I'm seeking to move out of MI to CT w/ my boyfriend and son. Two yrs ago I was denied by divorce court. Will I have better chance of getting the "okay" from the family court if boyfriend and I are married?

Is your son's father involved in his life?

Is your son's father involved in his life?
Yes, we have joint custody & ex refuses to budge on the relocation. We would need a judge to give us the go-ahead. Was told being married will give us advantage we need.

Yes, we have joint custody & ex refuses to budge on the relocation. We would need a judge to give us the go-ahead. Was told being married will give us advantage we need.
I am wondering why you would take the child away from his father. Does he take his custody time? Did the judge tell you that you would have an advantage if you are married?

Told by whom? If the father is an active participant in his son's life, I don't see you getting permission to move your son without his agreement.

I don't see you being married as a key factor. The only factor would be whether the move significantly benefits the child.

Now, if you want to move without your son, you can probably arrive at a visitation schedule where you get summers and holidays (at your expense).

We want to relocate because I'm orig from CT and my boyfriend has an Amazing job offer there. I'm talking about life-changing opportunities. All my fam is in CT. His Dad is active, yet negative influence in his life. I offered every other holiday, all summer and school vacations, and random weekends his Dad wants to spend w/ him. My boyfriend and I are financially drowning out here and need to do something - this job offer came out of the blue from my step father. I'm unwilling to give up primary physical custody as I know my
ex cannot handle raising our son. He has serious mental illnesses that prevent him from working or being a decent role model for our child. I'm not trying to keep him from his father; just want to succeed as well as reconnect with my family. Was told this AM by a counselor that being married would make a huge diff as we will be viewed as more stable. BF would be the primary breadwinner and I can stay he w/ my child - no day care needed. I have substantial extended family who also have kids near his age (4).

Counselor from where? Can you be more specific about who this person is.

But based on what you have told us, if you can prove it to a court they may grant your request. And yes being narried will help show your seriousness. I would suggest a good attorney is also a requirement.

Counselor from where? Can you be more specific about who this person is.

But based on what you have told us, if you can prove it to a court they may grant your request. And yes being narried will help show your seriousness. I would suggest a good attorney is also a requirement.
Counselor from the local community health center. She's a liaison for any services needed at the medical clinic. If you need food, help w/ domestic abuse, etc. she's not legal counsel, but she said she's pretty sure being married would be advantageous b/ c it shows stability, seriousness, commitment, etc. and as the breadwinner, my son and I are sure to benefit from his income. You said 'if you can proved it to a court... ' Prove what to a court? Mental illness alone doesn't make him unable to care for our boy. I did recently file a complaint w/ CPS, however, against Daddy. He knowingly referred us both to the CPS in our county trying to suggest we were abusing my son. These claims were made literally hours after a heated discussion regarding moving to CT. He wanted to embarrass/scare us and I'm sure part of the impetus was to try and gain advantage in parenting time. The claim itself aside, does his "crying wolf" effect the court's decision at all? I don't want to rehire my lawyer and get my hopes up just to be SO disappointed later.

OK, While I agree that being married will carry more weight that not, I don't think it's a slam dunk.

You need to prove to the court that the father cannot support your son as a primary custodian. You need to prove that he can't care for his son as a primary. You need to prove that you will be able to provide a more stable home life (that's where being married comes in) with an extended family in CT.

Proving all that will not be easy and that's where an attorney comes in. An attorney will know what evidence to present and how to obtain it. And that's where your best chance comes in.

To show stability your going to have to be married for at least 1 years time. SO being married alone isn't going to do a thing if your just getting married to move. Also if your not working then how do you plan on paying to send your son back to his fathers for visitation ?

And while we are at it since it is a "family" member offering the job they could just as quick release him from his job. It is never a good mix unless you have a written contract in hand.

OK, While I agree that being married will carry more weight that not, I don't think its a slam dunk.

You need to prove to the court that the father cannot support your son as a primary custodian. You need to prove that he can't care for his son as a primary. You need to prove that you will be able to provide a more stable home life (that's where being married comes in) with an extended family in CT.

