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Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 05:05 PM
I'm a 58 year old male living alone, no wife or girlfriend, no kids, no friends. I do work but just barely able to function. I guess I have some severe social anxiety. I've tried every drug and psychotherapy there is. None of them help. What do I do? The pain is unbearable.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 05:06 PM
If you could have one wish, what would it be?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 05:26 PM
To be normal

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 05:28 PM
And what is your definition of normal?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 05:32 PM
Not suffering from anxiety, depression, and loneliness. To feel alive and have some peace and happiness. To have a reason to live and not feel empty inside.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 05:58 PM
Not suffering from anxiety, depression, and loneliness. To feel alive and have some peace and happiness. To have a reason to live and not feel empty inside.
How many therapists have you seen? Have you taken any antidepressants or other meds? If so, for how long?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 06:59 PM
I'm not sure but just about every AD and maybe a half dozen therapist since I was 13. The only thing that helps a bit is Xanax and that's just to help me sleep.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 07:00 PM
Why didn't the therapist route work?

Did they give you tools to break out of your shyness and to feel better about yourself?

What is the longest you stuck with a therapist?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 08:44 PM
Ii've been seeing the current one for about 7 years. He's a nice guy but he hasn't told me anything I don't already know. I've read all the self help books too. Maybe yoga or meditation is the next step. That's about the only thing I haven't tried.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 09:15 PM
The therapist isn't supposed to tell you stuff. That's not how therapy works.

Seven years is five years too long. What are his credentials and how often do you see him for how long per session?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 10:34 PM
He's a psychologist. I see him an hour a week.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 10:47 PM
He's a psychologist. I see him an hour a week.
Does he work with you to come up with practical things to do, challenges, to jumpstart getting back into life? Do you ever have homework?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 10:57 PM
He dies some of that. He encourages me to try Internet dating and things like that but no homework. He's more insight oriented than cognitive behavioral. I tried CBT years ago when I volunteered for a study combining Paxil with CBT. I didn't find it helpful.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 11:00 PM
He dies some of that. He encourages me to try Internet dating and things like that but no homework. He's more insight oriented than cognitive behavioral. I tried CBT years ago when I volunteered for a study combining Paxil with CBT. I didn't find it helpful.
I've used it a lot with good success. Would you be willing to give it another try?

What didn't you like about it?

Raiderman
Dec 12, 2012, 11:15 PM
It wasn't that I didn't like it. I just didn't find it helpful. But I'm willing to try anything.

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 11:21 PM
It wasn't that I didn't like it. I just didn't find it helpful. But I'm willing to try anything.
Did you have to report back at the next session?

Wondergirl
Dec 12, 2012, 11:24 PM
Tell me briefly what you do at work, how many people there are with you, and how long you've worked there.

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 07:32 AM
No, there was no reporting back. They had some sessions where they simulated interviews and other situations. I'm a research analyst at a hospital and I've been there about one and a half years. There are about 25 people in my department. They are nice to me but I feel that I don't fully participate and mostly hide in my cubicle.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 08:22 AM
Do you hate any kind of changes in your life, even with how the grocery store is arranged?

Do you really prefer working or even being alone, that you are your own best company? And you can always find things to do?

Were you ever into playinng sports? Would you consider yourself clumsy sometimes?

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 09:07 AM
Definitely fearful of change. Tried sports as a kid but was awkward and clumsy at it. I don't like being alone but just not comfortable ever, even by myself. My heart is always racing and always anxious even when there is no reason to be.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 10:32 AM
Are you really quite smart and have a specialty area, such as remembering historical dates or odd facts and trivia or are good with numbers/math? (The research work makes me wonder.)

Has anyone ever criticized or commented on your maybe odd-ball or off-beat sense of humor?

If it's something you absolutely love doing, you have no problem focusing--and can stick with it for hours at a time with no interruption--and hate it if interrupted?

