Just simply reasons dudes like porn, or even relating to my relationship, my boyfriend n I have been together almost 9yrs and notices like 3yrs into our relationship that my boyfriend "needs" it in his life I don't know... He tells me "its cause every guy watches it" I know guys look, but why also do men choose masturbating to porn rather then making love to there significant other?

Masturbating is private time, a quick and easy fix. Porn greases the effort to make it even faster and easier. It's like slapping bologna and a smear of mustard (the porn) on white bread for a quick lunch. Having sex with a beloved partner is like preparing and sharing a turkey dinner with all the fixin's.

Its not even like we foreplay anymore, we just get down to business though...

Does he say why?

He just aways says all guys do it, it just seems like when he makes love to me after he has watched it that he's thinking of what he just seen, like he will every so often come home for lunch n want to do it, one time quite a few years ago he came home for lunch and said " I just watched a porn wanna make love" I was like no... Totally turn off for me... I've even watched it with him a loooong time ago but he dident look at me or really even blink an eye, just seems like he enjoys that more then the real thing for some reason...

So your real beef is what?

Just simply reasons why dudes like porn, or even relating to my relationship, my boyfriend n I have been together almost 9yrs and notices like 3yrs into our relationship that my boyfriend "needs" it in his life idk... He tells me "its cause every guy watches it" I know guys look, but why also do men choose masturbating to porn rather then making love to there significant other??

We like looking at bouncing boobies? Naked women? Midgets? Naked men? Fat women? Black women? Asian women? Ad nauesum?

Watching porn and masturbating is like scratching an itch or a bubble bath. It is alone time where we can take care of ourselves. We don't have to worry about the other person, if they're turned on, if they're feeling what you're feeling, or anything like that. We are just taking care of ourselves.

Don't get me wrong. We love sex. We love making love. It is a great momment of tenderness and closeness. We love taking care of our partners and making the best of it with them. We also like masturbating, just like you have your ways to unwind.

This is because the male arousal cycle is really simple compared to the female arousal cycle. You get your average, and forgive me for this generalization, woman turned on you need to start hours before sex. It is an interciate dance that stimulates the right emotions in the right way that you want to have sex. To turn on a man all you need to do is undress and say, "Let's F**k."

Porn works to this end, it gives us that seed of fantasy and thought that works for us. We're not wanting to have sex with that woman. No we want to have sex with you. We're just using that as an idea. If we met the porn star in real life we probably won't even talk to them. It is kind of harsh but they're just a fantasy for us to play with ourselves to.

So long story short, porn isn't a reflection of dissatisfaction with you as our mate. It is just used for us to rub one off. Doesn't make us care for you less. He probably still loves you, wobbly bits and all. (Sorry, taken from Bridget Jones Diary.)

I think though the problems, now I have my rant out of the way, are more systemic than porn in your relationship. I think you two should seek counselling from a marriage and a sexual counsellor. I think that you two have become too comfortable and complacent with each other. The spark is gone so to speak. If you're just getting down to business. I think a good talk with him about why this is in order for you two. I would suggest that you talk about how you're dissatisfied with your sex life. Not turned on and the like. Don't blame or accuse him or the porn, just tell him how you feel. Don't put him on the defensive. Also don't really mention the porn save that if he wants to watch it make sure that you don't know about it. He is going to do it regardless but he can be more discrete about it.

I really think you need two need some couples counselling.

This is a troubled relationship - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/boyfriend-wants-3some-703096.html

I had almost connected the two threads but didn't realize they were related. Oy.

... why also do men choose masturbating to porn rather then making love to there significant other??
Because the significant other is just that... significant!

As I've always seen it, there are two types of sex: 1) love and 2) wanton sex. Because your boyfriend loves you, you two can only make love.

To satisfy his urge for wanton sex, he looks at porn or goes to a strip club. Think of it as therapy for living out his most wild desire a man has without actually cheating.

In short, pure sexual desire and love are not interchangeable.

Because the significant other is just that... significant!

As I've always seen it, there are two types of sex: 1) love and 2) wanton sex. Because your boyfriend loves you, you two can only make love.

To satisfy his urge for wanton sex, he looks at porn or goes to a strip club. Think of it as therapy for living out his most wild desire a man has without actually cheating.

In short, pure sexual desire and love are not interchangeable.

Thank you all for your advise I guess I'm just jealous lol as is most ladies with this problem and yes it's a troubled long term relationship. Again thank you :)

Kind of the way guys get off.
Sometimes just so they can get ideas,
And also, just so they can have their private time.
As girls may take baths to "pleasure" ourselves.
Guys well, like watching that

Guys do it in addition, not instead of.

They like to look and the physcial is what excites them, they are not into emotional like women are.

It is not cheating, has nothing to do with the girlfriend or wife, it is merely a enjoyment they have.

Thank you all for your advise I guess I'm just jealous lol as is most ladies with this problem and yes its a troubled long term relationship. Again thank you :)

I would just like to point out that "most" women are NOT jealous about porn. I have read your other thread, and believe that there are other issues going on in your relationship.

Thank you all for your advise I guess I'm just jealous lol as is most ladies with this problem and yes its a troubled long term relationship. Again thank you :)


I don't believe "most ladies" "is" jealous when their partner watches porn.

I would judge from the 3-some thread that in your case watching porn has turned into suggesting a sexual encounter which makes you uneasy.

In that case, yes, porn is a problem - there's a difference between watching and imitating.