Ok, here comes a long story. Thank you if you actually take the time to read this. I'm here for advice, so please keep any judgments putting me down to yourself. I already know what I've gotten myself into is not right on my part, which is why I am here for help.

Right now, I feel like I'm living two lives with two different people. I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over year a few months ago because he had cheated on me for the first 7 months of our relationship, abused me physically, sexually and emotionally, and just wasn't respectful at all in general. His family didn't like me because he had a child with another woman that they wanted him to be with instead of me and my family didn't like him because they thought he was an ****** . Now the next 4 months after that were good. I feel like I really helped him change into a better person and everyone saw it, but I still held A LOT of resentment for what he had put me through in the past. I cried myself to sleep multiple nights. I started seeing a therapist and she suggested I break up with him through a process, so over a few months I started seeing him less and less and eventually broke it off. I started seeing my friends again because I was completely sheltered when I was in the relationship.

I ended up meeting someone who is essentially perfect for me. We started "seeing each other" after only a few weeks, my ex and his family found out and hated me because it was so soon and they felt like I really screwed my ex over. The thing is, I didn't even feel like I was dating my ex for the last few months of the relationship. I held so much resentment against him that literally everything he did or said disgust me. Our sense of humors weren't the same and we didn't have the same tastes in much of anything really. What we did have in common was the sex and physical attraction, which is what we're having a very hard time letting go of now. We're also still best friends. I'm so close to him though that he's the only person I am completely myself around and that feels good. I feel comfortable. We've thought about trying to make it work again, but the past month has been hell. I started seeing someone else and he had sex with another woman to get back at me, without even knowing if I was having sex with the man or not. For a long time, he tried to hide it from me and say he only had kissed, until I finally forced it out of him. Now I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth a second chance with him.

The physical attraction, sex, and friendship pulls me back every time, meanwhile I have another amazing man who wants to treat me with respect, we have the same sense of humor, we get along so well, finish each other's thoughts, and my parents already love him and want me to be with him. I feel so wrong being with anyone at all at this point because I am so confused on what I want. I'm with the second man for a few days and it's great, then I'm with my ex for the next few days and we fight, then make it up sexually and everything is fine again. I was with my ex for so long every single day that it's hard to just stop talking to him or stop seeing him. We can't stand to see each other with anyone else either.

I don't know what to do. I feel like some sort of whore right now. I don't want to lead anyone on anymore. Please give me any kind of advice.

What you are going through isn't fair to your new boyfriend.
What I think you should do is not see any men with dating in mind for quite a while.
You and your ex are engaged in the game of all games, the one where you break up and then weasel out of each other what is going on. Compound that with fight/makeup sex, and you are in the midst of a total, absolute, 100% destructive slippery slope to disaster.

You are single and committed to no one right? Then lose the guilt and do as you please, or make a decision for a path that's right for you. One of honesty and truth and no shame or guilt.

Someday you will likely want more from life than just good sex, and will think beyond just the lust. I don't think you can see that yet. That's why you keep going back to the good sex.

For the first 7 months of a one year relationship you were with a man who physically, sexually, and emotionally abused you.

You can clearly see that the relationship was bound to fail, and with a little help through therapy, you were able to let him go.

But, you haven't really let him go, because you keep going back for the friendship and the sex.

While struggling with this, you are involved with another man at the same time, and now going back and forth between the two.

I don't think you should be with any man.

If you want a healthy relationship without the abuse you've described, with a new man, you first have to be over the first one- completely. To keep two men dangling leaves the first man thinking he can get you back into his life, to himself, and the second man thinking that maybe he has the beginnings of a great new relationship with you.

The deception to both, leaves you in a position of being between a rock and a hard place. There are no winners, and eventually the choices you make now, will more likely be decided for you in the end.

By that I mean, keep it up with boyfriend #1, and he will repeat the abusive behaviour, and likely be quite patient until he is control of you again, in order to be abusive. Keep this up with boyfriend #2, and he finds out about boyfriend #1, and if he's got any sense, he'll end the relationship.

Think of what has happened to you in the year you were with the first boyfriend. Think of the fact that he has not changed, and you are heading down a very slippery slope with him again.

If this second man is willing to give you the space you need to keep working toward being independent, then down the road, in the future, perhaps something can happen there. But to be in your position, not knowing what to do, and juggling two men, is about the last thing you need right now.

Please get back into therapy if you can. Consider the growing attraction to your first boyfriend, as a temporary setback, or a relapse, but please, don't throw away everything you've learned and done, to be rid of him.

It will be much harder to gain your freedom back, the next time, should you continue to have contact with him, no matter what it is.

You respected the therapist's advice up to a point and then must have decided the advice was wrong?

" I started seeing a therapist and she suggested I break up with him through a process, so over a few months I started seeing him less and less and eventually broke it off. "

You have to decide if it is sex you want most above everything else (like your future and well being) or not. Can you not satisfy your needs with the new guy or haven't you tried? Also, might be helpful to know the ages of all involved (sorry if I missed it).