I babysit on weekends for some extra money. I love looking after kids. I recently started looking after to little twin boys they are so cute. But that's not the problem, I feel so wrong just writing this but after a few months of sitting for this family I made a huge mistake by sleeping with the dad one night when he took me home. I don't know how it happened but it did. I felt so ashamed afterwards even worse when he paid me extra.I don't want him to pay me extra I didn't sleep with him for money I'm not a prostitute. How do I tell him that what we did was wrong and it can't happen again? I'm worried that he'll just expect it to happen all the time

Don't talk to him about it, tell his wife. Problem solved. She'll deal with him. You will be out of a babysitting job though, which is only fair since you broke up a family.

Next time keep your pants on. Married people are off limits.

How old are you?

I don't think it's a good idea to tell his wife she would probably go mental at me which I wouldn't blame her. I turn 16 in two months I feel so a shamed I couldn't face his wife

I don't think it's a good idea to tell his wife she would probaly go mental at me which I wouldn't blame her. I turn 16 in two months I feel so a shamed I couldn't face his wife

You need to tell your parents and to stop babysitting for this couple.

His wife may get upset at you but she needs to know (if she doesn't already) that her husband is not only cheating but using a minor.

This may seem indelicate, but you need to think about the consequences of having spur of the moment sex. Was birth control used?

May I ask which state/country you live in? His behavior may be criminal depending on where you live.

I wouldn't tell his wife, but I would tell your mother and father so they can talk with the wife. And if you don't mind me asking, was this something that you wanted to happen or was he forceful? You will be 16, so therefore you are still a child although I do believe that you should know right from wrong by now. He however is an adult and should be punished for sleeping with a child or not stopping it before it happened if you came on to him.

I live in Australia I don't think it's illegal. I didn't come on to him he said he wanted to talk so we went to the park, I don't know how I happened we were talking and then he just started kissing me. I just didn't know what to do. It's not like he forced me, I'm not to experienced with this situation.

Well, I'm not expierenced with this situation either. But I would most definitely stop sitting for them and at least tell your parents. It sounds as though he came onto you. Which I know in the us is illegal, but I'm uncertain of laws in Australia. However, regardless of less, he is a grown man and no grown man should come onto a child like that! Maybe you should tell his wife so that will takecare of him and hopefully keep this happening from her next sitter...

I live in Australia I don't think it's illegal. I didn't come on to him he said he wanted to talk so we went to the park, I don't know how I happened we were talking and then he just started kissing me. I just didnt know what to do. It's not like he forced me, I'm not to experienced with this situation.

It is illegal. I looked up the age of consent laws for Australia. The ages vary by state/territory but the youngest age a person can legally give consent in any of them is 16. Age of consent laws - Child Family Community Australia (http://www.aifs.gov.au/cfca/pubs/factsheets/a142090/index.html)

The only defense he might have is if he believed you were older than you are. But he is still the supposedly responsible adult.

I am not saying you have to go to the police. But you are not responsible for what a grown man did. No matter what anyone tells you, the shame lies with him, not you.

At the very least, you need to inform your parents or another adult who you trust. This is not something you should go through alone.

It is illegal. I looked up the age of consent laws for Australia. The ages vary by state/territory but the youngest age a person can legally give consent in any of them is 16. Age of consent laws - Child Family Community Australia (http://www.aifs.gov.au/cfca/pubs/factsheets/a142090/index.html)

The only defense he might have is if he believed you were older than you are. But he is still the supposedly responsible adult.

I am not saying you have to go to the police. But you are not responsible for what a grown man did. No matter what anyone tells you, the shame lies with him, not you.

At the very least, you need to inform your parents or another adult who you trust. This is not something you should go through alone.

Very well said! I totally agree with you!

First, you can be pretty sure that this man cheats on his wife regularly. He pretty easily got you to sleep with him so he's pretty good on the manipulation and the making it feel to you like it "just happened". It's new to you and you are inexperienced so didn't know how to handle it, but he knew exactly what he was doing.

I agree you should stop babysitting for them and tell your parents what happened. You should seriously consider counseling as well because this man manipulated you into having sex at the very least, and it may have been rape. We only know you had no intention of having sex with this man - you worked for him. We weren't there to know the degree of coercion or force that was used but you can work through that with a counselor.

You can find other work so don't worry about that. There are tons of places to work where you will not be treated like a prostitute or subjected to sexual harassment and coercion.

I hate to tell you this honey, but you were raped! The minimum age of consent in Australia is 16, therefore, it was illegal for him to have sex with you. And the fact that he, an adult with children, had sex with you is indicative that this was not the first or last time.

That's why you should go to the police and report this. I know you feel you are breaking up his marriage, but if he had sex with a minor, its going to break up eventually anyway. You need to stop him before he abuses some other babysitter or underage girl.

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm going to tell him it won't happen again

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm gonna tell him it won't happen again

It's rape because of your age. Where you live the legal age of consent to have sex is 16. You're under the age of 16. It's called statutory rape, and it's just as serious as any other rape. It doesn't matter if you consented, because you're legally not allowed to at your age. That's why it's rape.

He will go to jail for this, and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. If his wife divorces him, which would be the smart thing for her to do, he may not even be allowed to see his children because of what he did to you.

He's a sexual predator, and he needs to be locked up.

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm gonna tell him it won't happen again

Are you still going to babysit for the couple? Is just talking to him what you have decided to do?


It's rape because of your age. Where you live the legal age of consent to have sex is 16. You're under the age of 16. It's called statutory rape, and it's just as serious as any other rape. It doesn't matter if you consented, because you're legally not allowed to at your age. That's why it's rape.

He will go to jail for this, and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. If his wife divorces him, which would be the smart thing for her to do, he may not even be allowed to see his children because of what he did to you.

He's a sexual predator, and he needs to be locked up.

I agree with Alty on this one. He does need to punished for what he has done. If he is going to take advantage of you he will take advantage of another child too. He needs to be stopped.

I don't want him to lose his family or not be able to see his children that's terrible. It won't happen again I'm so stupid I didn't know any of these laws I didn't think.

Don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. He is the adult here.

It didn't matter if you knew the laws or not. In fact, you're not responsible for knowing the laws... he is. The man is a pig and should be in jail.

As a minor you could not legally consent to sex - so no matter what, it is not your fault!

I'm the adult victim of rape. It took me a long time to say those words - "It wasn't my fault."

I understand What your saying about the laws but I didn't say no I'm stupid
So it is my fault as well it can't be all his fault. I don't know why I did it but I did so I have to be at fault as well. It just seems so harsh for all the blame to be on him. I am nearly 16 I don't feel like I'm a child I just made a stupid choice I feel so stupid

I don't want him to lose his family or not be able to see his children that's terrible. It won't happen again I'm so stupid I didn't know any of these laws I didn't think.

Adrian, stop blaming yourself. He is an adult and he knows the laws and the vows he took. It is his responsibility to protect his own family and self. He didn't. You are not responsible for his choices.

He has put you at risk of diseases and pregnancy.

Maybe you could have said 'no'. But somehow I doubt it. That he paid you extra says that he wasn't thinking of you as a person he cares about who he would have listened to when they said 'no'. He was thinking of you as a conquest and something to use for his own needs. His actions speak very loudly and plainly that this isn't the first time he has taken advantage of someone.

You need to take care of yourself and you should have support to do so.

