I would like to get an honest (preferably male perspective) on my situation as I have many girlfriends and they keep giving me their opinions but I am still not sure. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years, we lived in together for 2 years and everything was perfect in our relationship. We hardly ever fought and there was great amount of love and respect from both sides. He is 26 and I am 24. We belong to the same country but different states, both our parents lived in our home country's much far from us. My parents were aware of the relationship and his sister (older) was aware but not his parents as they are very conservative and come from a very traditional background, my parents are liberal and modern.

There is a bit of a background story of his older sister, she fell in love with a man of another culture about 3 years back while she was living with her parents and she tried telling them, they beat her and tortured her to leave him but instead she wrote a letter, packed her bags and left the parents and got married to the man. She is living happily with her husband now. His mother could not take the daughter running away and disrespecting them and she fell really sick and stopped eating and became weak. All through this time, my BF was the only support they had and even though he was far away from them, he really supported them and the sister and finally patched up his parents and his sister. Now after 3 years they all are okay though he still finds that the mother has not accepted the son in law of a different culture very happily. The mother is still sick and the father is a heart patient.

Now back to my story, after his 26th birthday, my BF'S parents started insisting him to find a girl and get married. They started showing him girls from his state back home through matrimonial ads and pressurizing him to choose a girl. Then, he told them about me and that he would like to get married to me. I am from the same religion and country but just a different state in the country. As soon as they heard, they threw a massive fit again and started emotionally blackmailing him that they wanted to choose the girl for him and they are dissapointed with his behavior and they believe in arranged marriage and all that. All this while, they haven't even met me or talked to me on the phone. I begged my BF to make them meet me when they came here but he refused saying "they dont want to meet you". I was very heart broken that how can anyone just reject a person without giving them a chance. After his parents left, he broke up with me and we didn't talk for 3 days then he got back to me saying he misses me terribly and would like to patch up and he will go to his home country after 4 months and talk to his dad and request him to accept me so I melted and gave him another chance. Meanwhile in these 4 months we were back to normal, spent each waking moment together and everything was perfect. Then the 4 months passed and he want home to talk to his parents and they threw a fit again and emotionally blackmailed him that they will die if he doesn't oblige to them and get a girl of their choice. He came back and broke up with me. I begged and pleaded him but nothing is helping. We haven't talked in a week. He said that I can't see my parents die so I cannot leave them and come with you after what my sister did to them. He also said that the problem is not with you but with my family. He refused to talk to me and now has completely cut off since a week.

I am a living wreck, how can relationships just break so easily? How can he just settle down with a girl who he does not even know? How can he not see what his parents are doing to him? How can anyone be so mean that they are judging me without even knowing me? Did the 4 years mean nothing to him? And is it so easy for him to just stop talking to me? How sure are his parents that the girl they choose willl keep them and him happy? Everything was perfect between us before he left and now it is nothing. I have asked him to keep trying and give it another 6 months and I can wait and he says that he cannot give me hope because there is no hope, his parents won't agree. Will he not just try once more? He is a very outgoing person who lives life to the fullest and he does not tell his parents a lot of things he does and since they are far away they don't realize how different their son is from them. I don't know what to do, I am sure the girls his parents choose for him will not be a fit match so will he ever realize it and stand up to them? Don't his parents realize that they are ruining their sons future? I think he is very pressured right now and just wants a break from all this but will maybe eventually talk to his parents over the phone and try to work it through but he is not giving me any hopes or is this just my illusion.? But will he ever contact me again since its been a week and tell me he wants me back and that he messed up or will he marry some other girl? I don't know what to feel right now, he was my first and only relationship.

There is a saying, "Blood is thicker than water." He already has a history of what could happen with his parents when they refuse to accept their child's "love relationship." He apparently doesn't want to put them through that again, thus he has decided to go along with their ideas and plans for him rather than continue with you.

