First post here so I'm not entirely sure if I'm doing this correctly, forgive me if I am not. I've been doing frequent research into similar issues others may be having and really haven't found a sufficient answer.

There are 3 main problems that persist, of which I'll go into much detail about all - adding relevant information where necessary.

Firstly, I'm gay. Have been for about 2 years now (I'm fully aware that hormones play a big deal during puberty, but I am for definite, gay) and I'm all good with that. This certainly will not sound pleasing to hear for some, but I don't know where else to go or who to talk to...

I'm in love with my Biology teacher at school, who is 60. I am 15, and please bare in mind intergenerational relationships are not uncommon in the gay community. This man has been kind to me, giving me support and advice regarding both school and life. He's been there for me when I needed someone to talk to. He's attractive too, and I love him so much.

But here's the second problem - He's got two daughters (middle age I presume) however I'm not sure if he's married as he doesn't wear a ring and has never mentioned a wife to either my class or myself. We have quite a few things in common and we both had the same ambitions when we were younger (I still do) and that's to become a vet. I see him either in the mornings before school or after in his office, ask him if he needs help. He always politely says No and has an amazing smile.

The third and probably more general point is what do I do and how do I do it? I really want him to know how I feel even though *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Just adding my parents do not know I'm gay, could you imagine that? Coming out twice: once for being gay and once more for liking men 4-5 timed my age. It's not really important why I like older men.

What do you do about it? Nothing! What will it help if you tell him? Will telling him solve some sort of issue you're having? No,it won't. It will just complicate things because he is not only too old for you but he is a teacher... your teacher. No good can come of this. Let your crush pass and you will eventually find someone that is actually right for you. Not someone who you could potentially be putting their career and freedom in jeopardy.

You do nothing, your teacher would go to jail and/or be fired for having any interest in you at all.

Next even if he was gay, he would be a pedophile for having any interest in children.

This is no difference than kids having dreams about their teachers.

You find and date kids your own age.

If too obsessed, you may need counseling

The teachers in movies and on the news that date their students are disgusting and sick. He is telling you he doesn't need help because teachers these days should never be alone with a student. He's not interested in you other than as a teacher and mentor. Find a group of friends to hang out with and stop obsessing about your teacher.

You misread: *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Also teacherjean, I've spent multiple times with him alone, it was just me in one of his lessons, and I offered him and for the whole 50 minutes I helped him sort out coursework. We talked about things and he gave me a sweet too, so I wouldn't say he doesn't want help, rather he doesn't need it as much.

He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? When I was depressed he comforted me, like my parents never have, and honestly I just wanted to cry. He is the nicest man I've ever met, there must be something I can do.


What do you do about it? Nothing! What will it help if you tell him? Will telling him solve some sort of issue you're having? No,it won't. It will just complicate things because he is not only too old for you but he is a teacher...your teacher. No good can come of this. Let your crush pass and you will eventually find someone that is actually right for you. Not someone who you could potentially be putting their career and freedom in jeopardy.

I have no intention of jeopardising his freedom, hurting him isn't on my list. I do kind of feel letting go of these built up feelings and emotions will be a huge relief. I think about him a lot, especially when I'm depressed, which I am everyday. I lose concentration and no matter how hard I try I will not regain focus.

Thank you all for the replies.

You're aware nothing can happen so what do you hope to gain then by telling him how you feel? Are you just hoping it will be cathartic?

Consider the fact that even an implied or rumored relationship between you two could ruin his career. What he doesn't know in this situation could be good for him. I advise you don't say anything to him. If seeing him frequently makes that too difficult, then reduce the amount of time you spend with him, at least the amount of one on one time. I think you should try to find someone your own age to be with. If you really like older men, then wait until you're of a legal age so that your partner won't get into any legal trouble. Otherwise, I don't think there's anything for you to do here except maintain silence or seek a different infatuation.

