all the time, you were a student nothing more. They have no connection to you.
I taught 400 or so students this year, I do not remember many of them already, and will not remember hardly any in a few years.

You seem not to be able to take a hint, and have no reason to want to talk to and visit the teacher

Legally I believe it could be considered stalking now - I don't believe we're getting the whole story, and it appears that this may not just involve one teacher. Wonder if it's a pattern. If so ...
What are you trying to say?

What are you trying to say?

That you're already stalking this teacher. It's obvious. You won't stop obsessing about her. You send her texts, you come online asking how to make her contact you, and now you're asking us (in a different thread) how to tell her you have feelings for her.

This is not only obsession, this has gone to a dangerous place. Your teacher realizes it, which is why she's not responding to you. I wouldn't be surprised if a restraining order came next if you don't stop.

That you're already stalking this teacher. It's obvious. You won't stop obsessing about her. You send her texts, you come online asking how to make her contact you, and now you're asking us (in a different thread) how to tell her you have feelings for her.

This is not only obsession, this has gone to a dangerous place. Your teacher realizes it, which is why she's not responding to you. I wouldn't be surprised if a restraining order came next if you don't stop.

I'm not sending her a million texts a day. I haven't contacted her in 2 months. She's not all I ever think about, I would get sick of it anyway. She's just very important to me. What makes you think I'm stalking her?
Btw, shut the h*** up about the obsession because its not true.

I'm not sending her a million texts a day. I haven't contacted her in 2 months. She's not all I ever think about, I would get sick of it anyways. She's just very important to me. What makes you think I'm stalking her??
Btw, shut the h*** up about the obsession because its not true.


I'm not surprised that you're denying your obsession. That's all we've heard about from you on this site, this teacher, and your "love" for her. That's obsession.

Until you admit that you can't let her go, you won't get any help from anyone. Until you admit that you have a problem, you'll be stuck doing the same thing you're doing now.

Do your parents know about any of this?

I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started out extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

She's also teaching the OP boundaries, that there are people that cannot be available to you for the attention you seek. It would be very inappropriate for this teacher to have a friendship with a former student, no matter how innocent that friendship is.

The fact that the OP doesn't understand the risk she's putting this teacher in, is why I call it obsession, and stalking. Stalking is rarely about love, it's about wanting what you can't have, not taking no for an answer. That's what the OP is doing. The teacher hasn't responded, but the OP can't let it go. This is likely going to end up in front of a judge if the OP doesn't realize what she's doing, and stops her behavior.

Every post this OP makes is about this teacher. That's obsession. Everything the OP says is about making contact with the teacher. That's stalking.

This OP needs to wake up and realize what she's doing before it's no longer in her hands.

I feel bad because I suggested that you send her a real paper birthday card and note.
I'm not going to call this stalking, because you aren't stalking, but YOU are the one who started out extreme by saying you are miserable and miss her terribly. Those two words are words a teacher should be very wary of. She is doing the right thing by ignoring you, so that you can move on. She is teaching you something, no matter how much she cares, and that is that when someone doesn't respond after one or two tries, you MUST let go.

Oops. Didn't know those words were a big deal. Her birthday is during the summer so I'm sending a text.


I'm not surprised that you're denying your obsession. That's all we've heard about from you on this site, this teacher, and your "love" for her. That's obsession.

Until you admit that you can't let her go, you won't get any help from anyone. Until you admit that you have a problem, you'll be stuck doing the same thing you're doing now.

Do your parents know about any of this?
The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/


OP

What does OP mean

The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/

Because she is an EX-teacher and you feel this overpowering NEED to text her etc... etc.

The fact you keep trying to rationalize it in some way proves this.

About the only excuse anyone would have to keep in contact with an EX teacher is if you were neighbors... literally... or lived on the same block.

The only thing I can admit is that
I care about her and she means a lot, that's all. Nothing more, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything else because now you think I'm obsessed :/

I thought you were obsessed from your very first question about this teacher. Nothing you've said recently made me come to this conclusion, I've always felt this way about your "relationship" with this teacher.

