Hi! I'm new on this website. And I'm hoping you guys can help me out.
I'm in a relationship with a Muslim man,a different religion form mine as I'm a Roman Catholic. We've been together for three years now and I'm really tired of his possessive ways. I've tried compromising and accommodating his ways but I always end up being utterly unhappy and disappointing him. At least, that's what he always told me.
I got to know him through an "accidental" text message. I was 18 then so being young and curious, we started texting each other and eventually fell in love after some time despite not having met him yet. Later, I found out that he's actually 19 years older than me. But I thought age shouldn't matter, right? As usual, everything started very rosy. He was romantic, caring, thoughtful... everything a girl would want in a man.

A few months later, that's when everything started. He started telling me not to wear clothes which showed off my legs, arms, cleavage, etc. claiming that "my body is only for his eyes". Thinking that he was being sweet, I agreed. On top of that, being with a Muslim meant girls have to be modest by being covered up and all. So I understood. After that, he started checking on me like asking me who was I hanging out with, where was I, what was I doing and stuff like that. If I told him like I'm packing up the stuff in my room, he'll get mad for me not telling him what exactly was I packing. Like am I suppose to tell him I'm packing my accessories, folding my clothes, etc. It's ridiculous! He stopped me from having any contact with males and even told me of some of my girlfriends that he don't want me to hang out with. He'll also check my mobile whenever he's unhappy about something saying that there shouldn't be a single secret between us. But I'm entitled to my own privacy, right? Apparently, there's no such thing as privacy when it comes to him about me. But when I asked for his mobile and personal details like where he's working or staying, he's refused to tell me saying that it wasn't time yet. Like is there even a right time for these kind of things??

As the months passed, things got worse. We were always quarreling and arguing and he's always giving me cold war. I find myself constantly giving in and apologizing before he's ready to forget about it. He always made it seem like he's the bigger person for having to forget all the wrong things I've done but actually, I'm just giving in because I didn't want to prolong the fight. Whenever I didn't do what he expected and wanted, he'll blow his top. He called me horrible names like /slut/whore/cheap bastard/prostitute and so on. I got really hurt and upset each time and he'll apologize and leave it at that. When I don't accept his apology, he'll be really sad at first and I'll feel really bad and forgive him. Nowadays, he'll be like "I've already apologized. If you don't forgive me, there's nothing i can do. Take it or leave it." He even hit me a few times when things really got heated up. I threatened to leave him and the hitting stopped but I still find myself afraid of him whenever we quarrel face to face. I have this fear that he'll swing at me anytime.

I eventually got tired of all these one day and left him. It hurts like mad because I love him so much. He's my first boyfriend by the way. I made a mistake by contacting and meeting him after the break up. I couldn't let go you see. I still wanted to be friends. Eventually, he managed to "psycho" me to get back to him so I did..
Stupid me right? But I tried to make him compromise and I seriously thought he was going to change. Little did I know he agreed to everything just because he wanted me back. He put on a really nice dramatic show of his emotions and how much he loves me when he begged me to take him back. He even threatened to kill himself. I felt stuck and sorry for him that's why I took him back.. and I still love him. Things were okay for a couple of weeks after we got back together but after that,we were back to the same old..
I felt so suffocated I started lying to him. He found out this once and never trusted me ever since. The verbal abuse got way out of hand.I'm just hurt emotionally and mentally. I've lost some of my confidence and don't have as many friends now. He made me feel lousy about myself. He's always going on about how imperfect my family is and how perfect his is. And even though I'm holding a GPA of 3.4-3.8, he still puts me down staying that I'm not among the top students so there's nothing much to be proud of.. Such an , right? I mean everyone says I'm smart except him and I somehow actually believe him at times..

Recently,I confessed about lying to him about an outing. It was my birthday and I was staying the night at a chalet planned by my cousin. Of course I couldn't tell him because he'll blow his top. According to him, I'm not allowed out of the house after 7pm. So I lied and only told him the truth after everything. I didn't mean to lie to him. I just can't bring myself to tell him at that time. So he's giving me a hard time now and he said that he'll never forgive me and he'll make me live with this guilt all my life. What the heck? How are you able to be with someone you can't forgive right?
I'm really tired and want to give up everything. I tried leaving him a few times but he won't let me. He has a way of manipulating my feelings. How do I finally break up with him for good without falling apart? I still love him. And how do I handle his dramatic emotional breakdown and threat to commit suicide when I do break up with him? How do I tell him all the reasons for me wanting to leave him without sounding like a granny? Please help. Thanks!

You ignore his threats if you break up, he is being chldish and it is just a method of control. It is a common method if threats don't work.

In fact this is only going to get worst and worst, you are in his eyes basically property to own and control. He expects you to follow all his rules and do what ever he says.

You can't break up without falling apart because it naturally occurs for people who are in love. But whether you can stay broken up or not depends solely on you.

I can tell you that I know how hard it may be to break up, then just feel lonely, guilty and all these others emotions that gets you back to the same couple but in doing so will only repeat the cycle of unhappiness which you are currently stuck in.

The only way you can get out of it is too stop break up permanently and it will be hard where on times you feel you're the saddest person in the world having no-one and being with no one and this is why I think people get back to their old relationships that seem not to work...

You can only break up with him and worry for yourself if you want to get through it. You can't continue to worry for him if you want to break up. Its easier said then done, but you just need to do it.