I don't want him to lose his family or not be able to see his children that's terrible. It won't happen again I'm so stupid I didn't know any of these laws I didn't think.

Adrian, if he did it to you, he'll do it to someone else. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me at all to find out that you aren't his first victim, and that's what you are, a victim.

It's not up to you what will happen. Just like you can't consent to sex, you also can't change the laws or the punishment for breaking those laws. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. What happens the next time he tries to do this to someone? What if that person doesn't consent? Do you think that would stop him? I don't.

What happens if he decides to do this to one of his kids? Men like this don't have boundaries, they need someone to be brave enough to put a stop to their actions.

This is not your fault, but... harshness alert... if you don't tell someone, if you don't say anything, and he does this to someone else, that would be your fault, just because you didn't do the right thing. You owe it not only to yourself, but to every other potential victim of this man, to do the right thing and report him.

I understand What your saying about the laws but I didn't say no I'm stupid
so it is my fault as well it can't be all his fault. I don't know why I did it but I did so I have to be at fault as well. It just seems so harsh for all the blame to be on him. I am nearly 16 I don't feel like I'm a child I just made a stupid choice I feel so stupid


Do you know why there are sexual consent laws? Those laws are in place because a long time ago adults, educated people, realized that children don't have the capacity to make good decisions. Your brain isn't done growing. That's a large part of the reason teens don't think things through, think they're invincible, don't think of the consequences of their actions. It's not because they're rebellious, or stupid, it's because their brains aren't mature enough to make good choices.

When that was determined those that are responsible for children, put laws in place to protect those children.

It doesn't matter that you said yes. You're not legally allowed to say yes.

He's an adult, his brain is mature enough to make rational decisions. He chose not to. He broke the law. You didn't, even though you consented, because according to the law, you can't consent.

You don't feel like a child, no teen does, they all think they know everything, and they all think they're so mature for their age. I remember feeling that way when I was a teen. I didn't know crap back then. But I thought I knew everything. I took a lot of risks, thinking that I was so smart, so mature. Looking back, I realize now that I didn't know a darn thing, and I was not at all ready to make some of the choices I made.

Bottom line, you're a child, he's an adult, he broke the law, and he needs to pay for that crime.

You need to tell your parents what happened, or a school teacher or counselor. But you need to tell someone that is mature enough to deal with this, and make sure that it never happens again. This is not your fault at all. He made his choice, now he has to live with the consequences. He's the one that broke the law, not you.

I wouldn't call it rape, I didn't say no to him. I know I should have but I didn't so it's not rape. I made a stupid choice it won't happen again. I'm gonna tell him it won't happen again

Honey, it IS rape. Doesn't matter that you didn't say no. You were under age and therefore you could not legally give your consent. He took advantage of you. You have to understand that, because he WILL do it again.

This was not your fault and you would not be at fault for breaking up his family. He did that we he decided to take advantage of you. What you need to do is prevent him from doing it again.


I understand What your saying about the laws but I didn't say no I'm stupid
so it is my fault as well it can't be all his fault. I don't know why I did it but I did so I have to be at fault as well. It just seems so harsh for all the blame to be on him. I am nearly 16 I don't feel like I'm a child I just made a stupid choice I feel so stupid

Stop thinking that way. I'm sure if you think back on it, he did things that flattered you, that convinced you to go ahead with it. That's what predators like him do. As Alty said, these age of consent laws were put into place because there are predators like him who know how to turn a girl's head and make you feel like you are responsible. You are not! And you have to understand this was not just a one time thing for him. The odds are very strong that he has done it before and even stronger that he will do it again. Do you want some other girl to feel the way you feel about it? You have to stop him!

I have to add. I know that it takes a lot of strength (not physical, but mental) to report something like this. It's scary, you're afraid that people will judge you, you're afraid you won't be believed, you're afraid of judgement. That's why most rape victims don't report the rape.

That's why you need to tell your parents, or an adult you trust. This is something a child shouldn't have to handle on her own.

You can do this. It won't be easy, I won't lie and say it will be. But it's the right thing to do, not only for yourself, but for any other victim he's had, or will have in the future.

Nobody is suggesting that you are a child like a 9 or 10 year old. You know what sex is and likely feel very much like an adult.

However, we don't in most civilized nations, permit adults to have sex with minors (exact age varies by jurisdiction) because there is an imbalance of power and authority, experience and emotional development between a grown adult and a child or teenager.

In your case, you thought you were getting a ride home from an employer. You probably enjoyed speaking to him and it's even understandable if you were attracted to him, or even if you enjoyed the sexual interaction with him. It still doesn't mean that you were equally responsible for the interaction, or even responsible for it at all. I know that's confusing but the reason is something called coercion.

People can be coerced into doing things that, if asked about outside of that situation, they would be quite certain they would never do. In this situation, for example, a man might make you feel like he alone sees you as a mature woman, whereas others treat you like a kid. Maybe he seems more in tune to your feelings and thoughts than other adults, for example your parents or teachers. He may put you in a situation in which you feel like it would be almost "childish" for you to resist - you want to be the person he is treating you like.

You should know that in most cases of sexual abuse of teens by adults, the teen thinks they have "consented" because it was not a violent attack, and they cooperated. For example, here in America where I live, many young boys and teens who were sexually molested by priests did not fight back, did not tell anyone, and didn't avoid being in similar situations with their offenders again and again. Some of these "relationships" continued for years. But these boys and teens did NOT consent, they were manipulated and taken advantage of.

For this reason, in most Western nations, there is the concept of "age of consent". By this legal idea, you cannot "consent" to things like sex, or sign legal contracts until you have reached that appropriate age of consent, as it is well known and accepted that having an adult body and thinking like an adult in many ways does not mean that a teenager has the emotional maturity, self-awareness or life experience to avoid manipulation by an older adult.

The other thing you need to understand is that you are not responsible for this man's wife or children. You are responsible for yourself, and your relationship with your parents. You should not keep such a secret from them. You are not "doing" anything to this man by telling the truth. We all have to live with the consequences of the truths we create, and keeping his secret is not only not your responsibility but is also unhealthy for his entire family.

His kids will have friends, and he will likely give them rides home. Do you want one day for him to drive his kid's friend home and do the same thing again? As for his wife, no wife wants to be the last to know that her husband is cheating. It's downright dangerous to be married to a cheater - god knows what he might expose her to if he has affairs regularly. He's also risking the family's financial and social future - he could do this to an intern at his office, the daughter of friends, his housekeeper and so on.

You have the total right to speak about your personal life experiences and when someone treats you in a way, or gets you involved in a situation, that you do not feel you can discuss with those closest to you, that alone is a grand manipulation. Do not permit this manipulation to occur. He put you in this situation, and to stop it you need to tell your parents it happened.

An important part of this thread which DID blame the victim, the OP, and to which I responded has been pulled. If she read that, well, of course she feels responsible.

This is all becoming too much for me I'm so confused. I don't want it to happen to anyone else it made me feel so horrible but I can't tell anyone if I just speak to him tell it can't happen again it will be all right. This is all too much

You still have to see his face whenever you babysit, and see his wife and smile in her face. And keep this from your parents, which is like lying.

While he is free to lie, and cheat, and traumatize another young girl. How is that all right? The right thing to do is seldom the easiest thing, which you have chosen and that's doing nothing. Maybe you are NOT his first victim, and its doubtful you will be the last.