(Please be patient with me. I am asking all this for a reason.)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 10:45 AM
I know the reason. I'm familiar with Asperger syndrome and I don't have those symptoms. Except maybe being good at odd facts and trivia but not the other stuff. I've met people with those symptoms and it doesn't describe me. Thanks for taking the time to try and help me.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 10:57 AM
I know the reason. I'm familiar with Asperger syndrome and I don't have those symptoms. Except maybe being good at odd facts and trivia but not the other stuff. I've met people with those symptoms and it doesn't describe me. Thanks for taking the time to try and help me.
There is Asperger's and there is Asperger's. The spectrum is huge. Have you ever taken a test?

And Asperger's would not be a judgment but a new way of figuring out how to cope. (P.S. My husband has Asperger's and has functioned very well throughout his 67 years, but does have some quirks including the social thing.)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 11:35 AM
No, no one gave me a test or even suggested that there is one. Do you have one in mind? I can ask my psychologist. I had a co-worker who married a guy with Asperger's. I met him and he's very functional though it's obvious he has it. They are very happy together. Would my treatment be different if I did have it? I really don't think so based upon what I read about it.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 11:46 AM
No, no one gave me a test or even suggested that there is one. Do you have one in mind? I can ask my psychologist. I had a co-worker who married a guy with Asperger's. I met him and he's very functional though it's obvious he has it. They are very happy together. Would my treatment be different if I did have it? I really don't think so based upon what I read about it.
I would do a lot of CBT stuff with you and give you lots of "homework" and make you accountable to me. :) Three years ago I had a client who came to me saying exactly what you are saying here. He and I had a great time working through this!

Here's a good outline of possible characteristics --

Martha Kate Downey - List of Characteristics (http://www.mkdowney.com/characteristics.html)

Dr. Amen had a terrific online AS test, but it seems to not be there any longer. How about this one? (I haven't taken this one myself. ***ADDED*** Now I have. :))

Aspie-quiz (http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php)

You very possibly are a candidate for Mensa, by the way.

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 12:45 PM
I took a look at the website and still don't think AS describes me. I can't believe someone like me would have a great time with CBT. What are some examples of homework and how was he able to get over the anxiety it must have caused? I don't have any interest in joining Mensa though I think I qualify.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 01:24 PM
Did you take the test?

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 01:33 PM
I haven't taken it yet. But I looked at the symptoms on the first website and I don't have most of them. I definitely have some kind of anxiety disorder, mostly in social situations (e.g. scared to death of public speaking), some agoraphobia (I have difficulty traveling by myself far from home), maybe some OCD, and secondary depression. I know that's self diagnosis, but no psychologist seems to do diagnostic testing anymore. Well, my current one actually gave me a Rorschach and TAT (he's old school - 88 years old). He told me he didn't see anything alarming.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 01:39 PM
When you have nothing to do, please take the test.

Where are you as to state and city?

You're such a good writer. Would you write something for the site blog? I'm the managing editor, and it definitely need some new juice. 200-800 or so words?

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 01:45 PM
I will. It's a long test. I live in New York City (born in Brooklyn and now in Queens). Luckily not personally affected by Sandy, but disturbed by the devastation I've seen in other neighborhoods. Would you believe I have a Ph.D. in psychology? I wanted to find out what's wrong with me. Never found out. The DSM manual at the time didn't even have SAD. My specialty is applied research and evaluation. What do you want me to write about? Maybe I would if I could get some good advice.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 01:51 PM
Would you believe I have a Ph.D. in psychology? I wanted to find out what's wrong with me. Never found out. The DSM manual at the time didn't even have SAD. My specialty is applied research and evaluation. What do you want me to write about? Maybe I would if I could get some good advice.
I'll bet you deal with stats a lot.

What would you like to write about? I'm game for anything (not x-rated).

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 01:58 PM
I'd write about why I'm miserable and what I can do about. That's all I can think about at the moment.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 02:06 PM
Maybe throw in one positive somewhere (for me?)?