Proving all that will not be easy and that's where an attorney comes in. An attorney will know what evidence to present and how to obtain it. And that's where your best chance comes in.
When we divorced Oct 2010 my lawyer thought it advantageous to make all deals prior to going before judge: parenting time, custody, support, etc. Of course the judge went along w/ it because everything was agreed upon ahead of time. Now the only real changes are this fabulous, in the bag job offer and that I will/ would be married to a man that up until this last "heated" conversation - it got ugly, my ex would've agreed is a great role model. IDK if you, Scott, are a lawyer, but it seems a toss up as to whether these two positives are enuff to turn the tide in our favor. Neither my ex nor I are employed. He has three assault reports, two of which = charges pressed. He was arrested for 1, the others essentially went nowhere. The ex also has 2 DUI's and therefore no license/ vehicle. He has since been sober for approx 6 months. Ex has extended fam here in MIchigan and seemingly endless financial support from his parents. My boyfriend and I have been selling our possessions and borrowing $ here and there to get by. Neither of us have any criminal history nor addictions. I don't want to demonize my ex, but I do need to point out his shortcomings. He's never abused our son as far as I know, but he sleeps a lot during the day due yo his meds, leaving Max w/o supervision. At his young age, Max's word isn't considered in the decision making process and I know he loves and will still want to see his father, to which I'm amenable. But as I'm sure you realize, $ = opportunity and we can give him much more of that in CT. You nor I can see the future, but a well -considered, objective opinion is priceless to me right now. And if by chance you ARE a lawyer, well, that'd be even more priceless. Thank you.

it seems a toss up as to whether these two positives are enuff to turn the tide in our favor.

No I'm not a lawyer and no one, not even a lawyer can predict what a judge will do (though a local lawyer can make an educated guess). But I do have some knowledge and experience in this area. One does not have to be an attorney to know the law.

From my experience a court would be reluctant to remove a child from an active parent. That doesn't mean its impossible. But I don't think it's a toss up. I think you need to prove to the court that the move would be in the child's best interests. That will be what the court will look for. You may think its clear, I tend to agree with you, but a judge will need more concrete proof. Again that's where an attorney comes in because they can advise you what the proofs need to be,

To show stability your going to have to be married for atleast 1 years time. SO being married alone isnt going to do a thing if your just getting married to move. Also if your not working then how do you plan on paying to send your son back to his fathers for visitation ?

And while we are at it since it is a "family" member offering the job they could just as quick release him from his job. It is never a good mix unless you have a written contract in hand.
My bf/ hubby will pay for transport which will be via car as Max is too young to fly alone. He has fam here in MI he will want to visit fairly regularly. It's a 12+ hour drive each way. No problem getting a notarized statement from my stepdad indicating there's a job waiting and his salary. Working for or even with fam is always dicey, but we're talking about life-changing amounts of money. We can start a college fund, pay for karate lessons, soccer, all that stuff kids get interested in once they get a little older. My bf/ hubby has been in my life to one extent or another the last 8 yrs and my fam knows and adores him. Also he excels at my stepdad's line of work and has proven his skill w/ stepdad.

My bf/ hubby will pay for transport which will be via car as Max is too young to fly alone. He has fam here in MI he will want to visit fairly regularly. It's a 12+ hour drive each way. No problem getting a notarized statement from my stepdad indicating there's a job waiting and his salary. Working for or even with fam is always dicey, but we're talking about life-changing amounts of money. We can start a college fund, pay for karate lessons, soccer, all that stuff kids get interested in once they get a little older. My bf/ hubby has been in my life to one extent or another the last 8 yrs and my fam knows and adores him. Also he excels at my stepdad's line of work and has proven his skill w/ stepdad.

How will he be transported by car (alone, with a family member, etc.)? Is there some reason you aren't working?

