I'm not sure if its just my hormones raging or what but I've been feeling very rejected by my partner. We are 4 months pregnant and have had a terrible relationship. The pregnancy was unplanned and very unexpected. Honestly, I've had mixed feelings about it in the beginning for a number of reasons but am comfortable with it as I've progressed.

My main concern is that my boyfriend is an alcoholic. He has blamed lying, cheating, degrading words and taking off for days at a time on his "drinking problem". I've stopped drinking with him a few months into our relationship. One, so that if something happened I'm not intoxicated and vulnerable to him. And two, because it's just not fun for me anymore. Three, in hopes that it may just help him sober up if I set an example? Silly I know but it's worth a shot.

He has a son already. He doesn't see him much. And still nearly 4 years later has not taken her to court. He isn't on the birth certificate, no rights whatsoever. Legally, it's difficult and she uses the baby over his head. As I mentioned earlier, there have been times he has taken off for days at a time to go on a drinking binge. During that time, he tells me he doesn't want to be with me or that he feels I deserve better and that he's just a drunk. He's started fights for off-the-wall reasons while drunk. None of his statements made during that time ever connected.

I'd get a text and all of a sudden I'm a whore talking to an ex. When it was usually my friends or family. I'm civil to my exes but do not go out of my way to speak with them or catch up on our lives. Simply, if I see them around we'd smile and wave. I've not cheated on him, but he has on me. Yet when he's drunk and off partying with his family and friends, he is usually angry and hateful to me, I've heard him saying stuff like I cheated on him or I'm trying to get back with my ex. And other hateful things about me or my life, and it's always "I'm done with her for good".

Once he sobers up after a weekend or decides to come home, he apologizes and acts loving and says he wants to sober up because he knows he has a problem and that he's going to make things better. That he will to let us fall part and he loves me. He's always telling me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. And that he wants to give me the world. And also, that he needs my help and support to quit drinking. His family doesn't do anything even movies or bowling or dinner with out having a round or two which always leads to shots and more drinking.

Because of all that I moved out of a house that we'd moved into 4 months before, he had bought it "for me" and wanted " us to make a home together". I'd leave and go back to my daily for a weekend and end up going right back, but the last time I went back I made it clear to him that it was my last time. The next time "he wanted me out" and took off on a drinking binge, I would not step foot back into the house. I'd stay with my family for good. Get my own place if need be. So it happened again a month later. I left and never went back, that was 7 months ago.

After I left, we didn't see each other for a month. It was then that I'd found out he cheated on me once again with the mother of his child. She'd kept his son away from him for 5 months and as soon as she was letting him see his son again, and three days after I moved out he had done it again. Sorry, he previously cheated on me with her which is why she kept his son away from him for so long. Out of hate and anger and resentment. Which I can understand, wasn't right but he had and has always treated her badly. Not that I've been treated like a queen. But from what she and his family have told me, she had it worse than me.

Anyway, he'd brought her into "our home" and slept with her after so many months of telling me he wouldn't touch her again and didn't have feelings for her like that at all. He wanted nothing to do with her. So once I found out he'd cheated again, he immediately drove two hours to my family where I was living and pleaded and begged to talk, I was so hurt and angry and felt so stupid. After I'd moved, we were still working on things and I didn't think he'd cheat on me again. Although, when he was drunk he'd go into the whole "I don't deserve you, you're happier this way and I'm a drunk. I'm drunk now. And I'm hurt. But I'm tired of hurting you."

After, that he'd began coming up to visit me every weekend. It took me a couple months to warm up to him again but I eventually started being affectionate again. I was slowly trying to forgive him. And he was staying sober. Going out of his way to treat me better. It was amazing. He'd completely stopped speaking to her. Seeing his son still, but only through his mom. His mom would pick him up for him during the week and on weekends. All the while, we still lived two hours apart.

After 2 or 3 months I started to feel the pain creep back up on me, I'd get so angry and feel so stupid for allowing him to be in my life more. I knew I didn't deserve any of that. I'd been more than good to him and loyal no matter what. It was after I felt myself getting comfortable with him again. The feeling of being okay without him to wanting him around more and getting attached again scared me. I would beat myself up for "giving him what he wanted" as far as being in my life, allowing him to "fix it" and sex.

I didn't think he deserved it. He always took my lashes out at him and would apologize and continue to do what he was doing. I'd try to get it under control. I knew that if I made the choice to work on our relationship I needed to stick with it. Deep down, I knew that I wasn't ready for us to end.

We do get along when he's sober and are very happy. It's just a matter of how long he'll be sober and the cycle continues. Making me tired of sticking around. I felt like a babysitter. And a doormat. Like his crutch. I'm having a hard enough time already dealing with my own broken heart and fears and trust, I needed a crutch too.

We found out we were going to have a baby on New Years. I was excited, then scared, then upset. It wasn't the baby I was scared of, it was him. I've seen him with his other baby momma, and now I felt like it was happening all over again. Like I set myself up for more pain and more drama and more bull. He has been to every appt, but things got harder for me to cope with. He has grown tired of me lashing out but he has continued to drink, now he lies about it and hides it from me. Which adds onto my distrust. I fear he will never quit. He wouldn't straighten up for his first child, what's is one going to make any difference?

