I'm adopted and not sure about legality of it but when my father passed away his girlfriend won't allow me to have anything of his including his ashes he didn't have a will or living trust and my older brother wants nothing to do with it how do I reclaim his things and ashes its not like I want to take everything just the things that mean something to me after my dad died I thought everything was going to be OK with her and I in regards to my dads things but very shortly after he passed she moved her boyfriend into the house and was allowing him to not only use a lot of my dads thing but I found out she had given some of them to him and sold some others I was also living in the same domain as her and my dad and now her and her new boyfriend and couldn't stay there and watch it so when I moved I tried to get some of the things he left behind like family pics his leather crafting tools his ashes and a couple other things and was told I had no rite and she would call the cops and have me put in jail for robbery due to the house being her moms and me not having proof that I lived there or that those thing where even my dads except for the Harley truck which prior to this I had helped pay off so it didn't get re possessed and said she could keep it but there are harley motor bikes and other items I still want mainly my dads ashes so how do I do this without a attorney because I am unable to pay for one. PLEASE HELP ME! gain some kind of ground on this! Thank you so much SIGNED AKA POWER CHIMP OTTA CALIFORNIA

I"m adopted and not sure about legality of it but when my father passed away his girlfriend wont allow me to have anything of his including his ashes he didn't have a will or living trust and my older brother wants nothing to do with it how do i reclaim his things and ashes its not like i want to take everything just the things that mean something to me after my dad died i thought everything was going to be OK with her and i in regards to my dads things but very shortly after he passed she moved her boyfriend into the house and was allowing him to not only use a lot of my dads thing but i found out she had given some of them to him and sold some others i was also living in the same domain as her and my dad and now her and her new boyfriend and couldn't stay there and watch it so when i moved i tried to get some of the things he left behind like family pics his leather crafting tools his ashes and a couple other things and was told i had no rite and she would call the cops and have me put in jail for robbery due to the house being her moms and me not having proof that i lived there or that those thing where even my dads except for the Harley truck which prior to this i had helped pay off so it didn't get re possessed and said she could keep it but there are harley motor bikes and other items i still want mainly my dads ashes so how do i do this without a attorney because i am unable to pay for one. PLEASE HELP ME !!gain some kind of ground on this!! thank you so much SIGNED AKA POWER CHIMP OTTA CALIFORNIA


Who owned the house? You say "ex-girlfriend." Did she become his "ex" prior to his death or do you mean "surviving girlfriend."

She has no legal rights here. How did she manage to get your Dad's ashes? Where does the Probate process stand? Is she claiming that everything in the house is hers - she either bought it OR it was gifted to her?

I don't think you can do this without an Attorney.

Adoption has nothing to do with this - he was your legal father.

CA Probate Code 6400 for intestate estates mentions 'surviving domestic partner,'
Sec. 37. (a) "Domestic partner" means one of two persons who have filed
A Declaration of Domestic Partnership with the Secretary of State
Pursuant to Division 2.5 (commencing with Section 297) of the Family
Code, provided that the domestic partnership has not been terminated
Pursuant to Section 299 of the Family Code.

If she was his domestic partner, she gets 1/3 and you and your brother get 1/3 each, and he can give his to you.
If she wasn't, she gets nothing of his and you and your brother inherit it equally. Proving what was in his name might be tough. Titles might be forged and so on!
You can go to Probate Court and apply to be executor.
Getting her to stop selling vehicles and other property might take hiring a lawyer, and suing her for money she received from selling them might be required.

CA Probate Code 6400 for intestate estates mentions 'surviving domestic partner,'
Sec. 37. (a) "Domestic partner" means one of two persons who have filed
a Declaration of Domestic Partnership with the Secretary of State
pursuant to Division 2.5 (commencing with Section 297) of the Family
Code, provided that the domestic partnership has not been terminated
pursuant to Section 299 of the Family Code.

