If he doesn't compliment me or tell me I'm beautiful& checks out other girls.. Wat does that mean..

...Merged Threads...

Then he probably doesn't like you...

OR

He does like you he just either is afraid to say something or wants to see if you'd be jealous looking if he starts checking out other girls

This is all I can think of :)

Hope I helped

Then he probably doesnt like you..............

OR

he does like you he just either is afraid to say something or wants to see if you'd be jealous looking if he starts checking out other girls

this is all i can think of :)

hope i helped

I've been with him for more than a yr now & I'm pregnant ,now iiwant the attention ,iidont get it:( anything iican do.. & he knows iiget jelleous ,it turns into fight so y he still doing it

I've been with him for more than a yr now & I'm prego ,now iiwant the attention ,iidont get it:( anything iican do..& he knows iiget jelleous ,it turns into fight so y he still doing it

Hmmm... is it his child?

Some people speak via their actions better than they do their words. They may not give out a compliment, but they'll express their affection through behavior. Ask yourself how his behavior makes you feel.

hmmm...........is it his child?

Yes our first child,. like iihear it frm everyone else that iilook pretty& stuff bt not him,iiwana hear it frm him.

Yes our first child,..like iihear it frm everyone else that iilook pretty& stuff bt not him,iiwana hear it frm him.
According to your other thread, you are a virgin.

Yes our first child,..like iihear it frm everyone else that iilook pretty& stuff bt not him,iiwana hear it frm him.

Now we are getting somewhere

Maybe he's not complimenting because he has a lot on his mind like you and the baby... (its sounds stupid I know but this happens) and with him acting like this it can also lead him to do stupid things like talking to other women etc...

Im sure he'll turn up someday and say "Baby, has anyone ever told you of how beautiful you are?" or something like that :)

Men can do stupid things... including something like this


According to your other thread, you are a virgin.

Erm?? How is that possible to think that? She said she was pregnant?

erm???? how is that possible to think that? she said she was prego?Sorry. Meant to write like a virgin!

I changed the title -- make sure it's okay now.

Sorry. Ment to write like a virgin!

OK yeah but... lots of people write like they are virgins but aren't -__-

now we are getting somewhere

maybe he's not complimenting because he has alot on his mind like you and the baby...(its sounds stupid i know but this happens) and with him acting like this it can also lead him to do stupid things like talking to other women etc...

Im sure he'll turn up someday and say "Baby, has anyone ever told you of how beautiful you are?" or something like that :)

Men can do stupid things....including something like this

He only told meh once iiwas beautiful,on our annervesery.. & yeah iialready tink his talking to other women.that's my biggest fear to b cheated on

he only told meh once iiwas beautiful,on our annervesery..& yeah iialready tink his talkin to other women.that's my biggest fear to b cheated on

Well if he told you once I'm sure he'll say it again! :D

And don't be afraid of something like that... dont even think about something like that.. NEVER think negative

Some people speak via their actions better than they do their words. They may not give out a compliment, but they'll express their affection through behavior. Ask yourself how his behavior makes you feel... 8track iim confused ,he will b lovey
Dovey bt check out other girls.. one big reason iicant bring him around friends & ext


I changed the title -- make sure it's okay now.

K thanks I'm new didn't know how to chAnge:)


ok yeah but.........lots of ppl write like they are virgins but arent -__-

Ohh y no point off that..


well if he told you once im sure he'll say it again! :D

and dont be afraid of something like that....dont even think about something like that..NEVER think negative thank yuh iiwill try to b positive its hard:)

thank yuh iiwill try to b positive its jst hard:)
The bigger you get with this pregnancy, the more insecure you will feel. STOP!! He is with you and loves you.

What in your history makes you so insecure?

The bigger you get with this pregnancy, the more insecure you will feel. STOP!!!! He is with you and loves you.

What in your history makes you so insecure?.. iidont know ,iiseen all myy friends heartbroken,cheated on so that's the reason iinever had a boyfriend,iim 22 now ,I'ts myy first long real relationship.. iiguess iim just scared to get heartbroken.


..iidont know ,iiseen all myy friends heartbroken,cheated on so that's the reason iinever had a boyfriend,iim 22 now ,I'ts myy first long real relationship..iiguess iim just scared to get heartbroken.
It sounds dumb ,iidont know y, iim like this

It sounds dumb ,iidont know y, iim like this
Well, stop being like this.

How can you act so you don't drive him away?

Well, stop being like this.

How can you act so you don't drive him away?
By stopp thinking that all the time.

By stopp thinking that all the time.?
And how are you going to behave?

And how are you going to behave?... yuh tink iido have a problem? iikno he loves meh,he told meh yesterday iilove yuh& iidont want too loose yuh out off no where, & iitold him yuh won't loose meh ,just iff yuh cheat on meh yuh will& he just stood quite,. its the little ting he does that make meh insicure... he didn't say like no iiwont cheat on yuh or hurt yuh,.

...yuh tink iido have a problem?.iikno he loves meh,he told meh yesterday iilove yuh& iidont want too loose yuh out off no where, & iitold him yuh won't loose meh ,just iff yuh cheat on meh yuh will& he just stood quite,..its the lil ting he does that make meh insicure...he didn't say like no iiwont cheat on yuh or hurt yuh, ..
You're going to have to write in English. Your texting is impossible to read, and a mod is going to kick you off soon if this doesn't improve.

Meanwhile, answer my question (in good English, like a teacher is checking it).

You're going to have to write in English. Your texting is impossible to read, and a mod is going to kick you off soon if this doesn't improve.

Meanwhile, answer my question (in good English, like a teacher is checking it).... sorry not use to this obviously! I don't known how to behave when his checking other girls out,just ignore it?

....sorry not use to this obviously! I dont known how to behave when his checking other girls out,just ignore it?

Ignore...

But if it gets TOO serious... step up for you and your baby

And throw in your own two cents -- "I love her purple knit top! I want one like that!" or ""Is that a tattoo on her arm?" or some such. Make it a fun thing to pick apart (nicely) other females.

And throw in your own two cents -- "I love her purple knit top! I want one like that!" or ""Is that a tattoo on her arm?" or some such. Make it a fun thing to pick apart (nicely) other females... yuh tink that make him stop..

