My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago and got back with me on a night out and 2 days later she broke up with me again. We had a solid 7 month relationship and I think she feels that she didn't have fun with me. Maybe because we were too serious around each other but I was very laid back with her and probably fell into that category of not being masculine enough as we both had dogs and put on dog voices etc. and maybe it came across feminine and unattractive. She felt like our relationship lacked laughter also but she still has feelings there somewhere.

I did the NC when we first broke up and was positive towards the breakup and agreed with it. Similar with the second break up. I'm currently doing the NC rule but want to get back with her and don't know how to go about it. She has gotten with other guys out recently too and it kills me to hear about that. I have deleted her from Facebook but we both have each other's passwords which shows that she still has feelings maybe? I haven't contacted her since the breakup which was 3 days ago and would love some advice on this one.

I have the ability to be masculine and confident. It's her birthday soon and don't know if I should do something about that or not. I feel if we get back together that I can show her my confidence and masculinity.


Thanks a million


Adam

>Merged Threads<

Love has nothing to do with the ability to be 'masculine and confident.' You mention masculinity twice. In fact it sounds like you are both still young and this is more about attraction than love. Love takes time, time, and more time. It means respect and sharing responsibilities and compromising - a LOT. It means weathering any storm.

Don't kick yourself over what you did. Who knows what is going on with her? Maybe she just wants to go out with more people, which is actually important when you are young. You learn more about relationships.

We ALL suffer when we are dumped. Don't I know! Doesn't most of the world!

If she comes back, tell her that it hurts to keep being treated like a yo-yo, and that you need to sit down and talk about what is bothering her deep down. You will lose all self respect if you take her back too many times.

She said she isn't looking for anyone new as a boyfriend. She also said that she couldn't see herself getting back with me the first time she broke up with me and then got back with me. I think she felt out relationship lacked laughter and fun and that because I react to people the way they react with me so she's quiet enough so id be kind of like that with her and I would start most conversations. The NC rule worked well last time and she even wrote me a long letter saying how much she missed me and what was great about our relationship but then we got back together about 7 days later and that's when she showed me the letter but then broke up with me 2 days after that because she wasn't sure about the relationship.

Surely wish her brithday, break up or not. And its just 3 days passed, have patience. You might have to wait for one month or one year and if you love her then be ready. Relationships not about posing ; masculine, laughter, fun etc. so you have to understand that relationship needs fun and laughter but it needs lot more than that like trust, commitment and maturity. So wait to see how things falls.

She trusts me and I'm mature. Fun seemed to be the only thing that was lacking from our relationship dragging her away. Now I don't know how to get her back.. Trying the no contact and then hopefully she will miss me

I have deleted her from Facebook but she has my password and I have hers which means she can't still see what I'm doing . Is it a good thing to change my password ? I want to get back with my ex girlfriend who broke up with me twice in the last 11 days thanks guys

Change your password, delete her, and move on. If you're meant to get back together, it will happen, but at this time you're not together, and she shouldn't have access to your fb, or anything else, nor should you have access to hers.

This is really a "duh" moment. She's your ex. Treat her that way, which means no contact. Start with your fb, and then your phone, and everything else. There's no guarantee that you two will get back together, and giving her access to personal info could end up really hurting you, not to mention that you won't move on until you've cut all ties.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me twice in the last 2 weeks and I've been having no contact with her. She broke up with me twice in the last 2 weeks and the reason being she felt like she didn't know what will be different the second time we went out. She feels the relationship lacks fun but she still has feelings for me and I know this because she was upset last night when she saw my friends which reminded her of me . What do I do ?

Call her up and tell her, sounds like it is not a long relationship and she may not be ready for it.

(Adam, a moderator merged your two posts. Asking the same question twice suggests that you don't like any of the first batch of answers.)

Dude, break ups are about coping with your losses, not dwelling on them. Getting dumped twice in a 2 week period should have told you something.

Leave her alone and get someone you can share with and have some fun, like she is doing.

You should keep pursuing her. If you managed to get back with you after the first break up, you'll probably be able to get back with her again. I wouldn't worry too much about confidence and masculinity, as cliché as it sounds, just do you. If you try forcing confidence you will not come across as confident. As for her birthday, buy her some flowers or a small gift you know she'll like.

You should keep pursuing her. If you managed to get back with you after the first break up, you'll probably be able to get back with her again. I wouldn't worry to much about confidence and masculinity, as cliche as it sounds, just do you. If you try forcing confidence you will not come across as confident. As for her birthday, buy her some flowers or a small gift you know she'll like.

Garboozle, the people that come to this site are asking for serious advice from people that are experts in relationships.

Considering your very screwed up views on relationships, I really don't think you should be giving relationship advice to anyone.