Yes, I know it is not fair or right and what should happen. The arranged marriage model has brought much misery to young people in your generation. When the world was less mobile and children didn't travel or go off to college or meet so many other people through the world or have so many connections as we do now because of the Internet, life was much simpler. His parents are still stuck in that simple time and with the idea that, to be successful, a child's marriage has to be arranged by parents.

I don't think there is anything you can do at this point. He holds all the cards and it sounds like you are no longer in the card game. And I so hope the arranged marriage mentality will disappear as your generation becomes parents!

Thanks a lot wondergirl for your honest opinion. Yes, the ball is in his court and will always be, there is nothing much I can do. I begged him till last week and then he said lets not try and make it hard for each other, we should talk less so I stopped calling/texting and e-mailing him. He hasn't bothered either. He used to tell me, his biggest fear would be not talking to me ever again in his life and now he is exactly doing that. It is just so hard to think that we could have been married and lived happily all our lives if it wouldn't be for his parents. He had told me before leaving for his country to talk to his dad, the moment his parents approve, he will get a ring and we will get engaged. So many hopes and promises that just shattered away like that. I have come to a point that I can accept that it might never work so I have stopped talking to him because maybe giving him space and time may help a little bit to figure out his true feelings. I am trying to keep myself occupied with my friends and my job but it is very very hard. Imagine a break up that was not because of the 2 people who were in a relationship but because of an outside source who has nothing to do with the relationship.

Imagine a break up that was not because of the 2 people who were in a relationship but because of an outside source who has nothing to do with the relationship.
I don't have to imagine. I lived through that myself, thus my total sympathy for you.

Hello people, just an update on my situation right now! It just makes me feel better when I write as it De-clutters my mind! After being in no contact with my "ex" boyfriend for 1 whole week (no e-mails/texts/nothing) he e-mailed me today about how he has been thinking about us and how he has been talking to his sister about us... he apologizes and misses me terribly! He wrote that he understands that his family is selfish and stupid and he can't understand why they can't see what he sees. He said that after 4 years of a life together he knows that it is only me that he would like to see from the time he wakes up to the time he sleeps. Even watching a bad movie in bed with me used to be fun and he misses all that. He said that he can't promise me anything because he can't make me go through what happened again so he can't see me but he was just letting me know that he will keep trying for a couple of months and talk to his parents. He will cherish me all his life.

Now.. is this a weak moment he is going through? I haven't replied yet because its only been an hour and I don't mean to reply for another day! I have to think what should I say. I am not going to be harsh on him because I cherish our 4 year relationship too but I can't get back as of now... I am not going to get back with him till he puts a ring on my finger! Of course I won't tell him that but I think I will let him know, I am there for him and with him but its best that we keep our distance till he talks to his parents because I have become a little stable in 3 days and I can't go back to the same circle of being all happy and all my dreams being shattered! I almost thought of jumping on the subway rail 5 days back but I was stupid... I won't do that and I understand that now but I can't go back to being that way if he does this to me again. What do you all say? Please, I need your suggestions.

I think to avoid being hurt constantly, you will have to apply the NC rule to your situation. If you give him the chance to express his true feelings for you and his regret for how things panned out on account of his parents' opinions, you will find yourself wanting to believe his word that he DOES want to marry you. But this is just not the case. Deep down inside he may want to spend his life with you, but it is also apparent that he is letting his parents create a wedge between you and him in the relationship. I'm sure he loves you, but he also loves his parents and is too ashamed about what they may think or what may happen as a consequence of being with you. Chances are if he's broken up with you twice before he will do it again. Stay strong and know that a true stand up guy will move mountains to be with you no matter how difficult or impossible it may seem. If he chooses to honour and respect his parent's wishes, then you have to realize this is not the man you envisioned yourself to be with. You want someone who will ultimately stand up for you and your relationship if they truly believe you have something special worth building upon. You don't want to start a marriage with ill-wishes and so much doubt. You might regret not giving him another shot now, but imagine how deeply you'd regret marrying a person who will always allow their parents to dictate their main decisions. I wish you all the best!