I'm hoping the insight of strangers will help alleviate some of the worries I have for my first time relationship. I'm hoping this relationship works out but want to know if it's a sure thing or I'm setting myself up to be unhappy.

Most my life has been training for adulthood through child services so I missed a lot of my teen years of fun and trial by error, no room for girlfriends either hence why it took so long to "get in the game". This effected my personality by making me childish yet adult-like as well. I can shop for food and always be below budget while maximizing the amount and do taxes and paperwork that would have others spinning their heads. But I also like video games and to play with certain amusing toys, ie: a 18 inch Transformer. My girlfriend seems to dislike these child-like behavior and would rather I "grew up".

I also have a behavior problem too, I'm ADHD and Extreme Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I'm not claiming these by whim, I've had 10 years of psychiatrist and psychologist to diagnose and confirm this. As such getting a job is close to impossible but luckily I have been approved of acquiring assistance. My girlfriend finds that she must lie about this to her family and friends. To concoct stories about why I'm on assistance instead of the truth or create fictionary tales. Her sister however know the truth and won't let me forget what a "leech" I am on society.

She's otherwise really nice except she has a bad habit of putting herself down or compromising herself for me. I'm trying to get her to have more confidence in herself and be more positive but it's hard. Her previous boyfriends have been less then desirable individuals and she seems to really like me cause I'm friendly bright and will try my hardest for her. So I'm unsure how to proceed. We're planning to move in together soon. So I hope it's just first time jitters.

How old are you and your girl? How long have you been together? Does she work or have career plans? Is she living with parents now?

As thrilling as that first love is, there is much to learn about conflict resolution, and the notion this will be a forever kind of thing. The thing that gets me though is she cannot be honest about you and have your back against whatever opposition there may be. This will not be so secret as time goes on and the truth will come out.

If you have not dated long enough to resolve these conflicts then don't move in. Enjoy the dating and really get to know each other. What's the hurry?

How old are you and your girl? How long have you been together? Does she work or have career plans? Is she living with parents now?

As thrilling as that first love is, there is much to learn about conflict resolution, and the notion this will be a forever kind of thing. The thing that gets me though is she cannot be honest about you and have your back against whatever opposition there may be. This will not be so secret as time goes on and the truth will come out.

If you have not dated long enough to resolve these conflicts then don't move in. Enjoy the dating and really get to know each other. Whats the hurry?


I'm 29 she's 24. 6 months together. And her family is old fashioned. Were I am now is considered a toxic environment. And she works full time retail.

I have to ask, because I read your post and find you to be very bright. It's a breath of fresh air. You obviously have the intelligence to work. Why not train for a career you can do at home? My son has ADHD, and manages it very well with help (no medication, I'm against it). I do admit that I have no experience with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and I will read up on it, but it's very obvious that you're intelligent. I would think you'd get bored sitting at home all day. There's only so many times you can clean, do laundry, and play games. ;)

I think that one of the problems is that she may not see a secure future with you. She may lie to her friends and family because she's ashamed that you will not ever be able to support her, or a family. Sorry if that's blunt, but that's how I see it.

Let's break it down. I work retail, so I know how much a retail employee makes, and I make more than most. I wouldn't be able to support myself, much less me, my husband, and our two children. It's not much. I'm not sure how much you'd make on disability, but I'm guessing it's not a heck of a lot. If the two of you stay together, take the next big step and get married, and then take an even bigger step and have kids, what kind of security will they have? Once she has children, she will likely want to stay home, at least for the first year. Where does that leave you financially?

Maybe that is what's hampering this relationship. I know that if I were the girlfriend, these are things I'd be thinking about, especially if I were serious about the guy. Love isn't always enough.

Does she have her own place or does she live at home which opens the door for getting out of her parents home, or away from there influence. Sorry to appear so negative my friend, but first loves are a learning period and most end in conflicts and dissapointment.

What if you never grow up enough for her?

She is not being honest about the relationship and is already lying to her family, so what happens if it gets serious and you meet her family and tell them the truth ? Will she want you to lie your entire life to them ?

I don't see this working, since no relationship based on lies ever work long. She is basically ashamed of you and will not be honest about you to family or friends.

As for as video games, it will depend, do you do them all day and don't do anything else ?
If so it is a issue, many men, check I play angry birds, play video games, but it is also a issue, if you read here, many women consider living if games take over the persons lifes.

I have many friends with issues, some have found work washing cars, other collect cardboard, others metal and so on.

Just a word of advice. Communication is the key to everything! Take note you don't always have to spend money or go to fancy places. The little things matter and are memorable as well. Also be yourself. Don't try to change who you are and the things you like to please the other party. They should accept you for you as well as you should do for the other party as well. If you have an argument, talk it out don't fight. The world is a wonderful place when people are happy and smiling rather than fighting and tears. Good luck with your relationship. God bless