I am going to ask the mods to block you from the relationship forum. You need counseling to help with your issues. No one needs relationship advice from someone with such an unhealthy, bordering on dangerous, view on relationships.

I would urge the OP to view Garboozles threads. Taking relationship advice from Garboozle would be very ill advised, as he's proven in his advice to you on this thread.

Hey alty, thanks for the help though guys. Its her birthday tomorrow and I know she's upset that I'm not there to celebrate it with her and she had told one of her friends that in time she might want to get back with me. But in regards to being upset about not celebrating her birthday with me.. Should I wish her a happy birthday in text or something and how should I go about that?

If you can't send a heart felt HB card without waiting or wanting a TY, then don't do it. The last thing you need is a simple TY raising up your hopes, or triggering intense feelings that make you cry. And NEVER listen to what's said through a third party.

I strongly advise you forget anything to do with her as being dumped TWICE is a HUGE flag made bigger by her friends comments.Its insulting to even think you are so in love even after being dumped TWICE that he can get you when she wants you. Pay attention and walk away completely and keep your dignity, AND self respect.

And forget flowers. That's as dumb as it gets. Let her be upset, that's comes with dumping someone TWICE!! Your confusion comes from YOU allowing her to live rent free in your heart. STOP IT!

Hey,
I know its weird but I changed my password on Facebook and she never changed hers I'm not sure why though. From what I can see she still has feelings for me but just needs time I guess. Her birthday is a big deal for her and even she said to one of her friends that I wonder if he wishes me a HB and that it will be interesting. Im not going to her birthday because she said she wouldn't be able to hack seeing me with someone else and would ruin her night and visa versa and it would get too emotional for her and me.

She doesn't have enough feelings to take you back, and didn't want you when she had you. Walk away and don't look back.


She has gotten with other guys out recently too and it kills me to hear about that.

She is pursuing other options and you sit waiting and hoping. DUDE, please wake up! You are STUCK!

I want to get back with her sometime not move on. Im going to wait and give her time to miss me. Would a happy birthday not make her emotional that I can't be there to celebrate it with her?

More than likely, someone else will distract her from her misery. Nobody can make you move on.

Well what's the best thing to do to get her back?

I want to get back with her sometime not move on. Im going to wait and give her time to miss me. Would a happy birthday not make her emotional that i can't be there to celebrate it with her?

Na, she just wants to see if you'll contact. It's not because she cares about you, she just wants to see if she still has a hold on you. Typical girl game. It's the "I don't want him anymore, but I still want him to want me" game.

If you want to be a chump than send her a birthday wish. I'm sure she'll have a good laugh about it with her friends "see, he can't get over me, I'm that wonderful. What a loser". It will give her something to chat with her friends about. It will make her feel like she's hot and attractive.

If you don't contact her you show her that you're not desperate, that you don't need to keep hanging on to her, that you have your own life, and you're living it.

But hey, if you want to continue wasting your time on a girl that's made it very clear that she's no longer interested in you, that's your choice. Do what you want, we can only give you advice.

Hey,
I have her Facebook password which isn't healthy for me but I'm not sure why she hasn't changed it it doesn't make any sense to me? But anyway she is falling for this guy that I hate and she knows that and how do I distract her from him? Is it best that I just completely disappear from her for her to miss me? I hate this guys please help I'm so stuck

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped disappear from their lives, get your own.

Now you have sunk to Facebook stalking? Stay off the Facebook. The devilmade you doit is a stupid excuse.

Hey,
I have her facebook password which isnt healthy for me but im not sure why she hasnt changed it it doesnt make any sense to me? But anyway she is falling for this guy that i hate and she knows that and how do i distract her from him? Is it best that i just completely disappear from her for her to miss me? I hate this guys please help im so stuck

Disappear, but don't do it to make her miss you, she likely won't, that's just what you're hoping for.

She is falling for a guy that she likes, which isn't you. It doesn't matter that you don't like him, and that she knows you don't like him. She's your ex, that means that your opinion, and how you feel about what she does, no longer matters. You have no opinion about anything she does.

She probably hasn't changed her Facebook because she didn't remember that you know how to access it. Once she realizes that you're stalking her on fb, she'll change her info, and hopefully block you as well.

Until you accept that it's over, you will continue to feel the pain you're feeling now. The sooner you stop stalking, stop hoping that she'll come back, and start living your own life again, the better off you'll be.

Doesn't sound like you're ready to do that yet, so you're in for a lot more pain I'm afraid.

Saw my ex girlfriend the other day on a day/night out and she appeared beside me 3 times and tried to make me jealous walking with some other guy. She texted me twice that night and I never replied as I'm sticking with the NC rule. I managed to talk to her that day but it was only brief and we were both drunk and never brought up our relationship. She tried to grab my friend that night to ask him something/ tell something in relation to me but he didn't go up to her. I haven't talked to her since. What do I do to get her back?

