I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years this past February. We had an amazing trip together in December before I went back to school January 3rd, and I thought things between us were better than ever. We discussed the distance and she reassured me that she would be perfectly fine with just being able to see me on weekends and breaks.

After I left, I could tell she was having a hard time handling the distance... she became really withdrawn and started staying out later each night until 2 am, and wasn't as talkative. I didn't question it until I saw her post on Facebook one night "So I find facial hair really attractive now".

I asked her what that was all about and she denied it was about anyone in particular. Well, a week later I find out she's been dating someone else on the side and that her new 'bf' believe she's already broken up with me. Naturally at that point I am just in awe and I don't know what to think, I felt devastated and betrayed and I tell her I can't be with her anymore.

She breaks down and becomes hysterical, begging me to stay, telling me that I'm the one she wants to marry, that she loves me and needs me in her life, and that she was just using this new guy because she didn't want to be alone anymore, and that their relationship isn't sexual at all... I struggle to buy it, and I tell her I simply can't be in that situation, and that maybe it would be best for us to start talking again after I get back from my semester.

She tells me she's ruined everything and that she doesn't want to live anymore if I'm not in her life, and I become worried and call her parents... they take her to the emergency room because she ended up cutting herself really badly and taking a bunch of pills. At that point I am just completely devastated emotionally and I don't know what to do, so I stay and reassure her that I still love her and that if she is struggling like this I will stay until she feels happy again, and I don't want her to feel like she's ruined things, and that we'll just see how things work out...

At this point, I am very depressed / frustration / feeling hopeless. She sees it in my texts and my phone calls, as at this point I was crying pretty frequently so she could tell the difference in my tone of voice. I tell her that I'm really struggling with not ever talking to her anymore, and that I see her posts to this new guy on Facebook and it really makes me question why she is even keeping me around.

She gets angry and tells me that I'm overreacting and she just needs space and that I'm pushing her away. I ask her to just communicate her feelings with me and that I won't overreact, that we can just talk about it and reach a conclusion or compromise and just move on from this hurdle, and she tells me the reason she likes him is because "he doesn't control her like I am trying to right now"...

So I give her some space, and I continue to see openly flirtatious / sexual posts to him on Facebook... At that point I hadn't talked to friends or family about the situation, and it had been about a month in since my initial break-up attempt and her attempted suicide. So I check myself into a ward for 3 day and talk to a counselor about my situation.

After not having contact for 3 days and coming back, I see that she has bombarded my phone with text messages like "What the f*** are you doing, why won't you talk to me, it's over, you piece of s**t are you really happy? Are you happy that you are ruining your one chance with me? It's f***ing over, I never want to talk to you again..."

I replied to her "I'm not happy, I was at a ward because I don't feel like living anymore... I have been struggling with my own thoughts and feelings and it was becoming too much for me, I can't handle being in this situation. I want you to be happy but I don't think we should talk anymore... I feel like I need you in my life, but I can't watch you falling for someone else while I am still in the picture."

She tells me that she loves him and that her relationship with him is sexual, and that he makes her happier than I ever made her... And that she no longer loves me, she agrees and that she doesn't want me in her life now that I've changed and I'm just depressing and trigger her negative emotions. This was a month ago, but I have gained little insight / closure on what the situation meant and what I can gain from it.

Why did this happen? Should I have hidden my depression from her? Was it wrong for me to 'keep tabs' when I knew she was with this other guy? Should I have broken up when I said I was going to initially when she threatened to kill herself? I just have so many questions about the situation and how to move on from it... It was over so fast I don't feel any closure, I am having a hard time moving forward.

It means she was lying to you and the suicide thing with her was manipulation. The girl is either crazy or just selfish. At any rate continue to get better and move on. You dodged a bullet with that one. You will be fine.

You have to move on, no matter how hard it seems. Girl seems more trouble than your own depression. To be around someone who is emotionally so complicated will create more trouble for you. I think you will get over this. If you feel then go for counselling.

Seriously - do you want that drama in your life? I wouldn't.

And you have to question someone's long term emotional health if they are willing to cut themselves and take pills.

Don't walk but run away from this relationship. In the long run that will be the best thing you can do. She and only she is responsible for her actions so you should feel no guilt there.

You fell for this crazy fools lies once, don't fall for them ever again. Just eliminate her from your life, and notice it gets better without the drama of a lying, cheating loony bird.

I think that there must have been signs that each of you were having some serious problems before the breakup. It isn't uncommon for the 'losing' party to threaten suicide, and you must have known her well enough to take her seriously enough to call her parents and get her the help she immediately needed. For that alone, you deserve my respect.

That you were also wise enough to get the help you needed, is another sign of gaining knowledge and support, in order to get off the path of destruction you were on. Again, that takes courage.

Your question of "why did this happen", in my opinion, is that the two of you together, were each, and together, spiralling out of control. Think of two alcoholics trying to live a normal life when there are actually two addictions going on at the same time.

Both of you, in other words, had mental health issues. Unchecked and left to foster. That alone will affect all aspects of your life- home, family, school, work, etc. That both of you together finally reached a point of no return, with neither of you able, or strong enough individually, to make a clean break.

