3 months I became friend with this guy at uni whom was my classmate. We became close in a short time and to prevent any confusion I indirectly told him that I don't see him as a dating option because he is 1.5 yrs younger than me and that he is like a little brother to me.
One day we went to the movies with my sister and she suggested that I should consider dating him, saying that age doesn't really matter! At first I was reluctant but after a couple of days my feelings started to change and I started missing him a lot and feeling blue. He was worried about me being sad and kept asking questions and found out that I have feelings for him. He was shocked and said that he was starting to like me before he was friend-zoned by me and suggested that we should go on a trial date and see how we both feel towards each other, after which he said that he does like me and want to see me more.
We dated for a very short time (maybe a week or 10 days) but since we were close before it was going really great, I was very happy and so was he. He kept saying he is very lucky to have a girl like me and kept in touch with me all day long. We had a couple of dates at his house, dinner, movie, cuddling, kissing, and every night he asked me to stay the night with him, but I didn't.
One day I felt that he is being cold and distant, but when I asked him he said he's fine, but later on he said that he is not sure if he is ready or not and he is scared to get attached to someone again and get hurt. I knew that he had a very bad breakup with his ex over a year ago and they kept in touch until 5 months ago. I also knew that he had had a really hard time getting over her.
I had never felt the way I do towards him about any boy in my whole life. Although he was not even close to my 'perfect guy', I absolutely loved every single thing about him, even his flaws were sweet for me. I guess he was my 'emotionally perfect guy'!!
Anyway, I told him how I feel about him and that I am willing to wait for him and slow things down till he feels ready for a relationship, but he did not accept it saying he is very confused and doesn't know what exactly he wants. He suggested we should go back to being just friends.
After a few days of being just friends again, I realized that he keeps contacting me every day and night and he even sometimes flirted with me very directly! Which made it really hard for me to move on and get my feelings back to the friendship phase.
After about a week of being just friends, one night I missed the last train to my house and since his house was the closest to my location I asked him to stay the night at his place. I said I will sleep on the couch but he did not accept it saying I should sleep in the bedroom and he will sleep on the couch. But it was extremely cold in the living room so I said lets both sleep in the bed. Although we were supposed to be like friends, that night he cuddled and caressed me so affectionately that we hardly slept during the night!!
That night and the flirtings before that, they all made me think that he might have changed his mind. So I brought up the topic again the next day. Which resulted in another rejection from him saying he doesn't want to hurt me by trying again to see if he is ready or not...
At the same night I told him that although I was doing good changing my feelings back to just friends, I could not do it now after all that happened the other night at his place.
I had lost control over my feelings and was too deep...
So I suggested we should stop seeing or talking to each other. He apologised for his behaviour the other night and said he wish he had slept on the couch so none of these would have happened.. he said he will miss my company and he thinks its only a phase and we can be friends again some time (which was not my intention of cutting off!! )

After 2 weeks of mourning and being depress and not eating anything, one night that I was drunk I texted him. Fortunately I didn't say anything important and the next day I apologised for contacting him explaining that I was drunk otherwise I wouldn't have done that. I told him that I have been missing him and he said he'd missed me too.. then he tried to have a casual conversation with me and I told him I don't want to keep in touch so we said goodbye.

Another week passed and one day I saw him at uni, and he passed me by like a stranger, not even saying hi. I tried not to, but I texted him again saying his reaction was so mean. He said he's sorry and he thought I didn't want to see or talk to him at all. I replied that a simple hi won't hurt. And then we said goodbye and went back to the not talking phase again. Later that day he sent me a picture of a cute kitty!! I asked him what was that for and he said it was just cute! (What the..! )

I miss him like crazy. And I can not stop thinking about him. The other day I saw him in the class and I felt he is sad and suddenly found myself crying because I thought he was sad!! I don't know what has gotten into me. I have never felt like this before and I don't know what to do about it.
I really want him by my side. Is there any chance he might get back to me someday? Or is there anything I can do to make it happen? Or should I just forget about the one love in my whole life and consider it a %100 failed relationship? Is there any hope that he would be ready and change his mind someday?