Let me try to break it down for you a bit. I'm 42, I'm married, and I have two kids. I love my husband with all my heart, he's my soul mate. I'm not a hermit, so I do go out, I work, and in the course of my day I meet other people, some of them are men. Some of those men are attractive, they flirt, and I'm flattered. I don't make a move because I'm married, which makes other men off limits romantically. I know this, accept this, and live my life accordingly, no matter what.

If one of those men pursued me, I'd tell him what I just told you "I'm married, I have two kids, and I love my husband with all my heart. He's my soul mate". Most of them back off. I've had, on a few occasions, men that wouldn't back off, pursued me even after I made it clear that I wasn't interested. They're obsessed, and they stalked me.

Here's your situation. You're a child, you had a teacher that you really liked. I'm sure that teacher is great. She's young, probably pretty new to teaching, and she made a mistake, she gave you her personal phone number. She probably thought it was all innocent. Then you started texting her, wanting to meet with her, and she realized you wanted something more from her. Well, as a teacher, any relationship with a student or former student, outside of school, could end her career. She did the smart thing and went NC (no contact).

Here's the problem. You can't leave it at that. You're obsessed with her contacting you, meeting up with you. You can't let it go and move on. You post online about your obsession, you post about telling her how you feel, what you should do to make contact. You're obsessed.

A sane person would realize that she doesn't want contact, and they'd walk away. You won't walk away from this. That's obsession. You continue to try to find ways to make contact, that's stalking.

Her next step in dealing with you is to get a restraining order. That's the only way she can get rid of you, and show the school board that she didn't instigate this obsession. That's the road you're headed down.

A sane person would read my post and realize that I'm right. Somehow, I doubt you'll see the point I'm making, which is why I think you need to tell your parents, and they need to take this seriously enough to get you the help you need.


What does OP mean

OP means original poster, the poster of a question. In this case the OP is you, since you started this thread/question.

Well said Alty.
OP, you have a very strange way of buzzing right over the words we are writing.
I gave you a very emphatic set of reasons for NEVER TEXTING HER AGAIN and yet here you are, saying you are going to text her Happy Birthday 'because it's summer.' HUH? You just don't get it. Every rationalization you make is seriously lacking in maturity and understanding. You won't stop thinking about contacting her because you 'just want to know' how she feels, etc. We are telling you how she feels, and we don't have to talk to her - we know from lifetimes of experience.
Your way of thinking is indeed that of an obsessed person.

I thought you were obsessed from your very first question about this teacher. Nothing you've said recently made me come to this conclusion, I've always felt this way about your "relationship" with this teacher.

Let me try to break it down for you a bit. I'm 42, I'm married, and I have two kids. I love my husband with all my heart, he's my soul mate. I'm not a hermit, so I do go out, I work, and in the course of my day I meet other people, some of them are men. Some of those men are attractive, they flirt, and I'm flattered. I don't make a move because I'm married, which makes other men off limits romantically. I know this, accept this, and live my life accordingly, no matter what.

If one of those men pursued me, I'd tell him what I just told you "I'm married, I have two kids, and I love my husband with all my heart. He's my soul mate". Most of them back off. I've had, on a few occasions, men that wouldn't back off, pursued me even after I made it clear that I wasn't interested. They're obsessed, and they stalked me.

Here's your situation. You're a child, you had a teacher that you really liked. I'm sure that teacher is great. She's young, probably pretty new to teaching, and she made a mistake, she gave you her personal phone number. She probably thought it was all innocent. Then you started texting her, wanting to meet with her, and she realized you wanted something more from her. Well, as a teacher, any relationship with a student or former student, outside of school, could end her career. She did the smart thing and went NC (no contact).

Here's the problem. You can't leave it at that. You're obsessed with her contacting you, meeting up with you. You can't let it go and move on. You post online about your obsession, you post about telling her how you feel, what you should do to make contact. You're obsessed.

A sane person would realize that she doesn't want contact, and they'd walk away. You won't walk away from this. That's obsession. You continue to try to find ways to make contact, that's stalking.