That works for me. You can post it on the Blog (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=554) itself and I will handle it from there. :)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 02:15 PM
Do I post it in question form? Will people reply to me with advice? I will take the test and tell you the results later.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 03:27 PM
Do I post it in question form? Will people reply to me with advice? I will take the test and tell you the results later.
You can do anything you want. Make a question for a title if you wish--or not. I can edit anything that doesn't look right (but will check with you first). I can leave it open for comments, or have you also put it onto one of the boards for more views.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 04:16 PM
Check this to find your score(s) --

Qualifying test scores - American Mensa, Ltd. (http://www.us.mensa.org/join/testscores/qualifyingscores/#prep)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 04:16 PM
I want to ask you something else. For the first time I'm actually thinking of going to a psychiatric facility as an inpatient. Ironically I work for one if the largest healthcare systems in the US and our psych facility just opened a beautiful new building. It's a lot nicer than where I live. I used to think inpatient was for people who want to harm themselves or others. I'm not suicidal only because I'm too much of a coward to do it. Is it something I should consider? I mean checking myself in, not suicide.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 04:23 PM
I want to ask you something else. For the first time I'm actually thinking of going to a psychiatric facility as an inpatient. Ironically I work for one if the largest healthcare systems in the US and our psych facility just opened a beautiful new building. It's a lot nicer than where I live. I used to think inpatient was for people who want to harm themselves or others. I'm not suicidal only because I'm too much of a coward to do it. Is it something I should consider? I mean checking myself in, not suicide.
Ha, ha -- you're funny!

Well, you might need a psychiatrist's okay to get in. Could you obtain that?

You also might need a diagnosis first, but that should be easy to get nowadays. (EVERYone wants or wants to give a diagnosis, it seems.) Want me to sniff around for a clinic where you could be tested, or I'm betting you could do that yourself, probably right where you work.

You also would want to find out what programs are offered to inpatients and would they (the programs, but maybe also the other patients?) help you function better. Or would they be something you could get "on the outside."

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 04:31 PM
I'm not sue if NY requires a psychiatrist OK. It depends on the state. I would Google it but I'm in small claims court now and it doesn't work here. I got engaged last Feb to someone totally inappropriate for me and she threw out the ring when we broke up. I'm suing her.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 04:40 PM
I found a site that says you will get balanced and nutritious meals. :)

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 04:51 PM
from wrongplanet --

1. "I recomend you dont and if you really want help go straight to a psychiatrist in your own time. Ive been in the psych ward twice (involuntary) and seen many people join in voluntary and then get baker acted for no reason. They then have to stay for an extra 72 hours minimum plus the 24 previous. Trust me you do not want to be in a psych ward, it is no real help and likely will only cause extra problems in your future."

2. "That depends on your goals. You are dehumanized. Remember, you presented yourself as unable to function outside of their environment. You are not considered to be in full control of yourself.

3. "Sometimes I wanted to be able to get away, but mental hospitals are not the best places. Unless you believe yourself to be a risk, carefully consider the committal."

4. "I was involuntarily committed once as a minor. My other time in such a hospital was more of a voluntary thing.

My outpatient shrink who I was seeing regularly and I thought of it. He arranged an appt with a nurse who asked a number of questions and I sort of straddled the line in describing how depressed and hopeless I was but it was enough for her to recommend a stay. As for my experience there as an adult, it was absolutely benign but maybe as pointless as anything I've ever done. I re-introduced myself into routine of showering everyday and eating and sleeping properly but really no hope of getting any value out of it. It felt like a place where people are churned out, come in full of despair and get revitalized back out into the world. My disposition didn't really change the whole time and people probably mistook my introversion for something more negative. If the cost of my insurance covering the stay didn't get passed on to society I'd say meh, but that's a decision I sort of wish I didn't make.

Everyone's different but I'm not sure why to do this except as a last resort. Will say if the real world were half as orderly as it is inside such a place I'd be coping better."

5. "In many places they will not allow you to stay in your room; you have to be out and with people all the time. If you stay in your room, they may assume you are isolating yourself and keep you hospitalized until you can force yourself to stay with everybody else all day every day for several days.

There's very little reason to go to a psych ward other than being suicidal or psychotic and wanting not to end up dead or injured. You do not receive therapy that's any better than what you can get outside; and you'll almost certainly be heavily medicated. In fact, in many places you do not get individual therapy at all.