This is all becoming to much for me I'm so confused. I don't want it to happen to anyone else it made me feel so horrible but I can't tell anyone if I just speak to him tell it can't happen again it will be alright. This is all to much

It is confusing. Talking to your parents will make it less confusing. Will they be upset? Yes they will. No one wants to find out that their child was taken advantage of, or that their child is sexually active. But that's the right thing to do.

You mentioned in another post that you don't consider yourself a child. Well, then don't act like one. Part of being mature, is accepting responsibility for things. In this case your responsibility isn't in what happened, but in making sure it never happens again, by reporting it.

There are things in life that you have to do, no matter how hard they are. This is one of those things.

This is all becoming to much for me I'm so confused. I don't want it to happen to anyone else it made me feel so horrible but I can't tell anyone if I just speak to him tell it can't happen again it will be alright. This is all to much

No it won't be all right. Maybe he will leave you alone, but there is nothing stopping him from going after someone else. I know this is a lot to handle. But you HAVE to talk to someone in authority. The police have people trained to deal with these situations.

I'm scared to tell my parents what will they think of me they will hate me forever. It doesn't seem fair that I tell someone and he gets punished and not me. I don't know what to do it's all I can think about it's driving me mad I should have just said nothing forget about it. How would I even begin to tell someone. This is easy I don't have to look at anyone I can just write. I hate myself so much right now.

I'm scared to tell my parents what will they think of me they will hate me forever. It dosn't seem fair that I tell someone and he gets punished and not me. I don't know what to do it's all I can think about it's driving me mad I should of just said nothing forget about it. How would I even begin to tell someone. This is easy I don't have to look at anyone I can just write. I hate myself so much right now.
That's what he hopes will happen, so you are still in his trap.

He's going to do it again to another young teen girl. Don't you want to save her from this?

I'm scared to tell my parents what will they think of me they will hate me forever. It dosn't seem fair that I tell someone and he gets punished and not me. I don't know what to do it's all I can think about it's driving me mad I should of just said nothing forget about it. How would I even begin to tell someone. This is easy I don't have to look at anyone I can just write.

You really think your parents will hate you and not him? Your parents love you. They may be angry with you or disappointed in you, but they will not hate you. The more likely scenario is that they will focus their anger on him. Look at the reaction you have gotten from strangers. Have we come down on you for this? NO! All of us have come down on HIM! We don't blame you, we blame him because he is a predator. That's what you have to understand. HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU!

Show your parents this thread and tell them you started it. That's how you can tell them without saying anything.


I hate myself so much right now.

This is what concerns us. We understand how hard this is on you, but you need to get help in dealing with this. You need professional counseling to help convince you, that this wasn't your fault.

Please Adrian, show this thread to your parents.

I'm scared to tell my parents what will they think of me they will hate me forever. It dosn't seem fair that I tell someone and he gets punished and not me. I don't know what to do it's all I can think about it's driving me mad I should of just said nothing forget about it. How would I even begin to tell someone. This is easy I don't have to look at anyone I can just write. I hate myself so much right now.

Adrian, is it right that you should be punished for his transgressions and he goes unpunished? That is what is happening now. You are punishing yourself and he is getting away with it.

Punishing yourself is a downward spiral. You need to get help before negative thoughts become negative actions. You need someone to help you understand that he was probably seducing you for a lot longer than one night.

I am a mother of a daughter. If you were mine, I would still give you the same advice and every bit of support and love I could.

What scares me is that you won't tell anyone because you feel ashamed and scared and he will use that to coerce you into continuing a relationship with him. At this moment you are vulnerable and I am afraid he will take advantage of it.

Please, for your own safety, tell someone you trust.

I think Cat addressed very well what could happen in the future. He now has the ability to blackmail you. Either comply with what he wants or he'll tell (his wife, your parents, someone else). What will you do in that situation?

I work in the legal system. I've seen very similar situations where the next thing the man wants is nude or semi-nude photos. The girl agrees because she doesn't want him to "tell." Guess where it goes from there?

Do you have younger sisters, cousins? I'm sure you have friends. You can save them from this man.

Wjy do you think your parents will hate you? Those are very strong words. And, yes, as Scott said, they might be disappointed. On the other hand if they understand how men "groom" girls, they will understand.

Was this your first intercourse?

There are also the usual problems with sex - pregnancy (I'm not sure how long ago this happened) and, if he's a cheater, disease. Perhaps you would be comfortable talking to a Doctor and having the Doctor meet with you and your parents?

You need to forgive yourself and telling someone is step number one.

I'm just so confused right now, it's too much pressure to tell someone. He wouldn't blackmail me he wouldn't.I would never take nude pictures. Ive never had sex before this was my first time I am a bit worried but I'll deal with it.I'm just worried about my parents I hear them talk about kids my age and what they say they made me start babysitting so I would keep out of trouble. They will be so mad I know it. I don't want to do this

You are unrealistic - he took sexual advantage of you but you KNOW he wouldn't blackmail you. - ?

I'm just so confused right now, it's to much pressure to tell someone. He wouldn't blackmail me he wouldn't.I would never take nude pictures. Ive never had sex before this was my first time I am a bit worried but I'll deal with it.I'm just worried about my parents I hear them talk about kids my age and what they say they made me start babysitting so I would keep out of trouble. They will be so mad I know it. I don't want to do this

The person your parents will be most mad at is him.

How do you know he won't blackmail you? He took advantage of a child, blackmail is not nearly as big a deal as what he's already done. I don't think it would be something he'd even have to think about, he'd have no problem doing it.

Adrian, your parents will love you no matter what. This is not your fault, and they'll understand that, because they're adults. He's the one to blame for this, not you.

What happens if you become pregnant, or get an STD from this man? It's very possible.

Scott's idea is great. Show your parents this thread, let them read everything you've written, and the advice we've all given. That way you don't have to look in their eyes, and they'll have time to digest what happened, read what others think, and go from there.

Your parents love you unconditionally. Let them read this thread.

I asked when this was - is pregnancy ruled out? An STD? If he cheats with the babysitter I guarantee she's not the first one he's cheated with.

Please - think of the next person he's going to assault!

And if he brags, confesses, anything in between the parents are going to hear about this from a third party, and THAT will be devastating.

I'll add another point, if this was your first time, all the more reason your parents will not hate you. That makes it even clearer that he used you and took advantage of you.

And please don't think he won't use this against you. I can't understand how you can think that. You started this off wondering how to tell him it won't happen again. So you were already concerned that he might try. And your saying you would never take nude pictures. But I'll bet that before this happened you would have said that you would never "sleep" with him.

Maybe he never tries with you again. Maybe he is just into virgins and now that you aren't, he's no longer interested in you. But that just means he will turn to someone else. This man is sick. He has a compulsion and WILL do this again. You need to stop him.

I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it doesn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

First off let me give you some details about myself because we can relate. I'm fifteen years old and I have been raped twice so I must ask if you wanted "it" or not. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him? I know what it's like to be raped... and it's honestly the worst thing you will ever experience. It will stay with you until the day you die. It's something you have to live with. You have to learn to cope with it though. But most of all you need to tell someone... But until you do, matters will just get worse... Believe me...

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it dosn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

After you tell comes the tricky part. I'm sure your parents will believe you, you're their child. Proving that it happened may be harder. That's up to the police, that's not your problem, or something you should worry about.

