View Full Version : Desecration of my child's grave
amazinggrace
Oct 6, 2012, 12:10 AM
The cemetery where I buried my child buried another baby in the SAME grave as my child. My ex-husband of 20 years conned the cemetery into burying his grandson of another marriage in my child's grave. They dug up my child's grave to put this other child in.The cemetery is a township cemetery and they say they are not liable because of government immunity. I am devastated. I've had no contact with my ex-husband for 20 years, and he committed this horrible atrocity. He had NO permission from me to do this. I own the deed. What can I do?
Fr_Chuck
Oct 6, 2012, 01:56 AM
Of course THEY are going to tell you that you can sue them, So are they going to remove the other body ? Or give you a new plot and rebury your child ?
If not sue them for the costs of doing this at another location. Of course they are liable if they broke the law. Being a government does not protect them if they break the law.
ScottGem
Oct 6, 2012, 05:06 AM
Consult a local attorney. While governments are immune against some law suits, they are not immune against negligence suits. And this appears to be a clear case of negligence.
Shop around for an attorney. I would suspect you can find one to take this on contingency since it appears pretty clear from what you have posted. You should sue the agency that manages the cemetery AND your ex.
Fr_Chuck
Oct 6, 2012, 05:30 AM
Also, your attorney may know if the cemetery management and/or your ex broke any laws, since you hold deed to the land, there may well be come criminal issues involved also
AK lawyer
Oct 6, 2012, 07:01 AM
Consult a local attorney. While governments are immune against some law suits, they are not immune against negligence suits. And this appears to be a clear case of negligence.
...
Actually, they may be immune from negligence (It all depends on how the waiver of immunity statute is written.), this doesn't appear to be negligence. From what OP writes, it's intentional.
If the local government is immune, the government employees might not be.
So yes, consult an attorney.
amazinggrace
Oct 6, 2012, 12:27 PM
AHH, there lies the rub...
I did have an attorney, and he thought this would be an "Easy Money" thing. (Like most lawyers) The cemetery is standing their ground. They are not doing ANYTHING unless we take them to court.
Unfortunately. Like millions of people, we do not have the funds to pursue the civil tort, so I must accept the situation and grieve. The common woman without means can do nothing. It takes a lot of money to sue. My lawyer told me he could do it for $10,000.00 or more. That's out of my league. The cemetery knows this, and they are protected.
You know, when they bury a baby it is not like an adult. They bury a baby in a pretty decorated plywood box, with no concrete surround. He`was buried 21 years ago, and I am realist enough to know that there was nothing left but dust and bones in that amount of time. All that was holding him together was the sacred earth. They dug his grave with a back-hoe to put thisother child in. He is scattered. He was only 3 months old.
I can't believe this desecration. I go from great anger, to deep, deep sorrow. Love does not stop. He was my child.
I thank you ALL so much for listening to my plight. At least I know that someone cares a little. I'm undone.
JudyKayTee
Oct 6, 2012, 01:09 PM
I'm, quickly frankly, shocked.
I know I read this but this is a plot YOU paid for, right?
Does the cemetery have ANY explanation - other than (apparently), whoops!
I know my experience is not the same BUT I happened to be in the cemetery looking at my late husband's grave when the monument people showed up to install the "new" headstone. He already had the headstone he wanted (we knew he was going to die). His daughter wanted a headstone with the Star of David on it, selected, ordered and paid for a new stone and the monument "people" were there to remove "mine" and install "hers." I couldn't believe it.
And nobody called me.
So maybe cemeteries run wild whenever it suits their purpose - ?
AK lawyer
Oct 6, 2012, 01:21 PM
... I am realist enough to know that there was nothing left but dust and bones in that amount of time. ... He is scattered. He was only 3 months old. ...
He is in heaven. His earthly remains are scattered.
Have you considered criminal charges for grave desecration? Because, really, that would be your remedy anyway. If you had a zillion dollars for lawyers, it is still doubtful that you could prevail in a civil case. You cannot really show money damages. The best you could hope for would be
an order that they restore the grave to the way it was before (perhaps impossible anyway); and
punitive damages. Punitive damages may very well be prohibited by the statute granting an exception to sovereign immunity.
amazinggrace
Oct 6, 2012, 05:06 PM
Thank you all.
My ex was smart enough to hide this from me for 13 years. I visit the family plot every year. In August, this year, I discovered the mother of this child ordered a gravestone and had it delivered. It is almost on top of my son's gravestone. It was not there last year. I guess she thought no one visited anymore. She was wrong.
The statute of limitations (7 Years) prevents the police from doing anything about it. The deed is mine. It is a family plot. My mother and father are buried there also. So, he did this to all of us. I am very ashamed of this fact.
It is so awful not to be able to do anything. My ex and his daughter are ultimately responsible for going to the cemetery and committing fraud. But even though it happened 13 years ago, it is new, and very raw yet, because I just found out about it.
Judy, I'm sorry they did that to you. I guess they can get away with anything they want. My child's grave was for him, and him alone. I know he's in heaven, but I'm his mother, and that's what mothers do; they fight for their children.
I've called the media (News, radio, the Governor, the Attorney General) All I got was silence and form letters.
It's a real judgement on society, that no one cares about a beautiful baby's grave.
Any other ideas? I need help.
Thank you.
Fr_Chuck
Oct 6, 2012, 06:11 PM
Push this with the DA, the crime was first discovered, there may be a loophole the DA can use.
But sue for mental stress even if I lost, I would have then in civil court. If nothing, I would make a sign and be out front picketing them, till perhaps you get some additional notice, if there is some non profit or religious group you belong to, see if they can help put pressure.
smearcase
Oct 7, 2012, 11:39 AM
This is supposed to be a list of agencies in each state that have authority over cemeteries:
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/rulemaking/funeral/comments/CEMETERY99-ExhB.pdf
I'm not sure what any of them could do to for you at this point but may be worth a try.