You misread: *I am FULLY aware nothing can happen - I do not plan on starting an intimate relationship with him, he had a family and children already, besides it's illegal.* I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.

Also teacherjean, I've spent multiple times with him alone, it was just me in one of his lessons, and I offered him and for the whole 50 minutes I helped him sort out coursework. We talked about things and he gave me a sweet too, so I wouldn't say he doesn't want help, rather he doesn't need it as much.

He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? When I was depressed he comforted me, like my parents never have, and honestly I just wanted to cry. He is the nicest man I've ever met, there must be something I can do.

You're not in love with him, stop being so foolish. Why haven't your parents ever comforted you? Is it maybe because you're hiding things from them? It's kind of hard for your parents to understand and help you if they know little about you.

You need to grow up a little bit and set your feelings aside. This is just a little crush that needs to be accepted for what it is. I had crushes on my teachers, I think most do at some point, we're wired to be attracted to people. We just need to be rational and learn the difference between right and wrong and advancing on those feelings in any way, whether it be telling him how you feel or trying anything, is wrong.

You do realize that, if you tell him how you feel, he will certainly understand and will avoid you in the future.

You're not in love with him, stop being so foolish. Why haven't your parents ever comforted you? Is it maybe because you're hiding things from them? It's kind of hard for your parents to understand and help you if they know little about you.

You need to grow up a little bit and set your feelings aside. This is just a little crush that needs to be accepted for what it is. I had crushes on my teachers, I think most do at some point, we're wired to be attracted to people. We just need to be rational and learn the difference between right and wrong and advancing on those feelings in any way, whether it be telling him how you feel or trying anything, is wrong.

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

You're 15. It's a crush.

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

I don't have the wrong idea, you're just too blind by infatuation to see it. You're 15 years old, not only do you not know what love feels like, it's impossible to love someone you have not had any form of relationship with.

Grab a hold of reality before reality takes you for a ride.



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in·fat·u·a·tion . n.

1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.

...He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that? ...


In a word - yes.

No you've got the wrong idea, completely. Of course this isn't just a crush, I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.u

It is a crush... you don't understand what real love is because you lack the life experience to know the differences yet. Something ALL young people go through, and love is never, EVER one sided because it takes a long time to grow.

Don't even tell him... the mere appearance of something like this can ruin his career even if nothing ever actually happens...

Sorry about the last message, couldn't finish since I lost Internet - didn't mean to send it.

I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today, so I can't really blame you, but I know myself what love certainly isn't, and do have my own idea on what love may be like. Yes it is one sided, I know it's not always like but I know my parents aren't in love, so do my adult sisters. We talk about it a lot, and even my mum wishes she could get my dad to off. They argue and my dad is always shouting at everyone else, and just generally making our lives hell.

I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

"intergenerational relationships are not uncommon in the gay community"', now in all of your wide fifteen year old gay experience would you know about that? Sounds like you have been reading some interesting books.

You say your parents do not know you are gay, and you appear to be puzzled, guess you keep it well hidden from them. When do you think you will sit down and let them know?

As for your biology teacher, I just hope you never get your little gay paws into that one. He would no longer be able to teach.

We adults were teenagers at one time and actually have a lot of empathy for them as we remember our own growing pains, including crushes on teachers and others in authority over us. I was crazy in love with my high school music teacher whose pet student I was and who thought I was the smartest student in his class.Thank goodness neither of us acted on whatever feelings we were experiencing!

You are not in a relationship with this teacher, have not weathered the storms of life with him, have not been through the day-to-day ups and downs with him. He is presumably straight and married with offspring. And I'm guessing most of the teens in your age group feel their peers are inexperienced (!! ) and immature

Sorry about the last message, couldn't finish since I lost Internet - didn't mean to send it.

I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today, so I can't really blame you, but I know my self what love certainly isn't, and do have my own idea on what love may be like. Yes it is one sided,I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

How can you at only 15 begin to think you can even make such a statement? You are that one who is the one who isn't able to grasp things yet due to your whopping 15 years drawing breath.

