My ex-husband lives in Arkansas and has custody of my 12 year old daughter. She wants to come back to Virginia to live with me. She has made that clear to him and has even told him that when she comes to Virginia this summer that she is not coming back to Arkansas. She wants me to support her in this. Does anyone know what the age of choice is in Arkansas and if I can let her stay with me or not?

Thank you very much

Maybe you should have a long talk with her and ask her why she wants to live you. If your not ready you should tell her and give her a reason why not.

That's a tough question to answer with out more details, like how long has he had sole custody, and why does he have custody, or why was he awarded custody?

Another question is, do you have faith in him as a good parent. Also, how is your relationship with your daughter, and how often do you see her.

Here is something to consider. First, put your own wants and needs aside, and think about what is best for her. Twelve is a tough age, where you need to developementally begin to separate from your parents... usually this means rebellion. If she is feeling somewhat pressured, and suffocated with her dad, is it because he is being a good parent, and like all teens, she doesn't understand that, and is rebelling against it? Chances are, given that she isn't with you all the time, she has a much more care free and laxed environment when she is. Not the same kinds of chores and responsibilities, and day to day dealings with a part time parent then a full time parent. She may be looking for what she believes will be an easier and more free environment. If that is the case, or you suspect it may be, then I would advise her that it won't be the same if she comes to live with you, as it is when she is just visiting, and that her difficulties with her dad are natural, and founded in his love for her and desire to protect her, and his duty to teach her to be responsible and grow into a good adult. If she has never expressed a desire to change her living arrangements before, I would strongly investigate her motives, and why she is unhappy living with her dad.

Now, it could also be that she is beginning to grow into a woman, and feels like she needs her mother in this time of her life. Someone who she is more comfortable relating to on the tough issues of puberty and things of that nature. That's a diff scenario, and if so, you may want to consider it more strongly. If she is close to you, and is not open to talking about this stuff with her dad, then maybe you should do it on a trial basis, but if that is the plan, clearly lay down guidelines that both you and he support, and make it clear to her that it won't be the same as when she is just visiting.

Really try to find out her motives, and what feelings are prompting this decision. Also, assess yourself, and determine whether you think that you are as good of a parent as he is, and whether you think it would be in her long term best interest to be with you. But if this is just a rebellion thing, don't allow it. Explain that she has to learn that running from her problems doesn't solve them, and if that's what she's trying to do you can't support it. But that you are always there if she needs you, just 10 digits and a dial tone away.

Most states vary between 13 and 15 years old. However, if you took it to court, they would rule on the maturity level of the child AND the age factor.