That you have written your story so well, tells me you have learned and gained insight into how things happened, but not so much an understanding of the 'why' part.

Suffice it to say that sometimes there simply isn't a single answer to explain it all away, and feel settled about it. Regardless of how upsetting the relationship was at the end, there were doubts, and you were probably not prepared to have to go back in, and out of the relationship again.

Now that it is over, the over part, may be all you will gain from this. In time you will realize how the relationship was never meant to be. You will have other relationships that will be much healthier, because of having gone through this, and never wanting to go through it again. Be grateful that you didn't choose to keep the relationship going.

The only person responsible for your happiness, is you. Stay strong.

I think that there must have been signs that each of you were having some serious problems before the breakup. It isn't uncommon for the 'losing' party to threaten suicide, and you must have known her well enough to take her seriously enough to call her parents and get her the help she immediately needed. For that alone, you deserve my respect.

That you were also wise enough to get the help you needed, is another sign of gaining knowledge and support, in order to get off the path of destruction you were on. Again, that takes courage.

Your question of "why did this happen", in my opinion, is that the two of you together, were each, and together, spiralling out of control. Think of two alcoholics trying to live a normal life when there are actually two addictions going on at the same time.

Both of you, in other words, had mental health issues. Unchecked and left to foster. That alone will affect all aspects of your life- home, family, school, work, etc. That both of you together finally reached a point of no return, with neither of you able, or strong enough individually, to make a clean break.

That you have written your story so well, tells me you have learned and gained insight into how things happened, but not so much an understanding of the 'why' part.

Suffice it to say that sometimes there simply isn't a single answer to explain it all away, and feel settled about it. Regardless of how upsetting the relationship was at the end, there were doubts, and you were probably not prepared to have to go back in, and out of the relationship again.

Now that it is over, the over part, may be all you will gain from this. In time you will realize how the relationship was never meant to be. You will have other relationships that will be much healthier, because of having gone through this, and never wanting to go through it again. Be grateful that you didn't choose to keep the relationship going.

The only person responsible for your happiness, is you. Stay strong.

"It isn't uncommon for the 'losing' party to threaten suicide" - wow I hope not. I hope we are not getting to the point whereas someone threatens suicide when they don't get exactly what they want. But after all it is the ME generation. Professional athletes and reality show "stars" have shown us that!

Nice post.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jake2008 again. - I hate that!!

I think that there must have been signs that each of you were having some serious problems before the breakup. It isn't uncommon for the 'losing' party to threaten suicide, and you must have known her well enough to take her seriously enough to call her parents and get her the help she immediately needed. For that alone, you deserve my respect.

That you were also wise enough to get the help you needed, is another sign of gaining knowledge and support, in order to get off the path of destruction you were on. Again, that takes courage.

Your question of "why did this happen", in my opinion, is that the two of you together, were each, and together, spiralling out of control. Think of two alcoholics trying to live a normal life when there are actually two addictions going on at the same time.

Both of you, in other words, had mental health issues. Unchecked and left to foster. That alone will affect all aspects of your life- home, family, school, work, etc. That both of you together finally reached a point of no return, with neither of you able, or strong enough individually, to make a clean break.

That you have written your story so well, tells me you have learned and gained insight into how things happened, but not so much an understanding of the 'why' part.

Suffice it to say that sometimes there simply isn't a single answer to explain it all away, and feel settled about it. Regardless of how upsetting the relationship was at the end, there were doubts, and you were probably not prepared to have to go back in, and out of the relationship again.

Now that it is over, the over part, may be all you will gain from this. In time you will realize how the relationship was never meant to be. You will have other relationships that will be much healthier, because of having gone through this, and never wanting to go through it again. Be grateful that you didn't choose to keep the relationship going.

The only person responsible for your happiness, is you. Stay strong.

Thank you for the post Jake, your words resonate really well with me, especially about comparing it to two people stuck in their own addictions together. In the beginning, I was very independent and keeping with my own life, but she was very emotionally demanding in terms of needing reassurance and validation... when I -did- validate her, she would always be very loving and appreciative, and soon I developed a sort of caregiver complex where I needed to make sure she was feeling good about herself in order to feel good about myself.

She's done this once before, much earlier into our relationship. She told me she liked someone else and that she wanted to try dating them, so I broke up with her and didn't look back. A month or so later she tells me she's made a terrible mistake, and that I'm still the one she wants to be with... I'm hesitant but I agree, and little by little we get back to and surpass what we used to have.

Then I find out she'd been dating this guy on the side while she was with me and that she never broke up with him... And she wanted me to continue to be in a relationship with her. I didn't trust my gut instinct and I did still want to be with her at that point, so I ended up participating in her infidelity while she led this other guy for months and I regret that.

The whole dynamic start to finish has been very rocky... When things were great, they were amazing... but when she felt down about herself, she needed constant validation and reassurance at my expense. If I so much as hung out with my friends after work without telling her beforehand, she would flip out and get angry that I'm not spending any time with her...

Soon my socializing with my friends came to a halt, and I found myself spending 90% of my time with her... we had our own little bubble and it felt great while I was inside of it, but once it popped... reality caught up with me quick. Regretfully I let my mindset shift from being interdependent to codependent, where I was relying on her validation to make me feel happy, as she had done with me.