You need to stop teasing him, doing this talk to me, don't talk to me stuff.
Move on. Sounds like he liked the friendship with you and did not want anything more and now the friendship won't work anymore. Back off until you are over him.

I don't know about him but I found the scenario melodramatic and that's about it -

Yes, move on and stop playing games.

It isn't easy reading a 'then this happened, then that happened' story. Try to summarize events and say what they MEAN instead. It sounds like he likes all the intimacy of a commitment, but wants it officially 'just friends' for now because of his past. It sounds like you agree to that, but then ask where it's going when he gets really sweet and close.
We don't know if you keep jumping the gun or what. That might be it, because it's so common. You either have a relationship that isn't clearly defined, or you break it off if you can't handle that. You might be throwing away a good thing by wanting definitions so soon.

You are right. I'm sorry, I tried to edit or even delete and rewrite a shorter post, but I couldn't find the option!

So, what do you reckon I should do? What would you have done?


It isn't easy reading a 'then this happened, then that happened' story. Try to summarize events and say what they MEAN instead. It sounds like he likes all the intimacy of a commitment, but wants it officially 'just friends' for now because of his past. It sounds like you agree to that, but then ask where it's going when he gets really sweet and close.
We don't know if you keep jumping the gun or what. That might be it, because it's so common. You either have a relationship that isn't clearly defined, or you break it off if you can't handle that. You might be throwing away a good thing by wanting definitions so soon.

It sounds like he would be cool with friends with benefits but is that something you want? You two either go back to being friends only, (no sleepovers) or stay away from him. Have some boundaries.

This is posted on a fairly regular basis - friends with benefits... and SHE is always the one who wants more.

I wonder why - ? Do women not value themselves (in general) and so they are willing to "settle" for a sex only relationship, only to change their minds? Something else?

But I'm not looking for friends with benefits. I respect my body and I think one should only have sexx when in a relationship. I haven't had sex with this guy before, either!


This is posted on a fairly regular basis - friends with benefits ... and SHE is always the one who wants more.

I wonder why - ? Do women not value themselves (in general) and so they are willing to "settle" for a sex only relationship, only to change their minds? Something else?

Instead of wondering so much what he wants, wonder what you want.
I'll say it again - you could be losing a great guy if you have to have answers. I see nothing painful about what he was doing. He has some angst about too much too soon, and you seem to have angst about not having a solid commitment. We can't tell you what to do. Why can't you make a choice, is the question? You can't have the guy you like the way you want him - more than just friends. He wants just friends for now, and maybe commitment later. You either take him the way he is, or you leave.
What good are promises? People break them every 2 seconds all around the world. Gauge him for what he is, and take each day as it evolves.

Thank you Joypulv. I find your comments very helpful.


Instead of wondering so much what he wants, wonder what you want.
I'll say it again - you could be losing a great guy if you have to have answers. I see nothing painful about what he was doing. He has some angst about too much too soon, and you seem to have angst about not having a solid commitment. We can't tell you what to do. Why can't you make a choice, is the question? You can't have the guy you like the way you want him - more than just friends. He wants just friends for now, and maybe commitment later. You either take him the way he is, or you leave.
What good are promises? People break them every 2 seconds all around the world. Gauge him for what he is, and take each day as it evolves.

I guess the definition of sex varies by age and location - "But it was extremely cold in the living room so I said lets both sleep in the bed. Although we were supposed to be like friends, that night he cuddled and caressed me so affectionately that we hardly slept during the night!!!!! "

I agree that this is not intercourse... but exactly what is it? You spent the night rubbing each other in a non-sexual way?

Set some boundaries if you are going to be friends with him as that seems to be all he wants at this point. You either accept that or leave him alone. No touchy feebly bedroom stuff. Friends don't do that. If you want more you need to leave him alone.