..yuh tink that make him stop..
At least he won't feel he has to be sneaky (if he is), and you two can make a game of it. And it will show him you aren't jealous.

Try asking him not to do it in front of you, at the very least. Especially since you're pregnant it's easy to feel insecure. Tell him it will help you out if he at least shows you the decency of holding back this behavior when you're around. Tell him you don't need this extra stress.

Edit: and this is just the way I deal with things, but don't be afraid that he's going to cheat on you. If he does, f##k him, you don't need him. If he doesn't, then that's great. But don't live in fear of it. You'll come off as more independent.

Try asking him not to do it in front of you, at the very least. Especially since you're pregnant it's easy to feel insecure. Tell him it will help you out if he at least shows you the decency of holding back this behavior when you're around. Tell him you don't need this extra stress.

Edit: and this is just the way I deal with things, but don't be afraid that he's gonna cheat on you. If he does, f##k him, you don't need him. If he doesn't, then that's great. But don't live in fear of it. You'll come off as more independent.

.. iitried that being funny about it,bt iistill seem to get hurt sumetimes,he will do it to myy friends& sister.. idk iff this is normal for guys to do or he has a prob & Will tell him that,before my babyshower,because teir will be a lot of girls.

So is teir sumething I can do to make him compliment me of its always going to b like this:\

Its too late too leave myy boyfriend now ,I love him ,we are expecteing ,but what sad& worries me is that teir is no trust,I wonder if this relationship will ever work.I don't want it to end.I want to fix it but don't know how.he doesn't tink its fair I can talk to my guy friends & he can't talk to his girlfriend.. the difference between us ,he's a flirt& I'm not.I have found that girls he just Kalled friends,he slept with or liked so this is why iicant trust him talking to girls.. Wat to do from here?

It's a tough one. Have you sat down and told him exactly how you feel? One of the biggest problems in relationships is lack of communication and being too scared to say what's on your mind. Especially with a baby coming you need to make sure your relationship is on track. Also stress etc isn't good for you. If he truly loves you he will listen to what you say. You may find he has big insecurities of his own.

Good luck.

Its a tough one. Have you sat down and told him exactly how you feel? One of the biggest problems in relationships is lack of communication and being too scared to say whats on your mind. Especially with a baby coming you need to make sure your relationship is on track. Also stress etc isnt good for you. If he truly loves you he will listen to what you say. you may find he has big insecurities of his own.

Good luck.

Yes we end up arguing,he says I always bring old but its not just old .because that's what made me not trust him,I want to trust him ,I don't want to live like this no more:\

Its so hard. How old are you guys? You should consider maybe some relationahip counselling if you are sure that you want to continue in the relationship.

You think it's OK to talk to your men friends and it's not OK for him to talk to women friends because he will SLEEP with them?
That's not how it works. No one gets to make rules. You are not his parent and he is not your child. You tell him how you feel, and if he keeps doing what you don't like, you leave him, baby on the way or not. How is this 'love?'

Its so hard. How old are you guys? you should consider maybe some relationahip counselling if you are sure that you want to continue in the relationship.

We are 22,going to be 23 on Feb ,the both are pieces,we moved in fast in our relationship,went from homless & ended up in our toes .we have been threew a lot ,he is my first love maybe that's y I won't leave& I bealive we can fix it ,OK should I start the trust by letting him talk to his old "friends " then
The love he shows ,then again he never wants to get married.& I do

Alice, you don't 'let' an adult do something. The beginning of trust is seeing what is and being OK with it - and if not, then there's no trust. If you find out that he is too friendly with his female friends, you leave him, no matter how tough, and even if you have to go into a shelter again, with a baby. You can tell him that if he cheats that's what will happen, but don't do it while you are fighting. Just to let him know he doesn't have unconditional love.

alice, you don't 'let' an adult do something. The beginning of trust is seeing what is and being OK with it - and if not, then there's no trust. If you find out that he is too friendly with his female friends, you leave him, no matter how tough, and even if you have to go into a shelter again, with a baby. You can tell him that if he cheats that's what will happen, but don't do it while you are fighting. Just to let him know he doesn't have unconditional love.

Yeah that's the prob ,his too friendly,I can't even bring him around my friends,he says he always been like that though,that his talkitive & likes to meet new people ,if I had known he was a flirt I would have not stayed that's how much I don't trust him,& what do you mean he doesn't have unconditional love? Ohh other ting I had sumwere to go ,he didn't& I stood by him& help him

I meant that you need to let him know that even though you have a baby, you'll leave in a heartbeat if he strays.

There's a difference between being talkative/meeting new people and flirting.

There's a difference between being talkative/meeting new people and flirting.

Ok thanks.. its just hard ,I'm new to all this & sumetimes don't know what to do or Handle it ,I'm glad I found this site:).. another ?s if his a flirt does that make him a cheater?

Ok thanks..its just hard ,I'm new to all this & sumetimes don't know wat to do or Handle it ,I'm glad I found this site:)..another ?s if his a flirt does that make him a cheater?
No, a flirt is not a cheater. It means he's easy going around people and knows how to tease and put people, especially women, at ease.

My dad was great with people and somewhat of a flirt. My mom was shy, terrified of people, and hid in the kitchen. I'm like my dad in that I have never met a person I didn't want to get to know better (even the dysfunctional ones), whereas my husband is happiest when everyone leaves him alone.

Actually, those two types are opposites but also good matches.

No, a flirt is not a cheater. It means he's easy going around people and knows how to tease and put people, especially women, at ease.

My dad was great with people and somewhuat of a flirt. My mom was shy, terrified of people, and hid in the kitchen. I'm like my dad in that I have never met a person I didn't want to get to know better (even the dysfunctional ones), whereas my husband is happiest when everyone leaves him alone.

Actually, those two types are opposites but also good matches.
Lol that's funny because that's how we are ,iim shy & his not at all.all theold ladies tell us he is handsome .when they say it I don't mind.so I'm sure he knows what his doing.

Lol that's funny because that's how we are ,iim shy & his not at all.all theold ladies tell us he is handsome .when they say it I don't mind.so I'm sure he knows wat his doing.
Compliment him once in a while. He's doing something that some people would give their eyeteeth to be able to do. (Read some of the threads on this site if you don't believe me.) It's a gift to be able to put people at ease. I even chat with telemarketers who call my house.