He wasn't involved during her pregnancy at all. Wasn't even there when he was born. But he tells me he's determined to make us work and that he's not going anywhere. That he's moving up here to be with me and our baby. That I made plenty of sacrifice for him and I deserve the same in return. That once were back living together and enjoying our new baby, we'll get past our past.

But the past month, he's been drinking and saying awful things again. He's stopped coming to see me. At first, it was because of gas. I offered money. Then it was the two-hour drive, so I offered to pick him up. Then it came down to he just didn't want to. I felt rejected again.

I've always felt like I wasn't enough for him to want to be better, or sober, or faithful. I'm a beautiful young smart woman. College educated. I've had my share of boyfriends and flings. I know the things I'm capable of, but lately I feel rejected and upset. Hurt because he still can't sober up and because he lies to me about it. And also because I look forward to spending as much time with him as I can and he doesn't even want to bother to visit anymore. Maybe every other weekend.

He'll binge drink one weekend instead of arguing we don't speak, we're obviously tired of arguing over and over, then during the work week he slowly comes around and apologizes for acting stupid and invites himself up. By the end of the week, we talk about how we miss each other and need to work on this and change that and make and make plans for the weekend we will have together. That usually last a week or two until he or I get frustrated then he drinks,

I get mad because he is drunk and then it starts all over and he doesn't want to waste gas or money to see me if he's just going to get "treated like ****". I get so upset and angry and feel stupid that I lash out but it hasn't been often. Usually something said or done triggers it.

I'm confused because I feel like I should stop seeing him as long as he's going to drink and lie. But it's hard for me, I'm pregnant and don't want us to take a break during this time when we should be enjoying it. But I also have little faith that things will ever get better. I know I've been a dumbass. I've made my bed, and I have to lie in it. Planned or not. Sometimes I think I should suck it up and accept that he's going to drink and continue to be together. But then my brain tells me why would I do that? Why should I settle?

Relationships aren't hard and I've had better than this. I can do better. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we have to be together. But at the same time I can't stand the thought of not being together. We really do have good memories and good times. He has tried very hard the past few months to be in my life and made an effort. But somehow it doesn't feel like enough, especially now that's he's stopping. It makes me feel like he's giving up and wasted more of my time.

Ever hear of paragraphs?


Without them it makes this VERY hard to read.

Ever hear of paragraphs?


Without them it makes this VERY hard to read.

Obviously.

You have a 15 minute window from the time of posting to add them... before the post locks and its too late..

Your're more likely to bet better answers if its easier to read. Some people won't even try as it is.

>edited and paragraphed by busy little fingers<

I have no clue why you take any of the blame for this man's behavior. The fault is all his. Please leave this disaster of a relationship, for your baby's sake, if nothing else.

Yes, didn't expect so much typing to be done Wondergirl.

Do I sound like I blame myself? Besides just having poor judgement.

You have a 15 minute window from the time of posting to add them....before the post locks and its too late..

Your're more likely to bet better answers if its easier to read. Some people won't even try as it is.

All right, thanks.

alright, thanks.

Your welcome,. thats for future reference since you've been here a while...

Wondergirl took care of it this time.

This guy is a loser and if you would believe in yourself, you could do so much better. Don't accept this from him.

Do I sound like I blame myself? Besides just having poor judgement.
Yes, you do -- "I've always felt like I wasn't enough for him to want to be better, or sober, or faithful." Throughout the essay, you just aren't good enough or strong enough or something enough to get him through this.

And just because he isn't on the birth certificate, he still has all paternal rights to his first child. Or is he saying he doesn't in order to avoid paying support which he apparently owes?

He REALLY needs to get into some alcohol abuse program... becfore something bad happens when he's on one of his drinking binges and it affects others like you and the baby or anyone else.

And as Wondergirl mentioned... he's the father... he doesn't have to be on the birth certificate to be on the hook for child support. All you have to do is go to court and ask for it... they will MAKE him get a DNA test proving it.. then his goose is cooked. And you will need that support.

He knows he has a drinking problem. She had promised him before if he went to rehab that she'd allow him to see his son more regularly. He went, nothing happened. And obviously he didn't commit to stay sober for himself.

He has said before that he didn't want any of "his money" going to her, he feels she'd spend it on herself. Which I tried to tell him she spends money out of her pocket, or her family's and he's pretty much paying her back for whatever purchases were made for the child. Whatever costs he has on her is way more that any child support he'd have to pay because children are expensive.

He is scared to fight her in court because she comes from a wealthy family. He fears he will lose him and have to pay money. He hardly sees the boy now and anything he tries would be better than this. He cries and says he can't establish a relationship with his own son and gets drunk, then I lash out and go off because he doesn't want to go do something about it. He just wants to feel sorry for himself and get drunk. Its frustrating for me.

He is an only child. Spoiled. Divorced parents. Resents his mother for cheating on his father. Worships his drunken father, who acts exactly the same but worse than my boyfriend. Both his parents love him and would bend over backwards for him. Anything he wants gets handed over to him with no fruther questions. His mother picks up the grandson every week and every other weekend. She makes sure she doesn't step on the baby's mothers toes.

My mom thinks him being spoiled has a lot to do with why all this happens. He gets what he wants and when it doesn't go his way, all hell breaks loose.