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View Full Version : Shall I remain friends with her or burn the bridge?


hovoss123
May 31, 2013, 02:43 AM
Well I have been dating this girl for 2 years and we are in the same class.

It started 2 years back, she already had a boyfriend (3 years they were together and then she learned that he cheated on her).
During this time, she knew I had feelings for her and I told her about them. She was delighted because she also had feelings for me but she was not sure until I told her. She broke up with her boyfriend but she told me that she needed time. I was always there for her but in doing so I gave her the space she needed to move on from her break up.

Now in February 2012, I learned from one of his best friend that she was going abroad to study after her degree. Well I was shocked that she did not even tell me this because we both wanted a relationship, and her friend even told me that she would not be willing to go abroad if she entered into a relationship with me. This has taken a toll on me and on Valentine's day I acted angrily and sadly toward her. Then I told her that I loved her very much but that I won't stand in her way if she decided to go away because I'm not the guy who is there to harass her etc.

The next day, after classes her ex came to fetch her and I was totally disillusioned by this because she told me that she did not keep contact with him. I went into a depressed mode and later found out that she was at the clinic and that she had treatment with a psychologist because she was unable to make choices and so on.

We remained friends until May where our feelings lit up again. However she already made the business of going abroad. I was completely isolated and thus, I went to tell all the sort of my BFF as he was into a LDR for 3 years now. In June my friend (she only knew him on facebook) reacted angrily toward her, spilling the story of his ex cheated on her and that she did not move on from her ex.

She reacted angrily toward me because I had told the story to my friend but I partially took the blame on myself but on the other hand, my friend had some points to tell her all this because she constantly isolated me from my friends. She wanted our relationship to remain secret so that people will not ask questions, BUT how on earth would I be able to do this? We are together all the time, we sit together, we do everything together.Maybe she kept playing with me? She told me that she was happy about how things are now, she does not want a relationship.

Recently, she told me that in December, she met with a guy and wanted to be in a relationship with him. Telling me this, as if nothing mattered. I just told her few times ago you wanted to remain single and now you want to be in a relationship. Was she playing with me all this time?? She then told me that she might not go abroad and so on. So was I fighting for nothing? Was I taking all the blames for nothing :/ ?

Was I dumb because I was so patient to wait for her? Did I sacrifice my time for obtaining things like this in return??
I truly love her and should I say, it was an epic but now that all this happened. I'm all down :/ and my exams are finishing on the 14th of June. She constantly keeps telling me that we will see each other afterward but I don't think it will ever be like this, because I want more than just being friends but in her case no, and maybe she would go with this guy.

Oliver2011
May 31, 2013, 06:01 AM
Wow there is a lot of drama in Angrytown huh? Why is everyone in this story always so angry and expressing anger?

Do all of your friendships/relationships start this way? First off why would you even consider a relationship with all that drama. You need to learn to not throw the word "love" around so easily. You also need to understand that the only person that controls your happiness is you. Don't allow others to have that control over you.

As far as this current situation goes, move on. Whatever you had with this girl is filled with so much drama that it isn't worth the very little investment you have in it.

Jake2008
May 31, 2013, 06:36 AM
I think it's pretty clear that she is not interested in a relationship, long distance or otherwise, with you.

That she went to see a therapist to help sort the difficulty she was having with making decisions, probably included you, and her ex boyfriend. Trying to balance that as well as making big decisions about her future after she finishes school, was a lot of pressure to deal with. I'm sure you can appreciate that.

Not all relationships work out, and rarely is there no emotional aftermath. Equally so, is 'fault' and 'guilt' are not going to mend anything.

She needs to make decisions, as she's trying to do, without the pressure of any relationship in my opinion.

Maybe it's time for you to just concentrate on your own life, and let this one go.

joypulv
Jun 1, 2013, 08:08 AM
Should you remain friends?
- You aren't able to.
Were you dumb?
- We all are dumb when in love or infatuated or whatever you want to call it.

Students are in constant flux as they decide their futures. To puppy dog after someone who can't make up her mind has to stop after you first realize what's happening. She didn't make you give up your friends so things could be secret; you went along with the idea. Next time have a mind of your own. (I did the same thing once.)

talaniman
Jun 1, 2013, 01:24 PM
You should have left her alone when she lied about being in touch with the ex. But following your heart and not your head will do that.

Kind of dumb to stay friends and waiting for more than friends. Seldom happens and does make one mad mostly at oneself for being so blind to reality.

You are hardly the first guy to give their heart to the wrong person and find out the hard way they didn't know what to do with it. Just don't do it again.