For a few years now, I have been losing my son slowly, one bit at a time to, well growing up I guess. But he was my first out of five and I love him with my entire heart. It was just a few years ago when we would have special movie nights together just he and I, still.

But that was then and now, within a few years, a lot has happened and he acts now as though he hates me, while I continue to love him so so much. If I try and talk with him, he is very mean, or like just now, I wanted a hug, I needed a hug from him, and he swore at me.

Please help. The things that went on through the years I meant were that I was bedridden for a year, but always there for the kids. Everyone else is fine, as we were a very close family. I understand he needs his space, so we let him have his room in the basement. His reasoning for treating me the way he does is that I am always crying. I am often in a lot of pain, and my immune system is not very strong so I am ill a lot, but I have never ever stopped loving any of my children ever and I let them know that I never will.

He calls me mentally unstable because I cry a lot, and in the other breath calls me something else because I chose to stand up for my rights and freedoms as a Canadian (it just happened to be in an interview for a local news station) yet anything I do irritates him. I miss him so much. What can I do to get my ole Noah back??

My son at that age refused to walk in public with his family, so he wouldn't look like he was associated with such ragtag people as what we must have appeared to him. Thus, some of this is his age.

If you are constantly moaning and reaching out to him and pleading with him and acting needy, stop doing that. He's struggling to move away from family and you on his way to become independent. It's like the Terrible Twos all over again -- testing and pushing back and maybe temper tantrums and wanting to be on his own.

Is he basically a good kid otherwise, or is he hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble? How is he doing in school?

He's no different from most 15 year old boys, from what I'm hearing here. You need to back off and not need as much display of affection as you got just a short while ago, and not interpret it as some horrible sign of hatred and lost love. Let him grow. Let him be a man. In his mind (in all teen minds), his peers are watching every little thing he does, even at home with no one else around, and taunts of momma's boy are the same as they were 50 years ago or more. Just joke about it and pat him on the back and say OK, be all grown up, but I still love you.

My son at that age refused to walk in public with his family, so he wouldn't look like he was associated with such ragtag people as what we must have appeared to him. Thus, some of this is his age.

If you are constantly moaning and reaching out to him and pleading with him and acting needy, stop doing that. He's struggling to move away from family and you on his way to become independent. It's like the Terrible Twos all over again -- testing and pushing back and maybe temper tantrums and wanting to be on his own.

Is he basically a good kid otherwise, or is he hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble? How is he doing in school?


That sounded a little harsh, but is the correct answer to my question, that I am sure of. Is it so much of a problem for me just to ask for a hug, telling him that I want one even though he does not? Ya, that did sound kind of silly. And yes, I am sure because of my illnesses, I sound very needy to him. But then, he is just so mean, to me and his siblings as well. I guess he is trying to break a way from us all. I think I will go downstairs and let him know that I am going to get off his back and leave him alone even more, but the door is always open if he does want to talk. I am sure this will happen a few more times as it is an adjustment for me as well, letting go. Thank you for your up front answer. I will let you know how things go. I just joined this group so, would you add me as a friend? Thanks, Jaxcie...

Where are the male figures in his life? He is 15, not 6, and is the man of the house right?

Your little boy is growing up and needs to be taught what true manhood is about. The first is respect for the female of the house. Actually that's for you to do, and the love has to be balanced with some disciplines and boundaries.

That sounded a little harsh, but is the correct answer to my question, that I am sure of.
I had no intention of it being harsh. Too often the more the child pushes away, the more we parents try to drag him back. Your illnesses and his stage in life are at odds with each other and occurred at the wrong time and clashed, unfortunately.

I think I will go downstairs and let him know that I am going to get off his back and leave him alone even more, but the door is always open if he does want to talk.
I strongly suggest you don't do that. Are there things you can DO (not say), actions you can take to show your love? Make or even ask him to help you make his favorite cupcakes or cookies, for instance. Include him whenever you can without getting all emotional.

15 year old do not know what to think about a mother who cries all the time. He might be blaming himself for that and his behaviors are a result of that.

15 year olds do not understand real or perceived mental instability in anyone including a parent.

15 year olds don't want to be touched a lot, let alone hugged all the time.

15 year olds are irritated at everything adults do. It is a confusing time for them.

So what do you do with all of this? Whatever your discipline structure in the house that has been developed, you have created boundaries for your son. Whatever those boundaries are, you allow him to live and bounce off those boundaries. As long as he doesn't cross the boundary lines, let him live inside of those boundaries. You continue loving your son and providing for him, and he will be a man one day and snap out of the teenage phase.

Don't know if I am doing this correctly but I want to thank you all for the answers that you have taken the time to give me. He is my first child and I don't know what to expect, now I have a little clearer picture. Man, is it hard though. God Bless you all.

My "baby" is not 37 but I remember when he was 15, if we went to the mall shopping, he wanted to be dropped off down the street, so he would not be "seen" with us, he would not walk with us in the store, just meet up with us.

It is not right, but it is the way boys are. At least many