Compliment him once in a while. He's doing something that some people would give their eyeteeth to be able to do. (Read some of the threads on this site if you don't believe me.) It's a gift to be able to put people at ease. I even chat with telemarketers who call my house.

I do compliment him,I try to make him feel good about himself ,like I would want him to do to me ,last thread I was asking about him y doesn't he compliment me ,& he told me I' look pretty when we were going out,iguess it just how he is, he don't like to show it lol.really you get paid or its free?

you get paid or its free?
For being on here? I'm a volunteer. I'm a retired librarian and am also a counselor, so this way my clients are all over the world. :)

I hope you come back to ask more questions that come up in your life.

For being on here? I'm a volunteer. I'm a retired librarian and am also a counselor, so this way my clients are all over the world. :)

I hope you come back to ask more questions that come up in your life.

Yess I sure will , I don't talk to friends anymore,so iiwill b back,thanks again:)

Idk if I'm overreacting but I get very upset because my boyfriend doesn't bother to call me on his 45 min lunch.. or sumetimes he has overtime&he still won't kall on the other 30 min break.. im just home alone board&i don't talk to friends nomre so iiwould like to talk to him that's y I gave him a phone&it seems like I have to beg him to call &iitgets meh sad&mad.. should I care or not.wat should I do?

You sound a little bit needy.

Why do you not have friends anymore?

You sound a little bit needy.

Why do you not have friends anymore?

That's a bad thing I want to have sumeone to talk too? I moved out of my hometown ,just had a baby so kind of don't have time for them.

The man is at work... does he talk to you when he comes home?

And really, you're getting defensive over my answer? YOU came here and asked so would you like me to lie to you or do you want the truth?

OK, I'll lie so you can be happy...
Call him all the time. Make sure he has no time to hang out with anyone he works with during break. Make sure that you are his priority. Accept no less!

The man is at work....does he talk to you when he comes home?

And really, you're getting defensive over my answer? YOU came here and asked so would you like me to lie to you or do you want the truth?

ok, I'll lie so you can be happy....
Call him all the time. Make sure he has no time to hang out with anyone he works with during break. Make sure that you are his priority. Accept no less!

No sorry it sounded that way,I didn't get defensive ,I really want to know if I should just let it go&not bug him.. yes he does talk to me when he cumes home.

Idk why I get so emotional over it though.. maybe I feel too lonely

Ok, I understand.

He does need his space at work so I wouldn't expect to bother him there. You need to do things for yourself. You need to get out and do things. You need to find things to occupy your time. You need to make friends. Don't base your whole life on him and expect him to be the one to keep you from being lonely and bored.

Ok, I understand.

He does need his space at work so I wouldn't expect to bother him there. You need to do things for yourself. You need to get out and do things. You need to find things to occupy your time. You need to make friends. Don't base your whole life on him and expect him to be the one to keep you from being lonely and bored. that is so true. Its hard with a newborn to do that but I will work on that as soon as she gets bigger.thank yuh:).. by the way would that push him away if I been acting like this?

You don't have to spend time with a friend to call a friend... do you have any friends you can talk to?

Also, if. Have time for your boyfriend you have time for a friend.. see if your boyfriend can watch your baby once a week or twice a month so you can get outa the house.

by the way would that push him away if i been acting like this?


It might. I don't know him so I can't say for sure.

Newborns do need care obviously but that shouldn't keep you from being able to do some things with the baby along with you. Use your imagination and you'll come up with something.

You dont have to spend time with a friend to call a friend... do u have any friends you can talk to?
Well really no I don't trust them, that's y I'm on here lol.I will ask him about that.

Alice, I merged your threads about your boyfriend together so that people can better understand the background for your question.

First, congratulations on the newborn. I hope you are both doing well.

I know you are tired, stressed, frustrated, exhausted, and the list goes on. I have been there. It may feel like this is how the rest of your life is going to be, but it won't. It does get better.

You may not feel able to get out of the house very much right now, but you can do things to help relieve the boredom and help yourself relax when the little one gives you a chance. Reading, jigsaw puzzles, other crafts/hobbies, on-line classes, yoga, etc. are just a few ideas. Do you have any interests that might help ease the boredom?

Are you planning to be a stay-at-home-mother?

How are you doing on the 'trusting him' issue? Is it a part of why you feel a need to have him call when you think he should have time?

It either means you are just being insecure or he's just not that into you... you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him how much it bothers you, if you don't get the response you feel OK about you should reevaluate your relationship whether you think its worth all the stress its putting you through

Its disrespectful for him to check out other girls but even more so if he is doing it in front of you!

Maybe just a startup.

alice, I merged your threads about your boyfriend together so that people can better understand the background for your question.

First, congratulations on the newborn. I hope you are both doing well.

I know you are tired, stressed, frustrated, exhausted, and the list goes on. I have been there. It may feel like this is how the rest of your life is going to be, but it won't. It does get better.

You may not feel able to get out of the house very much right now, but you can do things to help relieve the boredom and help yourself relax when the little one gives you a chance. Reading, jigsaw puzzles, other crafts/hobbies, on-line classes, yoga, etc. are just a few ideas. Do you have any interests that might help ease the boredom?

Are you planning to be a stay-at-home-mother?

How are you doing on the 'trusting him' issue? Is it a part of why you feel a need to have him call when you think he should have time?


Thank yuh.. thats exactly how iifeel but more dipresses&lonley.. I told my boyfriend but he doesn't understand me.. No I don't want to be a stay at home mom.I want to go back to school asap I can't stand being home no mre having no one to talk to&having a boyfriend that doesn't want to talk to you. The trusting issue I let it go, I'm not going to worry about it no more if he cheats ill just leave but I'm not going to look for it. I just tink a call frm him will make my day better ,we had arguments about it so he knows how it makes me fell yet he don't kall..
He ask me if I want to marry him yesterday after a big fight but I really don't know I'm not happy

Its disrespectful for him to check out other girls but even more so if he is doing it in front of you!

Its not disrespectful... he's an adult with free will. If he was chatting them up trying to get a date in front of her... THAT would be disrespectful.

I do it all the time... wife even points out the ones she knows I like if she sees them first... she also checks out guys she likes...

