By "save him", I mean that I have worries that he could turn into an abuser and I want to stop that from happening. We have known each other since the 6th grade, so for ten years. We've been dating for 1.5 years. He told me I was his first love back in 9th grade, and I dismissed it because I was with someone else and just wasn't interested. He was my best friend for years. He was amazingly sweet, the "nice guy", the guy I always turned to but not romantically. We parted ways because he got a girlfriend who disliked me because she knew he liked me and I had a one night stand with him. I felt horrible, so I left and told him to never talk to me again and he was heartbroken. Didn't talk for two years then I initiated contact and he immediately told me he loved me and I decided to give it a shot. I don't know why I'm saying all this. I guess just a back story.

The beginning was amazing. He’s changed first off. He talked like the old best friend I knew but he was older, taller, sexier, intelligent, experienced. I could go on all day. Then I made a huge mistake hurting him by leaving for another guy. I didn't actually leave for another guy though. I just didn't want to tell him that I was scared of commitment so I used some other guy who liked me as an excuse. I realized almost immediately that it was a mistake and asked for him back. Then he started changing.

He's more aggressive now. It started with small things like video games. He has EXTREME anger issues. Like throwing husband controller, kicking furniture, breaking things, saying things like "you stupid slut I hope you burn in hell nobody loves you etc." to the TV. It freaks me out. When he gets angry he gives me looks like he wants to kill me but it was only looks. The more the days go by, the angrier he becomes. Now he's telling me shut up all the time, even just joking, but I've told him to stop it I don't like it. He says stop talking, let me ****ing finish, whatever, "just stop" whenever we argue and he won't let me talk. I just have to listen to his point of you and if I try to say anything he says shut up stop or does thus shaking grunt thing that I can’t explain but it means for me to shut up.

He won't let me wear high heels outside or in front of anyone but him. He says they make me out to be slutty. I'd get mad if he called me slutty and he'd quickly apologize and say that's not what he meant that he meant it "looks" slutty that's all. Same with dresses, or certain makeup, or anything revealing. If I do wear it he'll get angry or upset and acts like I'm wearing my dang lingerie outside and I feel slutty and change. Like he doesn't even have to say anything, he just says ugh do whatever you want and looks at me disgustingly and walks out the room but I can tell what he's thinking too

If he does anything wrong I have to apologize or make him feel better because he starts saying he hates himself and that he just wants to die and keeps ******ing up. He takes everything out on me now. Today he didn't do something he supposed to at work. He started yelling at me and I said I'm sorry it will work out and that goes on for another 10 minutes and I just don't understand why I'm apologizing. I'm here for him to comfort him but I didn't do anything wrong. I even apologized and held and comforted him when he cheated on me 3 times. There is a 4th girl but we were technically together but on a break. To me it counts and hurt just as much. But he still "technically" did no wrong

I wanted to go to cosmetology school but he wouldn't let me. Told me I was better than that and that it would disappoint him. I thought about massage therapy and he said no because slutty girls do that. And if I ever gave a male a massage he'd kill the guy.

I can't have guy friends either. But that's not his fault. For some reason I can't seem time befriend a guy (unless he's gay) that won't try to make a move at one point. They all don't respect that I'm in a relationship. I stopped being friends with one of my best friends who I would have taken a bullet for because he kissed me and kept trying to break us up. He had my phone and that very moment this guy who I thought was actually interested in buying my paintings said something that my boyfriend wouldn't tell me but was apparently enough to make him say if he ever saw him he'd choke him to death. And he has my fb password ( he saw me type it one time and remembered it) went through messages and told every guy that hit on me to eff off and how ugly they were pretending to be me and didn't know till someone sent me a very angry text

He doesn’t like any of my friends, calls them all bad influences and trash and that I'm better than him. It hurts to hear that stuff and whenever I defend them we fight and fight big. Now I just didn't have friends anymore because I'd rather not fight. A night out with the girls sounds so nice especially now but it's not worth the tears and screaming that comes out of it if I do it. So my social life is really nonexistent and I used to be the most social girl. I was a cheerleader and I thought it was perfect because he played football but he made me quit. Said cheer leaders were *****y and were never amount to anything. I was I. Student council and key club but he made me quit those. Took up my time with him. If he wants me to feel bad and stop something he'll tell me I'm disappointing him or that he never thought a girl like me would do such low or dirty things etc.

