I found out my husband of 20 years had signed up for an affair.com type of website. I created a fake account and sent him a note. He responded. Within a few hours he had set a time & place to meet this "other" women for sex. I called him on it at that time. He has appologized & swears he will spend the rest of his days doing whatever it takes to get my trust back. He says he made a mistake and swears on our children's lives that he will never doing anything to compromise our marriage ever again.
Where do I start?

Counseling,

You need to find out why this is happened, and solve the problem,
His promise is more that he will be sure not to get caught in the future most likely

That is exactly what I was thinking. I feel that he should be the one to set up the counseling sessions if he is serious about trying to save our marriage. I do not want to be with someone that doesn't want me and only me! Thank for your input.

If it was truly a mistake, he should be willing to do whatever it takes to correct it. Hold him to it.

After 20 years fixing things would be best. Getting the trust back may not be so easy. How would he feel in your shoes. Trust is hard to come by. Ive been married 3 years and just now trust him a little lol but I'm 24 and the jealouse type. So, if all this made you jealouse, its only normal. Good luck!

I don't think not trusting a man who was arranging a date with "another woman" is a matter of jealousy. He was arranging to cheat.

I'm an investigator. There are two types of cheaters - one is a serial cheater who never changes. One is a one-time cheater who learns from his mistake. This man put a lot of time and effort into attempted cheating. No, I wouldn't trust him.

As far as swearing anything on the heads of his children - he was not concerned with the health and welfare of his family and children when he was attempting to cheat. I don't see that anything has changed other than he got caught.

Many cheaters, when caught, don't stop the behavior. They simply go underground.

I don't think not trusting a man who was arranging a date with "another woman" is a matter of jealousy. He was arranging to cheat.

I'm an investigator. There are two types of cheaters - one is a serial cheater who never changes. One is a one-time cheater who learns from his mistake. This man put a lot of time and effort into attempted cheating. No, I wouldn't trust him.

As far as swearing anything on the heads of his children - he was not concerned with the health and welfare of his family and children when he was attempting to cheat. I don't see that anything has changed other than he got caught.

Many cheaters, when caught, don't stop the behavior. They simply go underground.


What do you think about key loggers ?

Key loggers? I think they have a time and a place. Would I install one on my computer for personal use? No. I think if you spy on someone you had better be ready to find whatever it is you find. People seem to think I'm checking up on them when I'm not because of what I do for a living.

I'm a firm believer in key loggers in the workplace IF there's a problem - I have such a program on my work computers. If someone who works for me does a background check on someone I need to know it's at the request of an Attorney, not for their own use.

But would I use one in my home?

No.

Have I recommended them for other people's personal use? Yes.

Is that a mixed answer?