Her next step in dealing with you is to get a restraining order. That's the only way she can get rid of you, and show the school board that she didn't instigate this obsession. That's the road you're headed down.

A sane person would read my post and realize that I'm right. Somehow, I doubt you'll see the point I'm making, which is why I think you need to tell your parents, and they need to take this seriously enough to get you the help you need.

I'm sure she has a good reason for why she didn't text me back. I'll find that out in about 3 months when I go to see her, I guarantee you its not going to be a big deal to her. I'm out of here, see you!

I'm sure she has a good reason for why she didn't text me back. I'll find that out in about 3 months when I go to see her, I guarentee you its not going to be a big deal to her. I'm out of here, see ya!

I know she has a good reason for not texting you back, I've already told you those reasons. When you go to see her in 3 months, don't be shocked when the cops are called and you're charged with stalking. I guarantee you that this won't end well if you don't let go of your obsession.

Tell your parents about this. Show them the threads you posted on this site. They need to get you some help, because you're not willing to accept facts. What lengths will you go to to keep her in your life? What will it take to make you stop?

Seriously, tell your parents, get help!

We know because the teacher wouldn't risk her job just to befriend a student that is obsessed with her.

She's stalking because she plans to contact the teacher again. It doesn't matter that she hasn't contacted her in 2 months. It matters that she won't stop contacting her. She has admitted that she wants to send a birthday card, and will go to see the teacher in 3 months time.

No, stalking doesn't mean daily contact, or even weekly or monthly contact. Stalking is when someone contacts someone that has made it clear (either by not contacting the person back, or telling the person they don't want contact) that they don't want further contact. Stalking is about not allowing the person they're obsessed with, to move on, by continuing to try to contact them. Contacting every day isn't stalking, that's harassment, two different things.

when the teacher has made it very clear that she doesn't want a relationship of any sort?
Has the teacher explicitly stated this? Jordonj may have the teacher's "school" cell number and the teacher doesn't use it during the summer. Or the teacher may have several cell phones and this one hasn't been charged. Or the teacher may be on vacation or out of the country. We don't know why the teacher hasn't responded.

***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect..

I agree that you should leave the teacher alone. You need to understand, first, that there are professional boundaries around a teacher's relationships with students. They can even be fired for maintaining relationships with students outside of school. Many teachers are accused of all kinds of abuse and it's often made up, so they are expected by their schools to not put themselves in a position of becoming friends with current or former students.

This does not mean she doesn't care, but that she cares in a professional capacity, like a doctor caring about the welfare of a patient, or a lawyer caring that their client wins the case. Your teacher wants you to do well because they care about students doing well. Everyone who is in the right work has particular favorite customers, patients, clients or in this case students. It does not mean they want to change the boundaries of the professional relationship. In my work, for a divorce law firm, I hear a lot about very personal aspects if client business. I do come to card on a personal level how things work out for these people. Still, I would not want them to stop and visit me personally or to meet for lunch... there is a professional boundary.

To be honest, you sound like you have a crush on this teacher and have blown your student-teacher relationship out of context. Move on... you had a great teacher, you had a chance to say "thanks". You're done now. Move on.

This does not mean she doesn't care, but that she cares in a professional capacity, like a doctor caring about the welfare of a patient, or a lawyer caring that their client wins the case. Your teacher wants you to do well because they care about students doing well. Everyone who is in the right work has particular favorite customers, patients, clients or in this case students. It does not mean they want to change the boundaries of the professional relationship.
You are correct. Often my client families would invite me to birthday parties or Confirmations or school performances or even want me to come over for cake and coffee apart from counseling. As a professional, I had to say no and explain why I couldn't. And clients would say, "After this counseling is finished, I want to be your friend." That also would not ethically have been allowed because of the previous professional relationship.

You are correct. Often my client families would invite me to birthday parties or Confirmations or school performances or even want me to come over for cake and coffee apart from counseling. As a professional, I had to say no and explain why I couldn't. And clients would say, "After this counseling is finished, I want to be your friend." That also would not ethically have been allowed because of the previous professional relationship.