We understand teens far better than teens understand themselves. And you really don't know yourself yet, not by a longshot... and as a boy, its going to likely be another 15 years before you can really say that and be remotely right. A 30 year old man has a pretty good idea, but you never do start learning things about yourself, no matter how old you get.

Its not love... period... its nothing more than infatuation, a crush... you don't even know him... teachers do have private lives outside of the school, normal lives, very different lives they don't share in school..

An you can't possibly be in love with someone you don't even know... and like I said... you don't know him... you couldn't just from class.

I know ruining his career, his retirement and his life means nothing compared to your wants... something else that's typical of most 15 yuear olds... they think everything is about them, you usually learn just the opposite the first month after you move into your own place and start supporting yourself.


And until you ARE an adult all your are going to find who would be pedophiles or kids your own age.

And even to an 18 year old... a 15 year old is a child just in maturity alone. Those three years make a HUGE difference... so do those next 7 from 18 to 25.

I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men. It's not that difficult to find when you spend majority of your time looking for answers.

I lost most of my friends when I came out, have about 3 true friends, but even so I cannot always talk to them because they don't find it really moral, but I'm not worried about that.

To me personally, having someone show what you would consider even the smallest bit of consideration, means a lot to me because I've had so little of it. I do love him for sure.

Forgot to mention my parents are homophobes, and my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route.

I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men. It's not that difficult to find when you spend majority of your time looking for answers.

I lost most of my friends when I came out, have about 3 true friends, but even so I cannot always talk to them because they don't find it really moral, but I'm not worried about that.

To me personally, having someone show what you would consider even the smallest bit of consideration, means a lot to me because I've had so little of it. I do love him for sure.

Consideration? YOU are bent on ruining his life... why do you even think he would want anything to do with a selfish child... and you are being incredibly self centered and selfish. And at 15 you are a child, you are no adult. Physically or in maturity level.

You only care about what YOU want now and don't care who you hurt and what damage you will cause...

This has nothing to do with being gay... or being straight.

Its no different for an adult man chasing after a girl your age, or an adult woman chasing after a boy your age... or a Gay man chasing after a boy your age... they are ALL pedophiles if they do it.

And you go to jail for that, and spend the rest of your life as a registered sex offender, not being allowed even NEAR a school or most children.

THis IS a very serious matter... even though you won't see it as such.

If you really cared you would just drop it and find another your age. If that isn't suitible then keep it in your pants for another three years until after you are legally an adult...

and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.

You're quite the hipocritical one aren't you. You think being infatuated with your teacher makes you so mature? The fact that you think you're in love with this man shows you're not mature on any level.

One thing you will learn as you mature is you don't need to verbalize everything you feel. What you think you feel for this man is your business, not his. He does not need to know, does not need to be brought in to your fantasy.
You are a 15 year old who has a crush on a teacher. You are not the first and you won't be the last. You will get over it, but you don't need to creep this teacher out or put him into a position he does not need to be in because you want to tell him your feelings. Keep them to yourself.

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

Then what was the point of creating this thread?

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.
Then keep your feelings to yourself. This is what happens when you don't think things through. You are bent on letting him know your feelings but you have not thought about what damage that can do. That is what we are trying to get you to see.

Then what was the point of creating this thread?

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

While you may not be stupid, you still have a lot to learn. Telling him how you feel would destroy him and your teacher-student relationship. If other people found out, along with seeing the time "alone" you spend together, he'll be thrown so far away from teaching it would make both of your heads spin and he'd never be allowed to teach for the rest of his life and all the money and time he spent going to school would be for nothing.

I think you need to read and re-read the answers given to you in this question. Seriously, I'd start now.

"I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity." This is from your 15 years of experience (and from this thread it appears you don't have any) as well as your maturity (likewise)?