If she was his domestic partner, she gets 1/3 and you and your brother get 1/3 each, and he can give his to you.
If she wasn't, she gets nothing of his and you and your brother inherit it equally. Proving what was in his name might be tough. Titles might be forged and so on!
You can go to Probate Court and apply to be executor.
Getting her to stop selling vehicles and other property might take hiring a lawyer, and suing her for money she received from selling them might be required.



Joy, I believe Domestic Partnership in California has specific requirements, and one of them is that the two parties be of the same sex. It legalizes same sex relationships.

It does not apply here. It is not the same as a common law marriage (which California does not recognize).

I thought it might but can't find a blessed thing about what a domestic partner is in the CA code.

I thought it might but can't find a blessed thing about what a domestic partner is in the CA code.


BINGO! CA Codes (fam:297-297.5) (http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=fam&group=00001-01000&file=297-297.5)

Holy cow, people of opposite sex can be domestic partners if even just one of them is over 62...

Who owned the house? You say "ex-girlfriend." Did she become his "ex" prior to his death or do you mean "surviving girlfriend."

She has no legal rights here. How did she manage to get your Dad's ashes? Where does the Probate process stand? Is she claiming that everything in the house is hers - she either bought it OR it was gifted to her?

I don't think you can do this without an Attorney.

Adoption has nothing to do with this - he was your legal father.

His surviving girlfriend and got the ashes due to her and my older brother paying for cremation but like I said it was all good until about three months after he passes moved her new man in and that's when she started with the not giving me my dad and threatening to call cops on me because I confronted her about giving her new man my dad's things and felt I better leave so didn't get physical with him and prior to that she had told me that I could have whatever I wanted when this guy came into pic she changed but should have figured something wasn't quit rite when she started DATING HIM OPENLY THE WEEK AFTER HIS FUNERAL SERVICES AND THIS GUY WAS MY DADS FRIEND

This happens a lot and it can be very difficult, both emotionally and legally getting possessions back. Aside from applying to be executor, you don't have to pay a lawyer to file in Small Claims, but the limit of value of goods is 10,000. And even if you win, you don't always get back what the court orders.

this happens a lot and it can be very difficult, both emotionally and legally getting possessions back. Aside from applying to be executor, you don't have to pay a lawyer to file in small claims, but the limit of value of goods is 10,000. And even if you win, you don't always get back what the court orders.

What about the physical properties like the bikes and leather crafting tools ashes and family photos some of which are of my deceased brother and dad and my older brother and I the vehicles are still in my dads name as far as I know AND IM NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN WHATEVER MONEY THERE MAY HAVE BEEN JUST THE THINGS THAT MY DAD AND I HAVE MADE MEMORIES

his surviving girlfriend and got the ashes due to her and my older brother paying for cremation but like i said it was all good until about three months after he passes moved her new man in and that's when she started with the not giving me my dad and threatening to call cops on me because i confronted her about giving her new man my dad's things and felt i better leave so didn't get physical with him and prior to that she had told me that i could have whatever i wanted when this guy came into pic she changed but should have figured something wasn't quit rite when she started DATING HIM OPENLY THE WEEK AFTER HIS FUNERAL SERVICES AND THIS GUY WAS MY DADS FRIEND


Okay, she was your dad's live-in girlfriend when he died.

She and your brother paid for the cremation - I understand why you emotionally feel the ashes should come to you (or be split between you and your siblings) but SHE paid at least half of the cremation. She controls - with your brother - the ashes. As far as shouting at me (which is what caps are) it's not necessary AND what does "openly dating" mean? She went out with his best friend the week after his death AND moved him in three months later. Who owned the residence? Her, your Dad, both of them?

So what happened during the three months before her new boyfriend moved in? You had three months, apparently, to negotiate what you wanted from your father's belongings.

You are not going to like this part - I was widowed. It was my choice not to date for well over a year BUT I don't have a problem when people move on. Yes, I met people for dinner or coffee, friends, co-workers of my husband and, yes, people probably thought we were dating. I didn't much care, but, no, we weren't dating.

If you were ordered out of the house and thought you might attack the new boyfriend I can only assume that you were confrontational and at this point it appears that the girlfriend is holding all the cards (so to speak).

