My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and a few months now. We took things slow, and everything was normal the first 6 months. After we had sex, he started to pull away (not calling, not wanting sex, not cuddling, not kissing, etc.). I talked to him about how this made me feel, and eventually (a few months later) things got better. He started holding my hand and calling more often, but he still did not want sex.

I would confront him about this but he would make all the usual excuses (he does want sex but our parents are home, he is tired, or he didn't know that I wanted sex at the moment). I would usually wait for him to initiate sex first, but it took so long and I would always cave in and just initiate it. Now, we have sex once a month if we are lucky, and he has no problem with that. We are both college students living at home, so our parents are always home and we don't really have a place to do it.

But it bothers me that he doesn't even seem to mind that we don't have sex often. I often wondered if he was gay, and I would snoop through his Facebook. Once I found a conversation with a guy who was clearly gay, who asked for my boyfriends number. My boyfriend gave him his number but the conversation never got sexual. If I didn't know the guy, I would say it looked like 2 friends talking like any other guys.

So that was not enough to make any conclusions, plus this conversation happened before we were even dating. Another gay man tried to pursue my boyfriend via Facebook messaging, but my boyfriend told this guy that he was straight and not into that, and he even blocked him. My boyfriend didn't know I was snooping, so I assume that he had no reason to not be completely honest. This satisfied me so I stopped snooping for a long while, until recently when I discovered his email password. I just became curious because our sex life has been lagging and he has always seemed a little bit distant. I looked through his history and found some gay porn. There were only videos of men, no women anywhere. Now I knew he looked at porn and I asked him to stop, but he never could seem to quit.

I immediately confronted him and told him it was over and I did not want to talk to him ever again, but its hard to cut all ties after 2 years. I didn't want him to be alone in this confusing time, so I finally answered his calls. He told me that he loves me and he couldn't imagine a future without me, he wants to marry me, etc. He has never been a liar, and he is honestly so perfect for me aside from this gay thing. He said he could never be with a man sexually or relationship-wise.

He has made it clear before that he wants to marry me, I know he loves me more than anything, and he has never had issues with infidelity (even when a very attractive coworker was very flirtatious and would pursue him on a daily basis). He always wants to be with me. He calls every night right after work, texts me all day while at work, and we hang out on the weekends from sun up until sun down. I asked him if he was attracted to men and he said no. He told me that this is just a taboo thing and he gets turned on by any sort of sexual activity or nudity, male or female. He said that he won't look at porn ever again and he thinks we can move past this. He has never had a problem 'getting it up' during sex, and he gets really turned on just by kissing me, so I think he is attracted to me.

But I can't help but wonder what is going through his mind when we have sex. Is he thinking about me or a man? Is he gay or was this curiosity? Will we be able to move past this? Can he ever really stop this? We have talked a lot in the past few days and I believe what he says, but I keep wondering what he would be like if I never caught him. I feel like he would still be looking at the porn and hiding it from me. I am young and attractive, I don't have the time to waste my youth on a relationship that is doomed. I don't know if we can ever be in a healthy relationship or marriage with all of my suspicions now.

Sounds like a great relationship. You don't trust him so you look through all his stuff. That should work out well in the long run. Maybe he's better off without you if you can't trust him and allow him some privacy.

I'm not sure if any part of your relationship is very healthy. You don't trust him. He looks at porn, and you don't approve of it. You don't want to waste your time, so move on.

Sounds like a great relationship. You don't trust him so you look through all his stuff. That should work out well in the long run. Maybe he's better off without you if you can't trust him and allow him some privacy.

Im not sure if you are being sarcastic, but yes we do have a great relationship outside of this issue that remains unanswered. I think its easy for me to stop snooping; I stopped for a like a year and I just started again out of curiosity and frustration. Maybe I would feel bad about snooping if I didn't find anything sketchy, but I did.

Being gay or straight or bi goes across a wide spectrum. I can imagine that he is someone who doesn't want the perceived risks of being gay and very much does want the comforts of being straight, and marriage, and children, and family acceptance, and the whole ball of wax. He does sound like he's more gay though. That doesn't mean he can't have sex with you. You have to decide if you want this outwardly, regardless of what I and others are just guessing at (since he's not here). In other words, you may never know what he is feeling in his heart of hearts. He loves you and you know he does, right? So accept who he is or break up.

Being gay or straight or bi goes across a wide spectrum. I can imagine that he is someone who doesn't want the perceived risks of being gay and very much does want the comforts of being straight, and marriage, and children, and family acceptance, and the whole ball of wax. He does sound like he's more gay though. That doesn't mean he can't have sex with you. You have to decide if you want this outwardly, regardless of what I and others are just guessing at (since he's not here). In other words, you may never know what he is feeling in his heart of hearts. He loves you and you know he does, right? So accept who he is or break up.

Thank you, joypulv.

Sounds like a great relationship. You don't trust him so you look through all his stuff. That should work out well in the long run. Maybe he's better off without you if you can't trust him and allow him some privacy.

Agreed. Also if he really is open and honest with you, why the need for a password on his email?

Speaking as someone who is gay and got married, things go from bad to worse if he is truly gay. It may work for a while but in the end he can't shed the gayness.