She's 29, I'm 24. We've been dating for a little over 6 months. She broke up with me yesterday. I don't know where to start so I'll tell the whole story from the beginning. (If you're willing to read all of this, I really appreciate it as well as any feedback you can provide).

I work full-time in a small office of just under 10 people. She came in over the winter holidays as temporary help through a recommendation of her secretary friend. She is charming, out-going and, before you know it, hired full-time.

She got the job as a way to get back on her feet; she moved home with her father after suffering a breakdown in another state, in which she traveled to another state to receive professional help, all still being with a boyfriend of 2.5 years. Prior to that she was in a 6-year relationship.

So I met her at a strange time in her life. She was still with her boyfriend when we started hooking up, and remained with him for a little less than one month until she broke up with him (he was out of state and promised to visit her after her breakdown and never did).

She speaks to a psychologist regularly. She would always tell me that she came home to find herself and get back on her feet and to be independent.

However, she will be the first one to tell you that we fell head over heels in love with each other, and had an amazing connection.

My family took her in right away. She instantly became best friends with my mom; they would talk for hours like life-long best friends. She would always tell me how much she sees herself in my mom, how much she admires her and aspires to have a relationship like my parents.

She was unjustly terminated 3 months into working with me. My boss had put moves on her, sexually harassed her, she denied his requests and was fired, along with her secretary friend who referred her, under the pretense that they did not show up to work the day after Hurricane Sandy demolished our area. My father even helped her receive a small settlement for being unfairly fired and harassed.

Her family dynamic is completely different than mine. She didn't let me get close to her father; we only had dinner together twice in 6 months.

She always had a hard time labeling me her "boyfriend."

Nevertheless, we had an amazing time together, she would constantly speak of the future with me and being happy together. We treated each other well and everything was just beautiful.

She started to take steps to be more girlfriend-boyfriend. We didn't become friends on Facebook until maybe a month ago. She just recently started putting pictures of us up together frequently.

Now to where things fall apart...

After a magical week together last week, she told me she felt "smothered and overwhelmed" by me calling/texting. I didn't call or text anymore so than we usually do. She told me she "needed space" and spent the entire Memorial Day weekend with her best friend. I didn't talk to her much at all, didn't see her and started preparing for the worst.

Then, yesterday, she asked me to meet her at a restaurant, the same restaurant we had our first date. She wouldn't let me pick her up -- I knew what I was walking into.

After calling her out on her ill-advised attempt to feed me and then break up with me, she realized it was a terrible idea. We spoke in the parking lot for 10-15 minutes.

She told me "I need space, I can't be your girlfriend right now. I'm overwhelmed. "I still want to see you but it's just hard for me right now." "Everything happened so fast and I need to figure out myself and I can't do that when I'm with you." ... "I care about you so much and that's why I don't want to string you along, it isn't fair." ... "I was supposed to figure out myself by coming home. I happened to meet you and I just don't want to get any deeper with your family and stuff." ... "I'm not deleting your phone number, not deleting you from Facebook, you can still text me, but we need space." ... "I want you to explore, to date other people, to figure out what you want, and I will do the same. I want you to be sure about me, and I want to be sure about you. I want you to get out there and date other girls. I need to be single right now." We also agreed that we would see each other in a month, have dinner or something and see where we're at.

During this conversation, I was holding her hand, hugged her, she even kissed me and nudged my nose cutely. As I walked away and slowly let go of her hand, she squeezed it. I also expected her to give back my sweatshirts and sweatpants she wears around her place and she didn't - a good sign, I think.

I was calm, cool, collective in person. We had a text fight hours later, that night, when I got upset trying to fall asleep. We spoke the day after, today, via text and she reiterated much of the same. She told me it upsets her to talk about it and not to "blow up her phone." I left it off by saying that I don't want to make her feel guilty, I don't want to upset her, and I have to respect that she wants to better understand herself, and that we'll take when she's ready to talk.

I will also say she is stressed out with a new job, is having a minor surgery next week near her lady parts that will put her out of commission, sexually speaking. I was supposed to take her to the hospital and I am no longer doing that, her wish, so I figure I should at least send 1 text saying good luck.

So, needless to say, it was an eventful six months together. I cannot deny there were ups and downs. But I still very much love her and will not forget the undeniable connection we had together. Even random strangers that came across us in public would compliment us and ask us if we were married, etc.

I just don't understand. Did I blow it? Where did I go wrong? Do we still have a chance? What do I now?

I must say I feel better typing all of this out. Kudos to anyone who reads it - you're really awesome and I'd love to hear what you have to say.

I just wanted to clarify that I still work at the same place and my boss doesn't know about us (or maybe he does now, but definitely didn't when he fired her).

And that her surgery will put her out of commission, temporarily, not permanent.

This is a tough one... there is so much going on here that it's hard to say for sure what's happening. Normally, when they talk about time and space and figuring themselves out and all that, I jump in to say that there is someone else and they are just letting you down without the guilt of breaking up. In this case, she sounds like a wreck to begin with so I can't say what's going on here. Did you smother her? Did you text her too often? I don't know and that all is subjective anyway.

Still, I want to say it sounds like it's over for you two... meaning, I wouldn't really hold onto any hope that she's coming back. It does sound like she broke up with you but was trying to alleviate herself of any guilt.

