heartbroken2312
Feb 17, 2013, 07:37 PM
We had been in a relationship for 1.5 years. During this one year, we had our share of quarrels and happy times and towards the end, I gave in to everything that she wants, even when she started to feel that meeting me is a chore, I told her it's okay not to come. She used to come to my place every weekend, but now she comes only to sleep or not at all. She told me she dread coming to my place, which is hurting. Her tantrum and temper grew worse each day, but I still take all in because I am too much in love with her. I told myself, this endurance is nothing compared to losing her. I want to do anything and everything to keep her with me.
But just three days ago, she stormed out on me, saying that she wants a break. She took all her clothes from my place and left. She suddenly turned so cold and told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I don't believe it. We had so much going on, and so much plans ahead. I told her what she doesn't like about me I could change. She said she doesn't want me to change, we are just not suitable. What? After 1.5 years of being together then she realized that we are not suitable? She broke up with me before, I went to her place and pleaded, begged her to take me in. That happened a few times and it works. But this time round, it didn't. She told me to go away and stop doing all these. She will not give in. But I don't understand? I did not do anything wrong? Why is she so harsh on me this time? If I went around flirting with other people, I can understand her action. But this time round, why so firm? She said that she should have ended things with me a few months back, she felt guilty every time I treated her nicely because she couldn't do the same. This is the part which I do not get it. Initially she loved me that is why we were together. How and where did the love disappear to?
I kept on asking her why? I don't want a death sentence without knowing why. All the efforts that I have put in, to mend our relationship can't go to waste like this. I know I am being a wimp I threw away my pride and dignity to ask her to come back to me. I do not believe in breaks, because I know that they are forever. I know I can't lose her. But I know this time round her heart is closed. I know this time round we are not getting back together anymore. I know I need to move on. But all those questions inside me can't make me let go. It has been four days. The first night I did not sleep. I went over to look for her in the morning. But got asked to go home. Second night. I slept and woke up every hour thinking of her and texted her finally to tell her I am in pain. But her reply was hostile and cold. She says 'move on', 'stop texting me if not I will off my phone'. The third day, I went out with friends to keep myself distracted. I broke down and cried in the washroom because I keep thinking of her. And night I thought I was doing great as I did not text her the whole day. I cried badly and went to bed, feeling good that I made progress. But again, I woke up every hour again, feeling lost and empty. I gave in to my heart and texted her again. Again, her reply was harsh and cold, she said 'time heal.', 'no matter what you say, we are not getting back together.' while I am losing sleep and not eating well, I bet she must be enjoying her life without me. She told me she don't deserve me I can find someone better. Why is she saying all these? Because she knows she is bad? But I don't mind loving her, so why does she mind?
Today is the fourth day, I am making no progress. I feel like, I came to work but I can't focus. I want to feel better. But how? I read advices from people who are in the same situation as me. But it didn't work. I hope time heal. But really, why did she do it? How could she suddenly turn into a stranger so fast? I have not been eating well nor sleeping well. I want to feel better, and I know I have to stop contacting her. I have no heart to delete her Facebook away, nor her contact away from my phone. I know the first thing to do is to accept the fact and move on, but how? I feel terrible. I want to wake up from this. I want to be better. I lost every will to do things. I don't feel like doing anything and feel like quitting and stay up in bed whole day. But I know it is wrong. How do I convince myself to move on? Someone please save me...
But just three days ago, she stormed out on me, saying that she wants a break. She took all her clothes from my place and left. She suddenly turned so cold and told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I don't believe it. We had so much going on, and so much plans ahead. I told her what she doesn't like about me I could change. She said she doesn't want me to change, we are just not suitable. What? After 1.5 years of being together then she realized that we are not suitable? She broke up with me before, I went to her place and pleaded, begged her to take me in. That happened a few times and it works. But this time round, it didn't. She told me to go away and stop doing all these. She will not give in. But I don't understand? I did not do anything wrong? Why is she so harsh on me this time? If I went around flirting with other people, I can understand her action. But this time round, why so firm? She said that she should have ended things with me a few months back, she felt guilty every time I treated her nicely because she couldn't do the same. This is the part which I do not get it. Initially she loved me that is why we were together. How and where did the love disappear to?
I kept on asking her why? I don't want a death sentence without knowing why. All the efforts that I have put in, to mend our relationship can't go to waste like this. I know I am being a wimp I threw away my pride and dignity to ask her to come back to me. I do not believe in breaks, because I know that they are forever. I know I can't lose her. But I know this time round her heart is closed. I know this time round we are not getting back together anymore. I know I need to move on. But all those questions inside me can't make me let go. It has been four days. The first night I did not sleep. I went over to look for her in the morning. But got asked to go home. Second night. I slept and woke up every hour thinking of her and texted her finally to tell her I am in pain. But her reply was hostile and cold. She says 'move on', 'stop texting me if not I will off my phone'. The third day, I went out with friends to keep myself distracted. I broke down and cried in the washroom because I keep thinking of her. And night I thought I was doing great as I did not text her the whole day. I cried badly and went to bed, feeling good that I made progress. But again, I woke up every hour again, feeling lost and empty. I gave in to my heart and texted her again. Again, her reply was harsh and cold, she said 'time heal.', 'no matter what you say, we are not getting back together.' while I am losing sleep and not eating well, I bet she must be enjoying her life without me. She told me she don't deserve me I can find someone better. Why is she saying all these? Because she knows she is bad? But I don't mind loving her, so why does she mind?
Today is the fourth day, I am making no progress. I feel like, I came to work but I can't focus. I want to feel better. But how? I read advices from people who are in the same situation as me. But it didn't work. I hope time heal. But really, why did she do it? How could she suddenly turn into a stranger so fast? I have not been eating well nor sleeping well. I want to feel better, and I know I have to stop contacting her. I have no heart to delete her Facebook away, nor her contact away from my phone. I know the first thing to do is to accept the fact and move on, but how? I feel terrible. I want to wake up from this. I want to be better. I lost every will to do things. I don't feel like doing anything and feel like quitting and stay up in bed whole day. But I know it is wrong. How do I convince myself to move on? Someone please save me...