What WE have however is trust and respect for each other... we both know who we are going home with at the end of the day.

If there is one thing that can become annoying... is someone overly clingy and needing constant reassurance before they will even begin to feel good about themselves.

Like most things... a little can be good... but too much can be off putting.

I have to completely disagree with you though. It IS disrespectful for the majority of relationships (not including yours) for their significant other to be checking someone else out in front of them. Being clingy has nothing to do with that. Nobody likes a clingy person. It is just plain annoying and at least for me just pushes me away.

I would bet on it that if there was a vote taken by FEMALES, asking the question if they like the idea of their man checking out other women in front of them then the majority would say no. I am not saying that this is a reason to freak out or anything, I am only saying that it is disrespectful. For instance, in your relationship with your wife, if she didn't like the idea of you checking other females out or checking them out in front of her and you did it anyway, then that is a lack of respect for your wife. But you know that she is okay with it and visa versa, that is something that you guys share in common.

The OP might be clingy who knows, It is her boyfriends free will choice that he is with her and if she doesn't like the fact that he is checking other females out in front of her then he should respect that. What is the point in checking out someone else if you already have what you want right in front of you.

That is great that you and your wife have that type of relationship where you both feel comfortable doing that in front of each other. Pointing out people for the other to check out is a maybe a little weird but hey if it works for you guys then the more power to you. However, I don't know any of my married friends or friends that are with someone that like the idea of their significant other checking someone else out in front of them.

I have to completely disagree with you though. It IS disrespectful for the majority of relationships (not including yours) for their significant other to be checking someone else out in front of them. Being clingy has nothing to do with that. Nobody likes a clingy person. It is just plain annoying and at least for me just pushes me away.

I would bet on it that if there was a vote taken by FEMALES, asking the question if they like the idea of their man checking out other women in front of them then the majority would say no. I am not saying that this is a reason to freak out or anything, I am only saying that it is disrespectful. For instance, in your relationship with your wife, if she didn't like the idea of you checking other females out or checking them out in front of her and you did it anyway, then that is a lack of respect for your wife. But you know that she is okay with it and visa versa, that is something that you guys share in common.

The OP might be clingy who knows, It is her boyfriends free will choice that he is with her and if she doesn't like the fact that he is checking other females out in front of her then he should respect that. What is the point in checking out someone else if you already have what you want right in front of you.

That is great that you and your wife have that type of relationship where you both feel comfortable doing that in front of each other. Pointing out people for the other to check out is a maybe a little weird but hey if it works for you guys then the more power to you. However, I don't know any of my married friends or friends that are with someone that like the idea of their significant other checking someone else out in front of them.

Don't know what society you are from.. or what age you are... But one adult isn't entitled to dictate to another adult so they don't have to address their own insecurities.in the one I'm from.

OH the very young think they can... and the only people that hang around for long are losers that can't do better. Reality usually sinks in by their 30's when they are still alone and their friends have all gotten married because they learned their lessons years earlier. That nobody likes being told what they can do and how they have to do it.. or when they can do it.


And incidentally... the day women get to take a vote to tell guys what to do... will only happen after guys get to take a vote and tell the women what they are going to do first... we have a name for people like that, they are called control freaks.

Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't go making demands of others until you are willing to submit to all of their demands as well. Tell people who they can and can't look at.. what they can and can't read or watch... resentment grows and divorce eventually follows.

Everyone I know that hasn't ended up divorced thinks the same way I do too... the ones who had a paranoid partner (man or woman) ended up divorced.

Go to Italy.. or France... looking at other people is a national pastime. (and I know it is in other countries as well... I just know those two the best)

I'm 51... I've seen a lot of people over a long period... and I've done it in several countries... Looking isn't chasing... looking isn't infidelity, looking isn't cheating, and looking isn't touching.

Don't know what society you are from..or what age you are...But one adult isn't entitled to dictate to another adult so they don't have to address their own inabilities to feel good about themselves in the one I'm from.

OH the very young think they can....and the only people that hang around for long are losers that can't do better. Reality usually sinks in by their 30's when they are still alone and their friends have all gotten married.

And incidentally....the day women get to take a vote to tell guys what to do...will only happen after guys get to take a vote and tell the women what they are going to do first....

Hey, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. You don't go making demands of others until you are willing to submit to all of their demands as well.

I am sorry that this opinion bothers you so much. I am very much grown with 3 children of my own and have friends that live across the entire United States, married and unmarried. For a female to be bothered by their significant other checking out other guys in front of them is not dictating the man what they can or can not do. The man still has free will to do as he pleases. People are free to be as disrespectful as the want. I also know plenty of males that don't like the idea of their woman checking others out either. I don't know where you got the idea that having an opinion and letting another person know what you are not comfortable with is a form of dictation or making a demand. I am sorry but I have to disagree with you. While you might not be wrong within your own marriage, implying that this is okay within all relationships is not factual as I would love to now hear what the psychology professor I know who is a practicing psychologist thinks about all this conversation and all the opinions that you have put out there as well as my own.

I am sorry that this opinion bothers you so much. I am very much grown with 3 children of my own and have friends that live across the entire United States, married and unmarried. For a female to be bothered by their significant other checking out other guys in front of them is not dictating the man what they can or can not do. The man still has free will to do as he pleases. People are free to be as disrespectful as the want. I also know plenty of males that don't like the idea of their woman checking others out either. People are free to be as disrespectful as the want. I don't know where you got the idea that having an opinion and letting another person know what you are not comfortable with is a form of dictation or making a demand. I am sorry but I have to disagree with you. While you might not be wrong within your own marriage, implying that this is okay within all relationships is not factual as I would love to now hear what the psychology professor I know who is a practicing psychologist thinks about all this conversation and all the opinions that you have put out there as well as my own.

I don't know where you think your opinion is representative of the majority... because its not. Most College professors are teaching in college because they can't get a job in the real world.

Your "friend" also doesn't see a representative cross section of the population because most people don't need to see a psychologist... at any point of their lives. They only see a small portion who can't deal with life to some degree.

