So this girls boyfriend of 3 1/2 years dumped her last year and said he never wanted to speak to her again. We started seeing each other straight after and have been seeing each other constantly the last 10 months but it was never a relationship, always in between friends and lovers although we spent at least 3 days of the week together and we both liked each other a lot.

So he comes back in the picture and I found out and she stresses to me they not getting back together but they still see each other and speak. So she suddenly goes cold on me and starts ignoring me for no reason and when I ask her why she says our brains need a break from everything and I asked her if she was back with him and she says no.

I don't contact her for almost 3 weeks and then I sent her a message telling her I missed her and care about her loads and don't want to lose her even as just a friend and if they back together I can understand, I just want to talk to her again. She calls me crying and says he saw the message and now he never wants to talk to her again. I apologize and said I never wanted him to read it, it was meant for her only. I mean it was to her phone, it was private I also didn't want him reading my **** to her... plus I had no idea they were back together she always just told me he wasted her time and they weren't getting back together.

A month before this when I noticed them speaking again we were seeing each other almost everyday , I had no clue she was suddenly back with him. The next day after I sent the message, she sends me a message saying I hate you. And the next day message me non stop saying I ruined her life and she hates me I must never talk to her again... and blocked me on IM... What the hell do I do? I care about her loads and told her I just wanted her to know. She kept telling me she hates me and that was it.

FEEL like such a *** for just 1 message privately to her to tell her how I still feel. In the past when I message her telling her my feelings she was always so happy to hear. It's not my fault that she probably never told him about me. And he broke up with her in the first place a year ago... was she not allowed to move on?

Obviously the issue is he told her we were nothing and the message made him realise we were more... but how is it my fault? How can she hate me now? I was always there for her. I care about her loads but I'm horrified she would talk to me like that for just sending a message and feel like never talking to her again... but we spent so much time together, she would often say I was her best friend... What do I do now?

You leave her alone and move on. Maybe he saw the message and sent the reply, maybe he is making her do it. At any rate she is with him and was lying to you.
It is time to let her go.

I know that I should do nothing right now but leave her alone. Especially when I really don't think I did anything wrong and she was so rude to me. Its been 2 weeks now since the message and no word yet and I'm not expecting one anytime soon or an apology. We were really close and she often told me things with us were so much more relaxed and happier than with him because he was a control freak and never let her do her anything or see see her own friends and for the last 2 years of their relationship they just fought all the time and it was like living in a cage.. her words! But at the drop of the coin she drops me and goes back to him and doesn't even tell me when I ask her and I look like the &%$ now for trying to let her know I still care about her. But she obviously lied to him that I was just a friend and nothing happened with us and when he saw the message he freaked out and gave her %$# . But its insane to me that she would be so angry and rude to me. How was it my fault he read her phone and she never told him the truth about me? How about how embarrassed I must feel knowing her tool ex read my private message to her... it really bothers me that after getting so close with someone she just turns on me now like this

Not your fault dude! Girls always fall for heads. They go to those who control them and make them run after them. Being nice to most of the girls doesn't work. Your friend or whoever is being a to both of u. She isn't even sincere to herself I suppose. Stop thinking about it and start seeing someone else.

There is nothing wrong with being nice to girls. You don't have to be a jerk to have a girl.

Maybe this guy is controlling her, making her behave in a way she does not want, but she is with him and there is noting you can do about it, she is married to him. Leave her alone.
Move on.

It is your fault you got so attached to a female hat just broke up from a long term relationship.Thats a big NO NO, you should have run from or insulated yourself from.

Talaniman Rule-Never get to involved with a person who still has an ex in their lives.

Talaniman Rule-Never get involved with some one fresh from a break up.

You really should have backed off when you knew he was talking oher, even though it was nothing but a hopeful friendhip. Stop and think"friend" she obviously didn't care to share the extent they were talking again did she? That wasn't very honest of her so she was leading you on a bit, and you followed willingly. Now you know.

Leave her alone and erase this chapter of your life, and chalk it up as a learning experience. Something's look good and feel great until the truth of the matter comes out. Do better next time.

You man she solidly lied to me, even though when I asked her to tell me the truth about them more than once she didn't tell me. She said he wasted her time and she even let me see messages from him only a month before when all they were doing was fighting and him telling her how she was the reason his life was the worst its ever been in the last 2 years they were together.

As far as I was seeing she was doing everything to let me know nothing was going on with them and we were seeing each other so often I believed her. Then I asked one night to tell me if she was still confused because I needed to know and she just said she likes me a lot. That week she started ignoring me and when we spoke I asked her why and if they were seeing each other again and she said no again... a break is good for us she just said. Then I send the message 2 weeks later and she says she hates me and I ruined her life... I'm still shocked she would say that &$% to me

You ignored all the red flags and believed what you wanted to believe.