After that, it depends on what the police and the DA decide (not sure if you have a DA in Australia, or what the equivalent is). They'll decide whether to press charges against him for statutory rape, possibly grooming a child, or coercing a minor, etc. etc. If he's convicted you won't have to worry about him being mad, he'll be in jail, where he belongs.

If he's not convicted you can get a restraining order against him. You shouldn't be afraid. Once the adults are aware of what happened, they'll make sure he has no access to you.

You're doing the right thing by telling your parents. Remember, you can always just show them this thread, they can read what happened, and then decide what to do about it.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

First off let me give you some details about myself because we can relate. I'm fifteen years old and I have been raped twice so I must ask if you wanted "it" or not. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him? I know what it's like to be raped.... and it's honestly the worst thing you will ever experience. It will stay with you until the day you die. It's something you have to live with. You have to learn to cope with it though. But most of all you need to tell someone... But until you do, matters will just get worse... Believe me...

It doesn't matter if she wanted him to kiss her, or if she wanted to have sex with him. According to the law she's not legally allowed to make those decisions. He's an adult, she's a child. The law protects children from things like this. It's statutory rape, which isn't the same as being forced to have sex against your will.

Adrian, it may not be your word against his. There might be physical evidence.

How long ago did this happen?

Did he use a condom?

Have the clothes (especially panties) you were wearing been washed? Were you wearing a coat or jacket that doesn't normally get washed? Even your shoes might have trace evidence.

"Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to have sex with him?"

Sigh - I guess the FACT that the OP cannot legally consent doesn't matter.

Again, sigh.

If I tell someone what will happen. I get it I have to tell so it dosn't happen again but what happens then? I'm worried we don't live in a big town I'll see him again and he'll be angry then. He said not to say anything. Everyone will know! Will my parents even believe me. I don't want them to be ashamed of me if they even believe me anyway I suppose I better suck it up and do it maybe today

Again, show them this thread, let them read it and it will help them understand what happened and how you feel. I doubt, after reading this, they will feel ashamed of you. Like I said, maybe disappointed, but they will realize you fell prey to a predator.

So what happens next. Your parents should take you to the police or the local equivalent of a prosecutor. They should ask to speak to an officer or prosecutor familiar with rape cases (preferably female). They will go over the case with you and determine whether there is sufficient evidence for prosecution. At this point everything will be confidential.

Do you have any physical evidence? For example, did you launder your sheets since it happened (f you didn't put them aside in a plastic bag immediately).

If they determine there isn't enough evidence, they may decline to prosecute and that will end it as far as you are concerned. Otherwise this is whether it will get tougher. He will be arrested and charged. However, I think people will side with you. People will detest pedophiles and sexual predators.

It will not be easy, make no mistake, but it will be worth it, because it will help you hold your head up high.

Aside to emogirlheart

As Alty noted, it doesn't matter whether she wanted it or not, even if she encouraged him. She is under the age of consent which means she can't legally consent. The only thing here is whether she can prove it happened. Once that happens, its rape.

I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.

I would like to reassure you that you were caught up in something you weren't ready for, because an adult designed the situation that way. You know it's wrong, which is why it has bothered you, and why you came on this site. But you are putting your concern in the wrong place.

You don't want to embarrass or do anything to disrupt his life, but he has disrupted your life in a huge way. Men who do this once normally have a pattern of behaviors and there is nearly a zero chance that he hasn't done this before. Next time he may act with force, or he may start threatening to do bad things if you tell. You need to tell your parents now.

This is not a confession on your part. A bad thing happened to you - a man put you in a bad situation and manipulated you, and you were working for he and his wife. Did you know that if even if someone did this to an adult who worked for them, they would be at risk of prosecution for sexual harassment? Just the fact that you worked for him puts him in a position of power so even if you were 25, what he did would be wrong.

You want to give someone the benefit of the doubt who acts recklessly and without concern for others. He certainly didn't treat you with respect. He cheated on his wife and children. He certainly did not show your parents proper respect. This man is a father, and he took advantage of someone else's young daughter. What kind of person does that? He may seem perfectly nice but we need to judge people by their actions, and his actions are predatory.

You will be less confused when you talk to your parents. If you don't want them to prosecute, that's another decision but you cannot let this event stand between you and your parents, and you do need counseling as well as medical attention to make sure he did not expose you to any health issues, so your parents really need to know. When we ignore things like this when they happen, the impacts come out in our lives one way or another - it can be hard on your relationships with other people, future dating relationships, your self-esteem, grades, lots of things. It can cause anxiety and depression, etc. But if you tell your parents, and get some counseling for what you experienced, you can learn how it happened that you were manipulated when you are such a smart young lady, and can restore your sense of self, avoiding the negative things that can come up if you ignore the situation.

Many of us telling you to tell your parents ARE parents. We would very, very much want our teenagers to tell us something like this so we could help them. Give your parents the chance to be there for you.

I showed my mum this thread she read it then walked away she didn't say anything. She didn't say anything I don't know what's going on. I'm such an idiot I shouldn't of told her she hates me. I'm not coming out of my room I hate myself so much I've

I really can't do this I just want to disappear. I should have never have slept with him

I showed my mum this thread she read it then walked away she didn't say anything. She didn't say anything I don't know what's going on. I'm such an idiot I shouldn't of told her she hates me. I'm not coming outta my room I hate myself so much I've

Adrian, I don't think she hates you. She is probably in shock. She is also probably very angry and upset-not at you. She may be trying to calm down and/or talk to your father before she says anything to you. Give her time. Remember this is very new to her and she had no warning.

How long ago did you show this to her?

You need to do something to help change your thought pattern from a negative to a more positive direction. What are some thoughts and things that help you calm down? Music? Reading? Art? Writing? Exercise?

Originally Posted by talaniman
I suspect you have had a growing attraction or crush on this fellow for a long time, and he knew it.

I think this is an irresponsible thing to say and does the opposite of helping the situation. Whether she was attracted to the guy or not, he acted in a predatory manner and it's not her fault.

The implication was that she was caught off guard by a predator who exploited her feelings. That's what predator do. There is no guilt or shame in being over whelmed by a superior experienced person.

Encouraging help to confront the predator. Glad she did. It won't be easy, but hopefully empowering.

I showed my mum a while ago now she still isn't talking to me but I haven't been out of my room. I can hear her down stairs with her friend. I just want to runaway I feel terrible why won't she say anything? She probably thinks I'm a slut I hate to even imagine what dad will say I am not going to be home when he finishes work he'll probably yell at me I wouldn't blame him though

I need to get out of here I need a drink or something I can't deal with this anymore

I need to get outta here I need a drink or something I can't deal with this anymore
Go downstairs and talk with her.

I went down stairs and asked if I could speak to her. Her friend said I had to go to my room my mum will speak to me later. It was a bad idea showing her

I went down stairs and asked if I could speak to her. Her friend said I had to go to my room my mum will speak to me later. It was a bad idea showing her
No, I don't think it was. Hang in there. Wait for your mum to talk with you.

This is the worst day of my life. My dads yelling my mums crying and nobody's talking to me but I can hear them. I must be the most Dumbest person ever. I wish I could get out of here I need to just leave

Can you go to a relative's house? What are your parents saying?

I echo Judy. What are they saying?