Was your Dad's estate admitted to probate? Did you offer to share in the cremation expenses? Did you ask for what you wanted within those first three months?

Okay, she was your dad's live-in girlfriend when he died.

She and your brother paid for the cremation - I understand why you emotionally feel the ashes should come to you (or be split between you and your siblings) but SHE paid at least half of the cremation. She controls - with your brother - the ashes. As far as shouting at me (which is what caps are) it's not necessary AND what does "openly dating" mean? She went out with his best friend the week after his death AND moved him in three months later. Who owned the residence? Her, your Dad, both of them?

So what happened during the three months before her new boyfriend moved in? You had three months, apparently, to negotiate what you wanted from your father's belongings.

You are not going to like this part - I was widowed. It was my choice not to date for well over a year BUT I don't e next day have a problem when people move on. Yes, I met people for dinner or coffee, friends, co-workers of my husband and, yes, people probably thought we were dating. I didn't much care, but, no, we weren't dating.

If you were ordered out of the house and thought you might attack the new boyfriend I can only assume that you were confrontational and at this point it appears that the girlfriend is holding all the cards (so to speak).

Was your Dad's estate admitted to probate? Did you offer to share in the cremation expenses? Did you ask for what you wanted within those first three months?
Sorry about the caps thing I didn't even notice that switch over must have bumped caps lock by accident... I do that quit often lol and I have offered to repay the amount she spent on the cremation and won't accept the money personally I feel as though if she had let there bed even grow cold or shown some sort of moral mourning time passing before bring her new man to my dads and her bed and giving him my dads clothing too wear the next day I might not be so uncomfortable with her keeping his ashes but her actions made me ask myself ?s and they involved did she even really love him respect him or what ? Well when she pawned the rings and stuff he gave her about 2 months after he passed without so much as a watering eye or a little lump in her throat made a huge statement to me

sorry about the caps thing i didn't even notice that switch over must have bumped caps lock by accident ...i do that quit often lol and i have offered to repay the amount she spent on the cremation and wont accept the money personally i feel as though if she had let there bed even grow cold or shown some sort of moral mourning time passing before bring her new man to my dads and her bed and giving him my dads clothing too wear the next day i might not be so uncomfortable with her keeping his ashes but her actions made me ask myself ?s and they involved did she even really love him respect him or what ? well when she pawned the rings and stuff he gave her about 2 months after he passed without so much as a watering eye or a little lump in her throat made a huge statement to me


It is not your job to determine whether your father's girlfriend grieved appropriately or for the "required" period. It is not your job to judge or control her "morals." She apparently lived with your father without marriage - why is this her moral failing and not his?

Love and respect and mourning are two different things - your father was just as dead 5 minutes after he died as he will be 5 years after he died.

You don't know if she had a tear in her eye or a little lump in her throat - not unless you were with her 24/7, and I doubt you were.

Maybe your father wanted her to dress in black and drag chains and not be seen in public. Maybe he figured it was their relationship in life that mattered, not the relationship after his death.

Your questions are less about your Dad's "stuff" and more about whether his girlfriend grieved appropriately.

I keep asking if the estate has been probated and I STILL don't have an answer. If you want your father's "stuff" or "memories" or whatever you choose to call it, then get an Attorney with your sibings and go to Court.

If your interest is punishing the girlfriend, it isn't going to happen.

And maybe, just maybe, she pawned and sold things to pay for the cremation - where were you when she and your brother were paying those bills?

And - again - who owned the property where she now lives? Him, her, joint?

I am talking about physical items, not money. The CA Small Claims limit on the value is 10K. You can include in the list the photos and ashes that have no monetary value.

Please don't shoot the messenger (me, us). It's easy to commit fraud and forge the titles to the vehicles, and date them to before his death so that it looks like he signed them.

Yes, this his horrible. I'm sorry. I'm sorry your brother won't help you, or any other relative. It's very common even when a parent re-marries, and stepchilden swoop in and take all the old family memories, treasures, everything. I wish there was something quick and easy to do. Go to the probate court and file! Maybe a court clerk will have some good ideas.