Okay.. so I have this conflicting situation... I have been an open lesbian for about 6 years now. I am 21 years old, haven't been with a guy since I was 15. I met this "straight girl" in march of 2012, I liked her from the start but she was straight, she was extremely flirtatious but she is with everyone, esp those who are into her, she knew I had a crush on her. This girl is 22 years old by the way. She would rub my leg, come over, hang out, etc but was still str8. At the end of June, we were still talking, we would text everyday and talk on the phone somewhat (she hated talking on the phone b4), we hung out one night and she told me she wanted to kiss me. I was confused, and one thing led to another and we kissed. The connection we shared was beyond this world. We made out for about 3 hours, because we agreed it was a one time thing. She made me feel like shyt after and said it didn't mean anything to her and she kisses everyone. I had a serious talk w her and told her she needed to stop playing w my feelings and stop flirting w me and doing things like that. All in all, we kissed again and everything went downhill from there. We agreed we were never really friends since my intentions w her were clear from the beginning and she just liked the attention. We got real close, and she would say things like Im str8, I would never have sex w a female, or be in a relationship w one, or we can never get serious. We knew this attraction was temporary and I have never fallen in love before. I usually run away and hurt the other person before they hurt me. By August, our attraction was intense, we were having sex, she would sleep over from time to time and we went out on a date to celebrate our 2 month anni (chessy I know). We knew the same friends and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone! She had this fear of her family finding out,(she comes from a jamaican background) and this her family is well known,her friends couldn't know. We fight rarely but its usually about the same thing, she believes in her mind that she is str8 and this is a gay experience that every str8 girl goes through. We tried to stop messing like 7 times, but we always find ourselves trying again.She said she hasn't felt this way about anyone is a very long time. She has been serious for only 2 males before, one for a year and a half and one for about 5 months. The last big fight we had was because she said she loves me but knows we will end because she will want a guy soon. So I stopped it, she came to my house crying expressing that she doesn't want to stop and really enjoys being w me. She saids she feels selfish because she is going to hurt me, and doesn't want to give me hope. I really like her and I think I just have hope we will work out, only because everything she said wouldn't happen, did eventually with time. As of now, we have been so good, like an unofficial relationship on the low (only my two best friends know) for about 3 months now. Around our mutual friends, we act like we barely speak, which hurts me but I understand. I try my best to understand where she is coming from, because its hard. I have my own apartment, and she sleeps over about 3-4 nights a week, we talk constantly,(phone,text), and when we have sex, we make love and look in each others eyes and just smile. She makes me really happy and I make her really happy, but I'm just afraid that one day it will end and Idk if I should stick around and wait for it to fall apart? She said she can never imagine telling her family because she is so close to them, and don't want to disappoint them. She saids I'm her only exception because she would never be w another female, and sees herself marrying a guy. Like before she would always say she's looking for her mister right, but now she watches what she saids because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. We are only seeing each other for the moment, because in her eyes we are in a relationship, only difference is, we can't tell no one about it. But she is loyal and so am I, we try our best to make it work, and the thought of us stopping always bring tears to her eyes so I know that she cares. Im just confused! I don't want to let her go, but I'm afraid she will hurt me indeed, like it's a dead end situation.

It's 'working' for now, so all you can do is enjoy it for now. I don't know how anyone, no matter how close to you they are, much less strangers online, can tell you whether it will work in the long run. How many relationships last? You said yourself that you usually run away. Well, she might run away. And she has been totally honest, telling you that she plans to marry a man someday. So although it's difficult, take each day as though it's your last, and don't count on ANYTHING. If you can't do that, break it off now.

It sounds like she's in denial about her sexuality. Maybe she's gay. Maybe she's bi. Maybe you're the only woman she'll ever be attracted to. What she is, doesn't matter. What's coming between you is her inability to admit it to herself, let alone others.

You have two options. You can hope she'll eventually have the courage to be completely honest about her feelings, and be miserable about having to hide your relationship. Or, you can end things, and maybe end up regretting it.

I'm sorry there's no third option where everything works out perfectly and no one gets hurt. I know how hard it is to be with someone who's not out.

I can tell you that "every woman" does not go through a homosexual phase. Far from it, for me and other straight women in my circle of friends, the idea of even kissing another woman is revolting. We intellectually understand that people can be attracted to the same gender, but for us personally, having physical intimacy with another woman just grosses us out because it's not how we're wired.

I think this woman is confused about her sexuality and she's going to have to sort it out. You can't do it for her. All you can do is decide if you are OK with the relationship as it is, which is unlikely to ever become publid or committed. For me personally, these would be intolerable terms for a sexual relationship - I would not want to be involved with a man who could not be publicly open and even proud to be with me, and who wasn't working toward a committed long-term relationship with me. Without being integrated into your partner's life in an important way, your feelings are going to continue to be hurt.

Sorry you're going through this. Maybe if you broke up with her, you could find what you're looking for with someone who's more matured in their development of their sexual identity and ready for the kind of relationship that would be healthy for you. Perhaps the space would allow her to figure out what and who she is as well.