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View Full Version : The love of my life broke up with me suddenly for someone else. Do I hold on or let g


javabear
Nov 13, 2012, 08:54 PM
I met my first true love on the second day of my freshman year of college. He was goofy and spontaneous and an incredible musician and I fell hard and fast. We started dating two months later. I was his first girlfriend and while I had dated a few guys during high school, he was my first serious relationship. As our relationship grew we became inseparable. We met each other's families, went on trips together and spent almost all of our free time in each other's company. He reminded me what it was like to be wild and carefree while I kept him grounded in reality. We balanced each other perfectly.
Everything was perfect for three years. We had our troubles, just like any couple, but we always managed to work them out together. We talked constantly about getting married someday. I know as girls we tend to push men towards commitment, but he seemed just as into the idea as I was and he would often have me quiz him on the type of engagement ring I would like. We had planned to move to Chicago together after graduation for something completely different and start our lives over in a new city with new opportunities. I will admit, our relationship got pretty serious pretty quick, but he never gave me any indication that he was uncomfortable with our plans so naturally I assumed that we were on the same page.
About two months ago, though, everything changed. I had gone away for the weekend with my dad and when I came back he showed up at my apartment in the middle of the night saying that he had something to tell me. I thought someone had died or was seriously ill, but what he had to say was worse.
He liked someone else. She was a girl he had met only a week before when R.A. training started (he's been an RA on campus for the last three years). At first he told me that he liked her but he didn't want to because he loved me. He asked me to give him some space and some time to sort things out. I kept asking if he wanted to break up with me and he insisted that he didn't want to. After going back and forth for nearly four hours, we decided to come back to it in a few days once we'd both calmed down.
We met up again three days later. During those three days I had tried to come up with every conceivable way I could to save our relationship. We didn't have to move after graduation, we could take a step back and start slower, I wouldn't demand as much of his time... I would have done anything and everything to make it work, but he wasn't willing to fight for me. A week later, we broke up. I was the one who finally had to end it, he was sobbing in my arms and kept saying that he loved me and he knew he needed me he just didn't know how to want me. The fact of the matter was that he liked another girl and that was that.
A week later, my mom came to visit me to console me in my state of utter despair and she told me that my father had been cheating on her for the last year and they were going to get divorced. I was crushed beyond belief. I hadn't talked to my ex (we'll call him G) in a week and I wanted desperately to tell him the news. He was close with my parents and I was desperate for someone to comfort me. I ended up telling him a few days later. He was supportive but he knew he couldn't be there for me in the way I wanted him to be.
I started seeing a therapist to work through my problems while at the same time I kept trying to find a way to re-establish my relationship with G. He and I talked once every week or so about our relationship and what had happened. But he was cold and standoffish. I hardly recognized him anymore; he was not longer the sweet, gentle guy I knew. He started saying things like I took too much of his time away from his music and he knew that he couldn't support me on a musician's salary so he gave up his dreams for me and now he wanted those dreams back. And he still liked this other girl.
Finally, about a month after the initial breakup, he told me that he was no longer in love with me. He admitted that he had moved on (began dating this other girl) and it was easier for him than it was for me because he was not as invested in our relationship as I was.
I was completely and utterly crushed. I had given him everything I had and more. I bent over backwards to make him happy (he's diabetic and has a gluten allergy and I made sure to always look out for him). I did anything and everything I could to show him unconditional love and support. We made promises to each other which I intended to keep and suddenly he had broken them all. It took him less than a month to denounce his love for me and start taking the new girl on dates.
It now feels as though our three year relationship meant nothing to him. I don't think he ever truly appreciated the extent to which I went to love him. I don't think he ever fully understood how special our relationship was because he had never had another girlfriend before. I loved him with all my heart and soul but now I feel defeated and replaced. My best wasn't good enough, my love wasn't strong enough and he found someone else and moved on so quickly.
So now I'm stuck in a place where I know I deserve to be with someone who truly appreciates me and I know I need to forget about G and move on with my life, but I just can't honestly believe this has happened and there is a huge part of me that wants to believe in a few months he'll realize what a huge mistake he has made.
Is this type of behavior normal for guys who have never been in a relationship before? I think a lot of his doubts in me stem from his fear of the future and growing up. What do I do? Where do I go from here? Will he realize what he's given up?

casmonas
Nov 14, 2012, 12:45 AM
Hi there, I read what u wrote and this is what I have to say even though u don't have to take it as final. First, I think you need to decide who needs help or adjustment here; YOU or G. And second, this is what most people will call living in denial. I want u to make sure u are not going through that. If G has already moved on, I think you by all means should.
Stop going over the past and recounting how much u invested and how much he doesn't know what he had lost in u. Good to say, u know and see yourself as having all these good and wonderful qualities. Why not just tell yourself he doesn't deserve them after all and then move on, gradually and calmly. I believe things will eventually work out for u.