I was married and adopted a child from my wife's previous marriage. We are now divorced, I don't get to see the child and pay child support. Can I give up my rights to the child?

When I was married, I adpoted my wife's daughter she had from a previous marriage. We have now been divorced for 5 years and I've only been able to see her a handful of times. I've taken her to court and filed interfernce with child custody on numerous occasions but she does not follow through with it. I pay her child support and still nothing. She changes her number and moves every time I found out any of them. I live a state away and am and have been willing to travel to see the child but she runs every time. I can not afford an attorney any longer and need to support my family now and am not able to do so with most of my paycheck going to her. Can I relinquish my rights and responsibilties to be able to do so?

No, but you can ask for parenting time.

You are aware there's a moral responsibility to honor your commitment to your son or daughter, right? And you are aware that there should be no difference between whether you adopted or biologically parented the child in terms of how you view/treat/consider them? I hope someone straightens out your thinking before you irreparably hurt this child with your rejection. Wow.

No, but you can ask for parenting time.

You are aware there's a moral responsibility to honor your commitment to your son or daughter, right? And you are aware that there should be no difference between whether you adopted or biologically parented the child in terms of how you view/treat/consider them? I hope someone straightens out your thinking before you irreparably hurt this child with your rejection. Wow.

Sorry I didn't put the specifics of this question. I posted again. Maybe that will you give you a better understanding of what I am going through...

Threads merged.

You cannot give up your rights to a child unless someone else is willing to adopt---and this is true whether the child is adopted or biological.

If you can't afford your child support, go to court to get it modified.

If she won't let you have your court-ordered visitation, go to court and have her held in contempt for both alienation and not following the terms of the court order. If she violates it enough times, she could go to jail for it and you could get primary custody.

But you can't hand off a child like a dog just because you don't get visitation time or have to pay child support. Any new family started after you have a child support payment should always factor in that you'll be making that payment until the child is an adult. In other words, having more kids does not negate the obligation you have to the child you already had.

This is why adoption is not easy. When you adopt a child you commit to being the parent of that child just the same as when you biologically create a child.

There is a myth that a parent can give up rights to a child, but its only a myth. So what you have to do is fight for the right to see your child. If you can't find her, then file parental kidnapping charges. Go to court (you don't need an attorney, it just helps) ask the court to have her arrested for contempt of court. Keep pushing until you get a judge who get disgusted with her attitude. Try to get your child support modified.

But you are not going to get your rights terminated or your support obligation ended. So fight for your rights.

I have a friend who's been going through something similar in Wisconsin. I am not an attorney but am a paralegal and tried to help him as best I could without giving him legal advice. What paralegals do best is organize information and that's what I helped him do. The goal was to make this as easy as possible for his attorney to follow up on.

What we did was to sit down (it took many hours) and make a chronology of the wife's alienating behaviors. I had told him long ago to save returned mail, keep his emails, and obtain phone logs from his cell phone provider. He also has been keeping a diary.

Using blank calendars for the past two years , my friend and I documented every phone call he made, every email he sent and whether his children answered or responded. We also documented every attempt he made whether through court, letters to the spouse or her attorney, etc. to arrange to see his children. We documented every returned letter and gift (she refused delivery) he had sent to his children over many years - all of which he kept. We cataloged each item as an exhibit and had over 300 exhibits. We also included things like pediatrician appointments she invited him to (because she was ordered to do so) but then rescheduled without telling him.

He had also been reporting to the police each time that she failed to show up to deliver the children for visitation and filed reports.

It would have cost him a great deal for his attorney to do this, and the attorney in this case was a bit lazy anyway. Doing it for him made it a no brainer for him to go in and make a strong case for a pattern of alienating behaviors.

With all of this chronological, backed up with proof, and presented in a very organized fashion, the judge awarded full legal and residential custody of both children to my friend. The wife was given supervised visitation and scheduled daily phone calls with the children as well as two weeks in jail for several counts of contempt, and a child support order.

Like I say, I'm not a lawyer, but I've spent a lot of time observing family court and what I have noticed is that when clients are very organized and keep good records in situations like this, and present things in a clear, factual manner to their attorneys, they seem to get a better outcome pretty often. It's not that attorneys can't do all of this, but often clients cannot afford to pay all the hours it takes, or the clients get emotional and are all over the map explaining what has happened. What can also happen is that clients withhold key information from their attorney thinking it's going to hurt them or is not important. Some clients give every single detail but do so in rambling phone calls and arguments instead of an organized and focus way.

I hope this insight is of some help to you, but never replaces a good lawyer.

I hope this insight is of some help to you, but never replaces a good lawyer.

Excellent response!

The key here is knowing what information the courts will accept and to make sure its presented in a way they will accept.

Too often parties go into court and just testify that he did this or she did that without proper foundation. An attorney doesn't need to prepare all this, but someone with knowledge of the courts and the law does need to advise the party what they need to submit and how to prepare it.

As you say the party to the court action can do the prep (and avoid attorney fees), but if its not prepared properly the courts will ignore it.

Thank you all very much. This has been VERY helpful and I know it's hard to believe for some of you but I am not just giving up. I've been trying what I know for 5 years with hardly any results. Including keeping records. Everything I sent was through certified mail and return receipt requests. I've already beent to court numerous times but living out of state does make it hard. I did not know she could be held in contempt for this or serve any kind of jail time. I have had the police involved at times but they seem to always side with her and her lies. But now I know of other things to try as well. I don't like having to even think of giving my rights up but what you don't understand is I haven't seen my daughter in two years! I'm broken hearted about it but honeslty didn't think there was much more I could do. Thanks again for the advice.

I had written a longer response to my previosus response but hit "post quick answer" :( But as for the modification. I have done this. They are now actually planning to take more because I recently received a promotion. I honestly thought it was illegal to take more than half of my paychecks but they do. I work construction so I rarely get the full 40 hours a week but they are going by my hourly wage and the fact that I "should" be getting 40 hours. I've sent in my tax forms to prove otherwise and every other document they've asked for with nothing but the run aroudn. And dealing with two states of ORS is a job in iteself lol. I actually even started sending the documents one asked for to both, just because I got the excuese of well you should've sent it here or there.
I also know that having another family after I divorced my ex 5 years ago was my choice. I am not "handing my daughter off like a dog" I just became so frustrated and didn't think there was much more I could do without having my family now go without.
I have felt like a failure in my marriage now because I can barely provide like a husband/father should be able to and because I couldn't seem to find a way to have my daughter part of this. I am definitely going to keep trying with all of this new advice and pray that it works and that my daughter will know how much I've tried to see her despite what her mother is telling her about me.

One thing that may help is requesting telephonic attendance at hearings. Since this is a civil matter the police don't care much. You need a court to issue a contempt citation and arrest warrant for the police to act. Parental kidnapping is illegal in the US (What Constitutes Parental Kidnapping? - Attorneys.com (http://www.attorneys.com/child-custody/what-constitutes-parental-kidnapping/)).

Good luck and keep us posted.