If you are in danger of losing your life or doing something exceedingly stupid or dangerous because your brain is running away with you, then yes, check yourself in. But if you are not in that situation, then you will not get any better being in a psych ward. The primary benefit of a psych ward is that you are less likely to be able to kill yourself there. All they do is basically stabilize you and send you home. You cannot do long-term learning in a psych ward because you have to do that in the real world.

If you want help, you should find a normal therapist. It's a very incorrect idea that because institutionalization is more intensive, it will help you more. In fact, it will probably help you less. Being in your own home, in your own environment that you can control, facing the real problems of everyday life, you will be much more comfortable than staying in a place where you have no privacy, where people treat you in a very condescending manner.

I thought the first time I went inpatient that they would help me, because going IP meant getting serious about getting better. I was sorely disappointed. All they will do is medicate you and check on you very often to make sure that you don't kill yourself."

and more on How to voluntarily commit oneself to a psychiatric hospital? - General Autism Discussion (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt152357.html)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 06:35 PM
I agree. I imagine I would start thinking of myself as a mental patient and that would feel worse. Even if the outside world didn't stigmatize me it would be like stigmatizing myself. But I think I need something more intensive than an hour a week of therapy.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 06:45 PM
Do two hours a week -- twice a week for an hour. And go to someone like me with a master's.

You can even go for a third hour to a group. :)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 07:04 PM
I'll give that a try. Thanks for the encouragement. When you had that patient like me, what kind of homework did you give him?

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 07:05 PM
He decided on his own homework assignments each week and then reported back to me how they went.

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 07:20 PM
Sound like a dream patient. It's like he was his own therapist. I would not be able to do that. I would have to be told what to do.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 07:38 PM
He was not a dream client! And you would do as well or better. Look how well we have been doing here!

He did not want to make choices about his life. I forced him into it. :)

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 07:45 PM
How can you force someone to make choices? What kind of force can you use? It's too bad you're not here. I need someone who has that power.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 07:49 PM
"Force" was a bit heavy -- I asked questions, asked him to consider choices which we talked about, and then he decided which one to try. Each week he made choices like that, and then, after reviewing his success or failures the previous week, reassessed those choices, and then revised with different choices or tweaked choices for the next attempt.

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 07:53 PM
OK. That sounds reasonable. Can you give me an example of a choice (I assume you mean homework assignment) and how it worked out. I'm particularly interested in successful ones that I may consider.

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 08:06 PM
He knew he had to be more social and get out of his house and away from his beloved cat Snoopy. Before coming to me, he had joined (paid money!) to join a singles group that had weekly dances on Saturday night plus mingling and refreshments. He had never gone, so his first assignment for himself, he told me, would be to go to the next single group get-together. We discussed what he might find there, what he would possibly do (dance? Eat? Talk to someone? What would he say?). He would report back to me at our next session

Wondergirl
Dec 13, 2012, 08:20 PM
Before he went to his social group the first time, we talked about what he would wear, about his cologne even, what streets he would take, and talked our way to the singles meeting place with parking and walking into the place. We talked about his choices once he was there. We roleplayed meeting other singles and the conversations that might occur (where do you work? Where do you live? Do you like your job? etc.) He needed to learn how to be a good listener (was too much inside himself and worried about his performance), so we worked on that. We worked on facial expressions and body language. And so on.

Raiderman
Dec 13, 2012, 08:20 PM
I did something similar. I went to a meetup at a restaurant. I was motivated to go out of curiosity - just wanted to see who goes to these things. Turns out it's people who probably have more social anxiety than I do. It went OK as far as it goes. Talked to people a bit. It seemed once my curiosity was satisfied I no longer had the desire to go. That was in Oct. may possibly to to another one at a bar near me on Xmas eve. Don't have any family to go to anyway.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 01:10 PM
There is do much talk about AS now because they same the Connecticut shooter had it. I asked my psychologist and he said I definitely don't have it.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 01:13 PM
There is do much talk about AS now because they same the Connecticut shooter had it. I asked my psychologist and he said I definitely don't have it.
Authorities are not saying the shooter had AS. He may have been on the autism spectrum, though. AS is high-functioning. He was not that.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 01:24 PM
He was high functioning in terms of intelligence and he never caused any problems before. He must have had comorbid conditions. I wonder if he was bullied in school and that was why he had a grudge. I was bullied in school but that was in junior high, not elementary school.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 01:33 PM
He was high functioning in terms of intelligence and he never caused any problems before.
That's not true, not from what I have been reading. Yes, he was very intelligent, it is being said, but there were problems with him at school. His shop teacher has spoken up, Adam had eventually been homeschooled, and a fairly dark picture is emerging. And we don't know if he had a grudge.

