First, I am not looking for a speech. I understand WAY more than most how unhealthy this is.

I cut myself. Was several times daily, but since starting therapy only doing it once a day, and actually skipped today. 10 minutes and it'll be a full 24 hours.

A few questions
1. I have a vericous vein I cut, and found a new vein last night and cut it. I bled, but not like my other v.v's, today it hurts and there is a soft lump under the cut. It doesn't look infected. I clean and disinfectant each cut, and keep antibiotic ointment on them. What could this lump be?

2. Today my other leg keeps getting a Charlie horse, in the upper thigh area, and my lower stomach below my belly button is getting Charlie horses too. The only thing I could find was tetanus, but use clean, not rusty razors. I do reuse them for a few days, but soak them in alcohol and dry. I have TMJ and there isn't any difference in my jaw pain/cracking. What could the Charlie horses be from?

Last 3.In the very off chance I decided to seek out medical attention, can you be forced into a psychiatric hospital even if you're not suicidal. I AM in therapy once a week. Was on celexa but broke out in a rash, and my psychiatrist hates me and doesn't even want to treat me with pills and only wants me to do dbt(but there are no local dbt groups, just "talk" therapy) She could give a crap how depressed I am or how bad my panic attacks are. They said they were going to give me cymbalta, but now they won't return my calls. No other option as this is a state run center and my insurance(state) won't cover anyone else.

If it matters I have BPD, GAD, PTSD, and clinical depression

No, just for cutting you will not be sent in patient for mental valuation, you would have to be a danger to your own life or the life of others.

Next you are already seeking medical counseling and if there is a issue, the hospital can confirm that with them.

I well may be an infection, really sounds like that, and even clean knife or razor sometimes can cause it, I almost lost a finger from a new shaving razor once that got infected.

I've been admitted before and it was a ridiculously scary experience. Not really up to go back.

I'm thinking about heading to urgent care when they open at 9 because that spot went from not looking infected to me squeezing it, and it draining pus.. so that's a pretty obvious sign of infection. Weird though because it isn't overly red, just a swollen lump.

Thanks for not being judgemental by the way. Not trying to sound like I'm in denial. I've just heard it all, and I know what it can do. First infection thought. Fingers crossed maybe this will kick my butt into stopping. Blah