I posted that the psychology professor that I know IS a PRACTICING psychologist, meaning he is a professor but also runs his own practice seeing patients. I say that I would love to know what he thinks because a psychologist has a PHD and is trained to deal with issues like this. It would be a professional credible opinion. Nobody is asking you to agree, as it is clear that you are set in your ways and opinion. However, I stand by my opinion as well and I am not saying I represent the majority, I only believe that the majority would agree, that is only my OPINION. We don't have to see eye to eye but please do not try and belittle me or the credibility of professionals. Thank you

Thank yuh ..thats exactly how iifeel but more dipresses&lonley..i told my bf but he dosent understand me.. No i dont wana be a stay at home mom.i wana go back to school asap i can't stand being home no mre having no one to talk to&having a bf that dosent wana talk to you. The trusting issue i let it go, im not gonna worry about it no more if he cheats ill just leave but im not gonna look for it. I just tink a call frm him will make my day better ,we had arguments about it so he knows how it makes me fell yet he dont kall..
He ask me if i wana marry him yesterday after a big fight but i really dont know im not happy

Alice, you said that he does talk to you when he is home. Is that correct? He may know how you feel but that doesn't mean he he thinks about it when he is at work. Arguing isn't going solve any issues, you need to have a calm discussion.

From experience, I can tell you that a quick phone call can make being alone feel more lonely. If he did agree to call, you would be sitting by the phone waiting and getting upset because he forgot or couldn't call. Or that is when the baby needs you (Babies have great timing) and you can't talk. It leads to more frustration and increases the downward spiral. Like I said, I have been there.

You need a larger support system than relying one person.

I know you don't trust your friends to babysit, but why not invite them over for company? Talk to them on the phone or over the computer? How well do you know your neighbors?

Keep yourself mentally occupied. When are you planning to go back to school? Have you started planing for that time?

There is a difference between "beliefs" and "facts." Please don't speak for the majority of women unless you've taken a poll.

Maybe I'm more secure than other women - my significant other isn't dead, he's in a relationship with me. He certainly looks at attractive women. Do I worry about it? No. He doesn't follow them home or lose his train of thought but he appreciates an attractive woman. I appreciate an attractive man.

I also am not a woman who wants/needs a man telling her how attractive she is at every twist and turn. After a while it becomes lip service, nothing more and nothing less.

And I agree with Smoothy - I don't want to own anyone and I don't want anyone to own me. If a person demands this or that out of a relationship (and that includes looking at other women) and doesn't get this or that, move on - for the sake of both of you.

I'm surprised you are in college and think "outa" is a word.

I see this differently. I think it is rude for a man to overtly flirt with women when he is with his significant other, especially if he ignores or does not compliment her.
I know men look at other women, but I think there is a way to do it and not disrespect who you're with. I find it childish or at least college boy like.
I look at men but I would not ogle when I'm with my man. It's just rude, in my opinion.

Agreed. I think there is a big difference between casually checking someone out (which usually implies a lookover that lasts maybe a few seconds) and 'ogling' someone.

I wouldn't care if he sees a woman, gives her a quick look and thinks "man she has a great (insert word)." I would care if he couldn't take his eyes away knowing I was right there or if his attention was so drawn that he stopped carrying on a conversation with me or some similar situation.

Outright staring someone down would probably creep the other person out (because most people don't do it as it is a social taboo) and would, I believe, likely and justifiably offend your partner.

alice, you said that he does talk to you when he is home. Is that correct? He may know how you feel but that doesn't mean he he thinks about it when he is at work. Arguing isn't going solve any issues, you need to have a calm discussion.

From experience, I can tell you that a quick phone call can make being alone feel more lonely. If he did agree to call, you would be sitting by the phone waiting and getting upset because he forgot or couldn't call. Or that is when the baby needs you (Babies have great timing) and you can't talk. It leads to more frustration and increases the downward spiral. Like I said, I have been there.

You need a larger support system than relying one person.

I know you don't trust your friends to babysit, but why not invite them over for company? Talk to them on the phone or over the computer? How well do you know your neighbors?

Keep yourself mentally occupied. When are you planning to go back to school? Have you started planing for that time?


I know arguing doesn't help but sumetimes I can't hold it in&i realize it because teirs no one else to take it out on so I do it to him.so I stop .its not about him calling. Im lonely,I moved out of my hometown so I don't see friend s or fam ,I don't talk to anyone out here or friends also like I did before.
Its kind of far so no one will visit or I can't go visit.when I was pregnant I actually did go visit but it was a long ride on buses&train,that's how board I was.now I have the baby.I can't take her .
No I haven t plan nothing.im just waiting for baby to get bigger&then ill see who can watch her at that time.


Its not disrespectful....he's an adult with free will. If he was chatting them up trying to get a date in front of her...THAT would be disrespectful.

I do it all the time...wife even points out the ones she knows I like if she sees them first....she also checks out guys she likes.....

What WE have however is trust and respect for each other....we both know who we are going home with at the end of the day.

If there is one thing that can become annoying...is someone overly clingy and needing constant reassurance before they will even begin to feel good about themselves.

Like most things.....a little can be good....but too much can be off putting.


That is the first I hear that checking out other people in front of your partner doesn't bother at least a little bit.. that is great for yuh gys, but what really bothers me is that he makes it so obvious&that he does it to my sister,cousins,friends .how can that be okay.. I have stop arguing with him aboutbit but I still feel that's not right.

Hes responds was he can't control himself &that I look for it,I don't its just I tink he's so obvious.

That is the first i hear that checking out other ppl infront of your partner dosent bother atleast a little bit..that is great for yuh gys, but what really bothers me is that he makes it so obvious&that he does it to my sister,cousins,friends .how can that be okay..i have stop arguing with him aboutbit but i still feel thats not right.

Hes responds was he can't control himself &that i look for it,i dont its just i tink hes so obvious.

My wife actually grabs my arm to point out the women with features she knows I like wherever we might be... and the exact right ones too... she knows me like a the back of her hand.

This is all about actually having self esteem and feeling good about yourself... and face it.. if you don't feel good about yourself... nothing anyone else thinks about you is going to make that any different.

And she knows if I was inclined to sneak off and fool around with someone... I'd do it, and I wouldn't be showing her who I'd be doing it with.

We also trust each other... which apparently isn't important to a lot of people if they are staying with partners they don't trust.

Trust... or more like the lack of it... will always undermine any relationship over time. We've been married 21 years... and together for 25 years... and its always been like this...