How will he be transported by car (alone, with a family member, etc.)? Is there some reason you aren't working?
My son, boyfriend, and I will most likely all travel together and depending on the length of the visit I.e.; long weekend vs spring break. I am attempting to get onto disability as I've been newly diagnosed w/ epilepsy. I most likely will at least work part time as I'm able. My son is still in preschool and I want to be home w/ him as much as poss. My bf's sister, her fam, and many close friends live in MI and we will stay w/ them. Bf will be making enuff $ so it won't be a big challenge to make these trips every cuppla months.

My son, bf, and I will most likely all travel together and depending on the length of the visit I.e.; long weekend vs spring break. I am attempting to get onto disability as I've been newly diagnosed w/ epilepsy. I most likely will at least work part time as I'm able. My son is still in preschool and I want to be home w/ him as much as poss. My bf's sister, her fam, and many close friends live in MI and we will stay w/ them. Bf will be making enuff $ so it won't be a big challenge to make these trips every cuppla months.

From joint custody to every couple of months? That's a big change. If his parenting/ home life is an issue, why hasn't the judge ever modified his custody time, or changed it to supervised custody?

I won a removal case from Minnesota to Illinois but it is far from an easy road. My attorney told me at the time that I needed to demonstrate that I needed to move, and that it would benefit my son. I had to demonstrate that I could support us there, that I could provide proper housing, education and other opportunities, and that I had a plan to ensure that his relationship with his father would continue to be well fostered and that I had a plan to make sure they had a lot of time together.

I did all of this and it still took nearly 2 years and tens of thousands of dollars to resolve. I also had to demonstrate that I was not trying to keep my son from his father.

It's not easy to live with the agreement either, but for me it has been worthwhile. Two weekends a month my ex and I meet halfway between Minneapolis and Chicago to exchange our son on Friday, and we repeat the process on Sunday. This is 1,600 miles of driving a month - over $200 worth of gas for each of us.

I also fly my son to see his father four times a year for a break in the driving. Until he turned 15 I had to pay high fares for him as an unaccompanied minor.

I gave up most of the summer, all of spring break and half of winter break with my son so he can spend more time with his dad than just short weekends. There's a cost for my son as well - he's a teenager and sometimes, because of his visitation schedule out of state, he misses out on activities with friends. He has been fine with it because he has friends there, too, but I think most kids would really have an issue with this schedule. It works for us, but I would guess that to be unusual.

I don't know how this would be possible if we lived any further apart because, even though we both are professionals with well-paying jobs, we could not afford to do all of this with air travel. To do all the Friday drives, we have had to make special accommodations with our employers, too. So, if you're going to try to do this, be prepared for a tough road unless your child's father is willing to work with you to make it work, you are prepared to spend considerable money to make it work, and it's truly the best thing for your family. You will need to be very dedicated to your child's relationship with the other parent because the child WILL suffer if you do not make sure that he has regular time with both of you.

I won a removal case from Minnesota to Illinois but it is far from an easy road. My attorney told me at the time that I needed to demonstrate that I needed to move, and that it would benefit my son. I had to demonstrate that I could support us there, that I could provide proper housing, education and other opportunities, and that I had a plan to ensure that his relationship with his father would continue to be well fostered and that I had a plan to make sure they had a lot of time together.

I did all of this and it still took nearly 2 years and tens of thousands of dollars to resolve. I also had to demonstrate that I was not trying to keep my son from his father.

It's not easy to live with the agreement either, but for me it has been worthwhile. Two weekends a month my ex and I meet halfway between Minneapolis and Chicago to exchange our son on Friday, and we repeat the process on Sunday. This is 1,600 miles of driving a month - over $200 worth of gas for each of us.

I also fly my son to see his father four times a year for a break in the driving. Until he turned 15 I had to pay high fares for him as an unaccompanied minor.

I gave up most of the summer, all of spring break and half of winter break with my son so he can spend more time with his dad than just short weekends. There's a cost for my son as well - he's a teenager and sometimes, because of his visitation schedule out of state, he misses out on activities with friends. He has been fine with it because he has friends there, too, but I think most kids would really have an issue with this schedule. It works for us, but I would guess that to be unusual.

