I've had depression before, it comes in cycles so I know what it feels like, but recently I appear to be displaying symptoms I don't understand. I'm so angry all the time, and I've started self harming - not out of depression or a need for control but out of "If I don't break something or make something bleed in a minute I swear to god I'm going to explode."

I've posted on here about before about the situation between myself and my boyfriend - that we left our partners for each other over a year ago and we're still so happy and in love. In the meantime, my ex has moved on and is living with his pregnant girlfriend (he always wanted kids, I didn't), but my boyfriend's ex is harassing us both with verbally abusive texts, either calling him names or telling him the sex they had was amazing and he should go back. She pretends to be his son, texting him to say 'he' hates him and doesn't want to see him, and in the meantime she is stopping his son from actually seeing him. My boyfriend has seen his son three times (for a total of about 2.5 hours and two of those were because he turned up at his school and asked the headmaster if he could speak to him) in the past year. The last time he saw him it was because he'd had enough and texted his ex saying "If you don't let me see ****, I'm going to court for access and if I have to pay for that, I can no longer afford to pay your mortgage for you." All of a sudden, the kid is on the phone saying he will see him tomorrow. They spent an hour together and had a great time and his son said he wanted to see him again if it was okay with his Mother. Well, obviously it wasn't as he's not even spoken to him since (all phone calls being ignored) and is suddenly getting texts from his 'son' (obviously his ex pretending to be him), saying that he has no dad and is changing his phone number etc...

This is obviously pretty stressful but I'm taking out my anger on myself and my boyfriend because I don't know what else to do. Why isn't he fighting harder to see his son and get the psycho out of our lives? It's been OVER A YEAR and she's still trying to ruin his life by phoning his boss and saying he's not fit to do his job, and phoning his ex boss saying he was stealing from the company. If he loses his job, who is going to pay the mortgage on her house? I just feel my boyfriend still feels guilty about the situation, and so is being soft and letting her get away with stuff no ordinary person would. Fortunately, his boss, whilst believing it at first, now sees that she is a nutter and has offered to go around and have a quiet word about what is considered 'acceptable' in this situation.

I wouldn't lay a finger on my boyfriend but I get so angry at his complacence and his ex's constant manipulation of the situation, that I take it out on myself. If my boyfriend can't be bothered to fight for his child, why doesn't he just walk away from the two of them and save us all the abuse? If he doesn't want to walk out of his son's life, why isn't he fighting more to see him??

I'm sure anyone would agree that over twelve months of this is stressful enough, but I'm just not coping anymore. I moved in with my boyfriend, near his work, two hours away from my old home. I have no friends, and I work from home so I don't meet people during the day. I'm having a complete life crisis. I just feel worthless and useless, and a burden to my boyfriend because he works six days a week, has to put up with his ex, and then has to put up with me self harming and going back to bed when I just can't handle being awake anymore.

I feel like the world has lost a lot of meaning. My Mum is sick in hospital at the moment, as is my grandmother. I went back to my old home town on New Year's Eve and after negotiating a time I could go out after my ex said his girlfriend didn't want to see me out, all of the people I was supposed to meet had gone elsewhere and not told me. I've lost most of my friends then, obviously. Work is slow and as I'm self employed I have to constantly chase people for the money I'm owed.

I just wonder if it's worth it? Not this relationship, but everything?

You are not going mad!! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and that the only way you can ease your frustration is to take it out on yourself. If anything it is sentiment of what a caring person you are as to take things out on yourself rather than others. You sound very isolated and a bit lost at what to do next. It's important at times like this not to bombard yourself with negative thoughts without considering all the possibilities. Talk to your partner about how you feel or write him a letter if you struggle to express your feelings face to face. Also contact your friends about new year as it could be a simple case of crossed wires especially if they were unsure if you were going. Try and focus on the positives in your relationship and life and try to plan things to look forward to. Above all don't beat yourself up about the way you are feeling. Your feelings are important and need to be addressed not ignored. Its true there will always be someone "better off" but isn't it also true there are people worse off too? You must be strong and open and coming on here is just the start of your journey I am sure.