There was a mental illness that had nothing to do with autism, was apart from it even if he had been autistic.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 02:31 PM
I know he was home schooled. But all they mentioned was shyness and social akwardness. No one mentioned any thing else. There must have been more but we don't know about.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 02:34 PM
I know he was home schooled. But all they mentioned was shyness and social akwardness. No one mentioned any thing else. There must have been more but we don't know about.
His high school shop teacher, school bus driver, and some former classmates gave a bit of information. I am awaiting a profile from the authorities.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 02:49 PM
I heard the same. The dad and brother must know more. Getting back to myself, I trust my psychologist's assessment. I definitely think I have an anxiety disorder that is hard to specify. Probably social, agoraphobia, and some OCD. I do have some fear of traveling alone and tend to overly worry and ruminate. I may try one more drug. None of the SSRI 's have done anything but my doc mentioned Cymbalta. I never stay on drugs long though. I get discouraged easily and nervous about sude effects.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 02:52 PM
I never stay on drugs long though. I get discouraged easily and nervous about sude effects.
It takes at least six weeks for many of them to kick in and begin to work. Give it a chance and don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Did I ask you to write something for our site blog?

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 02:57 PM
I never make it to 6 weeks. If I don't feel any improvement before that I give up. I know I shouldn't but anxiety will do that. You mentioned the blog but I don't know what to write about.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 03:06 PM
I never make it to 6 weeks. If I don't feel any improvement before that I give up. I know I shouldn't but anxiety will do that. You mentioned the blog but I don't know what to write about.
Well, then you are shooting yourself in the foot if you don't give the drugs a chance.

From my post on the Blog --

My first kiss
The house of my dreams
My worst vacation ever
If I were invisible
My earliest memory
What I wanted to be when I grew up -- and {thirty?} years later
The best gift I ever received
If I could go back in time
The best advice my mother (or father) gave me
If I could be an animal
What three things would I take with me if I knew I would be stranded on an island for a year
The most important thing I learned in school
The hardest part of being a kid
If I could talk to an animal, which one and what would we talk about

200-800 or so words. PM the essay to me or post it on this board which I oversee. I will approve your essay and post it.

Go for it -- or be inspired to write one of your own choosing. Write about your psychiatrist or your dog or your favorite teacher.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 03:11 PM
OK. I'll try

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 03:21 PM
OK. I'll try
No, you will NOT "try." You will produce. I'll be waiting and counting on you. By midnight tonight?

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 03:25 PM
Maybe.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 03:26 PM
Maybe.
Don't make me stand up and come over to where you are.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 03:39 PM
You're tough but that's what I need. If you were here I would use you as my therapist. People who are nice are just enabling me to avoid life. Maybe that's what I should write about?

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 03:44 PM
You're tough but that's what I need. If you were here I would use you as my therapist. People who are nice are just enabling me to avoid life. Maybe that's what I should write about?
Sounds good to me!

(Stick with me and we will get you off your butt to make some changes in your life.)

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 03:49 PM
I think everyone feels sorry for me so that don't want to push me for fear that I'll snap. I think snapping has to be less painful than trying

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 03:51 PM
To avoid snapping. No one pushes me and I feel too weak to push myself.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 04:10 PM
to avoid snapping. No one pushes me and I feel too weak to push myself.
I'll push you. :D

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 04:38 PM
How is this?

What does normal feel like?

