My ex boyfriend of four and a half years (my first boyfriend), dumped me about a month and a half ago. It all started when I found out he had lied to me about texting an ex, he insisted that they were just friends and he was helping her out with something, however, after this we started arguing over the smallest things, which we never used to do. We decided that we had to talk about it all and sort things out. Little did I know that he was going to finish it with me. He said that he wanted to finish the relationship 'just now' as he didn't want us to ruin everything we had together but maybe one day we will realize that we made a mistake and want to get back together, however, he said he wanted us to stay friends because he couldn't imagine not having me in his life at all, but I told him that I couldn't just be friends with him because I would always want more.

This didn't last very long as I started to miss him and I started to text him doing the whole pleading and begging routine for him to take me back. I soon realized that this wasn't working as it was making him angry and he said that I was pushing him further away. So I stopped texting him completely and this didn't last long ether as we spent a day together and on that day he tried to kiss me but I told him no because I didn't want it not mean anything and drag me straight back to begging for him to come back to me and he said sorry. I then asked him why he tried to kiss me and he said he didn't know why. I then didn't hear for him for a week or so and then I met him on a night out where he kept coming up to me every five minutes trying to speak to me, asking for cuddles and trying to flirt with me. We then started to text every so often but not in full on conversations, just telling each other things that were happening in each other's lives.

We then met up a few days ago and were taking like normal to each other and started talking about how our friends and family were telling us that we need to sort it out. Eventually I brought the subject up again about us getting back together and I asked if what was happening with us and he said he doesn't know what to say, he said he wants to say never say never but he didn't want to say that because it would give me hope and eventually he said no not 'right now' (as he keeps saying) so I asked him why and he said it just doesn't feel right, sorry. Since then we are texting every so often just like we did before.

I am trying to move on with my life but I am still hoping that he will change his mind and come back to me, we had planned to do so much together and I can't imagine doing them with anyone else.

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through a similar situation and if you ever got your ex back and how did you manage it, did it take long? Any advice would be helpful, I'm just fed up of waiting around and getting upset every other day, I just want him back. I have also looked at many of the get your ex back websites but wondered if anyone else had any advice on this.

PS. Ever since we split up he has been going out at least 3 times a week and getting really drunk and his friends have been telling me that he's went a bit off the rails and is a wreck.

Seldom do you get back together and those that do often never last, all of the fighting just starts again. No one knows what YOU may or may not do.

Opinion, stop talking to people about him, don't contact him, don't talk about him and move on

Forget what his friends say, as its painfully obvious as long as you keep talking to him, he will have no need to get back with you. Its also painfully obvious that its you who keep hoping he changes his mind, and I know its frustratig that he doesn't.

Continued contact gives the signal you want him back and will wait until he does change his mind. That's a false hope as he will more likely explore and experiment until he finds what he wants and then you have wasted your time.

That's why you disappear when you get dumped to get your own mind and life together without him. This allows you to stop being so stuckon him so you can stop having false hope and waiting for him to change his mind about you. You also stop living in the past with old promises, and feelings that have obviously changed, and start to build a life you enjoy that makes you happy, and won't be permanently in the friend zone, friends with benefits, or the occasional booty call. YOU CAN HEAL!! This is called NO Contact!!

Easier said than done, but in the long run, much better than begging and being rejected, or following his program and having NOTHING to show for it. Without a doubt, the hardest thing you will ever do for yourself, but you will be glad you did.

Read the stickies HERE (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/), and learn how others have healed and gotten their lives together after a breakup.