"I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today" I would "sympathize" with an adult student in "love" with an adult teacher.

I didn't know you wanted sympathy. I think everyone who has answered you does feel sorry for you, if that makes things any easier for you.

"I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men" I do, too. Usually I read about this on arrest records and Police Reports.


Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

Is "Cathartic" what you mean?

Clearly you do not understand that not all feelings need to be openly expressed. Some, like infatuation, are best left inside.

Like I said above, you've got a lot to learn.

Is "Cathartic" what you mean?

Clearly you do not understand that not all feelings need to be openly expressed. Some, like infatuation, are best left inside.

Like I said above, you've got a lot to learn.



He wants sympathy. Read above.

Do you feel sorry for him? I do.

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

I'm a College Educated Degreed Engineer; my grasp of the English language and reading comprehension far exceeds yours.

I can speak and read 4 different languages, how many can you? English is my mother tongue.

He want sympathy. Read above.

Do you feel sorry for him? I do.

Of course I do. Mostly because right and wrong isn't a hard concept to grasp and telling his teacher he loves him is very wrong.

Of course I do. Mostly because right and wrong isn't a hard concept to grasp and telling his teacher he loves him is very wrong.


But it could be very catholicrodiccrodic - or whatever he said.

It could also be a life-changing moment for his teacher!

Read the first post. Properly.

It is cathartic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

It may seem like a good idea and make you feel better about yourself, but in truth it will cause more problems than it solves and makes for a very awkward situation. That's not cathartic, that impulsive.

When actions are based on intense feelings and very few facts, then that can be seen as bad, or inappropriate behavior. What others call a crush, I call intense feelings that may later be just attraction (gratitude, for the attention), and you trust him with your secret. Considering that you cannot talk to your own father, its more likely you have gravitated to this older male as a response to not having male attention, and few friends.

You really do need other outlets on the social side besides so much time with him my young friend, and be so tempted to act inappropriately with a teacher, and cross the lines of good behavior.

Why put you both in such an awkward position just because you are in love? If you were in love you would consider all the problems this would/could cause you both and decide against it.

Confession is NOT an act of love, but sacrificing your own needs to protect and respect that object of your attractions is a definite sign of a mature understanding of love.

Right now you have intense feelings you want to blurt out and share, as we all would, but they would be inappropriate, uncomfortable, and awkward, and worse, you may well lose the benefit of an understanding friend.

How is that cathartic? So do nothing until you have dealt with your feelings so you can stay on the correct side of appropriate good behavior. Love, or NOT. Makes no difference.

After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!

If the OP doesn't get the WHOLE picture now, then I don't thinkk he ever will.

To the OP: I don't think you are a monster. I think your thinking is scued, misdirected; so you are gay, that is great if you can identify it now at l5 and know what you want in the rest of your life. You may not stay gay. I hope you find out soon before starting a relationship with another older man, but please sit down with your parents and get it out in the open. If my son were gay, I would love him just as much. It doesn't define you as a personality; it doesn't mean you won't achieve your goal of being a veterinarian, it means you will know what you who you are.

After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!

If the OP doesnt get the WHOLE picture now, then I dont thinkk he ever will.

To the OP: I dont think you are a monster. I think your thinking is scued, misdirected; so you are gay, that is great if you can identify it now at l5 and know what you want in the rest of your life. You may not stay gay. I hope you find out soon before starting a relationship with another older man, but please sit down with your parents and get it out in the open. If my son were gay, I would love him just as much. It doesnt define you as a personality; it doesnt mean you wont achieve your goal of being a veterinarian, it means you will know what you who you are.


"Tickle," I love your words. I do think that the OP's attitude may very well sink him. At some point he has to stop being a know-it-all, pompous and disrespectful to boot.

I agree - it would not change my feelings, but I know people whose feelings would change, even for their own children. OP has to decide the best approach with his family.