You have to give them time. If they really hated you they would have been yelling at you. But they aren't. They are trying to come to grips with the situation and decide what next to do.

What you should be doing is asking them to take you to the police or prosecutor. We warned you this would not be easy at first. But that it was something you had to do. You are not dumb at all, you are a child who was taken advantage of. You have to keep telling yourself that. This was not your fault. Ask them if they want to post here and ask our advice.

Just sit tight and let them work through this themselves and then they can deal with you. You knew this would be traumatic, so just give them time.

The right thing to do is never the easiest.

The right thing to do is never the easiest.

Well I wouldn't say never, but the right thing is not always the easiest path. And you HAVE done the right thing here. Please be assured of that.

This is the worst day of my life. My dads yelling my mums crying and nobody's talking to me but I can hear them. I must be the most Dumbest person ever. I wish I could get outta here I need to just leave

I think you are a very intelligent and brave young lady.

You know how you are blaming yourself? Parents go through blaming themselves and sometimes each other. They go through the thoughts of what they could have done to protect their baby (in their eyes you will always be a baby), why couldn't they see this coming, how they can help and protect you now, whether to confront the man, etc. If they were involved in you beginning this job, then there is another layer blame they will have to work through.

You still haven't said if he used a condom or how long ago this happened. If your clothes haven't been washed, they need to be put in a plastic bag. This is something you can do.

I am becoming concerned about the unanswered questions. Nothing is tingling so far, seems sincere but, again, important questions are not being answered.

I am becoming concerned about the unanswered questions. Nothing is tingling so far, seems sincere but, again, important questions are not being answered.
I too am wary. Twelve hours' difference in time?

I'm just uneasy. I'm not sure this isn't 1 person, 2 names - not sure at all.

It happened on Saturday I only babysit on weekends. He didn't use a condom but he said he pulled out so it was all right. I left the clothes I wore in my clothes basket in my room.I don't know about time difference but right now it's 7:35 in the morning. I just wanted some help that's all I didn't come on here to I don't know I just didn't know what to do. And I'm not one person two names what ever that means. I just wanted someone to talk to

He didn't use a condom but he said he pulled out so it was alright.
No, that's NOT all right. You can get pregnant that way.

Have you and your parents talked yet?

It happened on Saturday I only babysit on weekends. He didn't use a condom but he said he pulled out so it was alright. I left the clothes I wore in my clothes basket in my room.I don't know about time difference but right now it's 7:35 in the morning. I just wanted some help that's all I didn't come on here to I don't know I just didn't know what to do. And I'm not one person two names what ever that means. I just wanted someone to talk to

Adrian, I don't want to alarm you but the 'pull-out' method is a good way to get pregnant. It is most effective between long time partners who know when her ovulation cycle and plan ahead. It is more than just pulling out before ejaculating. Pre-ejaculate can contain sperm.

Put the clothes in a plastic bag.

How are things with your parents at this moment?

My mum spoke to me last night she said they were taking me to the police station in the morning. I'm nervous to go but I'm ready. I didn't know I could get pregnant still can't you take the morning after pill. I know my dad is not happy with me I heard him last night talking about me he called me a slut and that I brought shame to his family then and then I don't even want to say the names he called the other guy. He was very angry

I heard him last night talking about me he called me a slut and that I brought shame to his family then and then I don't even want to say the names he called the other guy. He was very angry
Did he read this thread? Certainly he realizes this was rape.

I don't know if he read it I showed mum. I don't really care anymore I have to go to police station now mum said we leaving in 10 minutes I wish it was just mum coming but dads took time off work. I put the clothes in a bag so thanks for the advise

I don't know if he read it I showed mum. I don't really care anymore I have to go to police station now mum said we leaving in 10 minutes I wish it was just mum coming but dads took time off work. I put the clothes in a bag so thanks for the advise
Be sure to let us know how this goes. We are all here for you.

Your dad is angry and acting foolish. You can have him read this. I understand the anger, but he has to understand that you were taken advantage of. You are not a slut, just a foolish immature girl who fell prey to a predator.

Hopefully the people at the police station will explain that to him.

Its too late for the morning after pill so you just have to pray. The chances are small that you are, but it is possible. And yes, please let us know how things go.

Worst day of my life I've never been so embarrassed. I just want this day to be over already.

I'm sorry Honey, but this may be just the beginning. We are here for you. We will do our best to help you through this. Please take comfort that you are stopping a predator from preying on other young girls. Can you tell us what the police said?

Wonder if the father is angry with himself - the child had sex in the child's house, in her bedroom. I don't know where parents/siblings were.

I'm amazed she went to the Police Station and, based on a call by the parents, they didn't send their sexual assault "team" to her house to avoid the embarrassment of the appearance at the Police Station. There's also the physical exam - if we know when this happened.

Wonder if the father is angry with himself - the child had sex in the child's house, in her bedroom. I don't know where parents/siblings were.

I'm amazed she went to the Police Station and, based on a call by the parents, they didn't send their sexual assault "team" to her house to avoid the embarrassment of the appearance at the Police Station. There's also the physical exam - if we know when this happened.

Judy, may I ask if you read something I haven't? Did I miss something?

According to Adrian, the encounter took place in a park not in her bedroom. I also missed where she said that they called the police. It sounds more like they were going to the station without calling.


I live in Australia I don't think it's illegal. I didn't come on to him he said he wanted to talk so we went to the park, I don't know how I happened we were talking and then he just started kissing me. I just didnt know what to do. It's not like he forced me, I'm not to experienced with this situation.

You're right on the clothes - I read the hamper and didn't recall that the rape happened in the park.

I am still concerned, not by the OP but by the parents, that they didn't call the Police instead of taking her to the Police Station.

That was not a criticism of the OP - that is how sex crimes are handled in my area (and I'm not in Australia, of course). Rape victims, particularly underage, are interviewed in their homes, particularly in a small town.

I spent most of the day at the police station. I had to tell them what happened and then answer their questions while mum sat there. It was horrible. After that they took me to the hospital where a lady doctor examined me and took evidence which I don't understand seeing as it happened a week ago nearly. They came to my house and took the clothes you said to put it the bag. They said that depending on the physical evidence he would be charged with having intercourse with a minor can't remember exactly what they called it was kind of in my own world. They said they were going to nicks house to take him in for questioning. They want me to go and get councilling from SARC but I don't want to I just want this to all go away what mess

Adrian, will give counseling a try? At least two or three sessions? It may not seem like it would help to you at this moment, but you can't make it go away just by wishing or hiding. Talking to a person who is there to listen to you and guide you through the process will help if you allow it.

I am going to be honest with you. I think you need to be able to talk to someone you know doesn't have any negative thoughts about you. Someone who can help you and your parents understand that you are not to blame. Someone who can help you find ways to rebuild your self-confidence and esteem.

I can't speak for the other posters, but I am concerned about your mental state and I do not want you to hurt yourself any more. So, please, give counseling a try.

I just feel so terrible I don't think any of this was a good idea I don't see how talking about it is going to make anything better. My whole life is a mess all because I was stupid and it's not even over yet if they press charges and he pleads not guilty then I have to go to court which could take months to a year. It's never going to be over.

Honey, I know you don't feel it now, but it WAS a good idea to go to the police. Someday you will realize it. Look at how you were feeling before. Read back over this thread. You were very much a mess. Worrying about him wanting more, putting yourself down for doing it, etc. Your feelings would have just gotten worse. You would have been beating yourself up forever.