I ask myself that a lot. I often think I would like to feel normal for 5 minutes just so I can see what that feels like. What does that really mean? The norm is just like a statistical average. It doesn't imply anything good. The normal IQ is between 90 and 110 so an IQ of over 110 is statistically "abnormal". Psychologist rather use the term "maladaptive". If a thought or behavior inhibits your ability to adapt to your environment then it needs to change or life becomes a struggle.

I've been struggling for as long as I can rememberer because of maladaptive thoughts and behavior. I have feelings of inferiority and though I'm not antisocial, approach anxiety prevents me from reaching out and connecting to people. I know this must change and I'm glad I found this site because there is someone who will push me to change. It's all about confronting your fears, challenging those thought in your head that hold you down, and coming out if the shadow and feeling the light. One day I hope to look back and realize I was normal all along and just didn't realize it. As Pogo said, "I met the enemy and he is us".

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 04:42 PM
Good job! I will post it on the blog, okay?

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 04:47 PM
Sure

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 04:49 PM
It's on now. I made a few plurals, but otherwise it's good to go. Any ideas for graphics/pictures?

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 05:02 PM
Maybe Google sun images since I mention going into the light. Just make sure the image isn't copyrighted. Generally they are not. And thanks for becoming my online therapist . Online therapy seems the wave of the future.

Raiderman
Dec 16, 2012, 05:08 PM
There is one typo. It's says "out if" instead of "out of" in the 3rd from last line. And the fact that I noticed this does not mean I have AS. I have it on good authority.

Wondergirl
Dec 16, 2012, 05:10 PM
There is one typo. It's says "out if" instead of "out of" in the 3rd from last line. And the fact that I noticed this does not mean I have AS. I have it on good authority.
I even added a few commas and I missed THAT? (I'm the site editor... )

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 01:05 PM
Happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 02:02 PM
Happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one.
Glad to see you again! Have a terrific 2013!

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 02:36 PM
I'm glad to hear from you. I hope we can continue to chat in 2013. I think you have helped me and I really appreciate it.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 03:02 PM
I'm glad to hear from you. I hope we can continue to chat in 2013. I think you have helped me and I really appreciate it.
I was wondering where you disappeared to after you gave us such a thoughtful blog post. Ready to write another one??

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 03:06 PM
Are you kidding? Wasn't one enough? I'm sure there must be other writers out there. Anyway I got off to decent start this year when I resolved to meet a woman I've been chatting with online for a few years. It went OK. My first New Years date ever. You can take credit if you like.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 03:11 PM
I've been beating the bushes to find other writers, but they all say that Raiderman dude guy is so good that we've love to read more from him. :)

Okay. I'll take credit for the date. Where will you do and what will you do?

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 03:16 PM
It was New Year's Eve. We just got something to eat and saw a movie. She didn't stay late because she has a 13 year old at home. I'll consider another blog post if you're nice to me. Do you have a topic in mind? One of my worries now is that my 88 year old mom has signs of dementia and can't seem to live alone anymore. I don't know what I can say about it though.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 03:34 PM
It was New Year's Eve. We just got something to eat and saw a movie. She didn't stay late because she has a 13 year old at home. I'll consider another blog post if you're nice to me. Do you have a topic in mind? One of my worries now is that my 88 year old mom has signs of dementia and can't seem to live alone anymore. I don't know what I can say about it though.
Whoa! MY 88-year-old mom is also showing signs of dementia. I live 600 miles from her, so have to depend on my two brothers to keep me informed.

Yes, I will be nice to you as long as I don't have to send you a tin of homemade gooey caramel brownies. ;) As far as topics go, it has to be something that excites you. I have a list of ideas on the blog in one of the recent posts --

My first kiss
The house of my dreams
My worst vacation ever
If I were invisible
My earliest memory
What I wanted to be when I grew up -- and [xxx] years later
The best gift I ever received
If I could go back in time
The best advice my mother (or father) gave me
If I could be an animal
What three things would I take with me if I knew I would be stranded on an island for a year
The most important thing I learned in school
The hardest part of being a kid
If I could talk to an animal, which one and what would we talk about

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 03:36 PM
OK I'll think about it. But there aren't a lot of things that excite me.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 03:42 PM
Okay, cancel "excites you." How about the dementia idea and how a parent's dementia impacts on a child?

