Have ben w this guy for 7 years off and on. Main reason why we broke up so much he's a pot head and I'm against drugs. I'm a crossfit addict, I workout 5-7 times a week, soon to be graduating from a 2nd Bachelor. Nursing is for me a dream career.

Lately things seem a little off. I found a message he send a girl on fb (clearly flirting). When I ask him I felt he was distant. He couldn't reply. I mention the message, he threaded to leave me. He smokes 5+ times a day, lately his sex drive is way down. I have ben making him supper every day since sept... I rarely have a orgasm w him. Over the years he said he realize he was a jerk & was planning to stop drugs... (He smokes more now, than ever).

So the fight when on... him telling me all the insults you can think about. I'm abnormal to workout so much. Have no friends, I'm negative... bla bla bla When I mention that his friends consist of: a guy accused of pedophile (spends his wknds in jail), a guy who his girlfriend w a kid calls the cops reg on him and a guy who has 4 kids and has a open relationship... He freaks out, yelling for me to leave. I told him I gave him his key and was going to say everything I needed to say before I left...

The night ended w him yelling on top of his lungs... threatening to call the cops & his sister (who's not a friend of mine). He finally called the cops and ask her to come over w his ex, than call the cops. He was telling her that I hit him in the face (I didnt) I left. In shock how some people deal w issues. Still can't believe that this is how a 7 year relationship ended. I gave it everything I could have and more.

The worst part is I should have know better... A few weeks ago he was drinking... asking me to leave. He pushed me off the steps on the patio outside, My bag caught on the railling and I fell right on my face. I cried it hurt so much. He yelled at me to get up, telling me to stop faking. Until he seen My knees, hips and feet were bleeding.

Why do I always go back? I'm a positive person, have great friends, good marks and I know what I want in life. When I'm w him I feel drained and nervous. To the point that I want to puke. I guess that's what I feel when you gave your 100% to someone pick up the phone or go see them... and you never know what to expect. If they are going to be happy or cranky. When your scared to look at your phone to get another hate text or even worst no phone or text for months. I'm smart, why am I so confuse when it comes to him? Can I really be addicted to something that makes me feel so bad?

Am I going to be OK? Anyone having similar situations?

I think that you have stayed with this guy this long because, as evidenced by your exercising and academic successes and ambition/drive, you like to be in control and you like to know what to expect. Leaving him is a big unknown. But if you look at it differently, you will find that leaving him is an act of control in a very positive way. You clearly are the more driven and responsible of the two of you, so do not need him to survive or thrive. In fact, he is a drain on your success because you have to divide your accomplishments and share them with him since he doesn't have any of his own. Find your comfort in being single for a while, and keep up with the things you love doing. Find a guy who is similarly driven and accomplishment oriented, who is trustworth and sober. You have identified in this relationship that you value fitness, do not like drugs or drunkenness. Find a guy who has a clean lifestyle and will value and share in your commitment and passion for fitness. You like education, not being stoned all day. Get this jerk out of the way so that a guy with purpose and goals in life can find you. First sign of another drug user, put them out of your life. This is a great opportunity for you. Congratulations on the breakup because you just dumped some serious dead weight, and now are free to find a fun and rewarding, successful future.

The known is easier to deal with than the unknown. While he is no good, and you need to dump him, you keep going back since it is easier than finding someone new.

Time to look at him as excess weight in your healthy life. No boyfriend is better than this one.

I think that you have stayed with this guy this long because, as evidenced by your exercising and academic successes and ambition/drive, you like to be in control and you like to know what to expect. Leaving him is a big unknown. But if you look at it differently, you will find that leaving him is an act of control in a very positive way. You clearly are the more driven and responsible of the two of you, so do not need him to survive or thrive. In fact, he is a drain on your success because you have to divide your accomplishments and share them with him since he doesn't have any of his own. Find your comfort in being single for a while, and keep up with the things you love doing. Find a guy who is similarly driven and accomplishment oriented, who is trustworth and sober. You have identified in this relationship that you value fitness, do not like drugs or drunkeness. Find a guy who has a clean lifestyle and will value and share in your commitment and passion for fitness. You like education, not being stoned all day. Get this jerk out of the way so that a guy with purpose and goals in life can find you. First sign of another drug user, put them out of your life. This is a great opportunity for you. Congratulations on the breakup because you just dumped some serious dead weight, and now are free to find a fun and rewarding, successful future.


Thank you, so much for your comment. I know your right, I'm realizing I had so much expectations it's affecting how I see the relationship. I would never thought I would stay w someone who pushed me down the stairs. And, even worse would have to hear about how I threw myself down the stairs, on every argument after that. I have strong values, I know who I am as a person. When it comes to Love I'm not doing so well. Thanks, again xox

The known is easier to deal with than the unknown. While he is no good, and you need to dump him, you keep going back since it is easier than finding someone new.

time to look at him as excess weight in your healthy life. No boyfriend is better than this one.

Thank you, for your comment. Perhaps, this is my easy way out of dealing w all the hurt I'm going true. Going back all the time... All I know is it's got a stop, graduation is next month, I need, I want a be competent and not have a energy sucker in my life. Life so much more than that. I have great friends, a great career who'S just starting... I should be Grateful and not stuck in this low lifestyle.

Have a great day,
Thanks again :)

I'm just wondering if you know why people like him act the way they do? Why would a guy treat a woman that loves her so much like ?

Well, first he's an alcoholic and an addict. Besides the substances clouding his thinking, there's a whole makeup of attitudes and behaviors related to addicts. It's often said that even without the substances, there can be "addictive behaviors" that continue unless the person works really hard on them. If you read about the 12 steps for recovery, they are designed to help the person stay in the moment and also to take full responsibility for who they are and how they behave.

One of the main ones is lying, another cheating, another stealing, another is making excusers and blaming others, being unreliable and more. It's all about feeding and maintaining the addictive behaviors and avoiding embarrassment and humliation, and avoinding responsibility.

Sometimes healthy women find themselves involved with this type of man over and over. It can relate to how that woman grew up - if her family has a history of substance abuse, she may find she is at home with a man who's like the ones she grew up with, even if she hates the behaviors.

There's probably some value to you learning to understand him, but careful about giving him so much priority in your life. It's more important to understand this question - why did you allow an abusive, drug and alcohol addicted person to play such an important role in your life, when you had the choice not to? I suggest that you get some counseling so you can understand yourself better, and in that process you'll come to understand him better too, but that should not be the priority.