His anger is really starting to hurt me and scare me. He pushes hands in my face when he wants me to stop talking and once when I tried saying something and he picked up one of his football trophies and scream I just want to throw this at your face! His face all red.
I'm like walking on eggshells because he gets angry by anything now. Everything I say only makes it worse. Even sorry make him more angry. I don't know what to do :(

One second he's like this but then the next he's crying telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me and how beautiful I am and that he doesn't deserve me etc. He said he only acts that way because he's scared time other guy will sweep me off my feet like before (I told him I didn't really leave for someone else but he doesn't believe me). He says he only angry because so much stress in his life is coming at him all at once and he can't take it. He has an excuse for everything. I just don't know which are real excuses.

He doesn't like my family, but I don't blame him. My dad is a Vietnam veteran and an ***. He once told my boyfriend (because my boyfriend had his and crossed) that pussies only stand like that. Just statements like that all the time to me and him. He called me stupid and a waste of space all the time that when I die no one will miss me except my mom and shell forget me in a few months, things like that so my boyfriend hates him.
Even though my dad is like this my entire family loves him and thinks he’s perfect. My mom has gambling addictions and my sister is really close to my dad so she's sarcastic and really rude to people without meaning to be. Only 13.

I have a dysfunctional family and so does he so our problems, my family problems, his family problems (mom is always yelling @ him, dad does drugs and gambles, 3 sisters on meth roxies and heroine, and one tried to get me to try which made him fight her) and his work problems all fall on his shoulders and he's only 19 in July. Plus his anger problems. He's getting more and more hateful every day.

I would leave if this were any other guy. But he's my first love. I've been in many relationships before but didn't believe in love and when someone said they loved me I left. I can’t seem to leave him. I feel dependent. I'm really insecure for the past year. Crying all the time and just trying to make him happy. I'm exhausted and sad. But I don't think I can live without him. This is all very weird to tell to a bunch of anonymous strangers on the internet.. . But I have no one to turn to.

My questions are simple but my story was all over the place I know. I just need overall advice and help too.

So help? :c

Sorry for all the typos and weird words missing words etc. I am using a new phone and made a lot of mistakes without revising. All the ings and the why by itself were cures words. I can't fix all of my typos ,but hopefully it is readable.

You can't change him or "save" him... this is something he needs to do himself and he doesn't seem willing to do it. Most controllers/abusers will not.

He is controlling you and with his outbursts, it is probably only a matter of time before he starts abusing you physically rather than only mentally like he is doing now. It will happen... and then you will make more excuses for why you need to stay with him.

You know you need to leave him... deep down you know you do. You are tired and exhausted from this. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. You need to apologize to him for things that you aren't even responsible for. Does this sound healthy to you? Of course not. It's not healthy for you physically or mentally. This is a terrible situation, it really is.

One thing that does amuse me though... you claimed you left him for someone else and he is freaking out about that but apparently it was OK for him to cheat on you at least 3 times? How does that work? He can cheat and you need to apologize when he does but you're held to a different standard? Seems kind of weird to me.

Anyway, as I already said, you know what you need to do. I know you're not going to leave him. I see all too many people come here with similar stories and then nothing but excuses of why they do or why they should stay and why they are willing to put up with being treated this way. I sympathize and I feel for you because I understand it is a terrible thing the way he has your mind programmed that you can't leave him for whatever reason. Truth is, you would be better off without him. You would thrive without him. You would feel alive again without him. You really would.

I wish you luck.

You can't save him, so save yourself because like the dysfunctional families you come from, he has become an abuser already and you are his unhappy abused victim, and enabler. Sorry, until you leave and help yourself, NOTHING will change and it gets worse.

Will he go for help with you?

You can't change him or "save" him....this is something he needs to do himself and he doesn't seem willing to do it. Most controllers/abusers will not.

He is controlling you and with his outbursts, it is probably only a matter of time before he starts abusing you physically rather than only mentally like he is doing now. It will happen....and then you will make more excuses for why you need to stay with him.