Now there will be an end. He will be punished for what he did to you and make no mistake about he did this to you. You are the victim and he is the predator. Some day you will look back on this be proud of yourself for standing up to a predator and making him pay for what he did to you.

Please DO go for counseling. You need it badly and it will help you deal with what is going to happen next. It will probably get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. And, again, your life is a mess NOT because you were stupid but because he took advantage of you. He is to blame here, not you. Clearly, he had this in mind when he asked you to go to the park. He planned to take advantage of you. He is a sick man and needed to be stopped.

I feel like my life is in such a mess right now I can't sleep I've been up all night thinking it's nearly morning and I still can't sleep. I just feel so confused how can I get my brain to stop thinking so I can sleep. I took some of my mums sleeping pills and that's not even working

I feel like my life is in such a mess right now I can't sleep I've been up all night thinking it's nearly morning and I still can't sleep. I just feel so confused how can I get my brain to stop thinking so I can sleep. I took some of my mums sleeping pills and that's not even working

How is it going with your parents? Are they talking to you about what happened? Have you told them how you're feeling about all of this? If not, you should.

Counseling would be a very good idea.

I haven't really spoken to my parents I've just been staying in my room . I'm to embarrassed to even look at my mum and I don't even want to see dad I don't know what he's thinking. Mum comes to my room to ask me If I'm hungry but she doesn't say much else. I've just locked my door and don't come out. I don't want to do councilling don't see how that's going to help just have to suck it up I guess. Think I just need sleep

I havnt really spoken to my parents I've just been staying in my room . I'm to embarrassed to even look at my mum and I don't even want to see dad I don't know what he's thinking. Mum comes to my room to ask me If I'm hungry but she dosn't say much else. I've just locked my door and don't come out. I don't want to do councilling don't see how that's gonna help just have to suck it up I guess. Think I just need sleep

She may be giving you time to come to her. She may not want it to seem like she is forcing you to talk. Try opening the door and letting her in. She can't hold you if you push her away.

I have already explained why you should give counseling a chance. If you are concerned about one-on-one sessions, ask about support groups. I think it will help if you realize you are not the only person has or is dealing with a situation like yours.

I havnt really spoken to my parents I've just been staying in my room . I'm to embarrassed to even look at my mum and I don't even want to see dad I don't know what he's thinking. Mum comes to my room to ask me If I'm hungry but she dosn't say much else. I've just locked my door and don't come out. I don't want to do councilling don't see how that's gonna help just have to suck it up I guess. Think I just need sleep

Adrian, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself, and I'm hoping that what I tell you will help a bit.

I was molested as a child by my cousin. I was 5 at the time, she (yes, my molester was a female) was a teen. It went on for years. She was my babysitter. I never told my parents.

When I was 18 I was raped by a friend of an ex-boyfriend. He came to my house while my parents were away, and I let him in because I knew him. He raped me, I didn't give consent at all. I never told anyone about that either. I wasn't as brave as you have been.

For many years I didn't talk about it, I tried to forget about it, and I tried to just live my life. I told no one at all.

When my daughter turned 5, I had a breakdown. I looked at my sweet child and realized that she was the same age I was when I was molested. For so many years I had tried to forget, but I never did, I just put it (5 year old me) in a closet, shut the door, and tried to forget. I can't really describe the feeling to you, but that 5 year old I had shut away, in my mind wasn't really 5, she was an adult, someone that should have done something about this, someone that was somehow responsible for what happened. I shut out that child I was, and turned her into someone that was to blame for everything that happened. When my daughter turned 5 it hit me. How could I have held 5 year old me responsible? I was just a child, just like my daughter. Would I hold my child responsible if it happened to her? Of course not! So why was I doing just that to myself?

I actually posted about it on this site, and if you want I'll post the link for you, if you want to read it. The people on this site are the very reason I finally got the help I needed in order to move on with my life. My daughter is now 10, she's currently at a cabin for the weekend with a friend, the friends sister, and the friends father. The mother had to work so she couldn't go. Five years ago the very thought of letting my daughter go to a sleepover, especially when only the father was present, would have been unthinkable. Five years ago I viewed every person as a potential predator.

Counseling doesn't mean you're crazy. Counseling is about talking your feelings through, learning to deal with those feelings, learning to accept them, and learning to move on.

You'll never forget, but you can move forward. But, until you learn to deal with the feelings you're having now, you'll never be able to move forward, you'll always be looking back.

I urge you to consider counseling. I really wish I had told my parents what happened to me, and I really wish I had gotten help before. I can't tell you how much counseling has helped me.

I feel ashamed for what has happened I guess I'm just scared what a councillor would think of me or anyone would think of me for what I've done. I don't know if I could sit there and tell someone what happened all over again. But I don't won't to feel like this for ever and I've tried not to think about it and it's all I seem to think about and if you say it helps I suppose I should give it a try.

Honey, Read what Alty said, then reread again and again. Let it sink in. You are not the only person who has ever gone through a devastating experience. Counselors are trained to help people get through them. Your parents have no experience with a situation like this so they don't know how to help you. They need counseling too.

I said earlier this may get worse before it gets better. But the only way it will get better is if you talk about it. Especially talk to someone trained to deal with it.

I feel ashamed for what has happened I guess I'm just scared what a councillor would think of me or anyone would think of me for what I've done. I don't know if I could sit there and tell someone what happened all over again. But I don't won't to feel like this for ever and I've tried not to think about it and it's all I seem to think about and if you say it helps I suppose I should give it a try.

Counselors don't judge, and even if they did, there's nothing to judge. I can't stress enough that you were not to blame for what happened. Do you think I was to blame for what happened to me? I was a child, just like you're a child.

It won't be easy to tell anyone what happened, but it's a lot easier to tell a stranger than it is to tell someone you love and care about. Counselors are trained to listen, not to judge, and to help you find a way to deal with what happened.

I was 37 before I ever got help for what happened to me at the age of 5. For all those years I held it in, or so I thought. But I never truly held it in. I covered it up, and did a pretty poor job of it. If I could go back in time and tell my parents what happened, if I could have gotten help sooner, I'd do it in a heart beat. Hell, if I'm going to go back in time, I'd go back and beg my parents not to let my cousin babysit me ever. Sadly I can't do that. What's done is done, I've had to live with what was done to me, and I have lived, but my life has definitely been better since I started counseling.

Talk to your parents, tell them you're having a hard time dealing with this, that you would like to go to counseling. That part won't be easy at first either, because talking about it does bring everything back, but, the more you talk about it, the easier it gets.

At least give counseling a try. Not just one or two sessions, but a good honest try, which means you have to meet the counselor half way. Okay?

I really would hate to see this ruin your life because you somehow feel that you should be punished, when you did nothing wrong.

I feel ashamed for what has happened I guess I'm just scared what a councillor would think of me or anyone would think of me for what I've done. I don't know if I could sit there and tell someone what happened all over again. But I don't won't to feel like this for ever and I've tried not to think about it and it's all I seem to think about and if you say it helps I suppose I should give it a try.

But the issue is not what YOU did. The issue is what HE did. I can't emphasize enough that YOU are the victim here. Some people will think badly of you but most will understand that he is the one to blame here.

Go to your mother and ask her to call the people they recommended you talk to.

