I am a 21 yr old girl. I have been dating a guy since 3.5 yrs. Long distance. Before him I have had 4 bfs but had just made out with them so in a way they were just flings. For the first time I have come in a serious relationship and I truly love the guy. I am his first girlfriend. We have had sex and have talked about marriage too. The guy doesn't know about my previous flings.

It was going really well. Or at least I thought so. And a few months back I found out the guy has been cheating on me since the past 1 yr. He met a girl in the summers and they made out then. After which he was in a long distance with this other girl too. He used to talk on the phone and after a year he met her again and they made out again. Had I not found out about this he would have had sex with her too.

Since the time I found about this he has been pleading me to take him back. I guess I was so much in love with him that I did take him back. But a part of me hasn't forgiven him. Even though he constantly tells me nothing like that would ever happen again. That it was a weakness which has been highlighted and now it won't ever come back. That I just need to trust him again once more and everything would be like it was previously. He hasn't paid any attention to the other girl. He completely cut off all his contacts and has just been trying to make me fine with the whole thing.

I have forgiven him and we are together but there is a part of me which is still scared. What if it happens again?
Also, I guess a reason for me forgiving him was that I felt I have done things with other guys before and he doesn't know about it, so in a way I felt guilty about the whole thing. Now I don't know how to get over the fact that he cheated on me when I know that each moment he's just trying to convince he that it was just a moment of weakness and that he truly loves me. Please help!

Should I be fine with it because there are things about me he doesn't know too. Or should I break up with him just because I am not able to get past him cheating on me? Or should I try and become fine with the fact that he cheated on me and trust him again properly?

This is all up to you... forgive him or not? How much does it really bother you?

Of course, the points to keep in mind:

1) You say you forgave him because you had done things with other guys. That is some terrible reasoning because you had done things before you met him. How could you feel guilty for something you did before he was even around? What happened before him is no concern of his and you should not be feeling guilty for any of it.

2) He cheated with a girl and had a long distance relationship with her and only stopped it because you found out. He didn't feel bad and stop... he only did it because you found out. You know he was going to have sex with her... How do you know he didn't? Did he really feel guilty? I doubt it. Only guilty because he was caught.

3) He calls this cheating a weakness. In actuality, a weakness is more like a one time thing (and even that I don't believe could be true). A weakness is not something that continues for a year.

He will probably wind up doing this again. Maybe not but it is very likely that he will. You took him back and that shows him that he can get away with it. You ask if you should break up because you can't get past what he did. If it still bothers you now, it will probably always bother you and will get worse as time goes on.

You have some thinking to do.

Thank you so much for your help.

I know he didn't have sex with her because the girl told me.

How to break up with a guy I have dated for 3.5 yrs?

Based on your other question about him, just tell him that you can't deal with what he out you through and you can no longer trust him.

Based on your other question about him, just tell him that you can't deal with what he out you through and you can no longer trust him.

But its not that simple. Right now I had a talk with him and questioned about the things you told me. He said he doesn't have an answer for what he did back then. He made a mistake n that he's sorry for it. He said he wants us to look ahead n make things perfect like they were before. Also, his sis knows about us and he is going to tell his parents also soon.

N I do love him. I have been angry with him but have not stopped loving him.

Your previous flings are none of his business but his cheating with this girl is yours. He stopped because he got caught. It would be hard to trust him again no matter how much you love him. There is no magic answer.



I'm sure you do love him.
Things will not be the same because he cheated and you don't trust him and it is silly and selfish of him to think you can just get over it and move forward. He needs to regain your trust.
There is no need to post another question. Keep these in the same place.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-should-do-712287.html#post3309183

Anyone who you date before this relationship is your past life. People you date during your exclusive relationship with someone would be considered cheating. If you think it was OK for him to seek out another person and carry on a relationship with him, then stay with him. If that is not OK with you, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Don't equate sex with love. You can have a fling that includes sex, or does not. You can date and have relationships without sex. Make sure you understand that. Sex does not equal love.