I don't know how this would be possible if we lived any further apart because, even though we both are professionals with well-paying jobs, we could not afford to do all of this with air travel. To do all the Friday drives, we have had to make special accomodations with our employers, too. So, if you're going to try to do this, be prepared for a tough road unless your child's father is willing to work with you to make it work, you are prepared to spend considerable money to make it work, and it's truly the best thing for your family. You will need to be very dedicated to your child's relationship with the other parent because the child WILL suffer if you do not make sure that he has regular time with both of you.

wow! You haf given me real pause for thought here, dunnonuthin. I can easily prove that we're flailing around financially and close to being in real trouble. I can get a letter from my bf's boss (my stepfather) indicating that there's a position and what his rate of pay will be. Initially we will live w/ my mom and stepdad until we get enuff $ to get our own place. Max'll have his own room there and in any comdo we buy. My son'll be in a local preschool and we have our own vehicle. There's very few job opportunities in MI, which is THE major reason we want to move.once in CT, we will be okay even if I don't work, in terms of $. Again, I'm the first to say money doesn't buy happiness, but it Does make life more comfy and expands opportunities for my boy that he'll never have if we stay here. Was there any indication that if you were married to someone in Minnesota that the arrangement would be diff? It's 600 miles from my ex's house to my Mom's place, so the drive wouldn't be as grewling as yours. At some point couldn't your son tell a judge where he prefers to live? Not that you want to take him from his Dad, but your sitch sounds daunting. Your son has friends in both places, cool, but wasn't he disappointed to miss out on planned events either w/ you or his father? My son is only 4 so there's really no peer group or activities for him to miss (yet). I def want him to keep a relationship w/ his father despite the man's shortcomings. That's absolutely NOT the objective here. My boy spends 3 days/ week w/ Dad and 4 w/ Mom. We alternate holidays and summer vacations we just continue the 3/ 4 sched. We also are allowed 3 weeks a yr to take Max on trips. Typically he and I go to CT or FLA (my folks' other home) for a week twice a year.
I plan on speaking w/ a fam law attorney today to get feedback since my lawyer is mum on the topic despite my email to him.

If you cannot get work where you are, that may be enough for you to be able to move. Your distance is greater than ours. We are 400 miles apart. I drive round trip to the midway point to drop my son off with his dad for the weekend every other Friday then turn around and go straight back home - so, 200 miles being midway - that's 400 for the round trip. I do it again Sunday to pick him up again - another 400 miles. Twice a month - 1600 miles.

Most people who do this do not work as hard as we do at the parenting time. It could be once a month, I suppose. We didn't feel that was enough - did not want my son's father to seem like a kindly uncle. He gave up weeknight visits that he had before but I gave up most of the long weekends from school, most of the summer, many holidays. I had to move for job and family reasons and didn't have much choice in the matter.

But if you are, for example, in Detroit, I think a strong case can be made that it's one of the most depressed areas in the nation and there's no work there for many people. I'm not saying not to do it, but think long and hard how important it is for your child to have his father, and how you are going to make sure that they have a good relationship. If you are the custodial parent and you are the one moving, it is my strong opinion (and often the opinion of the court) that you have considerable responsibility for fostering the child's relationship with the other parent. Also be mindful that a 4 year old will not be good on the internet or phone for several years yet. My son was entering middle school when we moved - strong bonds were already established. He was also old enough that I felt comfortable sending him as an unaccompanied minor on a one hour flight from Chicago to Minneapolis several times a year. He was old enough to have a cell phone, and to skype and exchange emails with his dad. He also was old enough to understand time. A four year old has no concept of "you will see daddy in a month". A 12 year old understands that perfectly. So you have a few challenges.

