Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months now we are in a very committed relationship.I am 20 and he is 26.he is very lovey dovey and catering to me.I have learned to be the same with him.my love for him is so deep I wish he would hurry and ask me to marry him.he just bought a house amd has incinuated that when he is done fixing it he would ask me to marry him but I act like I'm in no hurry and brush him off, but inside I'm jumping in joy.because of his job he is away a lot.I see him probably a week or two out of the month.when he is gone I feel very lonely and frustrated.ii feel like I'm going to go crazy.. sooo crazy that I want to break up with him so then maybe he will react and ask me to be with him.I may sound crazy but I know and I feel his strong love for me but I feel like its not enough.I need him here with me.I can't stay a night with him yet because we are not married.but how can I let him know that I want us to be married as soon as possible without pressuring him. I probably give him the idea that I'm just going with the flow or that I'm careless.but I do that to protect the real vulnerable me , which I am very sentimental and deeply in love with him.

Eight months isn't very long.

At 8 months you don't even really know him.

Next you are not being honest, you are still acting 14, playing games, he hints about marriage, instead of being honest and talking to him, you brush it off, so what does he think ? You are not interested so he may just figure no need in talking about it for a long time, or ever

Agree with above! You act coy and you want him to protest and beg, like someone out of a Victorian novel. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he takes your little lies at face value? Be honest. Say oh I can't wait until the house is finished, and if you ask me to marry you, I have my answer all ready, in fact, I don't care if the house is finished or not, I'll help you work on it!

Agree with above! You act coy and you want him to protest and beg, like someone out of a Victorian novel. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he takes your little lies at face value? Be honest. Say oh I can't wait til the house is finished, and if you ask me to marry you, I have my answer all ready, in fact, I don't care if the house is finished or not, I'll help you work on it!


Your right.thank you for the harsh advice... lol its sound so easy to say but there's a reason why I act that way and it's the fear of getting excited for something then getting played for a fool like I was in the past with another person.. not regarding marriage because it had never came up till now with this wonderful man.I will try and show my true feelings and let him know how much I desire to be with him.and from there it will be on him.thank you joypulv

I think you need to do a few things. First, get some perspective. It's great that you care so much for him and he cares for you, but you need more time because you are really infatuated and I think in love with the idea of being in love. This kind of neediness and "I can't live without you" stuff sometimes signals real love, but more often, it just signals desperation. It will take a lot more time before you can be sure that you're in love with him and are compatible with him before you can consider marriage. For one thing, you need to be able to enjoy and feel good about him when he's away from you, as well as with you. You also need to feel confident that you can not worry about what he's doing or thinking when you are apart because you are too busy pursuing your own goals and interests when he's not there. There's a calm that comes with true love - a quiet security and confidence in yourself and one another, and I don't think you've found that yet. That needs to be there before you will be ready for marriage. Even when he is around, it's exhausting to be clung to and constantly have to attend to, reassure, cuddle, acknowledge... sometimes it's nice just to be in the same house and do things separately, or to go to a party together but go your own ways and talk on the way home about the separate conversations you had with other people, tell the joke you heard that was funny and so on. This glued-together business just wears people out if it's expected of them, and makes the rest of the people nauseous.

I'm also concerned about the gamesmanship. You want to marry him so are considering breaking up so that he will see the light and beg you? You are reading too many romance novels. That's ridiculous. He's either going to believe you don't want to be with him, and go find someone who does; or, he's going to recognize the truth that you are gaming him and determine, accurately, that you're too immature for him to marry. How about recognizing you aren't ready for marriage, but tell him honestly how you feel: "I am glad to hear you mention marriage because I feel really good about us and I hope that we'll be married one day, too."

And this business of being aloof when he brings up marriage, but wanting him to make a bigger commitment? That's really ridiculous. If you react like a cold fish to him putting his heart on the coffee table, well - he's not going to put it out there anymore. You're messing with his emotions and we don't treat people we love in that way.