To consider "confessing" his feelings to his teacher because it will make the OP feel better with no regard for the feelings of the teacher is plain old 15-year old thinking.

If a female had posted this about a male teacher I think everybody would be all over her case. I don't see that the word "gay" changes those dynamics very much.

If a 15-year old straight female posted about "other people" - as if this justifies anything - having sex with much older authority figures, married men (with the argument that "her" parents were/are unhappily married), again, all over her!

I actually think the people who answered were kind and respectful. I don't think the OP is/was.

Been trying to post the last couple of hours, but it wouldn't let me.

"After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!"

I couldn't agree more.

And yes I get it, what I wanted to say before is thank you tal, I realize now that if I tell him I could cause more harm than good, and I don't want that at all. I guess because I didn't have the opportunity to look at this predicament from another's perspective, it would be one sided.

""Tickle," I love your words. I do think that the OP's attitude may very well sink him. At some point he has to stop being a know-it-all, pompous and disrespectful to boot."

I don't know why you guys think so lowly of me, I don't know what I've done wrong and I'm not a know-it-all, I'm more of a know-nothing-at-all. If that were true the last thing I would have done is ask for advice. I'm sorry that I seem like that to you, but it wasn't my intention.

There's no way I could talk to my parents about it, not even my sexuality, my father is abusive and we've fallen out really. I mentioned before he's threatened me if he were to hear I was gay.

It's going to be hard though, I see him 5 times a week, during lessons and sometimes on the way to lessons etc, he smiles and asks how I'm doing. This is all new to me so I don't exactly know how to stop if you know what I mean. But you're right, it definitely isn't worth losing a friendship over, especially when it means nothing to him.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you need a true friend, someone to understand you? Unfortunately this guys not it. This also makes you very vulnerable if you see it or not. I have a gay friend who was abused by older men at your age. He was from a very homophobic background as well. Be careful.

Hold out you won't be under your father's roof forever, it may seem clichéd but it really does get better. You'll get away and there will be more men that you can go out with and have a happy life with. This is unfortunately not the person (teacher) or the time (school).

Look after yourself and study hard if you want to be a vet :)

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Just saw your reply, I'm so sorry about your Dad, but I'm happy with your response :)

"I know ruining his career, his retirement and his life means nothing compared to your wants....something else thats typical of most 15 yuear olds....they think everything is about them, you usually learn just the opposite the first month after you move into your own place and start supporting yourself."

Once again, this is not what I want at all, and I apologize. I honestly don't know what I've done to come across with this attitude.



Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you need a true friend, someone to understand you? Unfortunately this guys not it. This also makes you very vulnerable if you see it or not. I have a gay friend who was abused by older men at your age. He was from a very homophobic background as well. Be careful.

Hold out you won't be under your father's roof forever, it may seem cliched but it really does get better. You'll get away and there will be more men that you can go out with and have a happy life with. This is unfortunately not the person (teacher) or the time (school).

Look after yourself and study hard if you want to be a vet :)

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Just saw your reply, I'm so sorry about your Dad, but I'm happy with your response :)

I do have a best friend, and he is a real good friend, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel it's selfish to always talk to him about my problems, because it is really all I talk to him about when we've finished talking about other things and catching up. But now I think about it, it makes no difference who I tell I guess, right? It would still be selfish to tell them, because I am thinking about myself. I did worry about this but as it wasn't my intention I didn't think of it as a priority, or important at all. My friend can be a jerk to me sometimes, because of the other people he hangs out with, but that's him just fitting in. We share a lot of our problems and we promise we'll be there for each other.

How did it work out for your friend? Is he doing well?

And also I understand that I guess my teacher isn't meant for me, but he is my ideal man, it's just so hard to think I'll ever meet someone like him again, and that's what I worry about the most. I was depressed to the brink of suicide before I got him as a teacher and got to know him *a bit* .-.

