I can't stop thinking about suicide but I don't want to talk to anyone. What do I do?

You are 'talking' to us. Tell us more. Totally anonymous, if that helps.
How old are you, where in the world do you live, what is your daily life like at the moment? Did you lose someone recently, or have any awful event, or is this general?

Sometimes we have to do things we don't like to prevent ourselves from doing something we'll regret so we can feel better. I know that that sounds really backwards, but it's the truth.

We are not psychiatrists, we can only strongly urge you to seek the help you need. Even if you don't see a psychiatrist perhaps there's a friend or family member or someone else that you can speak with.

Myself and the other members of this site are here to help if you need us though, but we won't replace professional help. So if you want to tell us what's bothering you and why you currently feel this way, perhaps we can offer some advice. Or at least help you find someone you feel comfortable speaking with openly.

Ive been like this for as long as I can remember. Im 20 and I live in new zealand. Nothings helping and I've been in touch with mental health a lot over the past 6 months and have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD but they won't help.

have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD but they wont help.
Who won't help?

Won't help - because of no insurance, no way to pay for treatment? Was it a clinic or hospital or private practice?
Who do you live with, or do you live alone?
What do you do with your day?
Are you willing to say one sentence about the event that brought on PTSD? If that's too tough, just say no.
Do you have a best friend?

I have no friends and family that care and I live alone. Mental health don't help because I guess they don't know how to. Im constantly thinking and planning suicide and I try on pretty much a weekly basis. My family has made life miserable and every kind of abuse runs in the family. I don't think anyone can help me anymore. Ive cried out for help several times but I don't think people hear me.

I have no friends and family that care and I live alone. Mental health don't help because I guess they don't know how to. Im constantly thinking and planning suicide and I try on pretty much a weekly basis. My family has made life miserable and every kind of abuse runs in the family. I don't think anyone can help me anymore. Ive cried out for help several times but I don't think people hear me.
Of course mental health professionals know how to help! Are you doing your part?

You are getting feedback here. Isn't that something? Now, what can I (we) do for you. I'm a mental health professional, so ask me anything.

I have no idea. I answer their questions honestly, and I've told them everything I think about but I don't think its enough. They wanted to put me in hospital but I said no. Im the kind of person who has to be able to get up and leave whenever I want, or I freak out. Can I actually be helped or is this crap just going to carry on? Ive been to a lot of counsellors from when I was 10 but they plain just don't help.

I have no idea. I answer their questions honestly, and ive told them everything I think about but I don't think its enough. They wanted to put me in hospital but I said no. Im the kind of person who has to be able to get up and leave whenever I want, or I freak out. Can I actually be helped or is this crap just going to carry on? Ive been to a lot of counsellors from when I was 10 but they plain just don't help.
It sounds like you are refusing to cooperate. How could they best help you, do you think?

Do you take any meds?

The only thing I'm refusing is to be locked up in a little room. Surely that can't be the only way they "help". Putting me in there is not going to help. I don't know what else I can do, I told them exactly how I feel. What would you suggest?

No I am not on any prescribed meds

The only thing im refusing is to be locked up in a little room. Surely that can't be the only way they "help". Putting me in there is not going to help. I don't know what else I can do, I told them exactly how I feel. What would you suggest?
They don't lock you up in a little room. Who on earth told you that?

Do you take any meds? Have you been diagnosed for anything?

PTSD and Depression. Ive heard a lot about that place. They can force you to take medication as well. I have to be in charge of what I do and don't do, that's the only way I stay calm. I really can't stop thinking and planning ways to do it. I told them that, they just say they hope I don't. I don't know how they can help

PTSD and Depression. Ive heard a lot about that place. They can force you to take medication as well. I have to be in charge of what I do and don't do, that's the only way I stay calm. I really can't stop thinking and planning ways to do it. I told them that, they just say they hope I don't. I don't know how they can help
You've heard (from whom?) "a lot about" what place?

So you want help but refused the help that has been offered.

Do you know WHY you have PTSD and Depression? And what are your symptoms?

You're male?

No I'm female, they told me to stick with counselling. Ive done that for a couple of years. It's the stories that people tell me about the mental wards. It makes me second guess going there. Im still going to counselling and telling them everything, the only thing I'm refusing is to be put in hospital. Symptoms? They just asked me a bunch of questions and that's what they came up with

No im female, they told me to stick with counselling. Ive done that for a couple of years. Its the stories that people tell me about the mental wards. It makes me second guess going there. Im still going to counselling and telling them everything, the only thing im refusing is to be put in hospital. Symptoms? they just asked me a bunch of questions and that's what they came up with
Why not take meds? They would smooth out the wrinkles and take away the suicide desire.

Ask your counselor (you have one now?) to take you on a tour of a psych unit.

Because everyone thinks meds are a bad idea, I had an addiction to pills about 6 months ago and now I don't take any at all. If medication is available to me and I'm in a low mood, I will just take the lot

Because everyone thinks meds are a bad idea, I had an addiction to pills about 6 months ago and now I don't take any at all. If medication is available to me and im in a low mood, I will just take the lot
"Everyone." Hmmmm.

So what is the solution, do you think?

I have no idea. That's why I think the way I do because I don't see a way out. I hate my life and every time something good happens, bad things make it crap again.

I have no idea. That's why I think the way I do because I don't see a way out. I hate my life and every time something good happens, bad things make it crap again.
So you won't take any meds because you know you will abuse them.

You refuse to go into a hospital because they lock you up in little rooms.

You don't like your life but aren't willing to give anything else a try.

There's no way to convince you to rethink this.

Does that about cover it?

Ive given a lot a try, they first blamed everything on drugs, then they said I needed to go to counselling. Im at a trauma and addiction service at the moment. They don't have any other ideas other than hospital and I see that as a dead end. If there is something else I can try I will.

I do think I can understand your situation. You are depressed, not off the wall unable to take care of daily routines, or hearing voices telling you to kill someone or yourself. It's a kind of mental health limbo when your only option is a hospital, and not a place where you can go and be around other people like you. Where I live in the US, such places exist - there are two within 20 miles of me, and I live in a very rural area. They are 'clubhouses' for people with mental illness to share work, find housing and jobs, support each other, and do a lot to run the place. There are also numerous group therapy programs (not associated with the clubhouses, which by design have no connection to therapy programs).

Here are the two clubhouses in NZ:
(scroll all the way down to page 51)
http://www.iccd.org/images/2012_iccd_directory.pdf

I hope you are within driving distance of Aukland or St. Kilda Dunedin and can visit. You might even consider moving to one or the other. I assume that Aukland is a big enough city to have plenty of housing, even to share a place, and they can help with that. Maybe you live there already?