I once got the "it's not you, it's me" speech... the whole needing to figure herself out thing... time and space... but let's be nice and friendly about it while I string you along... I asked what does that mean? I got no real answer so I asked what kind of time are we talking about... a week? A month? What? She blew up on me and told me that since I asked those questions, I wasn't giving her the time or space she needed and that it was over because I couldn't respect those needs. I'm not stupid, I knew what was going on and I also knew that since she blew up on me, that she was using that as an excuse to cut it off right there. Asking was not disrespecting her needs but it worked out to be a convenient excuse to end it with me. Though at the same time, she kept wanting to always tell me how she was doing in school and at home and blah, blah... I told her I didn't care anymore and she was not respecting her own needs by still talking to me. That was the end of it.

I told you that because I see a lot of similarities in my story and yours. I think it's over... personally, I think she found someone else... but I can't be sure. All I can really tell you, from someone who has been there... don't sit around and mope and wait for her to come back. Get out there and find your life because it's out there waiting for you. Someone is out there... someone who isn't a wreck and who will be just as good a fit for you as this one was... but without the drama.

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, DISAPPEAR.

Reasons never matter guy, just give her what she asked for and go back to the life that you enjoyed before she came into your life. Do not contact her at all and do not be available to her. Hey it was a great 6 months but accept its over and deal with the emotional fall out of connecting with another, and being disconnected suddenly. It happens and you have to adjust by healing.

You were dumped very gently but firmly so stay cool and get your own life without her back and find your own happiness and let her deal with her issues, and don't make a pet of yourself by immature impulsive behavior. Keep your dignity, and self respect, and you will do better because she was flawed and has her own demons to deal with.

It will take time but we have all been down this road before, some of us a few times, and it will get better.

Thanks guys.

For the record, I firmly believe there is not someone else. We spent nearly every day together for 6 months and I never even got a whiff of that. That also might explain the smothering thing, but she didn't complain about seeing me every day, either.

So a little update here.

We went a week without talking or seeing each other. I wrote her a letter and left it at her door the night before her surgery. I did not beg for her back in the letter; rather, I told her that I will do my best to respect her space and that if she figures out I'm the one, to let me know.

She thanked me for the letter via text right before she went in for her surgery (keep in mind I was supposed to be the one taking her - I took off work in advance.)

So then she texts me when she is out of surgery and asks me to come by, if I'm comfortable. I told her as long as she is OK with it, then I am. I stopped by and brought her a sandwich, we talked a little about our situation and she still feels the same. I was there for maybe an hour.

Then we do not talk at all for the rest of the day until she calls me at 9pm saying she is dizzy and fell and her discharge papers say she shouldn't be alone for the first 24 hours post-surgery. So I came over and spent the night and left early in the morning for work.

I'm just confused. I can tell the way she looks at me that she still feels the same, but she says she doesn't know what she wants right now and admits to being crazy. At some point do I have to cut this off? Keep in mind where her surgery was (private parts)... if I am the one to nurse her back to strength and then she tells me she's going to try to date other guys, that will really be the end of it... that will be all I can take.

It's hard because she lives by herself and says she wants to be alone, that I'm the only person she wants to be around when she's like this. That I'm the only one she trusts to help her out. I care about her and she really is in pain, but I know I need to let her know that if I wasn't around, who would be helping her? That's where she needs to miss me.

Well right after surgery probably isn't the best time to be discussing this stuff.

You have to decide what you can deal with and what you can't. Being around her and then she goes off dating other guys will only hurt more and more. I recommend a clean break until she decides what direction she wants to go. Keep yourself busy, exercise, and appreciate the small things in life.

Breakups suck, but we have all been through them and we have all survived.

Maybe kind of harsh, blunt for sure.


Oh NO! NO! NO! NO! You are talking love and romance and she is talking healing and getting on her feet and dating others. AND she wants YOU as her nurse maid.

Go as a nurse maid, and know that's all it is, no matter how you feel. If you cannot, and I know you cannot. Don't go. I would be busy and unavailable so be honest with yourself and accept this is the end of love and romance, and it will be miserable as a friend, OR a nursemaid.

I mean what does she have to tell you for you to let go, and how much misery can you stand?


rather, I told her that I will do my best to respect her space and that if she figures out I'm the one, to let me know.

How long will you wait on that since she hasn't changed her mind yet? Waiting and hoping for her to change her mind is voluntary torture, and FALSE HOPE.

Dude if she is tough enough to dump you, she is tough enough to survive on her own. Just think of the logic in this, she can never miss what's there everyday.

I want to bring closure to this thread with the last and final update:

To make a long story short, she cheated on me shortly before she broke up with me. I just found out tonight. I am officially through.

I am shocked and deeply hurt, but I have no regrets as I committed no sins in the relationship and did my absolute best.

Thanks for all of you who answered that she probably found someone else. While she didn't exactly "find someone," I will never be OK with cheating and will never take back a cheater.

What's the best way to deal with being cheated on, guys? Well, besides time.

The best way to deal with cheating is to get busy. Go out with friends, make yourself completely unavailable. Block her from your cell phone and Facebook. Once you are done with that go out with friends, go workout, etc.