QUOTE by Fiddels;
... I honestly don't know what I've done to come across with this attitude.

Well, for starters (all your words):

“I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.”; “He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that?”; “I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.”; “I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today... ”; “I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.”; “Read the first post. Properly. It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.”

I also don't understand how you can have siblings and no one is aware you are gay: "“I lost most of my friends when I came out,. ”

That's why I formed the impression of you that I've formed. Your words.

My friend is doing great. He's one of those effervescent people who really lives every ounce of life. Honestly his life is a giant party, I'm kind of jealous :)

In my opinion, telling your friends your problems isn't selfish as long as you are there for them too. Obviously dumping everything on them and then leaving them when they need you isn't great.

If you are feeling suicidal you should talk to someone, I don't know about peer as it's a bit tough for some 15 year olds to respond the best to that (although better than nothing I think). See what the other say I'm no expert, just another human.

Do you have any trusted adults in your life? There might be some phone life lines in your area where you could chat to someone about this if not.

I can't emphasise enough how much being your age sucks but it gets so much better. I went away to uni and felt like a different person (I also wanted to kill myself but I didn't have half the problems you have to deal with.)

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!

Okay fair enough.

I live with my two brothers during the week, and on the weekend we go to our parent's house. Why would I want them to know I'm gay?

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Me and my younger brother*, my older brother stays here.



My friend is doing great. He's one of those effervescent people who really lives every ounce of life. Honestly his life is a giant party, I'm kinda jealous :)

In my opinion, telling your friends your problems isn't selfish as long as you are there for them too. Obviously dumping everything on them and then leaving them when they need you isn't great.

If you are feeling suicidal you should talk to someone, I don't know about peer as its a bit tough for some 15 year olds to respond the best to that (although better than nothing I think). See what the other say I'm no expert, just another human.

Do you have any trusted adults in your life? There might be some phone life lines in your area where you could chat to someone about this if not.

I can't emphasise enough how much being your age sucks but it gets so much better. I went away to uni and felt like a different person (I also wanted to kill myself but I didn't have half the problems you have to deal with.)

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!

Glad to hear that, I would be jealous too! :)

And yeah the problem sharing is mutual, neither of us would dare just dumping all our problems without hearing out how they are first, it wouldn't be right.

I don't feel I can trust anyone else really, not anyone else that would understand at least.

Thank you Golden, it means a lot. :)

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!


Would you please add a word of caution about having sex under the age of consent?

He's 15.

No need for that. ;)

Would you please add a word of caution about having sex under the age of consent?

He's 15.

Sorry, I meant in the future, I didn't expect him to find someone straight away, and also you can have a relationship without sex :) I was thinking more about when he leaves home and can find more like minded people. School is a very strange environment.

Fiddels, I hope your feeling a little better. Look after yourself, I mean it. I wouldn't tell the teacher about your feelings for him because it'll just end up in a big messy pile of mess. But I think you got that message already.

Right, I'm off to bed, ciao for now.

No need for that. ;)


Would you answer how your friends know you are gay, have come out, but your brothers and parents don't?

You do have a lot on your plate, and little help to guide you through the process of sorting things out. That's a shame sort of but understandable considering your age and lack of experience. I even can see that keeping yourself a secret is easier than coming out to people that may not understand you. Its truly scary I know.

You definitely need a true older male you trust to talk to, but at this time one you are attracted to may not be the best choice. Maybe when you have gotten control of your emotions, and can stay within appropriate boundaries, he may be a reliable source of guidance, and advice.

Until then... you have us! We may be tough, but fair!

Would you answer how your friends know you are gay, have come out, but your brothers and parents don't?

Told my friends, not my family.

And tal, thank you. It's going to be difficult, but I will keep my emotions under control. :)

Forgot to mention my parents are homophobes, and my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route.
What does this mean? He thinks you are gay but doesn't want you to admit it?

What does this mean? He thinks you are gay but doesn't want you to admit it?