>Merged Threads<

Maybe the two of you should stay sober to make informed decisions about your relationship with each other.

Adam, you have asked countless times what to do to get her back. We all tell you to STOP. It's like you aren't even reading our answers. It's getting pathetic. Pathetic!
You don't 'do things to get people back.' They aren't dogs in the pound, or a stolen iPod, or a car that stopped running!
On top of all that, she is playing games with you, toying with you, and you should be angry at being used and abused and being jealous of other guys, just to see you suffer and squirm and miss her. ANGRY!
GOOD for you for refusing to fall for the trap with the guy when you were drunk. Keep doing that. Don't play games back. Be proud of your own integrity, and be strong. That makes you a better person and more mature.

Keep your chin up Adam. Patience is a virtue. Abandon the "no contact rule" that is childish and it's foolish not to talk to her if she's trying to get a hold of her and you ignore her for the sake of some arbitrary rule. Stay devoted to her and talk to her whenever she wants to talk to you. Buy her a gift, start acting how you think she'd want you to act. Keep up avoiding the jealousy games and don't play any of your own.Be patient and stay devoted.


QUOTE by Alty;
Na, she just wants to see if you'll contact. It's not because she cares about you, she just wants to see if she still has a hold on you. Typical girl game. It's the "I don't want him anymore, but I still want him to want me" game.

If you want to be a chump than send her a birthday wish. I'm sure she'll have a good laugh about it with her friends "see, he can't get over me, I'm that wonderful. What a loser". It will give her something to chat with her friends about. It will make her feel like she's hot and attractive.
See! Show her she still has a hold on you. If Alty is right then, why wouldn't you want to provide the girl you like with a good laugh and make her feel good about herself.

I think it might have been this one - although I can't recall what I had for breakfast.

Saw her again last night in a club and she came up to me crying.. Saying its hard and she doesn't know what she wants etc. very confusing

Is she stalking you or something? You keep running into her. Don't make her confusion yours. Don't be sucked into her confusion.

Is she stalking you or something? You keep running into her. Don't make her confusion yours. Don't be sucked into her confusion.


I think its just coincidence. She came up and started crying because she got with a guy in front of me and felt bad about it. She also said she wants to be there for me and for me to be there for her and many other things..

Be polite but ignore her overtures for more contact.

I think its just coincidence. She came up and started crying because she got with a guy infront of me and felt bad about it. She also said she wants to be there for me and for me to be there for her and many other things..?

Sounds like your problem is solved eh? She said she wants to be there for you and for you to be there for her.. That sort of sounds like you guys are back together.

I wish that was the case.. I told her it wasn't the place or time to talk about unresolved feelings last night and if she wanted to meet up call me tomorrow and we can go for quick lunch and she said she would let me know when she will ring me but hasn't yet.. She said she is too busy today and I feel that's an excuse tbh.

Sounds like your problem is solved eh? She said she wants to be there for you and for you to be there for her.. That sort of sounds like you guys are back together.

Not even close.

Females are nurturers by nature, that's why we make such wonderful mothers. For a young female it's always hard to reject someone. We don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. You'll find that most times when a break up happens, it's the girl that suggests that you remain friends. She says it to soften the blow, and the guy takes it to mean that she's still interested. That's why staying friends with an ex usually doesn't work, they're both on different pages.

As she gets older, and after a few experiences like the one she's about to have with the OP, she'll learn that you have to cut all ties if you really don't want that person in your life romantically. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

If she wanted him back, she'd have him back. She knows he still wants to be with her. The fact that she's put him in the friend zone, is dating other people, speaks volumes. Sadly, the OP is stuck in the "she's talking to me, she doesn't want me to be hurt, that must mean she still loves me" loop.

Until the OP understands that she's only talking to him, wanting to be friends, because she doesn't want to feel bad, he'll continue hoping, and he'll waste his time clinging to that hope instead of moving on and finding someone that actually wants to be with him.

But hey, some people have to learn things the hard way, and it seems that Adam is determined to learn to follow that path.


I wish that was the case.. I told her it wasnt the place or time to talk about unresolved feelings last night and if she wanted to meet up call me tommorow and we can go for quick lunch and she said she would let me know when she will ring me but hasnt yet .. She said she is too busy today and i feel thats an excuse tbh.

It is an excuse.

She doesn't want to say "I'm not going to be calling you, in fact, I'm not really going to continue being your friend. I'm just saying that because I don't want to be mean".

Adam, she's not coming back. She probably won't ever call. She's hoping that you'll figure out that she doesn't want to be with you in any way, without her having to actually tell you that.