I'm just scared what a councillor would think of me or anyone would think of me for what I've done.
I'm a counselor, and the same kind of counselor I hope you will go to. You really do need to do this. A counselor will not blame you or judge you, but will help you work through all your anger and pain and false guilt, and then will help you realize HE is the bad person and the one who needs be ashamed, not you.

I don't know how many times a client has said to me, "This is going to shock you." So far, I haven't been shocked because I know how much that client was suffering and how that client needed to talk about what had happened. Every single one of them eventually said, "I am so very glad I came to counseling." And that's the honest truth.

Well I spoke to my mum that was not easy she said she has already made an appointment for me. She keeps on crying I don't understand why she's crying I'd rather her just be mad at me. People my age have sex all the time I know it's a stupid thing to do but it happens so I don't understand why she's so upset about me. I know you all told me it's because of my age it's illegal. But I just want to be able to understand how she's feeling. I don't want her to cry it makes me feel terrible. I know you said it was a the right thing to tell so it never happens again but it just made things horrible. But I respect the advice you all have given me and relise that I probably don't know what's best for me, obviously look at the choices I made, so I'm going to give this talking ago.

She keeps on crying I don't understand why shes crying I'd rather her just be mad at me.
I'm betting she isn't crying because she is mad at you. I'm betting she's crying because he stole your innocence, your virginity. I don't have daughters, but if you were mine, I'd be crying too and very, very angry at that male (who is married! And has kids of his own!! Whom she trusted to allow her daughter to work for him!! ) who did this to you.

Well I don't suppose there is anything I can say to her to make her stop crying. I don't want her to be upset

Well I spoke to my mum that was not easy she said she has already made an appointment for me. She keeps on crying I don't understand why shes crying I'd rather her just be mad at me. People my age have sex all the time I know it's a stupid thing to do but it happens so I don't understand why she's so upset about me. I know you all told me it's because of my age it's illegal. But I just want to be able to understand how she's feeling. I don't want her to cry it makes me feel terrible. I know you said it was a the right thing to tell so it never happens again but it just made things horrible. But I respect the advice you all have given me and relise that I probaly don't know what's best for me, obviously look at the choices I made, so I'm going to give this talking ago.

Sweetie, she's crying because you were raped, she wasn't there to protect you, she trusted this man and let you babysit for him and his wife, and he took advantage of you. She probably feels guilty, feels that she should have been able to prevent it somehow. That's what moms do. You'll understand better when you're a mom.

She feels helpless right now, she feels angry (not at you, at him), she feels scared because it happened and she couldn't protect you. She probably feels like going over to his home and making sure he never has the chance to do this to anyone else. She's probably remembering all the times you were babysitting when she thought you were safe, and you weren't. You're her little girl. No matter how old you get, even when you're an adult, you'll always be her little girl.

Talk to her, let her know how you're feeling, let her know that seeing her cry makes you feel worse, let her know that you wish you'd never told her because you feel that it made things worse. Let her know that you love her, and that her not talking to you is scaring you, and making you feel like she blames you. Give her a chance to realize that she's not being supportive right now. But, realize that she is human. I realize that to kids moms are superhuman, supposed to be able to take anything, and handle anything, but we moms are human, and at times we really don't know what to do, and when it comes to our kids, not knowing what to do, or how to handle something, is very scary.

Adrian, maybe you should ask your mother to join this site, read everything we've written from the beginning to the end, and talk to us about it. It may help her to come here and talk to us, get our opinion, and get some help too. She needs help right now just as much as you do.

I will ask her and thanks for helping me understand how mum is feeling I don't know if I will talk to her about how I'm feeling though I don't want her to feel worse.

I will ask her and thanks for helping me understand how mum is feeling I don't know if I will talk to her about how I'm feeling though I don't want her to feel worse.

You're the child, it's her job to help. You won't make her feel worse. In fact, talking to her about it, explaining how you feel, may make her feel better, because being a mother to you, and helping you get through this, is what she does. Being given the chance to help will make her stop thinking about her issues with this, and help her to concentrate on what's important right now, which is you.

Sometimes we moms need a bit of a slap. Not a real slap, but something to make us snap out of the "it's all my fault, I should have protected her, I should have known, I should have been able to stop this" and into "I need to help her, I need to be a mom right now, I need to suck it up and realize this isn't about me, it's about my child", mode.

I will ask her and thanks for helping me understand how mum is feeling I don't know if I will talk to her about how I'm feeling though I don't want her to feel worse.
If anything, reading this will make her feel a little better because she will know how much total strangers are angry and upset about this.

If anything, reading this will make her feel a little better because she will know how much total strangers are angry and upset about this.

Exactly. She'll also know that we understand how she's feeling as well, because we're all moms, or dads.

Truth is, Adrian isn't the only one that needs help dealing with this. Mom and Dad do too.

I agree having your parents participate in this thread is a good idea. WG and Alty have nailed it on the head. Mom is crying not because she's mad at you but because she couldn't protect you.

The fact that she already made an appointment with a counselor for you shows this.

If anything, reading this will make her feel a little better because she will know how much total strangers are angry and upset about this.

It will also show her that we aren't blaming her. There is support for her and your father here, too.

The only person who deserves to take the blame is the person who took advantage of you.

You and your family deserve compassion and understanding.

Well I spoke to my mum that was not easy she said she has already made an appointment for me. She keeps on crying I don't understand why shes crying I'd rather her just be mad at me. People my age have sex all the time I know it's a stupid thing to do but it happens so I don't understand why she's so upset about me. I know you all told me it's because of my age it's illegal. But I just want to be able to understand how she's feeling. I don't want her to cry it makes me feel terrible. I know you said it was a the right thing to tell so it never happens again but it just made things horrible. But I respect the advice you all have given me and relise that I probaly don't know what's best for me, obviously look at the choices I made, so I'm going to give this talking ago.

She's crying because she feels badly to have trusted for you to babysit for this family. She's crying because you are more precious to her than you will ever know. And she's crying because she wanted your first sexual experience to be with a man you truly loved and who loved you back, and for you to be old enough to enter into it as a mature adult woman, with full consent. As she sees you work through it and sees this incident has not ruined your life or future, she will feel better. We moms care more about what happens to our children than what happens to ourselves. She's probably crying some out of anger, too, at this man.

When you are in counseling, they will explain that you really weren't old enough or mature or experienced enough to be allowed to "choose" this. It's not unusual for a young girl or guy to be willing to consent to sex with an adult, but the way it's supposed to work is that the adult is supposed to actually act like an adult in the situation. Even if you threw yourself at the guy, his responsibility as the adult was to say, "you are not old enough and I am a married man. It would be wrong for me to do anything like that with you and it's wrong for you to do those things with anyone until you are older." He orchestrated the opportunity and set no boundaries, and that is why he is wrong in the situation.

Good for you for telling your mom. Things will get better now - no secrets from your folks, and you can get counseling and learn how to identify when someone is taking advantage of you in the future, and can move past it.

Thank you everybody for all your help. I think my mum read this thread. She spoke to me today we had along talk about everything. You were right she's not mad at me just a little disappointed but I understand I deserve that. I go see a councillor tomorrow I feel a little better already just talking to mum. She said dad was just angry when he said those bad things about me and that he just needs time to cool down so I've been staying away from him.

