My husband of 18 yrs told me 2 yrs ago that he feels trapped and unhappy. He needs to be happy. Of course there has been an affair since and he has been in and out of the house. He has never cut me off completely. He seems confused and has actually told me he needs help.

Marriages are an effort for both parties equally. If he feels trapped and unhappy, you need to ask yourself if you might be contributing to anything that brings on those two feelings. And he needs to figure out what it is you do that has him feeling that way.
Conversely, you need to express what might be lacking from him, since that might be contributing to whatever you do that brings on his trapped feeling.
Try your own couple counseling, with two sheets of paper. You write down what you are missing and he does the same.
A lot of what couples forget to do over the years is show appreciation, in words and acts - 'you are really good at telling funny stories, cooking, your job, dressing on a budget, looking young, defending me against your mother' - APPRECIATION! It's more important than sex.
If you can't work on the list and fill those voids in what you need, see a marriage counselor. They are trained in teaching you how to communicate. They don't decide who is right and who is wrong.

My husband of 18 yrs told me 2 yrs ago that he feels trapped and unhappy. He needs to be happy. Of course there has been an affair since and he has been in and out of the house. He has never cut me off completely. He seems confused and has actually told me he needs help.


Just so I understand - you are married and for the past two years he's been leaving and coming back, having sex with you and another (or other) women at the same time because that makes him "happy"?