She was on the pill when she broke up with me and she told me she went to the doctors because hormones were messed up etc and she isn't thinking the way she used to because of side effects from the birth control pills. Its all very confusing :/

Ok then, you know what? Ask her to go back out with you. Tell her you can't live without her.

You keep getting advice here about no contact and then you keep coming back making excuses and reasons and asking what to do... you're not listening and you're going to do what you want anyway so save us the time and just confess to her and be done with it.

She was on the pill when she broke up with me and she told me she went to the doctors because hormones were messed up etc and she isnt thinking the way she used to because of side effects from the birth control pills. Its all very confusing :/

That doesn't mean she wants to be with you. In fact, that may be why she's talking to you. She's emotional, she's a girl, she feels bad about hurting you, but knows she doesn't want to be with you.

When I was younger, 17, I dated a guy for 2 years. I tried to break up with him many times during that 2 year span, because I really didn't want to be with him. Every time I'd break up with him he'd send me flowers, or call and ask if we could just have dinner as friends, only to surprise me with an expensive hotel room, chocolates, and flowers. I'd feel bad that he spent the money, and I'd end up taking him back, only to break up with him a few days later because I really didn't want to be with him.

But I was young, and I really didn't know how to tell him to leave me alone, without hurting his feelings.

After 2 years, and many breakups, many flowers, jewelry, everything to try to get me to stay with him, I finally cheated on him, and told him, hoping that would do the trick, that he'd leave me then, and I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.

It worked for a while, but then he called "I forgive you, we can be friends". I fell for it again. :(

I finally broke things off with him right after Valentine's day. He actually bought me a ring and asked me to marry him! I told him no, and walked away, went to no contact. He tried calling me a few times. We didn't have caller id back then, so I wouldn't know it was him until I picked up the phone. As soon as I heard his voice, I would hang up. He showed up at my work a few times. I had security kick him out. It happened so often that security knew him very well. He showed up at my house a few times. My parents had to call the cops more than once to get him away from me.

It took a long time before he finally gave up. I sent him back all the jewelry, and hoped he'd move on. I share some of the blame, I should have gone no contact the very first time I broke up with him, but I was young, and I didn't want to hurt him.

Sound familiar?

I've being doing no contact. Its when I'm out she always comes up to me I never go up to her. Its hard to tell if she likes me or not but I'm not texting her or anything

Its all very confusing :/

Of course it is, and that's why a guy has to have his head on straight to deal with a female. You will learn, then you won't be stuck on her confusion.

I've being doing no contact. Its when I'm out she always comes up to me I never go up to her. Its hard to tell if she likes me or not but I'm not texting her or anything


I told her it wasn't the place or time to talk about unresolved feelings last night and if she wanted to meet up call me tomorrow and we can go for quick lunch and she said she would let me know when she will ring me but hasn't yet.. She said she is too busy today and I feel that's an excuse tbh.

Telling her to call you so you can do lunch, is not doing no contact. No contact is not contacting her, and not allowing her to contact you. The next time she approaches you, walk away. That's no contact.

I agree with Odinn - Adam doesn't want to hear advice and is going to do whatever he is going to do, no matter how unhappy it makes him. He and Garboozle are best left to work this out between them.

I wrote a defense here yesterday of garboozle's right to voice opinion about relationships, no matter how different from others, and that he shouldn't be banned from this category by mods, and it was REMOVED? He doesn't advocate violence or anything dangerous.
It's dangerous when mods decide that they can delete plain old opinion.

Maybe starting a new thread in an appropriate place is a better tactic than hijacking someone's else's question.

Just saying.

I wrote a defense here yesterday of garboozle's right to voice opinion about relationships, no matter how different from others, and that he shouldn't be banned from this category by mods, and it was REMOVED? He doesn't advocate violence or anything dangerous.
It's dangerous when mods decide that they can delete plain old opinion.

It's also dangerous when a person with an obvious dysfunctional view on relationships, gives advice to someone that is also suffering from dysfunction in that area. But that's just my opinion.

Garboozle has about as much to offer in the relationship forum as I do in the political forum. We each have forums we should steer clear of, only because we aren't suited for those forums. For garboozle it's relationships. Again, just my opinion.

But that hasn't stopped him from posting, no matter what's been send against, or in defense of him posting on this forum, so I don't understand what the issue is.

I also agree with Odinn. I don't think Adam wants advice. If he does, he doesn't seem to be able to follow that advice. He's going to do what he wants to do. He's bound and determined to learn this lesson the hard way.

Maybe that's what needs to happen.

So Adam, my advice is, do what you want to do. When it ends the way we predicted, and you're finally ready to accept that, come back and we can work on the next step.