I hate my mother but at the same time I respect her. I tend to do self-destructive things just to make her upset. I know I am hurting myself and I should not hate my mother but I don't know how to change. I frankly wonder if it is even possible to change. What should I do?

I have the same feeling as you..
I always argue with her... and it really hurts...

I guess spend more time with her...
Since as watch a movie or something...

As a mother myself I can give you a few ideas to make her feel better as well as yourself it is never to late to repair or mend the damage as mothers love their children even when the children are at their worse.
A homemade card is very precious make sure you say the things she has done for you that you will always remember (good things).
Sometimes we get so tired of cleaning, cooking, taking care of everyone else and at times we love even just a cup of tea that our kids make and bring to us.
Just to have time and maybe even play a game or just take a walk with mothers is nice.
BUT! THE BIGGEST GIFT OF ALL IS WHEN JUST OUT OF THE BLUE WE HEAR MOM I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I GET UPSET... FOR MOM YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR ME.
Those simple little things you could do is the beginning of making amends and please remember this.
Those things you say and do now that you know would hurt your parent will always stick in your mind when your mother has passed on... you can't truly understand the pain it causes but one day when you are a parent yourself and your children get to what I call the (mouth stage of I can't stand you mom) you will only then know the sorrow it brings.
I am presuming you are young and probley still in teens, but even if your not it still holds true.