I am invited to birthday parties all of the time. I don't give out my cell or my home number. Parents have my email and I do check it over the summer. That's my limit. Young teachers need to be role models, not friends.

I like this a lot - "WG - ***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect.."

I think the teacher needs to protect herself and her job. And, yes, this was a required course at one time...

I like this a lot - "WG - ***ADDED*** The teacher should have taken a required professional ethics class in college and learned about professional boundaries. I'm wondering if she just hasn't realized this student is trying to contact her and could gently disconnect.."

I think the teacher needs to protect herself and her job. And, yes, this was a required course at one time ...

In the student teaching phase of coursework, ethics is included. Usually the master teacher explains and reviews it again once they start the classroom teaching portions. My student teachers, especially the young ones, wanted to be "friends" with the students. I always nip that in the bud!

And I found when dating an MD - and I'm sure Nurses go through this same thing - patients invite Physicians to various milestone events, including weddings, and one called to "chat." More than a little bit spooky. I was told that the secret was to be unavailable personally.

And I found when dating an MD - and I'm sure Nurses go through this same thing - patients invite Physicians to various milestone events, including weddings, and one called to "chat." More than a little bit spooky. I was told that the secret was to be unavailable personally.
That's me. I go to work and then head home. I hope they would get the message when I don't show up at the birthday parties, but I still get the invites. What teacher wants to hang out with classroom parents at a party? It would be called "conference time" :(.

I would, personally, like to know why the OP's parents didn't step in long ago and inform her that her desired "friendship" is a breach of boundaries - people in positions of authority cannot befriend you and perform their jobs ethically and adequately.

She has stated that she's spoken with her parents, a relative who is a teacher, as well as other folks, and none of them informed her that this relationship IS NOT NORMAL? If she's telling the complete truth about that, then no wonder she's having so much trouble distinguishing right from wrong, in this instance. She has no guidance, no one to set limits, and right now I'm faulting her parents.

Having said that, though, I am really wondering if everyone in her life isn't telling her the same thing - that it is wrong - which is why she wound up here, in the first place. When you're delusional & people aren't telling you what you want to hear, just keep at it until you find someone that does. I really wonder.

I would, personally, like to know why the OP's parents didn't step in long ago and inform her that her desired "friendship" is a breach of boundaries - people in positions of authority cannot befriend you and perform their jobs ethically and adequately.

She has stated that she's spoken with her parents, a relative who is a teacher, as well as other folks, and none of them informed her that this relationship IS NOT NORMAL? If she's telling the complete truth about that, then no wonder she's having so much trouble distinguishing right from wrong, in this instance. She has no guidance, no one to set limits, and right now I'm faulting her parents.

Having said that, though, I am really wondering if everyone in her life isn't telling her the same thing - that it is wrong - which is why she wound up here, in the first place. When you're delusional & people aren't telling you what you wanna hear, just keep at it until you find someone that does. I really wonder.

Excellent post. I only wish I could give you more than one positive rep.

Sadly, this OP (original poster) doesn't want advice, she only wants posts that tell her what she wants to hear. That's the norm for many of the people that post on this site. They don't want actual advice, they want someone to tell them they're right.

I would, personally, like to know why the OP's parents didn't step in long ago and inform her that her desired "friendship" is a breach of boundaries - people in positions of authority cannot befriend you and perform their jobs ethically and adequately.

She has stated that she's spoken with her parents, a relative who is a teacher, as well as other folks, and none of them informed her that this relationship IS NOT NORMAL? If she's telling the complete truth about that, then no wonder she's having so much trouble distinguishing right from wrong, in this instance. She has no guidance, no one to set limits, and right now I'm faulting her parents.

Having said that, though, I am really wondering if everyone in her life isn't telling her the same thing - that it is wrong - which is why she wound up here, in the first place. When you're delusional & people aren't telling you what you wanna hear, just keep at it until you find someone that does. I really wonder.
The parents may not know which is why I suggested the teacher contact the parents to let them know what's going on.