So we dated for 2 years and 3 months (today), and 2 weeks ago she decided that she wanted to break up because she wanted to be 'alone'. I was absolutely shocked, we were so great together. I thought, and still think that she is my soul mate.
So a bit of background, we meet and hit it off immediately, a month into our relationship she was offered a job interstate and begged me to go with her, I thought she was great and had nothing else going on so I followed her. We had an amazing time and decided to return home 4 months later. Also in our 2 years together we travelled around europe and just recently went to japan.
We shared so many special times together and in the 2 years barely spent a day apart. Which is why it was such a shock. I didn't see it coming. I was so happy with my life and I spose I assumed she was too. I begged her for a second chance, but her mind was made up. She said "i want to experience the next phase of my life alone".
So for the past few weeks I've been a mess, I know that she has moved on because she is planning to move interstate again very soon. I am still deeply in love with her and wish everyday that she'll come back to me, even though I know its over...
See the problem is I know its over, I know she's moved on, but a small part of me won't let me move on, I don't know how to... how do you just give up your soul mate...
I need help, any advice would be greatly appreciated...

Gee that's a tough one hun. Try asking her why she left you. Maybe she honestly just needs space, because of issues in her life. But on the other hand, if your happy in a relationship then a break up should raise question's like maybe she was playing you, maybe she was cheating, maybe she wasn't connecting with you, or maybe it just wasn't right to her. I hope you can find out from her exactly why she wants to be''alone''.

Well she said she wasn't happy, but didn't really want to elaborate on anything...
I don't think she cheated, I asked her and she swore she didn't, my friends don't think she did either.

I just don't know what to do, I love her so much...

Its just all happened so fast and I guess I can't accept her reasons which is why I'm struggling to move on.

I understand what that is like. I think that she owe's you more then a ''im not happy.'' ask for a few days then to talk. If she doesn't want to then she's being unreasonable and you should find someone who truly cares for your feelings as much as there own. She's being selfish hun. I think you deserve better. Try to talk, if that doesn't work be single for awhile. Find some happiness in yourself.

It was once said "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before." But it doesn't stop it from hurting. If you cannot asertain the problem of the relationship, or at least the one she thinks she might see, and she will not give you a more definitive answer then not being happy, then it is time to move along. It is hard to tear your heart away. You question if you'll ever love again, or what if she was "the one". The fact is, every love we have, we love in a different way. They each take different paths to our heart. It hurts to think about the loss. But you can turn it as a tool to better ones self. Perhaps a silent vow to yourself that you will never treat anyone the way you have been treated now. It's OK to shed tears. It's part of the growth of the heart. Be with friends. Being alone does not solve this, you'll merely turn it inward and displace your mental anguish of not knowing a reason upon yourself.

Yeah I know I have to move, its just sooooo hard...
I know she's being selfish, but it's so out of character for her, there's just some things that don't add up... (probably just to me)

Do you think I need to aproach her and talk about why it didn't work out? I mean I kind of want to know... maybe I can fix things...

I truly know what you are going through in my honest opinion I don't think you can give up or forget your soul mate but if you run after something you will only trip.

Let her live her life if she feels the same she will come back but the more you try the more you will push her away continue with your life there is someone who is waiting for you you just haft to look and be patient.

Just remember if things don't work out then its not the end I hope this helps you good luck.

Welcome

Your journey to the new you starts now! This is a learning experience which will be a benefit you for the rest of your life. Treat it as one and move on with a new zest for life.

1) Abide by No Contact - It will allow you to heal and of course ignorance is bliss - never try and hear things or pass on things through the grape vine
2) Join the gym - go with mates if you have to
3) Start a new hobby
4) Meet new people
5) Try going different places and running your life differently
6) Unfortunately for us change is the only constant in life and the transition will be painful but you must accept your pain and live in it, feel it and then one day the pain will be gone!
7) There is no saying you won't meet again or become friends but in the mean time you must give up hope until your head clears - probably after a couple of months.
8) Spend time with your friends - they will be your closest allies
9) Read over the forum here and old posts - post here and help others - rant here if you need to
10) Go on a short break
11) Listen to music - not necessarily depressing cut your wrists music.
12) Don't forget she ain't dead and she's living her life and being happy - the best revenge is for you to do the same.