Self confidence in a woman is as attractive to a man... as self confidence in a man is to a woman.

Self confidence isn't the same as aggressiveness... they are very different things.. My wife is a very conservative and understated person... who also looks 15 year younger than she is.

If you have known each other long enough and trust each other have history, you know it is not a problem for either of you, that's one thing, otherwise I find it rude to overtly check out girls in front of your lady, especially if he is not affectionate and pays attention to you. I know a couple who's husband does that all of the time he even flirts and it is annoying. He use to do that with me and I put him in his place.
A person who cares about you will at least do it in a way that is not "in your face" especially if he knows it bothers you. But if he can't help it and that is the way he is and it bothers you perhaps he is not the one for you to begin with. There are guys out there that don't do that.

If you have known each other long enough and trust each other have history, you know it is not a problem for either of you, that's one thing, otherwise I find it rude to overtly check out girls in front of your lady, especially if he is not affectionate and pays attention to you. I know a couple who's husband does that all of the time he even flirts and it is annoying. He use to do that with me and I put him in his place.
A person who cares about you will at least do it in a way that is not "in your face" especially if he knows it bothers you. But if he can't help it and that is the way he is and it bothers you perhaps he is not the one for you to begin with. There are guys out there that don't do that.

Oh Please... you women do it every day with Soap Operas... and certain TV shows... and most of you do it all the time out in public too... and don't deny it... a female friend of mine pointed that out to me one time many many years ago... and while many try to be coy about it... quite a few are pretty overt about it, I've seen it all along I just didn't pay notice to it before then..

When exactly do you women think its appropriate to own up to your own self esteem issues and stop blaming us guys for them? Seriously... if you can't feel good about yourself... why should anyone else... no... low self esteem is not an attractive attribute in anyone... man or woman.

And quite honestly... there are a LOT of women that share my viewpoint with this. I know this because they were honest about it over the years...

And quite a few of them are only average in looks, and some not even that... but had impressive magnetic personalities... due to themselves confidence and liking how god created them... flaws and all.

Ever wonder why some not so hot women get some nice guys... and how some not so good looking guys get some nice women... thats how... self confidence can make up for a lacking lot of natural good looks.

Looking isn't flirting... looking isn't chasing... looking isn't cheating... looking is human nature.

Didn't say anything about looking being cheating or flirting. Didn't say looking was wrong.
I said A person who cares about you will at least do it in a way that is not "in your face" especially if he knows it bothers you. But if he can't help it and that is the way he is and it bothers you perhaps he is not the one for you to begin with. There are guys out there that don't do that.

I don't know who "you women" are you're talking about doing this all the time. Not all women flirt all of the time. I'm talking about having the sensitivity to not overtly flirt when they are with a man who is special to them and they know it bothers him. It's about showing some respect and courtesy. If this works for you and your lady, that's great but it does not make everyone else lacking.

Didn't say anything about looking being cheating or flirting. Didn't say looking was wrong.
I said A person who cares about you will at least do it in a way that is not "in your face" especially if he knows it bothers you. But if he can't help it and that is the way he is and it bothers you perhaps he is not the one for you to begin with. There are guys out there that don't do that.

I don't know who "you women" are you're talking about doing this all the time. Not all women flirt all of the time. I'm talking about having the sensitivity to not overtly flirt when they are with a man who is special to them and they know it bothers him. It's about showing some respect and courtesy. If this works for you and your lady, that's great but it does not make everyone else lacking.

You do grasp the fact there is a HUGE difference between looking at someone and flirting with them... hell, there is a really big difference between talking and flirting.

How you are making that leap in the scope this discussion is beyond me.

And the fact remains... your rights end where the rights of another begin... and nobody has the right to impose their insecurities... on someone else... meaning... if you have a problem... deal with it yourself... you don't have the right to make everyone else jump through hoops so you can continue to avoid facing them.

Besides... this isn't some backwards third world country where under some perverted religious dogma people try to justify killing a woman just for talking to a guy... much less doing anything more.

The "you women" I speak of range from Immigrant single moms working two or three jobs... up to one good friend of ours that has a 9,000 square foot mansion. Yes she's loaded. Lot of range there I think socio-economically.

Personally the men I have dated would look at other women... and guess what? I didn't mind. Why? Because I checked out women with them. I also checked out men.

I'm sorry, but I am human, and I enjoy looking at attractive people.

I am a woman who does not need a man to tell me I am attractive every chance he has. I am also not jealous. At all.

If my significant other checks out women... more power to him... because I an going to continue to check out other men.

I'm not talking about just looking and neither am I talking about imposing insecurities on someone else. I'm talking about courtesy. If you are with someone and you know they have a problem you either tone it down or you leave them, which is what I told the op to do. If that is the way he is and you don't like it, leave him. If it works for you, fine.

Reading the above posts made me think about driving with my boyfriend in the car. He thinks I drive too fast (I like to go about 5 over the limit) and I think he drives too slow (he likes to go 10-15 under). When he's in the car, I go no faster than the limit. I do it simply because it makes him more comfortable and, aside from a few extra minutes in the car, it costs me nothing and makes him much happier.

Have we gotten to the point that even the slightest accommodation, made in an effort to enhance the comfort and happiness of people we supposedly deeply care for, is too much?

I think we are well on the way unfortunately.

Funny how certain people think everyone MUST accommodate them, like it's their right... yet if the other person askes for the same... they are called unreasonible.

The world doesn't bend to accommodate you... you have to bend to accommodate the world.

Its always been that way, and it will always be that way... contrary to the way the last couple generations apparently were brought up to believe.

If you have a problem.. then its your problem, not everyone else's. They have their own problems they have to deal with.

"Funny how certain people think everyone MUST accomodate them, like its their right... "

No one said it was a 'right.' For many, who are unafraid and unashamed to 'bend' a little, such is freely and happily given.

"yet if the other person asks for the same...they are called unreasonible."

Who is not reciprocating here? Or should we always just assume there is one selfish and immovable person in any relationship?

"The world doesn't bend to accomodate you...you have to bend to accomodate the world."

True, when it's the world you're dealing with. (And, even then, sometimes the world does bend to the wisdom of just one person who carries the right message in such a way that people will listen.) But when you're trying to work with one other person, a compromise and harmony for both is much more attainable.

