My current boyfriend and I have known each other for 7 years, we have been dating for 1 year. Before we dated we had little secret online relationship, in public we were just friends, but in text and online chat we would share pictures, porn sites, and talk dirty, etc. We carried on this relationship for 5 years while our lives took us in opposite directions. We finally were in the right circumstances to be together, we get together, move in together and he clams up. He starts "sneaking" to watch porn. He gets super defensive we I ask if we can watch porn together, like we used to do via "sharing" our computer screens. I have already caught him twice receiving naked pictures from other women he knew in real life and carrying on conversation much the way we used to when we had our online thing going. Upon being caught he told me it was his business and he was "trying to get them to stop" Not a single message from him indicated what he said to be true. I deactivated his "sex" email address, I know this seems like a lot of trouble, but all I want for things to be the way they were. I'm starting to feel like he just wants an online relationship and not a real one.

Was he doing this with you while he was in a relationship with another woman? He might have been doing with other women as well. I don't see how you can expect him to change really. This is probably the behaviour that caused his other relationships to end in the first place.

It is also hard for a man to share porn with the person he is in a relationship with because it makes him think that she will think that he isn't satisfied with her. So even after all you shared this mental block comes into play.

Have you talked to him about this? What has he said?

Seeker,

Your suspicions are correct, yet they are misplaced. You is seeking more of an emotional connection that being online can provide. To get him to open up sexually start with a conversation about what he likes to do sexually. What turns him on and off.. chances are he is going to be like "I dnt know" or never thought about it.

But this is what you do.

Word to the Wise

How you came into the relationship is how you will he will leave.

Guardian