I met her in the college. We became friends. I liked her at the first go though she is not that pretty but still she had an impact on me. She used to talk less sit silent. Most of the times we didn't had anything to talk as being from diverse backgrounds. But still we loved each other’s company. We smoked together or sometime had a drink or so. Suddenly from my side it was totally building up. One day I kissed her after drink and we had good physical contact. After 2-3 days I asked her out and she was like sorry but I don't want a relationship and emotional touch with anyone. I just told her fine then we don't stay in friendship either.

2 days past again we were talking I couldn't resist talking to her. Again we used to hangout kiss sometimes. It was totally in love for me like. Then again we made out. I again indirectly told her about my feelings but still she showed the same signs. Again I was like ignoring her to forget her or to ignite feelings in her. But again somehow we went talking again. This time we became better friends spent almost 15 hours in a day with each other. Laughed, watched movies, made fun of each other made out with her again and again. She never used to let me go even for a minute, held my hand each time I went. We even used to eat together, sleep on the same bed for the night. Even when I told her I needed to go out of the town, she resisted and sometimes cried and told me not to.

After all this I thought I finally got her in my life. Now she loves me. Yesterday night I asked her out again. Do you love me? She told me the same thing she told me the first day. She said I don't see you that way we are just normal friends. I never had feelings for you. I’ll tell you last line hurts the most. And again I told her I swear on my mom I want come and talk to you again. And she said it was my mistake I gave you hopes that we could be lovers. This one was hurting too. Giving each other a farewell look (like in movies). We just parted our own ways that night.

I can’t figure out, how the hell she can’t have feelings? How did she compare me with other friends of hers? I just feel devastated holding a cup of brandy in my hand, looking for some respite. What’s the road ahead? We still have 6 months in the college together. I tried everything from Ignoring to loving. Don’t tell me to move on. Thanks in advance

You are just a friend, with some benefits for her to enjoy. Its you who are not enjoying it, so leave it alone because making out and a few laughs is all you get.

I would enjoy it while it lasts and take some good memories with me after I graduated. Or have the good sense to stop playing with your own head with foolish notions of love and romance.