You know... I don't like Jazz or Hip-hop... people should turn it off when I am anywhere around.

I don't like Tripe... maybe the stores should stop selling it...

I don't like people that wear baggy pants hanging halfway to their knees... we should throw them in jail.

Sometimes... you just have to suck it up and live with things you may not like... because there is more than one perspective, and more than one might be right.

Nothing wrong with asking... however if they say no, I won't... you leave it drop... and don't go on nagging them saying how unfair you can't have your way until they begin to have homicidal thoughts in your company. (thats an exageration to make a point).

There is a very fine line between a reasonible and an unreasonible request... and if its to avoid dealing with a phobia or personal issue you don't want to face... then its always unreasonible.

Like the ever important rule of thumb... your rights and your personal space end... where another persons begin.

Sometimes harmony, and compromise are very hard to attain. Like the porn conflict between couples, its more of how people relate and resolve their own personal issues and feelings before even bringing it to a partner. For example you have to get to the bottom of your own fears, and insecurities before you act or speak to a partner about anything.

If you do not those impulsive emotional responses and actions will get in the way of any dialog you can have.

Honest communications starts with being honest with self, and dealing with self. You can't expect someone to cope with YOU if you cannot cope with yourself. Nine times out of ten, a couples problems start with how they cope with their own feelings, and personal issues no matter what the conflict is.

Sadly developing proper coping skills is something taught early and built on through life experiences. It's a bit late when you decide to be a couple, and build something because it often involves building yourself first.

Few succeed in learning and growing together especially when conflicts become reality. And mistakes end up feeding resentments. Its overwhelming learning how to deal with YOURSELF on the fly, and frustrating for a partner.

"You know...I don't like Jazz or Hip-hop....people should turn it off when I am anywhere around.
I don't like Tripe...maybe the stores shoudl stop selling it....
I don't like people that wear baggy pants hanging halfway to their knees...we should throw them in jail.

There is a very fine line between a reasonible and an unreasonible request...." Right, and all of the above examples are unreasonable.

"Sometimes....you just have to suck it up and live with things you may not like...." True, but you don't have to live with (as in share you life with, be in a relationship with) people you don't like. And, if you do choose to live with someone you do like, you can't expect to get away without having to accomodate them in some reasonable ways. I guess, of course, we could just live separately from our partners and spouses.... that would be easier for everyone and no one would have to make any changes.

"Nothing wrong with asking ....however if they say no, I won't....you leave it drop...and don't go on nagging" I don't think anyone was promoting nagging.

"and if its to avoid dealing with a phobia... " Yes, because a phobia is an irrational fear... "or personal issue you don't want to face...then its always unreasonable." Like someone being sensitive towards another after the death of a loved one? Should we outright say 'They're dead. Get over it' instead of 'they're in a better place' and then going out of your way to ease their pain. Or perhaps that a man's penis might be small or he might not be the best in bed? Should we just tell him 'You're disappointing' instead of 'I love you, let's work with it.'

"Like the ever important rule of thumb............your rights and your personal space end...where another persons begin." And it takes an exceptionally accommodating person to work with someone who is entirely unwilling to return the favor. A person that shuts down to accommodation to the world or to their partners is someone who infringes upon another's rights the most.

"Sometimes....you just have to suck it up and live with things you may not like...." 'True, but you don't have to live with people you don't like. And, if you do choose to live with someone you do like, you can't expect to get away without having to accomodate them in some reasonable ways.'

You just proved Smoothy's point. If OP doesn't like it, then perhaps she should just end the relationship. OP's boyfriend is simply checking out women, he is not cheating or even saying, "I want to sleep with these women."

"You know...I don't like Jazz or Hip-hop....people should turn it off when I am anywhere around.
I don't like Tripe...maybe the stores shoudl stop selling it....
I don't like people that wear baggy pants hanging halfway to their knees...we should throw them in jail.

There is a very fine line between a reasonible and an unreasonible request...." Right, and all of the above examples are unreasonable.

"Sometimes....you just have to suck it up and live with things you may not like...." True, but you don't have to live with people you don't like. And, if you do choose to live with someone you do like, you can't expect to get away without having to accomodate them in some reasonable ways. I guess, of course, we could just live separately from our partners and spouses.... that would be easier for everyone and no one would have to make any changes.

"Nothing wrong with asking ....however if they say no, I won't....you leave it drop...and don't go on nagging" I don't think anyone was promoting nagging.

"and if its to avoid dealing with a phobia...." Yes, because a phobia is an irrational fear...."or personal issue you don't want to face...then its always unreasonable." Like someone being sensitive towards another after the death of a loved one? Should we outright say 'They're dead. Get over it' instead of 'they're in a better place' and then going out of your way to ease their pain. Or perhaps that a man's penis might be small or he might not be the best in bed? Should we just tell him 'You're disappointing' instead of 'I love you, let's work with it.'

"Like the ever important rule of thumb............your rights and your personal space end...where another persons begin." And it takes an exceptionally accomodating person to work with someone who is entirely unwilling to return the favor. A person that shuts down to accomodation to the world or to their partners is someone who infringes upon another's rights the most.

As far as sensitivity over someone dying... obviously for a reasonible period... but after a certain point.. if someone hasn't gotten over it yet... they are overdue to a visit to a psychologist, they aren't entitled to a free pass for life.

You know what... if his penis is too small for you, if he doesn't know the difference between a nipple and a hemeroid, if her breasts are too small, big or flabby, if her cooter could hide a Winnebago.. and a Suburban and it bothers you then what are you doing with them in the first place? Seriously... this is how they are... accept it or find someone else.

The person who is doing the infringing... is the person that demands everyone change to please them... they are unreasonible for being unwilling to accept others the way they are. THey unreasonible expect other to change to fit what they want... and usually they are the very same people that refuse to change themselves to fit what the other person wants.

Usually this is due to the arrogance that they alone matter, and they alone are right about everything... and these same people usually end up divorced and remarried several times because while they are perfect... its always the other person who was being unreasonible.


Again... they usually find fault in everyone else... and none in themselves.

People don't change... you accept them as they are... or you find someone that you do like.

Expecting someone else to change is unreasonible... just as unreasonible for a man that Marries Roseanne Barr and then expects her to change into Carol Alt.