OK so it sounds easy, but obviously its not...
I've tried the no contact thing, but she's been here to collect her things and I need to do the same. I think she plans to move in the next few weeks so I have to see her again to collect my things and go through some photos that we took on our adventures, after all they are my memories too...
The other stuff is hard too, see when we were in japan I broke my arm fairly badly, we had to come home early and I needed surgery. That was 4 weeks ago so I'm still recovering.
I needed her by my side to help out with simple things like cutting up my food and basically keep me company because I was pretty much bedridden... I guess this might have been another factor as to why she left me... who knows, I always thought her character was stronger than that...
I start work again 2mro which will be great for myself esteem and help take my mind off things, but I know that seeing her again will make all my feelings and memories come flooding back...
Aarrrgghhhh this is so hard

Where,

All said and done, you are wasting time and energy on this that you are never going to get back. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself. Let go and move on. Once you realise that you can't make someone want to be with you if they don't, you open yourself up again to other wonderful things.

Yeah I know it and I've read it 100000 times, its so hard to see how ill ever feel better...

Yes it is hard to see because your vision is still clouded but you will with time things will get better just believe they will and you can get through this.

I am feeling better, its been 6 weeks now since I lost my 'first love'! She is still on my mind practically all day. The only time she is not is when I keep myself occupied i.e. gym, sports, when I got a lot of work on, watching a good TV show or with mates or partying ;)

Keep yourself busy is key during the transition period. Your going to be raw for a while but trust me, it will get easier, you just got to take the pain for a while. I was lucky in that 3 of my friends have also broken up with their respective fiances/ gf's of a considerably longer time than myself, so it was good to have people around you in the same situation, who want to improve their lives.

Its now you need to renew your life and old social ties. Get out and about - the more you wallow at home doing nothing the worse it will get. Exercise and laughing will help so much!

Hey
Im in exactly the same position. 2.5 years.. first she says she needs space and a break and then when I wallow like a baby she tells me its over for good. I can't imagine anything worst than this, the pain is a killer I would rather have al of my teeth pulled out raw over this.
You can read my post. Dumped after 30 month relationship.. guess we're not alone

I know its hard right now and I can relate I dated my ex for four years and then one day out of the blue she tells me she doesent love me anymore, mostly because she met someone else she was interested in. Trust me right now things are still fresh so you will feel terrible for a while at some point you will feel angry and then the next thing you know you will be depressed and it may take time to pass but if listin to the advice given by Jiser then I assure you that in time you will feel better just give it time.

This website was the first step in healing your emotional wounds and in time you will take another step until you have completely walked away from this situation with you head held high.

So I'm going to try NC, but that's crazy hard, and as for picking up the photos, is it better to do asap and then forget about her, or should I wait till she is about to move and then do it..

so im gonna try NC, but thats crazy hard, and as for picking up the photos, is it better to do asap and then forget about her, or should i wait till she is about to move and then do it...?

My opinion is to get it over with now. (picking the photos up that is) Reason being, it will give you some closure. If you begin your healing process and then have to bring back up all of those raw emotions by seeing her and getting your belongings, it will be that much harder and you'd have to start back at square 1.

NC is very tough, yes. But it is for the best right now. No one can say what's going to happen down the line with your friendship or even relationship. But you need time to process what has just happened without talking to her. Chances are if you talk to her now, you're going to say something that you'd regret later down the line. Get your mind clear and your emotions a bit more stable and then cross that bridge if/when it gets here. I know it's hard, believe me I do, but keep pushing through day after day and eventually the pain will lessen. Just don't give up, and keep your chin up as best you can. Like another poster has said already, surround yourself with positive friends, family, and activities as much as you can. They will hopefully help aid you in getting back on your feet. Time itself doesn't heal wounds, but what you do with and in that time can and will. My sincerest best wishes to you and your new life. I know first hand how painful this ordeal is to go through.

Jump in my boat bro! Haha same situation... dude NO CONTACt! ITS HARD BUT now I'm so much happier its hard but time heals pain.. leave her alone give her space... she needs it let her realise what she lost.

Agghhrr I'm having a bad day today...

So I'm sorry to everyone if I'm being dramatic, but I honestly feel like crap today...

See everyone says, 'give her time, she'll see what she's lost' and like she's making the mistake leaving you and that I'll be better off without her...

But I don't believe any of that!! She gave me a reason to dream. I was in a major rut when we met and she showed me how to be happy and how to love. She taught me to have ambitions in life and to follow your dreams... she was my perfect balance
NOW IVE LOST HER...
I'm the one that is losing here, not her... she completes me and I need her in my life...