On the other hand - as I said, I did it. There have been many benefits as well, not the least of which is that it enabled me have a support system as a mother, to return to school, to improve my financial circumstances considerably, and to be able to earn enough to prepare for my son's entry to college. He's now 18 and he could balk at the arrangements but he is cooperative and we are maintaining it until he graduates high school. Then it will be his decision where to spend his time off, though we will weigh in and help him with transportation and coordinating so he doesn't miss out on too much.

I can tell you one thing that has really helped a lot is that both families appreciate the challenge of the situation and we have been able to adjust some traditions. For example, my ex's sister is also divorced with kids so to take some pressure out of Christmas, they celebrate Christmas as an extended family on the weekend before or after the actual holiday. The entire family does this so the kids can enjoy all the traditions with both of their parents.

I would tell you - if you are not into this guy enough to marry him for other reasons, I wouldn't move for him. You could have another child and be in this situation with two fathers if you move there and don't want to stay. Be absolutely sure that this is the man for you and that you want to move. If you're moving away from your family, think about where you will get your moral and practical support after you move as well.

If you cannot get work where you are, that may be enough for you to be able to move. Your distance is greater than ours. We are 400 miles apart. I drive round trip to the midway point to drop my son off with his dad for the weekend every other Friday then turn around and go straight back home - so, 200 miles being midway - that's 400 for the round trip. I do it again Sunday to pick him up again - another 400 miles. Twice a month - 1600 miles.

Most people who do this do not work as hard as we do at the parenting time. It could be once a month, I supose. We didn't feel that was enough - did not want my son's father to seem like a kindly uncle. He gave up weeknight visits that he had before but I gave up most of the long weekends from school, most of the summer, many holidays. I had to move for job and family reasons and didn't have much choice in the matter.

But if you are, for example, in Detroit, I think a strong case can be made that it's one of the most depressed areas in the nation and there's no work there for many people. I'm not saying not to do it, but think long and hard how important it is for your child to have his father, and how you are going to make sure that they have a good relationship. If you are the custodial parent and you are the one moving, it is my strong opinion (and often the opinion of the court) that you have considerable responsibility for fostering the child's relationship with the other parent. Also be mindful that a 4 year old will not be good on the internet or phone for several years yet. My son was entering middle school when we moved - strong bonds were already established. He was also old enough that I felt comfortable sending him as an unaccompanied minor on a one hour flight from Chicago to Minneapolis several times a year. He was old enough to have a cell phone, and to skype and exchange emails with his dad. He also was old enough to understand time. A four year old has no concept of "you will see daddy in a month". A 12 year old understands that perfectly. So you have a few challenges.

On the other hand - as I said, I did it. there have been many benefits as well, not the least of which is that it enabled me have a support system as a mother, to return to school, to improve my financial circumstances considerably, and to be able to earn enough to prepare for my son's entry to college. He's now 18 and he could balk at the arrangements but he is cooperative and we are maintaining it until he graduates high school. Then it will be his decision where to spend his time off, though we will weigh in and help him with transportation and coordinating so he doesn't miss out on too much.

I can tell you one thing that has really helped a lot is that both families appreciate the challenge of the situation and we have been able to adjust some traditions. For example, my ex's sister is also divorced with kids so to take some pressure out of Christmas, they celebrate Christmas as an extended family on the weekend before or after the actual holiday. The entire family does this so the kids can enjoy all the traditions with both of their parents.

I would tell you - if you are not into this guy enough to marry him for other reasons, I wouldn't move for him. You could have another child and be in this situation with two fathers if you move there and don't want to stay. Be absolutely sure that this is the man for you and that you want to move. If you're moving away from your family, think about where you will get your moral and practical support after you move as well.I'm moving to my fam, away from my son's father's fam. Am planning to spend rest of life w/ my boyfriend. Both of us have been married twice already, but will marry each other if it means getting Max to CT.

If the father is active in the child's life, the judge will almost never allow it. They will just allow father to keep primary custody of child and assign you limited visits ( that you are now wanting to give the father) more and more fathers are getting primary custody now adays.

I can see no fair way that this will work and of course what happens after a year or two when you can't afford to transport child, and child is already moved. The court will consider this also.