My guess is that it's his fathers fear and he's openly expressing it towards him but it could mean he's suspicious.



"Told my friends, not my family."

No Fiddels, what we don't understand is how you can tell your friends, having siblings around your age, and your siblings not hear about it? That part is not making sense.

My guess is that it's his fathers fear and he's openly expressing it towards him but it could mean he's suspicious.

No Fiddels, what we don't understand is how you can tell your friends, having siblings around your age, and your siblings not hear about it? That part is not making sense.


I've asked the same question two or three times - apparently OP has no answer.

I've asked the same question two or three times - apparently OP has no answer.

By we I meant you and I.

I agree with you, I find it odd that all his friends know but no word has come of it to his siblings.

By we I meant you and I.

I agree with you, I find it odd that all his friends know but no word has come of it to his siblings.


I realized that - I just meant that despite the requests, he chose not to answer. No problem - and I'd still like to know.

I realized that - I just meant that despite the requests, he chose not to answer. No problem - and I'd still like to know.



He did somewhat answer, just not specifically.


Told my friends, not my family.

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?

I think parents and siblings know if you are gay. They may not want to admit or deal with it, but they know.
You said yourself your father knows and forbids you to "come out".

Just be very careful. This is not an easy life for a teen. But use your head. Don't let your emotions guide you. You can't speak or act on everything you feel.
I wish you well.

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?
Does your father suspect you are gay?

He said in an earlier post " my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route."

Why would they know if I haven't told them? How is it odd?


Because you've come out to your friends - you don't think things of this nature filter down through families and friends?

And, yes, I agree - your father very well may know and just doesn't want to hear the words.

He said in an earlier post " my dad has already threatened that if I ever came out he'd kill me, he's attacked me before so I want to avoid that route."
Yes, I know and I have quoted him, but am still waiting for his confirmation. Seems like the public affirmation is what his father fears. Then the father thinks that is a reflection on himself and his masculinity?

Yes, I know and I have quoted him, but am still waiting for his confirmation. Seems like the public affirmation is what his father fears. Then the father thinks that is a reflection on himself and his masculinity?


I agree - the father may know. He just doesn't want to hear it.

If he knew, he would have said something, he's pre-warned me just as parents Pre-warn kids about sex, condoms and those sort of things. He only mentioned it when gay scenes where on the TV.

Honestly doing nothing is the best way to go for two reasons, one it is illgell and will cause problems, because as a teacher and grown man, he will naturally be unsure of what to do and may talk to someone. And secondly hun you are 15 it most certainly is a crush, and it makes sense, an attractive man who is kind to you and gives you advice, and comforts you like you said unlike your parents. Honestly though it sounds more like a deep admiration for who he is, and how he treats people, it is easy to fall more for a persons personaility and the attraction just follows, but you need to remember that it's a crush. And quite frankly it may be weird to him if you tell him, my advice try dating your age or focusing on getting ready to come out or whatever, and just remember admiration and love are two different things. Don't tell him its better that way and just try and forget and move on, its okay to admire him, but it's a silly admiration turned to lust, it is not love in the form you think it is.

I still don't know guys, I can't help it and I still feel the same way about him. Everyone has been telling me just to not tell him and move on because it's the best thing to do - I agree but my heart doesn't.

Then keep talking to your heart until it does agree with your head. Don't do what the heart tells you to do, do what your head is telling you.

Following your heart is what always gets people into trouble...

How long will it take?

It generally takes as long as it takes to convince your heart to shut up and listen to reason, and stop screwing with your head.

It's so hard though, he has been such a father like figure to me, he talks to me and makes sure I'm all right and if things at home are okay. He is very comforting as well, I've never met anyone like him before.

Have you read the stickies to get some ideas as to what to do to help you move on?

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)

Or some of the other questions people ask about surviving a break up? Coping with your own feelings, in mature positive productive ways?