Hey man. Let me tell you Im going through exactly the same thing right now.
Every time you go to sleep, do the songs that you listened to and danced together to play in your head? Do all those memories come flooding back?
Every time you pass by a place that you once liked to spend time in together, do you think about how good those times were and how stupid you were not to think at that point in time that those times might be lost forever soon?
Do you sit there thinking how can she feel towards me this way when I love her so much? How could she do this? How can she go on with her life and be so happy without you? Does it just all seem so unfair?
That's how I feel. Its getting better. I have better days and worst days, no good days. There's not a couple of minutes when I don't think about her, how just 4 weeks ago I was sitting with her at a resteurant and everything seemed fine. How 3 months ago during new years we were dancing drunk at a club and singing and dancing + making out to our favourite songs. Now its all gone, and she doesn't seem to regret it.
There's no cure. Time heals all the pain they tell me, I just don't know how long it will take, and neither do you. Im giving myself a couple of months.. so should you.
Whenever you feel like calling her, write here. It helps, strangely but it does.
I hope letting you know your not alone helps.
Good luck and keep writing.

"see everyone says, 'give her time, she'll see what she's lost' and like shes making the mistake leaving you and that i'll be better off without her..."

People say this because it's true! She will realize in time, it may be in a couple of months, it may be in a couple of years, but people always realize what they "lost" even if it was on their terms. You will be better off eventually, as long as you let yourself grow and learn from this...


"She gave me a reason to dream. i was in a major rut when we met and she showed me how to be happy and how to love. she taught me to have ambitions in life and to follow ur dreams... she was my perfect balance"

OK, if you weren't willing to LET her teach you these things, you'd still be in a rut, you wouldn't have ambitions, and all the rest. The point is, you're WILLING and OPEN to these things, most people are. Now that you know you're actually capable of feeling these things, what makes you think that it was all HER that brought it out in you? Sure she may have introduced you to these things, but all in all---it was YOU YOU YOU!! You have all these things in you already. Don't mean to sound like your mom, but seriously, think about it.

"NOW IVE LOST HER......
im the one that is losing here, not her.... she completes me and i need her in my life"

Maybe some people do complete other people, I'm still learning, just as you are. What I think about though is how much better my relationships would be if I didn't feel like I "needed" someone. If I didn't look to someone else to make ME happy. If I was already happy and stoked and was alone and THEN I meet someone---i'm already "complete" in a sense. You know what I mean? I don't NEED them in my life to make me complete, but it's nice they're around. It's nice to grow and learn with them, but it's also nice being your own person.

Good luck, keep busy and try to move forward. This is all a learning experience, just think how much smarter you'll be and how much more you'll know about yourself once you've moved on!

listen it hurts man I was hurt for a month striaght I would lie in my bed.. just do nothing pop tylenol pm's man it sucks dude life is hell or feels like it for the few weeks... my x told me this... she loves me but not enough to be with right now... she likes being single and likes getting attention I think she has a boyfriend.. I thought it would hurt real bad but I'm at ease... I know your like DANNNNG! Right now and your hearts feels like its in your throat! But man... please do what we say before she gets annyoed and irratated with you... leave her alone realli I messed up on that part! I made it worse!! Let her go give her the space let her do what she's got to do it sucks hearing the truth but really no contact works.. real good its hard but works for both don't give in now... I know even though I'm saying this your going to listen to your heart and bother her but... try not to... you'll realise later on why NC works lay off... time will heal your pain she will miss you too no matter what three years is a lot... so don't worry

Man I know what your going through because I was with my ex for about the same time, and I had the same reaction. People are right, no contact will work. It is tough, and you will feel like you can't do it, but take it one step at a time, you'll get there.

As for "just forgetting your soul mate", I wouldn't say it's that easy. It isn't an all at once sort of thing. You will slowly heal, and though you may never forget her, the hurt will go down every day. It's a process, and like any process it takes time... be patient with yourself and get busy.

Good luck

So I've gone 2 and a half days NC, it seems to be working, I still feel like crap, but I'm starting to focus more on me and how I can move on rather than how WE were supposed to be...

I'm still stressing about seeing her again though, its so annoying, I believe I'm starting to make real progress yet when I see her ill probably go backwards... (but the photos are important)

I was thinking of seeing her on Monday, is that too soon or not soon enough?

Too soon. Give it a couple of MONTHS. Seriously. After that you may decide you don't even need to see her. Keep on keeping on!

See its not that simple, yeah I would love to wait a couple of months, probably would be for the best, BUT she's applied for jobs in another state so I kind of have to see her again before she goes... she may be gone within the next few weeks, who knows!

And just for the record the photos aren't an excuss to break NC or to see her, they are really important to me, I had the time of my life and I want to remember all the other people I shared it with...

Listen its hard I'm doing the same... give it time! And don't let your emotions break NC... its happened to me the first time I did NC and it was not worth it I'm on round two going strong leave it to that I'm in the same boat your not alone you can't die from heart break if she's yours she'll be back if not than she was never yours in the first place its OK... just KEEP UP THE NO CONTACT realli if she ever calls or text you make it short one, (one word) let her wonder what your doing let her wonder how your feeling... of course she misses you two years is a lot.. she stilll thinks of you deep down... but its your turn.. to make that feelings of hers expand try it! NC! I'm in the same boat I'm keeping my head up

BUT she's applied for jobs in another state

Sounds like a good reason for a break-up to me.