If I were his wife I would want you to tell me. If you were my daughter I would want you to tell me. I really think you need to say something. He definitely took advantage of you. Unfortunately he will continue to do this to other girls as long as he's able. Stand up for yourself girl. I don't think you will ever regret standing up for yourself but years from now, as an adult, you will look back and see what a creep this guy is, and you will regret not saying something. Listen to what we are telling you. There's a reason.

Thankyou everybody for all your help. I think my mum read this thread. She spoke to me today we had along talk about everything. You were right she's not mad at me just a little disappointed but I understand I deserve that. I go see a councillor tomorrow I feel a little better already just talking to mum. She said dad was just angry when he said those bad things about me and that he just needs time to cool down so I've been staying away from him.

Adrian, A lot of use help out at this site for just such threads as this one. Your situation and the way its panning out helps us feel our efforts were worthwhile. So you have helped us too. We will continue to be here for you and your family. Please keep talking to us and keeping us posted as to how this progresses.


If i were his wife i would want you to tell me. If you were my daughter I would want you to tell me. I really think you need to say something.

When you have a thread this long please read it through before responding. Had you done so you would have since that Adrian has been very brave and did report her rape. So your advice is way late.

Thankyou everybody for all your help. I think my mum read this thread. She spoke to me today we had along talk about everything. You were right she's not mad at me just a little disappointed but I understand I deserve that. I go see a councillor tomorrow I feel a little better already just talking to mum. She said dad was just angry when he said those bad things about me and that he just needs time to cool down so I've been staying away from him.

I'm so glad you and your mom talked. Remember, for dad it's anger, not at you (sadly he seems to be lashing at you) but at this man that took advantage of his baby girl. For moms it's emotional, for most dads it's more than emotion, they want to kill the man that did this to their child, they want to fight to protect their child. But dad can't do that, he'd be the one that ended up in jail if he did.

He has no outlet to get rid of this anger, so he's taking it out on the one person that isn't to blame, and that's you. Dad needs time. That's all.

Moms hug and kiss the booboo better, dads get mad because there is a booboo. Men are fixers, and when it comes to something like this, that they can't fix, they often don't deal with it very well. Give him time okay? He loves you, he just doesn't know how to handle this right now.

I went to my appointment today I don't like it I found it very uncomfortable talking to someone I don't know. At least on this site I don't have to sit in front of someone and look at them and talk. I don't even know this person it feels weird. I don't know how it's going to help it just makes me feel uncomfortable but I promised myself to try as you all said it was a good idea.

I went to my appointment today I don't like it I found it very uncomfortable talking to someone I don't know. At least on this site I don't have to sit in front of someone and look at them and talk. I don't even know this person it feels weird. I don't know how it's gonna help it just makes me feel uncomfortable but I promised myself to try as you all said it was a good idea.
Yes, your counselor is a stranger. Give her a chance. The first session or two or even three should be a "getting to know you" time. Is that being done?

One of my girl clients was very shy and didn't want to talk, but she loved art, so we drew horses and dogs and other pictures until she felt comfortable with me. During that drawing time, we didn't talk therapy stuff, just got to know each other.

Another girl client wanted to be a cheerleader, and it turned out she didn't know her times tables, so at the first sessions and now and then during a break in talking, we made up cheers with times problems -- "Give me a 6 times 7. What do you get? 42!!! Yay!"

I always tried to figure out ways to get to know my clients and help both of us feel comfortable One of my male clients was from the Philippines and told me I didn't know anything about him or his culture. My best friend happened to be a Filipina nurse, so my client and I talked about how many people from his country go into medicine. His sisters were nurses. He never missed a session after that!

It just feels strange sitting there answering questions about myself. I just don't like it I feel uncomfortable I feel like I'm back at the police station getting asked a million questions about my life. But I suppose it will get better maybe I should have just waited a little while before I went

It just feels strange sitting there answering questions about myself. I just don't like it I feel uncomfortable I feel like I'm back at the police station getting asked a million questions about my life. But I suppose it will get better maybe I should of just waited a little while before I went
How about doing this -- tell the counselor exactly that, that you feel very uncomfortable answering questions about yourself, like you are on a personal Jeopardy TV show or being cross-examined or something.

Would you be willing to write stuff down instead of talking out loud?

Remember also that the counselor needs to get to know you to understand how you feel before they can help you. It might help to suggest to the counselor to read this thread too. That might give her a head start.

I suppose that would be heaps easier to write it down. Would they let me do that. I'm not to sure why I'm going I can't see myself really being able to do this but I'll keep going.

I suppose that would be heaps easier to write it down. Would they let me do that. I'm not to sure why I'm going I can't see myself really being able to do this but I'll keep going.
Of course you can! You are the client and counseling is for YOU! Whatever works for you is what should work for the counselor. Art, writing, doing cheers, even singing. Like Scott said, print out this thread and let her read it.

As a counselor, I want to keep up with this and know what is going on. I'm nosy that way.

Thanks that would be easier to let her read this thread I supposed. I'm just a bit unsure how I feel about this whole talking thing. It's another person that will know who I am and what I've done. Anyway I should suck it up and just do this

Thanks that would be easier to let her read this thread I supposed. I'm just a bit unsure how I feel about this whole talking thing. It's another person that will know who I am and what I've done. Anyway I should suck it up and just do this
But she is bound to keep anything you say confidential. Make sure of that by asking her. And keep me (us) informed about how this goes!

If it's a good counselor, she will let you go at your own pace, work with what makes you feel more comfortable. She will also make you feel more comfortable and, in time, you will open up more. Remember what you get out of counseling depends on what you put into it.

But also, we can only do so much for you. You need a professional who can spend more than a few second responding to posts. We can help, but you need someone to open up to.

Thanks I understand what you are saying. I guess your right the more I get to know her the easier it will become I just need to think more posative

I suppose that would be heaps easier to write it down. Would they let me do that. I'm not to sure why I'm going I can't see myself really being able to do this but I'll keep going.

One of the things that really help me when I was doing some counselling was keeping a honest journal. Writing down all the little things and being brutally honest about it.

My problem is that my brain likes to jump around and remind me off all the embarrassing stuff I have done. All the times I have fell short. How I will never be the person I want to be. I started to write down what caused these feelings, what the thoughts here, what the feelings were and why what happened was perfectly fine. So long as it is private you can write whatever you want. I found it clarified a lot of my thoughts too, put feeling into word and allowed me to tease it out instead of dwelling on it. You might be surprised what you find in it.

I think it is a little off topic. I have been reading this thread since near the start, but didn't really think I was qualified enough to add anything.

I feel for you. I know the next little bit is going to suck a lot. It does get better. This might go away or it might not. After a little bit it just won't be relevant any more. Life goes on and you will make of it what you will.

Just don't let this govern your life.

one of the things that really help me when I was doing some counselling was keeping a honest journal. Writing down all the little things and being brutally honest about it.
1) A brutally honest journal would be private, like you say, for no one's eyes but her own. 2) What Scott and I are saying, since she is somewhat uncomfortable talking about this with a stranger (the counselor), is to print out this thread and show it to the counselor or 3) write down a list at home that she is willing to share with the counselor OR 4) she and the counselor have a silent session where all they do is write back and forth to each other.

Don't give up on counseling. It's uncomfortable to talk about such personal things with anyone but it's worthwhile. And they don't just offer instant remedies. Go several times and if you're not connecting or feeling it's helping, try someone else.