I'm super confused. I'm 19, and a virgin. No, I'm not waiting for marriage.

I've wanted to rid myself of my virginity for years ever since I found out what it was. All my friends kept pressuring me, and I almost had sex on several occasions. But it just never happened. Not that I didn't want it to, I just would come up with an excuse, and it would end. Two of the guys respected my decision, the last hates me and won't even talk to me anymore.

I always told myself that if I was going to lose my virginity, to not let it be with some random guy. A close guy friend or a boyfriend that I'd had for so many months. Neither has come along.

But anyway, I've found this perfect guy who I feel so closely attached to in so many ways, and I'd like to lose my virginity to him. There are just a few problems.
1. He lives 9 hours away from me.
2. I met him off the internet (I know it seems stupid... but I've known him now for over a year, and my brother talks to him all the time and so does my cousin. I know many of his friends and relatives, so I know he's not a pervert or anything)
3. He's getting married. And even though he has said that she wouldn't ever find out if he came to see me, I still feel bad about it.
4. He thinks I think of him as a friend, and I do, but I love him at the same time.

We have sent naughty pictures to each other (I know... I'm a horrible person... ) and we've even had phone sex a dozen times or so. He comes to me with his problems, and always complains about his fiancé to me. He doesn't want me to have feelings for him, so he's not so sure about coming to see me.

And there is this other guy. I liked him in high school, he's super good-looking and charismatic. I have a crush on the guy, I'll admit it. He's finally talking to me and wants to hang out. But I know for a fact that he has had sex a lot. And usually with a bunch of different girls. He wants me to come over to play video games at his house, and I know that it'll problem end up with him trying to hook up with me.

I'm getting sick and tired of trying to find the right guy to take my virginity and the stupid burden away from me, but I can't rely on Guy #1 to step up to the plate. But I'm afraid that if I do it with Guy #2, Guy #1 will decide that he doesn't have to come see me at all. And I really think I love the damn guy, which is stupid for someone to say who is only 19.

So... I am finally asking for random people to tell me what I should do. It has come to the point where my little sister who is only 16, has had sex before me. I don't want to wait for my even younger sister to pass me up, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Any suggestions.. Please help me.

Why is virginity a burden for you? Virginity is a precious gift, a treasure that you hold on tight to for the guy you love with all your heart someday.

Why is virginity a burden for you? Virginity is a precious gift, a treasure that you hold on tight to for the guy you love with all your heart someday.

Because even my own father has told me to get it over with. I feel like I'm just not yet an adult without having had sex yet. I know some people want to give their virginity to their future husband, and I respect that completely. But I don't want that. I want to experience everything sex has to offer.

Let me ask you this, and ponder it before answering.

Who would you like to father your child? Would you like it to be a stranger passing in the night? Would you like it to be a man who will pay you a steady child support check? OR Would you like it to be someone who you are in a stable relationship with that can provide stability to you and the child, love and respect?

You see, any time you have sex, even the first time, you run the risk of pregnancy. You have to decide if the risk of being a single parent outweighs the benefit of being in a stable monogamous relationship.

Why is losing your virginity so important to you?

Your sister who is 16 and has had sex is a fool. She doesn't understand the ramifications of her actions. She doesn't have a clue how hard it is to raise a child on her own and I promise you that if she get's pregnant she WILL be a single mother.

Is your education not important enough to you? Do you not want to get an education and a great career so that you can support a child if you should get pregnant?




Because even my own father has told me to get it over with.

With all due respect, your father is an idiot.

Unless you are in a loving, committed relationship, you will get only the superficial and might wonder what all the excitement is about. "Getting it over with" certainly won't accomplish anything emotionally or spiritually useful or give you "everything" sex has to offer. Someone will be merely fitting his tab A into your slot B.

I can see y your in a hurry to get it over with, the people around you are soppose to encourage you too keep it not say to do it omg. Trust me just wait or you will regret it later on and what yuh doing is wrong, the man is about to get married ,you will just be a bootycall to him ,be better than that:)

Would the Burden of being a mom be any less troublesome? People can and do get pregnant the first time they have sex...

People even can get Herpes... HPV and AIDS the first time they have sex too if they pick the wrong partner. THose will be with you for life too... would they be less of a burden than virginity?

Just wait until the time is right... and the person is right... the risks are too great otherwise.

Right now 19 might feel old to be a virgin, but it's really not! Trust me you are not alone, 19 is still very young. Many people your age haven't had a relationship and fell in love yet. So unless they lost it to a random guy, they still have their virginity. Maybe in your group of friends you feel like the odd one out, but trust me many people don't lose their virginity well into their 20's (and older). And many who lost their virginity in their teens regret it.

Chances are you're going to be disappointed after the first time you have sex (even more so if it's a random guy). The thing about sex/ making love is that it usually takes a lot of practice to really enjoy it. I heard that before I ever had sex, but I didn't believe it. I thought their experience must have sucked. Because from my first experience with kissing, fooling around, oral sex I loved it and thought I was great at it from the 1st time I tried! But for whatever reason sex is different. It takes a while to really get into it. It's the emotion between each other that makes it special. Otherwise it can feel mechanical.

Wouldn't you rather practice with someone you love and trust, or at least really really like, who you've been in a relationship with for a while? Rather than just a guy you know? So you can at least have a connection and feel emotion..

If you lose it to the first guy, your going to be filled with so much guilt and regret afterwards. He is engaged! You might feel bad about considering it now, but afterwards the guilt will hit you so much worse. And the second guy, you'll just be another chick he slept with. It won't mean anything.

What if you meet someone 6 months from now and you fall hard for each other? You'll be kicking yourself in the a** if you already lost it to one of these random guys!

Wow thanks for all the greenies! :-]

Seeker,

Sex is overrated your first time will most likely be painful at best and quite messy. You are emotionally torn and I think if you wanted to have sex you would have. You are waiting for a reason. Understand that in this day and age... there are a lot of risk you take when in engaging in intercourse with anyone. Choose wisely. You have been wise to wait. I am in agreement with anyone who will wait for the chance to meet the right one to engage in love making

Guardian.

I am sorry, a man who is about to be married, and has no issue having sex with another women. Is that the "first time" you want. You want that wonderful first time to be a though of cheating on another women. How would you feel if that was the man you are to marry and he will have sex with another women because you won't find out.

Only do it, if the girlfriend knows and agrees to allow it. If this is so special to you and him, would she not understand and allow it ? ** trying to make you think what this really is.

Call it off with the married man, that is not right. Stop encouraging that behaviour from him.
I lost my virginity to one man, and I am still with that one man after so many years. Do NOT just throw it away, my best friend is 20 and she is a virgin and so happy she is and proud she got through all those teenage temptations and is now focusing on finding a nice and loving partner who she trusts to take it from her. She gets frustrated with it sometimes but if you asked her seriously she would say she doesn't regret her decision to hold onto her virginity in the slightest. One day, you will make one man so happy that you have given him that gift, not explaining that you slept with several other guys to 'get it over with'. Hold onto it, it is precious and gives a man so much trust and respect for you.

Emily Rae