Sounds like a good reason for a break-up to me.


Thanks, that really helps my situation...

thanks, that really helps my situation....................

I should clarify as long distance relationships cause a lot more problems than they solve and are highly stressful for both partners. I don't know if this IS the reason but a lack of facts had me wondering. Sorry if I sound harsh.

I am in a very similar situation as you are, except I was with my ex for 7 years. I have been doing NC for nearly two months now, and so far I still feel horrible. I woke up today and immediately started crying and sort of moaning this horrible sound... and I barely knew I was doing it. After a few seconds I remembered that I had been dreaming about her.

The pain is enormous, as you must know. We never fought, never got mad at each other, always were happy (I guess she wasn't towards the end... but the odd thing is that we had just gone on an amazing trip across Europe!) I love her so much. Like I said, our situations are very similar... everything you wrote in your initial and subsequent posts seems like words that I myself could have written. Just know that you are not alone in the situation that you are going through. Please message me if you want to chat. :(

see its not that simple, yeah i would love to wait a couple of months, probably would be for the best, BUT she's applied for jobs in another state so i kinda have to see her again before she goes... she may be gone within the next few weeks, who knows!

and just for the record the photos arent an excuss to break NC or to see her, they are really important to me, i had the time of my life and i want to remember all the other people i shared it with...

My ex is leaving the country for the summer, and might end up staying out of the country! She IS my soulmate... if soulmates exist. I went through a crazy decision process of whether NC was for me since she is leaving the country, but in the end I decided I needed to do NC no matter what the consequences.

OK, so after 4 days NC I get this text from her at 6am (before she goes to work) it says:
"Morning! how have ur days at work going? are they happy to have you back?"

(I was off work because of a broken arm)

So what the hell? Why would she care how work is going? Pretty strange questions... I don't understand why she would send me this...

Should I reply? If so what should I say?

I don't get it...

Stay with no contact. Keep your eyes open and learn.

so we dated for 2 years and 3 months (today), and 2 weeks ago she decided that she wanted to break up cos she wanted to be 'alone'. i was absolutly shocked, we were so great together. i thought, and still think that she is my soul mate.
so a bit of background, we meet and hit it off immediately, a month into our relationship she was offered a job interstate and begged me to go with her, i thought she was great and had nothing else goin on so i followed her. we had an amazing time and decided to return home 4 months later. also in our 2 years together we travelled around europe and just recently went to japan.
we shared so many special times together and in the 2 years barely spent a day apart. which is why it was such a shock. i didnt see it coming. i was so happy with my life and i spose i assumed she was too. i begged her for a second chance, but her mind was made up. she said "i want to experience the next phase of my life alone".
so for the past few weeks ive been a mess, i know that she has moved on because she is planning to move interstate again very soon. i am still deeply in love with her and wish everyday that she'll come back to me, even tho i know its over.....
see the problem is i know its over, i know she's moved on, but a small part of me wont let me move on, i dont know how to.....how do u just give up ur soul mate.....
i need help, any advice would be greatly appreciated....
I LOVE ALL MY EX'S

I LOVE ALL MY EX'S


OK so how do u deal with it??

The no contact rule will help you out.

I would hate to see you trying to find ways to remain friends with her with some sort of ulterior motive. I've learned the hard way that you CANNOT do anything with any intentions of changing her feelings. Her mind is made up, and nothing you do now, could have done differently, or do in the future is going to change that.

Your best bet is to keep no contact so you can focus on yourself. The more you work on yourself the better able you will be to see what was wrong with the relationship, and what you would have liked differently.

Don't think about the future (being friends later, getting back together).

One day at a time man. Get through today. When tomorrow comes, do it again.

The no contact rule will help you out.

I would hate to see you trying to find ways to remain friends with her with some sort of ulterior motive. I've learned the hard way that you CANNOT do anything with any intentions of changing her feelings. Her mind is made up, and nothing you do now, could have done differently, or do in the future is going to change that.

Your best bet is to keep no contact so you can focus on yourself. The more you work on yourself the better able you will be to see what was wrong with the relationship, and what you would have liked differently.

DONT think about the future (being friends later, getting back together).

One day at a time man. Get through today. When tommorrow comes, do it again.


It is getting easier...

Its not getting easier for me... nearly two months of NC and I feel horrible still... every day.

Its not getting easier for me...nearly two months of NC and I feel horrible still...every day.

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