This sums up trying to change people into what you want them to be...

"There is an old saying that teaching the pig to dance is a fruitless endeavor,” “It is a waste of your time and it irritates the pig

I would just like to add that I reread the entire thread, and I have to say that the OP sounds very insecure. Not too mention she is very young and very pregnant, which is also causing her to be emotional.

OP mentions that she is upset that her boyfriend doesn't call during his lunch breaks, which tells me she is very needy.

I think that she concocts a lot of this in her over active brain. I am willing to bet that she would be this way and have doubts regardless of who her boyfriend might be.

OP, don't mistake his vivaciousness for flirty. Also you mention that he likes to meet new "people", so don't discourage him from doing so. I am telling you that if you DON'T stop your behavior, you will end up alone.

Exactly Enigma1999, I'm a chatty person... I'll talk to almost anyone... and I do talk with a lot of people... but talking is a long way from flirting.

Ever more so in today's world... personal networking is important... if you don't talk with people... or meet new ones... you shut yourself off from valuable contacts.

Most jobs are found through word of mouth... not newspaper ads or internet ads.

That next person you meet might be the key to the best job you ever dreamed of having... or the best friend you ever had in life.


My thought on Flirting... some people like to flirt.. without any serious intentions, while others like me view flirting like this... ".Don't start something you don't intend to see all the way through to the end." Therefore its easy to keep your priorities straight.

"Sometimes....you just have to suck it up and live with things you may not like...." 'True, but you don't have to live with people you don't like. And, if you do choose to live with someone you do like, you can't expect to get away without having to accomodate them in some reasonable ways.'

You just proved Smoothy's point. If OP doesn't like it, then perhaps she should just end the relationship. OP's boyfriend is simply checking out women, he is not cheating or even saying, "I want to sleep with these women."

Yes and no. I think the accommodation should be mutual, should go both ways. I am in favor of tolerance AND courtesy. And, as discussed before, there's a difference between ogling and checking out. One is rude and the other normal.

And given that the OP is pregnant, it's a little late to just walk out. He chose to be with her and she with him. Now doesn't come the time to undo what's done but rather to work together. It would be better for them to try to stick it out (given the particular 'problem' that is happening) - meaning that if she comes to him with a problem, even a little emotional and hormonal, that he can't just write her off and shut down.

If someone says you are doing something that bothers them, it is self-righteous and wrong to ALWAYS assume that the problem lies with the other person. Which is what is happening when we say that... when a man ogles a woman in front of his partner and then, finding she dislikes it, blames it on her insecurities, not even considering the fact that he might also have been rude.

For clarification: The OP is a now a new mother.

Congratulations to her!

Now there won't be time for either of them to worry about such things.

Don't you love it when they create multiple threads on a single topic...

On the other hand.. congratulations to the new mom.

>edited and merged with older threads<

We're going to make it to 2 years together, but I don't think we're going to last. We have so much love for each other. We have been fighting all the time about the same thing. I know I don't want this, but I can't leave him. I keep having the same dream that I'm trying to call my boyfriend, but can't get connected to him. What does that mean?

What are you fighting about now?

Well I'm asking this question because that's how I feel ,I don't believe my boyfriend finds me attractive or pretty etc but he says he loves me for what I done for him . I talk about it before he checks out other girls ,don't tell me I'm pretty, now I found that his looking at naked girl pic like porn but just pictures. So I asked him wats my best feature.. wat does he like of me&he didn't know what to say, he said he sees me everyday &didn't know what else to say .he said that was his first time it don't mean his cheating . I just want to know if this is normal&what does it mean that he has too look at those girls in the internet if he has me . Is it time to let him go ? Please don't judge because iknow I have low self estem &his no help. He makes me feel ugly and not wanted.

Yourself esteem is what makes you feel that way, so why not work on that so you won't need some one to make you feel confident, and valued. Then you won't feel you have to compete with images and pictures, and other females. Then you could enjoy your time together. You need a guy who knows how to keep you reassured in a nice consistent way.

Is that what you argue about?

You seem to be consistently and over the long term unhappy. Do you feel like you are always unhappy in this relationship?

I think Backpack hit it on the head - you appear to be consistently unhappy. If you are looking to someone else for happiness you will always be unhappy - feel better about yourself and you will be a happier person.

If your boyfriend makes you feel ugly and unwanted, why are you with him? I know I would not stay with someone who made me unhappy; likewise, if someone kept asking me if I thought he was attractive his "neediness" would drive me away.

You need to excel in something, find happiness outside your relationship.

It means he doesn't like you anymore, or is interested in someone else.

Your self esteem is what makes you feel that way, so why not work on that so you won't need some one to make you feel confident, and valued. Then you won't feel you have to compete with images and pictures, and other females. Then you could enjoy your time together. You need a guy who knows how to keep you reassured in a nice consistent way.

Is that what you argue about?


Yess how do I do that ,it breaks my heart that we are over, he hurts my feelings all the time ,if I cry he gets mad &start yelling, I don't know why he has to be this way if I did so much for him :(

it means he doesn't like you anymore, or is interested in someone else.

Then y doesn't he tell me so I can leave

Ms. Kiara-Morales is 12 or 13 years old. I have no idea why she's posting on an adult board.

She also has problems of her own. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/personal-help-742571.html

Interestingly, she also has paper stuck in her ear.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to her advice.

Ms. Kiara-Morales is 12 or 13 years old. I have no idea why she's posting on an adult board.

She also has problems of her own. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/personal-help-742571.html

Interestingly, she also has paper stuck in her ear.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to her advice.

Out of greernies...

Out of greernies.......


How can I delete all my threads ,

You can't - it's one of the things you agreed to when you signed up.

If you stop responding the thread will just die.

This latest response, of course, will get responses and it will become "live" again.

I have a child who is 11 months old, I don't know if you are young or not but I had my first child when I was 21 with a man I had been with for 7 years prior, we are still together but when I was pregnant it was the hardest thing our relationship had to go through. He acted strange and like he was on "auto pilot", we talked about it and I was told because he had been acting strange because well... having a baby at a younger age is a lot of work! Talk to him and see how he is feeling, since we had that talk when I was 7 months pregnant our relationship has strengthened and has been a lot better! :)