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 03:50 PM
All right only for you. But first I'd like your opinion as a mental health professional on something that deeply disturbs all of us, especially in NY because of our proximity to Connecticut. Why did that kid shoot up that school? It's so scary and no one knows why. Can you venture an opinion?

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 03:59 PM
I'm waiting to hear the answer to that myself, hoping the detectives will come up with something concrete. Supposedly, Adam played shooter video games frequently in his basement bedroom and that may have desensitized him to shooting and death, making death "not real." Was he living out one of his games? The school was five miles from his house, with other schools probably closer, so why did he choose that one? And he had plenty of time to rethink this decision before he got there. He apparently had a history of not being able to empathize or even to feel pain himself, according to his shop teacher. I itch to write a book (or someday read one) about this tragedy.

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 04:04 PM
I know the police questioned the dad and brother but never revealed what they said. I doubt they know much because nether had seen Adam in several years and he had been getting worse recently. The connection he had to the school was that he used to be a student there. But he couldn't have had a grudge against those kids who weren't even born when he was a student.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 04:06 PM
I've read that he never went to school there, despite earlier reports. Nor was his mom a teacher or sub there. No one has confirmed yet that she was a volunteer there. I'm still not sure what his connection was with the school.

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 04:09 PM
Really? The early report that his mom was a teacher there was proven false. But I thought it was confirmed that he was a student there. It's surprising at this late date we still don't know the details.

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 05:31 PM
Has everyone really been asking for more blogs from that raiderman dude or is it just you? Oh well, maybe you are asking me because you know writing about one's feelings is therapeutic. Or maybe you're just getting pressure to update the blog. No matter. Here is another one.

We are all anxiety ridden. I mean my family although it may apply to humanity. I think Freud said that neurosis is the penalty we pay for civilization. He felt that civilization is so good that it's worth the trade-off. Maybe so, but on some days I have doubts. Anyway, anxiety runs in my family the way noses run on a cold day.

My dad passed away about six years ago leaving my 82-year-old mother living alone for the first time in her life. She was OK at the beginning, but lately she has been in a mental decline, getting very forgetful, not being able to tell night from day, even telling me she "forgot" to sleep one night. Her psychiatrist said she doesn't have dementia. I think she is just worried and alone, and it's hard to think clearly when you are always in panic. I think having an aide visiting her will solve the problem for now. But now I worry too because if I live to her age, I won't have someone like me to look after me. I too am alone and left to ponder if I would handle it any better than her without even having children to rely on. It's not something I want to think about now.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 06:49 PM
I had to eat a New Year's Day pizza for supper. How about expanding on your anxiety post for the blog. :) Your fans are crying out for more.

We're not so sure my mom's problem is dementia either. Two of her granddaughters had written an R-rated book and then self published it in 2009, thereby flipping my VERY conservative minister-widow's mom's wig. She has been mentally chewing around on this for over three years and has had no contact with them (who live a mile away from her), and now she is exhibiting some rather strange behaviors that we first thought were signs of dementia, but now are not so sure. Anxiety can really do a number on a person, can't it!

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 06:53 PM
Who knows? A lot of things can cause symptoms similar to dementia- lack of sleep, side effects of meds, anxiety, normal aging, etc. isn't my post long enough? I think it's longer than my last.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 06:56 PM
So I have your permission to copy/paste it to the blog, with proper attribution, of course?

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 07:01 PM
Sure. That's why I wrote it. I hope that will satisfy my adoring fans for a while.

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 07:03 PM
You have a title suggestion? I will add an image or two?

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 07:10 PM
I was going to say "civilization and its discontents" but that title was already taken. How about "loneliness and despair"? If that's too dark maybe "aging and anxiety"? Feel free to add any images you want

Wondergirl
Jan 1, 2013, 07:12 PM
There's no copyright on titles. :) I do think you need to expound a bit more, though, if we're going to get into "civilization."

Raiderman
Jan 1, 2013, 07:15 PM
I was joking. I wouldn't steal Freud's title even if it's legal. I think the 3rd title really summarizes what it's about so I would go with that