You know you need to leave him...deep down you know you do. You are tired and exhausted from this. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. You need to apologize to him for things that you aren't even responsible for. Does this sound healthy to you? Of course not. It's not healthy for you physically or mentally. This is a terrible situation, it really is.

One thing that does amuse me though....you claimed you left him for someone else and he is freaking out about that but apparently it was ok for him to cheat on you at least 3 times? How does that work? He can cheat and you need to apologize when he does but you're held to a different standard? Seems kind of weird to me.

Anyway, as I already said, you know what you need to do. I know you're not going to leave him. I see all too many people come here with similar stories and then nothing but excuses of why they do or why they should stay and why they are willing to put up with being treated this way. I sympathize and I feel for you because I understand it is a terrible thing the way he has your mind programmed that you can't leave him for whatever reason. Truth is, you would be better off without him. You would thrive without him. You would feel alive again without him. You really would.

I wish you Well I left and I never should. He was the perfect guy before and treated me like a queen, then I left because it felt too serious. Then he was saying things like I'm going to kill myself I can't live without you etc. So we start talking again and I asked him back right away. Then I found out that he started talking to a girl and also partied with his "bestfriend" whom he told me he never had any feelings for. He messed around with both and I had to pry the truth out of him. Then a co worker tried to kiss him at work and another co worker he became intersted in while we were on a break. Hes very sexual and lots I mesn LOTS of girls are always trying to be with him and he loves attention. He has a bit of an ego. At fist he would tell girls and his friends that he has a beautiful girl and he's OK but now he loves the attention. His excuse with his best friends was that they were drunk and he apologized and cried but I always end up apologizing and telling him it's okay I forgive him because he and that's saying things like I want to kill myself now I'm such a horrible a****** etc and he'll hit himself and punch his face. I know weird. And the second girl I had to find out and the same thing happened again. The third girl I found out at six in the morning and I try to leave packing up my things and we made up because his mom made us sit down with her and pray and it lighten the mood and I don't know I ended up for giving him again. The third girls and Rihanna break so I really couldn't say anything. He told me that the first two girls he was only for you with them because he was trying to move on because he thought that I'd like to do for good and that I didn't lover him anymore even if I said I did. Then the third girl he said because I wasn't being nice to him or having sex with hints because I was irritable around that time I lost my job. I know they are all poor excuses.. but every time I tell him how I feel he always goes back to when I initially left him saying I just wish you never left me in the first place. I think I ruined everything by doing that :(
I'm trying hard to leave but atm I don't have a job because my mom needs someone to take care of my niece my aunt passed and my mom and dad work. I don't have any friends anymore because of my boyfriend and I don't go to school because I can't figure out what to do since everything I wanted to doaren't good enough. All I have is him atm and I feel like if I leave I will be even more lonely. If I could move to another state right now and start all over I would do it in a heartbeat.


You can't save him, so save yourself because like the dysfunctional families you come from, he has become an abuser already and you are his unhappy abused victim, and enabler. Sorry, until you leave and help yourself, NOTHING will change and it gets worse.

Will he go for help with you?
At first he said he would take anger management classes but no if I say anything he gets offended and says that I'm insulting him and if I say because I'm just trying to fix the relationship he starts saying what a douche bag he is and hitting himself etc and I have to get him to stop.do you know of anyway to maybe confront him about it? He gets mad really easily so it's hard for me.

You cannot save, or change someone that doesn't want it for themselves. You can only save yourself, from his abuses. The ones I have seen try to change others never do, and hurt themselves worse in the process. I see you headed down that same path, unless you remove yourself from his influence completely.

You can't save him. BUT you can save yourself!

What you are experiencing is abuse. You are in an abusive relationship. Right now he hits himself (how stupid is that), but tomorrow he may hit you.

Currently this is a verbally and emotionally relationship, but I can promise you it will turn physical. That's something I can promise you, but I can't promise you when. It may be tomorrow, it may be next month or next week, but it WILL happen.

You need to remove yourself from this situation before it becomes that bad. Verbal and emotional abuse can cause life long lasting scars on your heart and in your psyche, while bruises only last a short time. Get out now while you still have yourself esteem, and life, intact.